Results

Reactive people focus on circumstances over which they have no control. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink. Proactive people focus their efforts on the things they can do something about.…

No one can make a fool of you, but someone can give you the opportunity to do a thorough job all by yourself. Wish I’d Said That, Cleon Lyles, page 158

Bill Cosby said, “I don’t know what the secret to success is, but I’ll tell you the key to failure: trying to please everybody.” When God Builds a Church, Bob Russell, page 156

Human behavior is largely governed by automatic forces. Most of the time, people act without thinking. Differentiation is a process in which a person moves toward a more intentional and thoughtful way of life (and a less automatic way of functioning). Differentiation is the relative ability of people…

The nonanxious leader can broadly affect the entire emotional field. It’s as if the leader’s calm, reflective demeanor becomes an antibiotic warding off the toxicity of reactive behavior. Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, Peter L. Steinke, page 38

It is not necessary for a therapist to have complete emotional autonomy to be effective. He just needs to be more autonomous of less reactive than the family. Family Evaluation, Michael E. Kerr and Murray Bowen

“Inside-out” says that if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you want…

It’s the nature of reactive people to absolve themselves of responsibility. It’s so much safer to say, am not responsible.” If I say, “I am responsible,” I might have to say, “I am irresponsible.” It would be very hard for me to say that I have the power to choose my response and that the response I…

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” - Aristotle

Actually religious institutions are the worst offenders at encouraging immaturity and irresponsibility. In church after church, some member is passively aggressively holding the whole system hostage, and no one wants to fire him or force her to leave because it wouldn’t be “the Christian thing to do.”…

Moses represents the leader who is willing to challenge. Aaron portrays the leader who does what is necessary to survive, lets whatever the polls say determine his behavior, and maintains stability even if it means losing self. Moses doesn’t accept the fact that, although the people had seen firsthand…

The influencing potential of the nonanxious presence is not to be confused with being “cool” or being “nice.” Nor is it to be construed as denying anxiety in ourselves, as it unaffected by events. The nonanxious presence involves engagement, being there and taking the heat if need be, witnessing the…

In the biblical story of the golden calf (Exod. 32), anxiety became contagious. By relenting to the peevish demands of the Israelites, Aaron gave them the Prozac of the day. He thought that if he helped them to feel good, they would be contented and their lot improved. Essentially, Aaron succumbed to…

To be a nonanxious presence, you focus on your own behavior and its modification rather than be preoccupied with how others function. In a hospital, a rule for caretakers reads: “In case of cardiac arrest, take your own pulse first.” Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times, Peter L. Steinke, page…

Because of the leader’s position in an emotional field, the leader affects the whole most significantly. With the leader make choices based on principle or will the leader choose on the basis of expediency? Will the leader take a clear position or will the leader change sides according to the audience?…

By far the most difficult form of pursuit behavior to recognize is criticism. How can those who act adversarially be said to be in pursuit? We feel alienated, not close. But criticism is characterized by overfocus. The “stinger’ and the “stung” are emotionally connected. Whenever a gnawing critic gets…

In emotional systems such as an office staff, the tensions between the two highest administrators can be triangled and retriangled until conflict is acted out between two who are low in the administrative hierarchy. Administrators often settle this conflict by firing or removing one of the conflictual…

The fully human person is an Actor, not a Reactor. The syndicated columnist, Sydney Harris, tells the story of accompanying his friend to a newsstand. The friend greeted the newsman very courteously, but in return received gruff and discourteous service. Accepting the newspaper which was shoved rudely…

Similar to a virus, anxiety needs a host cell in order to replicate itself. All forms of murmuring require the reinforcement of a host cell (cells) to continue and to grow. Four viruses are potentially virulent and can turn a congregation into a virtual “hot zone” – an anxiety pit. The viruses are secrets…

Some congregations remain vulnerable to the precipitators. They experience cycles of strife. The contributing conditions are never modified. They stand ready to be aroused and once again reinforce the precipitation conditions. These congregations are easy to recognize. They continuously focus on external…

Congregations are uniquely vulnerable to fusion. Being idealistic groups, congregations work to maintain high spirits. When premium value is placed on harmony, acceptance, and belonging, people resist information that might disturb their peace. No one wants to speak the truth. If people are emotionally…

IF If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated don’t give way to…

People vary considerably in how they address emotionally challenging events. On the lower (immature) side, people are reactive. They blame more often; they criticize harshly; they take offense easily; they focus on others; they want instant solutions; they cannot see the part they play in problems. On…

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish yourself to be.” – Thomas A Kempis Humility: The Journey Toward Holiness, Andrew Murray, page 75

Galatians 6 is a good chapter to study in connection with this point. There Paul asserts that “each one shall bear his own load” (v.5). The Greek word for “load” means knapsack, or what we carry daily on our journey through life. It is the same “burden” that Jesus spoke of when He said, “My yoke is easy,…