Results

In 2016, 108-year-old Hazel Nilson watched the Cubs win the World Series for the second time in her lifetime. Since her birth in 1908, there have been two world wars, the conflicts in Korea, Vietnam and Iraq. She has been around long enough to see the first T.V. and now, she could have watched the Cubs…

By Jessica Doyle Like most 16-year-olds, Brooke Greenberg enjoys shopping and listening to rock music. But unlike other girls her age who are learning to drive and going to the prom, Brooke still wears diapers, travels in a stroller and can’t walk or talk. Like a toddler, Brooke is 2-and-a-half feet…

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, every thing else is either sagging or bloated. I've got fat legs, and my…

Affiliation with organized religion is at a 50-year low among young people, according to a study by the Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion. The study focused on the generation known as The Millennials — those under 30, born after 1980. But the data "doesn't necessarily mean that young people are…

Jimmy Kimmel is convinced that Angelina Jolie is changing her wild ways. His proof: “When the number of kind exceeds the number of tattoos, that is the definition of ‘settling down.’” Reader’s Digest, February 2008, page 29

Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together. One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled. The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs…

Just because a restaurant offers it doesn’t mean you have to order it. A billboard outside one establishment announced these specials: Monday: Meat loaf Tuesday: Fried chicken Wednesday: Pork chops Thursday: Senior citizen Friday: Roast beef Reader’s Digest, February 2008, page 175

Woman to friend: “I have an aunt who married so late in life that Medicare picked up 80 percent of the honeymoon.” Readers Digest, May 1987, page 122

Youth looks for greener pastures; middle age is when we can hardly mow the one we’ve got. Reader’s Digest, July 1977

Anyone who claims he can do at 50 what he did at 25 probably didn’t do much at 25. 1800 Quippable Quips, E. C. McKenzie, page 7

At her birthday party, I tried to count the candles on the cake – but the heat drove me back. Encyclopedia on Humor, Joey Adams, page 222

A young girl said to her mother just after a white-haired visitor left their home: “If I could be such as old lady as that – so beautiful, serene, sweet, and lovable – I should not mind growing old.” The discerning and keen-witted mother replied, “Well, if you want to be that kind of an old lady, you…

The Metallic Age is usually associated with mines, but some folks we know have also arrived at the “metallic age,” with gold in their teeth, silver in their hair and lead in their pants.” 2000 One Liners, Larry Oliver, page 12

Years ago, Dr. Walter Russell Bowie got a letter from a little boy. When the boy had said what he wanted to say, he concluded the letter by writing, “I hope you live all your life!” Happiness is Still Home Made, T. Cecil Myers, page 105

Questioned by his son how soon he’s be old enough to do just as he pleased, a wise father answered: “I don’t know, son – nobody has ever lived that long, yet.” - Brian L. O’Connor Reader’s Digest, February, 1982, page 24

“Nothing is more disgraceful than that an old man should have nothing to show to prove that he lived long, except years.” - Seneca

Everyone is too old for some things. No one is too old for everything.

When she was twenty-one she was chosen Miss America - in those days there were very few Americans. Encyclopedia on Humor, Joey Adams page 217

The three stages of man are: Youth - Middle Age - and “You’re looking Fine.” Encyclopedia on Humor, Joey Adams, page 196

When a man has a birthday, he may take the day off. When a woman has a birthday she may take as much as five years off! The Public Speaker’s Handbook of Humor, page 131

Middle Age…is when everything starts to click – your elbows, knees and neck (Robert Orben)...is when you realize that you’ll never live long enough to try all the recipes you spent 30 years clipping our of newspapers and magazines (Bill Vaughn)...is not only later than you think – is’s sooner than you…

You’re young only once; after that it takes another excuse. Lifetime Speaker’s Encyclopedia, Volume 1, Jacob M. Braude, page 228

Most people say that as you get old you have to give up things. I think you get old because you give up things. - Senator Theodore F. Green of Rhode Island (age 90) Lifetime Speakers Encyclopedia, Volume 1, Jacob Braude, page 23

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLD WHEN... ...resisting temptation is not as hard as recognizing it. ...you know your way around, but you don’t feel like going. ...you go into a record store and expect to see records. ...you’re 17 around the neck, 38 around the waist and 126 around the golf course. Reader’s…

The witness was a proud lady who had lost the bloom of youth quite some time ago. The young lawyer thinking it would be to his advantage to get her rattled said: “And now, madam, I must ask you a rather personal question. How old are you?” “Young man,” she replied, “the judge just instructed you that…