Marriage, Sex, and Dating.

What is the point of dating?

For the Christian? - marriage.

What’s the point of marriage? - well, a big point - Godly kids.

You see? I can’t talk about dating without talking about marriage, and I can’t talk about marriage without talking about sex. So, this class evolved kinda quickly.

Is sex taboo?

no. God made it.

The people of Israel lived in tents for forty years and had a new generation.

To be honest, I blame the sexual revolution and the Christian response to it in the 90s.

We’ve MADE sex taboo, but sex was never intended to be so.

Deut 6:6-9 “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

God commands us to teach ALL his commands to our families. ALL of them. You following?

So let’s dive in a bit - Jesus: “you have heard it said “don’t commit adultery, but I say...”

but what are the commandments of adultery that Jesus is referencing?

Deuteronomy 22:22–24 ESV

“If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel. “If there is a betrothed virgin, and a man meets her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city, and you shall stone them to death with stones, the young woman because she did not cry for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbor’s wife. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.

Deuteronomy 22:25–27 ESV

“But if in the open country a man meets a young woman who is betrothed, and the man seizes her and lies with her, then only the man who lay with her shall die. But you shall do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no offense punishable by death. For this case is like that of a man attacking and murdering his neighbor, because he met her in the open country, and though the betrothed young woman cried for help there was no one to rescue her.

So, in general, what’s the penalty? Death.

and a man who’s household is out of order is not qualified to lead God’s church.

Qual for Deacon or Elder - Titus 1:6 “if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.”

I would put forward that this is a large portion of the reason the american church at large is in disarray - because it’s being led by unqualified men.

So to not teach these things - it’s not an option.

AND we want a BIBLICAL conscience right?

so our conscience needs to be informed about marriage sex and dating from the BIBLE itself

Lets get rolling then: DATING

We have to define what we mean by dating.

a social relationship that submits to the law of God and is purposefully pointed towards concluding in marriage.

What is the point of dating?

the world - self fulfilment, sexual encounters, romance, the experience, feeling loved

for the Christian? - Marriage.

and truth be told - your partner is going to set the trajectory for the rest of your days.

you can be empowered, maximized, or you can be subjugated, belittled, held back.

So what does that mean for us?

that until you’re ready to be married you don’t need to date.

Song of SOlomon 8:4 “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

in other words - don’t start this snow ball rolling until you’re ready.

Sharp contrast to the world around us:

homecoming season right now - horizontal gyrations on the vertical plain.

even at Chrisitan schools.

and the world, and even some who claim Christ, act like this is normal.

dating in our current culture is just the step before sex. Some don’t even take that step.

And then what happens? Somebody shows up pregnant and that’s when we act shocked and like something has gone wrong.

the baby is the only good thing out of that situation.

and things went wrong looooong before the baby came on the scene.

You don’t “stir up love” until you’re ready for it.

Marriage is a wonderful gift:

you get a spouse and all those benefits, you get to raise a family, you get to enjoy your children, and one day your grandchildren… that’s awesome stuff.

So, how do we do dating the right way?

First off - Marriage is the goal.

which means, if you can’t look a year ahead and realistically be married - then you don’t need to even start the process.

“Well, I want some experience dating before I find “the one””

riff

translation - you want to use somebody.

Second, make sure you’re ready.

Some basic qualifiers:

Men - job - capable of supporting.

are they mature enough to lead a family?

I don’t mean perfection here, but the basics. and a trajectory.

are they following the Lord? Do they have a track record?

Do they show strong leadership?

what’s their relationship like with their mother?

the Bible qualifies women as the “weaker vessel” and so as a general rule...

eventually a young man is bigger than his mom, stronger. How does he interact with her? Does he honor her?

Women - does she respect her father?

does she carry herself as a lady in modesty?

is she diligent in her work? pro 31

does she follow the Lord?

again, we aren’t talking perfection here - we’re talking trajectory.