Christocentric Marriage

Series: Christocentric = “Christ at the Center”

In this Series, We’ve Looked at Christocentric Teaching…

Christocentric Church…

And Christocentric Worship

Now, for the Next Few Weeks, We’re Going to Get More Personal

The Previous Lessons Mainly Dealt with Being Christ-Centered as a Community

Now We are Going to Look at Being Christ-Centered in Our Individual/Personal Lives

Today, We’re Looking at Christocentric Marriage

The Bible Says a Lot About Marriage

This is Not Going to Be a Comprehensive Study of the Topic

We’re Going to Continue to Follow Paul’s Letter to the Colossians…

In Order for Us to See What Christocentric Marriage Looks Like

Being Christocentric Doesn’t Refer to How Our Religion Affects Our Lifestyle

Being Christocentric Means Our Religion is Our Lifestyle

Being Christocentric Means Every Part of Our Lives Have Been Transformed By Jesus

Paul Himself Said it Best in One of the Key Verses for the Series:

Colossians 3:17 (NLT)

17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

Every Part of Our Lives Ought to Be Transformed By Our Faith in Jesus

When We Submit Ourselves to the Will of King Jesus…

Everything About Us Will Be Transformed

This Includes Our Marriages

Our Primary Text = Colossians 3:18-19

Colossians 3:18–19 (NASB95)

18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

Our Current Culture Doesn’t Like this Passage

1st, Paul Assumes that Marriage Consists of a Woman and a Man

(“Man” = “Husband” and “Woman” = “Wife” in Greek)

We Agree with Paul Because That’s How God Created Humanity

And That’s What He Created Marriage to Be

2nd, Verse 18 Shows that Paul was Sexist and Misogynistic

He Just Wanted to Keep Women Enslaved to Their Husbands!

Of Course, Nothing Could Be Further From the Truth

Paul is Not Issuing a Command for Women to Be Unwillfully Enslaved to Their Husbands

Paul is Telling Christian Women What “is Fitting in the Lord”

This is What Jesus Wants for His Married Sisters

In the Kingdom of Christ, Wives are to Willfully Submit Themselves to Their Husbands

Notice the Difference Between His Command to Wives…

And His Command to Children (20) and Slaves (22)

They are Told to “Obey”

Wives are Told to “Submit”

Paul Obviously Chose His Words Intentionally

The Person Called to “Obey” has Little to No Choice in the Matter

The Person Called to “Submit” Chooses to Place Themselves Under the Leadership of Another

This has Nothing to Do with Husbands Being Superior in Value/Worth…

Or Wives Being Inferior in Value/Worth

1 Corinthians 11:3 (NASB95)

3 But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Is Jesus Inferior to the Father?

No, But Yet He Took on a Role of Submission to the Father

Jesus was/is God…

Yet He Willfully Placed Himself in Submission to the Father

Wives, Jesus is Not Asking You to Do Something He is Not Willing to Do Himself

To Submit to Your Husbands as the Leader of Your Family…

Is to Be Like Jesus and Have the Heart of Jesus

Wives Who Submit Themselves to Their Husbands are Christocentric

In the Greco-Roman World, All Married Women Were Subject to Their Husbands

Men Made the Rules and Women had to Follow Them

That’s What Life was Like for Women in that Time and Culture

But Paul Gives a Different Reason for Wives to Be Subject to Their Husbands

Because that is the Proper Christian Attitude

It is What Christocentric Wives Do

Wives, Submission has More to Do with Your Relationship with Jesus…

Than Your Relationship with Your Husband

That’s Why Peter Extends this Command to Wives of Men Who Don’t Obey the Gospel

1 Peter 3:1–2 (CSB)

1 In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live 2 when they observe your pure, reverent lives.

I Know a Man Who is a Deacon in the Church Today…

Because His Wife Chose to Submit to Him

Her Pure and Reverent Living Eventually Led to His Faith in Jesus

Colossians 3:18 was a Commonly Accepted Rule of Life in the Greco-Roman Culture

But Verse 19 Absolutely Wasn’t

Colossians 3:18–19 (NASB95)

18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

It was Customary in the Greco-Roman Culture for Wives to Submit to Their Husbands

But Requiring Husbands to Love Their Wives was Incredibly Unique

No Other Culture in Antiquity had Such a Rule

This was an Exclusively Christian Principle

You Wouldn’t Have to Command Husbands to Love Their Wives in a Sexual Way

In the Roman Culture, this was More of a Duty Than a Privilege

But that’s Not the Love that Paul is Talking About

Paul is Commanding Husbands to Love Their Wives in…

A Caring Way

A Gentle Way

A Self-Sacrificial Way

A Understanding Way

A Considerate Way

A Way that Puts Her Interests Ahead of His Own

Husbands are Given the Responsibility of Leadership in Marriage

But He Must Assume that Responsibility with a Heart of Self-Sacrificial Love

That Means, the Wife is to Be Subject to the Husband…

But the Husband is Not to Treat Her Like a Subject

He is Not to Use His Authority to Be Bitter, Harsh, Overbearing, or Unkind Toward Her

Why Do You Think These Specific Commands Were Given to Wives and Husbands?

Why are Wives Specifically Told to Submit?

Why are Husbands Specifically Told to Love?

It’s a Common Temptation for Women to Seek to Rule Over Their Husbands

And it’s a Common Temptation for Men to Not Love Their Wives

The Bible is Full of Examples of This…

But Just Take Adam and Eve

We Know Very Little About Them…

But These 2 Things We Do Know:

1.) Eve Took the Leadership Role in Eating the Fruit…

And Giving it to Adam to Eat

2.) Adam Blamed the Whole Thing on Eve…

Rather Than Loving Her Enough to Take Responsibility

All Throughout Scripture We See Examples of What Results…

When Wives Don’t Submit and Husbands Don’t Love

It Always Leads to Sin, Chaos, and Disaster

But Jesus has Given Us a Better Way

Not Just Through Command, But Through His Example

Look at the Parallel Passage in Ephesians 5:21-33

Ephesians 5:21–33 (NASB95)

21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30 because we are members of His body.

31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

We Usually Make the Mistake of Detaching Verse 22 From Verse 21

But They Must Go Together

All Christians are to Subject Ourselves to One Another Out of Reverence for King Jesus

This Means Men and Women Both are to Live Lives of Submission to One Another

These Principles are Not Just for Married Couples

Submission is a Christocentric Way of Life

We Have Unmarried People Here

The Principles We Find in These Texts are Practical for You as Well

Submission is a Christocentric Way of Life

But Specifically Within the Family Structure, Wives are to Be Subject to Their Husbands…

As They are Subject to Jesus Himself

Because They are Subject to Jesus, They Should Be Subject to Their Husbands

And Husbands are to Love Their Wives Like Jesus Loves His People

The Relationship Between a Husband and Wife…

Is to Resemble the Relationship Between Jesus and His Church…

Which Also Resembles the Relationship Between a Head and its Body

Just as the Church is Subject to the Leadership and Authority of Jesus…

And as a Body is Subject to the Leadership of the Head…

Wives are to Subject Themselves to/Respect Their Husbands

Just as Jesus Selflessly Loves, Saves, Sacrifices Himself for, Sanctifies the Church…

And as the Head Loves, Nourishes, and Cherishes its Body…

Husbands are to Love Their Wives in this Same Way

The World Looks at These Instructions for Christocentric Marriage…

And Believes that They are Oppressive to Women

But that’s Not at All What is Being Described Here

Wives are Commanded to Submit to Their Husbands as the Leader of the Relationship

But Husbands are Commanded to Have and Show Self-Sacrificial/Self-Giving Love to Their Wives

Husbands Don’t Have the “Benefit” of Being the Leader

Husbands Have the Responsibility

As Our Wives Submit to Us…

We Must Lead in Such a Way that Her Needs and Desires are Before Our Own

It’s Leadership with the Goal of Benefiting Our Wives

Isn’t that What We See in Jesus?

Everything He’s Done, is Doing, and Will Do is for the Benefit of His Church

Every Sacrifice, Every Teaching, Every Command is for Our Benefit

And How Do We Feel About that as His Church?

Do We Feel Oppressed By Him?

Do We Feel Enslaved By Him?

Do We Complain About Having to Submit to Him?

Absolutely Not!

We Find it a Joy to Be in Submission to Him

Because of His Self-Giving/Sacrificial Love for Us…

We Gladly Submit to His Rule, Authority, and Leadership

This is How the Marriage Relationship is to Operate

Where Wives Willingly and Gladly Submit to Their Husbands

And Where Husbands, Out of Love, are Willing to Do Whatever it Takes to Protect, Honor, and Bless Our Wives

From These Passages We Learn One Simple Principle for Successful Marriages

Selflessness

Wives, Be Selfless and Submit to the Authority/Leadership of Your Husbands

Husbands, Selflessly Love Your Wives

Selflessness is the Way of Jesus

And Selfless, Christocentric Marriages Bring Glory to Jesus

When Jesus is the Center of Our Lives

He Will Also Be the Center of Our Relationships

And When He’s the Center of Our Relationships…

We Will Be Selfless, Submissive, and Loving Toward Each Other

If Jesus Doesn’t Change Our Relationships/Marriages…

Then it’s Only Because We Don’t Have Him at the Center of Our Lives

Paul Gives a Beautiful Picture of the Gospel in Ephesians 5

We See Jesus as a Loving Husband to His People

As Our Lord and King, He’s Done Everything for Us…

To Provide Us with Salvation and Life in the Age to Come

Are You a Part of His Faithful Bride?