STORM PROOF MARRIAGE

Building a Marriage that Withstands the Storms

Proverbs 14:1 (KJV) 1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Everyone is either building their house today or they are tearing down their home.

Proverbs 24:3-4 (KJV) 3 Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: 4 And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

Wisdom is looking at life through God’s point of view instead of man’s. wisdom is including God’s thoughts, and God’s words and God’s principles in life and family relationships. Wisdom is building with the material that God wants you to build with.

Understanding is the skill to put those materials together properly. And established means it becomes secure. It is fixed it has an enduring quality about it.

It’s not enough just to know what the bible says:

you have to have wisdom (the materials) and you have to have understanding to put it together. You take the pieces of wisdom you get and use understanding to nail it together

And knowledge is the continual search for God’s truth to keep the home repaired.

1 Corinthians 7:27-28 (KJV) 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Paul commends singleness and then he says if you want to get married that is fine but be aware of this you are going to have trouble. Hold that thought.

Matthew 7:24-27 (KJV) 24 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: 25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. 26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: 27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

Now our thought this morning is if we will build a house a home the way God wants us to build it that when the storms of life come they will never be able to do permanent damage to your marriage.

Paul says in 1 Cor. 7 that if you marry you will have trouble.

Divorce is a plage, a pestilence, an epidemic in our society.

And everyone that gets a divorce has problems...but everybody has problems and troubles. So why do some end up in divorce courts and some do not?

One man made this statement the biggest problem with the American families is they think there should be no problems.

Now listen to Jesus expound further on Matt. 7 passage in Luke 6

Luke 6:47-49 (KJV) 47 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like: 48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. 49 But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.

The storms will come to every home...vehemently (forcibly, fierce, strong) and every marriage at one time or another has had waves of doubt crash themselves against the relationship.

Both homes looked good outwardly but one falls while the other stands secure. Why?

Because one is put together on a foundation where two people live out God’s truth on a daily bases. They have used wisdom, understanding and knowledge to build a house with a solid foundation where rains and winds and floods cannot bring down.

I. Build on the rock of Covenant rather than the sand of a Contract:

What makes a storm proof marriage? It is built on a rock of covenant instead of the sand of contract. What was the thing that made Adam and Eve married? It was the covenant and early in Gen we find out what a covenant is when God made a covenant with Abraham.

Abraham take a 3yr. Old heifer, a 3yr. Old goat, and a 3yr. Old ram and I think the 3 was in reference to the trinity. Divide them in the middle and lay them on either side.

Genesis 15:17 (KJV) 17 And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp that passed between those pieces. Genesis 15:18 (KJV) 18 In the same day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, Unto thy seed have I given this land, from the river of Egypt unto the great river, the river Euphrates:

God was saying that He in the form of this smoking furnace and burning lamp passed between those pieces let God Himself be divided before He would break His covenant with Abraham.

ILL. This may be where the custom comes from a bride coming down the center isle with her side of the family on one side and his on the other and they both walk out the center isle. They are literally cutting a covenant. They are saying may we be divided in half if we break this covenant.

The difference between a covenant and a contract is a covenant is between you and her and God and is built on trust and when circumstances changes it don’t change. A contract is between me and thee and is based on mistrust and if trust is broken when circumstances change.

ILL a minister stood and read the vowels to a man to be wedded to his wife. He said do you take this woman for good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, til death do you part. He said yes, no,no,yes,yes,no.

A proper marriage vowel does not say for better, for richer and in health I will love you for the sake of your wealth but if you get worse, poorer or sick I am going to look for me a cuter chick.

Now if you have been thinking of your marriage as a contract rather than a covenant you need to correct your thinking.

3 Through wisdom is an house builded

you need to quit thinking like man and think like God.

If you think divorce is an option then you will use that option when the storms get strong. But if you realize I made a covenant and I will be divided before I break this covenant. Change your thinking. Wisdom is God’s principles and understanding nails it to the relationship and it is established or secured, fixed.

1 Peter 1:13 (KJV) 13 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; do you know what a girdle is? A girdle is a device designed to keep an unfortunate situation from spreading. Look at the part of your mind that is sagging and gird it up keep it from spreading. Bad thoughts about someone gird up your mind don’t let it spread but push it back into place.

Philippians 2:5 (KJV) 5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: what was the mind of Jesus in relation to divorce?

Matthew 19:3-6 (KJV) 3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

The Pharisees believed in divorce and so they were tempting Jesus. What does Jesus do? The minds of the Pharisees looked for grounds for divorce. The mind of Christ sees the one flesh relationship that God made with Adam and Eve in the garden.

How do you build a storm proof marriage by building on the rock of a covenant rather than the sand of a contract.

II. Build on the rock of Humility rather than the Sand of Pride:

Proverbs 16:18 (KJV) 18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

What is it about pride that messes up a marriage? Pride is unteachable, unapproachable, and uncorrectable. Pride refuses to see it own problems and will not sincerely confess failure even if it does see them.

No one ever built a home like it ought to be while blaming their mate for all the problems. Examine yourself, sure there may be more fault on one side rather than the other but virtually always there is some fault on both sides.

Good marriages are never built by two people that never do anything wrong but by two people who are not to proud to admit where they are wrong and try to make it right.

III. Build on the Rock of Communicating Rather than the Sand of Silence:

the beautiful picture of the husband wife relationship is Ephesians 5 and it is the Christ and His Church relationship.

Do you know what God’s goal for us right now is full communication between heaven and earth. He gives us the Word of God so we can hear from Him everyday. He gives us the Holy Ghost to live within us to lead us and guide us. And He draws us to prayer so we can talk to Him about anything we want.

If there are problems in our marriage the place to start is communicating. Healing begins with communication, continues with communication, and builds a marriage on the rock that can withstand the storm.

Anybody here that has a strong home it is because they are communicating and the day you stop communicating is the day you start tearing your home down.

Communicating itself develops into closeness and caring.

ILL a man and woman was getting a divorce and both were at the lawyer dividing the material goods and they were communicating and the woman said if we had talked like this while we were married we would not be getting a divorce.

Poor communication in business leads to financial disaster

Poor communication among nations has lead to war.

Poor communication among friends can lead to friendships becoming cold.

Poor communication among mates becoming strangers and relationships becoming estranged.

From last weeks teaching this is an area than our wives need us to succeed in. Communication makes them feel worth...they feel (emotion) loved and needed when communications take place.

Before marriage a man will give the girl all of his attention and she feels so special. And she thinks she is getting the exception to what she has seen all around her all of her life. What she don’t know it is his way of getting his prize it is a means to an end. Once their married he talks and pays attention to everybody except her.

Body of speech is made up of 7% spoken word, 38% body language, and 58% tone of voice. A preacher whose wife had left him said every time they tried to talk and they would disagree he would just clam up so they wouldn’t argue and he thought it was getting better but really they were growing apart.

IV Build on the Rock of Unconditional Love instead of the Sand of Conditional Love:

The main love in the bible is Agape Love, unconditional love, John 3:16 love. It is 1Corinthians 13 love,

1 Corinthians 13:3-8 (KJV) 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

It is the love mentioned in Ephesians 5:

Ephesians 5:25 (KJV) 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

unconditional love is commitment, conditional love is if love.

I will love you if you keep the house cleaner, I will love you if you pray with me, I will love you if.... it causes a person to wonder if they are worthy of your love.

V. Build on the Rock of Acceptance and Praise Rather than the sand of Apathy and putdowns:

Proverbs 31:28 (KJV) 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. This is a key to understanding the virtuous woman. The list of Proverbs 31 is climaxed by her husband praising her.

When was the last time we bragged on our wife’s cooking...and that does not include you saying the Lord would be pleased with such a burnt offering.

Surely we don’t use putdowns do we? I have her and the dog in training she is starting to catch up with the dog. She’s alright for a woman. I sure feel sorry for those bathroom scales when you step on them. Just because that putdown thought comes to your mind does not mean it has to come out of your mouth.

Now we have all kidded with one another but to belittle your spouse in front of people may be funny to some but it does not build your home, does not build your relationship.

When was the last time you have bragged on your spouse in front of people? When was the last time ladies that you showed reverence to your husband?

Before I married Maggie dear I was her pumpkin pie

Her precious peach, her honey lamb, the apple of her eye

But after years of married life, this thought I toss to others

Those fancy names all are gone, now I’m just her bread and butter.

VI Build on the Rock of Building each other Rather than the Sand of do Nothing:

Picture your relationship like build a home...somebody put one brick at a time. Everyday try to do something that will build your husband/wife.

Maybe the brick kindness, praise, communication, home cooked meal, paying attention to one another.

Change where change is needed don’t say I can’t. I can’t communicate, I can’t open her car door, Preacher you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You are not a Dog.

VII. Build on the Rock of a Personal Relationship with Jesus Christ Rather than the sand of Religion:

Have we met Jesus? Do we know Him personally or do we know about Him? Because two people that are walking with God has never had a storm that has destroyed their relationship.

Wisdom takes God’s word and principles and understanding nails those truth to their relationship and it becomes established.