Christocentric Family

Christocentric = “Christ at the Center”

We are Focusing on How to Make Jesus the Center of Our Lives

Last Week We Looked at Christocentric Marriage

This Morning We are Looking at Christocentric Family

Specifically, How Children Ought to Behave Toward Their Parents…

And How Parents Ought to Behave Toward Their Children

I’ve Been a Father for Almost 3 Years Now, So Obviously I’m an Expert

This Lesson Will Not Be Comprehensive

But We Will See Some Commands that Lead to Christocentric Families

Just as Jesus Transforms and Enhances Our Marriage Relationships…

Jesus Transforms Our Family Relationships as Well

Just as We Have the Past Couple Weeks…

We are Going to Be Looking at Both Colossians and Ephesians

Let’s Begin with Colossians 3:20

Colossians 3:20 (LEB)

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord.

I Mentioned Last Time that Wives Were Expected in the Greco-Roman Culture…

To Be Submissive and Obedient to Their Husbands

The Same is Even More True for Children

They Were Under the Complete and Total Authority of Their Fathers

But Paul Isn’t Concerned with the Cultural Norms of Rome

He is Concerned with What is “Pleasing in the Lord”

Under the Rulership of King Jesus, this is How Children Ought to Behave

Complete and Total Obedience to Parents is Pleasing to King Jesus

And Complete and Total Obedience to Parents is Obedience to Jesus Himself

Ephesians 6:1–3 (LEB)

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “in order that it may be well with you, and you may live a long time on the earth.”

Here, Paul Quotes From the 10 Commandments

The Original Promise was that:

If the Children Would Obey and Honor Their Parents…

Their Time in the Promised Land Would Continue to Be Prolonged

But Paul Seems to Be Saying that:

They Will Live Longer Lives if They Obey/Honor Their Parents

If this is What Paul Meant, Then We Should Take this as a General Rule

Generally, You Will Live a Longer and Happier Life if You Obey Your Parents

But if Paul Means What the Original Promise Meant…

Then He is Saying, “A Long and Joyful Life in God’s Promised Land…

Awaits Those Who Obey/Honor Their Parents”

Both of These Interpretations are True

Under the Law of Moses, a Child Who Refused to Obey Their Parents Would Be Put to Death

Deuteronomy 21:18–21 (NASB95)

18 “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them,19 then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown.20 “They shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.’21 “Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear.

Rebellion Against Parents was/is Considered Rebellion Against God Himself

All of God’s Laws are Good, and this One is No Exception

When Children are Allowed to Disobey and Do Whatever They Please…

They Turn into Adults with the Same Mindset

That’s One Major Reason We See Such a Degradation of Our Society

Children are Undisciplined, Disobedient, and Doing Whatever is Right in Their Own Eyes

Children, Obey Your Parents, Because this Pleases King Jesus

To Go Along with this, Parents, Be the Authority in Your House

When Your Children Disobey, Discipline Them Appropriately

There are Many Great Tips for Disciplining/Correcting Children…

But There are 2 that I Think are So Important for Our Time:

1st - Be Consistent

Children Learn Quickly if Their Parents are Liars or Not

When You Say a Punishment is Coming if They Disobey…

Be Consistent and Perform the Punishment You Promised

Don’t Do the “Counting to 3” Technique

That Just Tells Your Child that Delayed Obedience is Okay

Tell Them to Obey

Don’t Repeat Yourself Over and Over

State Your Request Clearly Once

If They Refuse, Do as You Said You Would Do

Pretty Soon, They’ll Realize that You Have the Authority…

And that You Mean What You Say

2nd - Don’t Yell at Your Children

It’s One Thing to Get Loud in Order to Gain Their Attention

It’s Another Thing to Scream/Yell at Your Child

If You Have to Yell at Your Child in Order for Them to Obey You…

You Don’t Really Have Any Authority Over Them

When Disciplining Your Child:

Meet Their Eye-Level

And Speak Calmly and Softly

The Last Thing We Need in the World is More People Who Scream and Yell at Others…

In Order to Get What They Want

But When We Scream and Yell at Our Children, That’s What We are Teaching

Let’s See What Wise Old Solomon had to Say About Parenting:

Proverbs 13:1 (NASB95)

1 A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

Proverbs 13:24 (NASB95)

24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Proverbs 19:18 (NASB95)

18 Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.

Proverbs 22:15 (NASB95)

15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13–14 (NASB95)

13 Do not hold back discipline from the child,Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.14 You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.

Proverbs 29:15 (NASB95)

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:17 (NASB95)

17 Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.

There’s a Lot Said About Disciplining Children in the Wisdom Literature

Specifically We See a Lot Said About Corporal Punishment

Inflicting Harm to Show that Some Actions Lead to Harmful Results

Great Lessons are Taught Through Discipline/Correction

But Do You Think it’s Possible for a Parent to Overdo Discipline?

I Think So, Because Look at What We Read Next in Colossians 3:21

Colossians 3:21 (LEB)

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, so that they will not become discouraged.

Eugene Peterson Put it this Way in His “Message Bible”:

Colossians 3:21 (The Message)

21 Parents, don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits.

Children are Commanded By King Jesus to Obey Their Parents in Everything

This Means Parents are to Be the Authority in the Home

This Will Sometimes Call for Discipline When the Child Doesn’t Obey

But Parents Must Be Careful How They Discipline

Because, Done Wrongly or Too Much can Lead to the Crushing of Their Children’s Spirits

It Wasn’t Uncommon for Fathers to Beat Their Children in the Greco-Roman World

Unfortunately, it’s Not Uncommon for Parents to Beat Their Children Now Either

But this Text Doesn’t Just Deal with Physical Abuse

It Deals with All Forms of Abuse (Verbal and Emotional as Well as Physical)

Discipline is Essential to Raising Christocentric Children

But Discipline can Easily Turn into Spirit-Crushing Abuse…

If it is Not Done in a Christocentric Way

Christocentric Discipline/Correction is Done in the Way Christ Would Do it

Ephesians 6:4 (NASB95)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4 (CSB)

4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

“Discipline” = “Training”

This Doesn’t Just Mean “Correction”

It Also Means “Direction”

Again, I Like the Way Eugene Peterson Paraphrases this Verse:

Ephesians 6:4 (The Message)

4 Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.

Parents Should Not Be a Source of Frustration and Discouragement for Their Children

Parents are Not to Use Their Authority to:

Be Abusive

Be Overbearing

Overlook/Ignore Their Children’s Efforts

Make Their Children Feel that They’ll Never Be Good Enough

Make Their Children Feel as if They Must Earn Their Parent’s Love

This Will Only Cause the Child to Be Discouraged

With Their Spirits/Hearts Broken and Their Self-Esteem Shattered…

They Will Close Off Their Emotions and Their Empathy/Sympathy for Others

They Will Interpret Such Overbearing Discipline as Their Incapability to Succeed

They Will Stop Trying and Give Up

They Will Harbor Resentment Against Their Parents

And in Turn, They Will Harbor Resentment…

Against the Faith Their Parents Were Seeking to Instill in Them

This Child Will Turn Out Like So Many Others We See in the World Today

No Relationship with Their Families

No Moral Standards Guiding Their Lives

Unsympathetic, Unloving, and Merciless

And a Hatred for Christianity

Because All They’ve Ever Experienced of Jesus…

Has Come From Unsympathetic, Unloving, and Merciless Parents

Paul Commands a Different Style of Parenting

A Style of Parenting Where Fathers and Mothers Treat Their Children as Jesus Would:

With Kindness

With Grace

With Mercy

With Unconditional Love

This Doesn’t Exclude Discipline and Correction…

It Perfects it

Another Way to Translate Ephesians 6:4 to Really Hone in on the Original Language:

“Fathers, Don’t Make Your Children Angry, But Nourish Them in the Lord’s Training and Warning.”

Parents Ought to Lovingly and Selflessly Provide…

Spiritual, Moral, and Educational Nutrients for Their Children

They Ought to Train Their Children in What Jesus Wants for Them…

And Warn Them About What Jesus Doesn’t Want for Them

Children Ought to Know Jesus Through Their Parents’ Words, Actions, and Teachings

The Duty of a Parent is to Live Out the Gospel to Their Children

Bringing Your Children to Bible Studies and Worship Services is Great

But if that is Your Main Strategy for Bringing Your Children to Jesus…

Don’t Be Surprised When it Fails and Your Children Choose the World Over Jesus

Christocentric Families Don’t Just Consist of People Who Go to Church

They are Families Who Live Out and Teach the Gospel in the Privacy of Their Own Homes

If Jesus Isn’t Welcome in Our Homes…

We Shouldn’t Be Surprised When He Isn’t Welcome in the Hearts and Lives of Our Children

Being in a Christocentric Family is Positive, Joyful, and Uplifting Thing

It’s a Family Where Children See the Gospel Lived Out in Their Parents

And Where Parents Teach Their Children How to Live it Out Themselves

In the Kingdom of Jesus and in a Christocentric Family:

Children are to Selflessly Obey Their Parents as Their Authority

And Parents are to Selflessly Serve the Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual Needs of Their Children

Young Children are to Obey Like Jesus

Older Children are to Honor Their Parents Like Jesus

And Parents are to Lead, Train, and Love Like Jesus

The Christocentric Family has Jesus at the Center of Everything They Do