True Friend

ATTENTION GETTER

Last week we looked at the journey of life

Blessed are those who dwell in the house of the Lord

Blessed are those whose strength is in the Lord

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord

If you want to go fast go alone — but if you want to go far go with together

INTRODUCTION: So today I want us to talk about friends

As we begin today, I want to ask you, what does it mean for someone to be your friend?

And then after that we will look at what the Bible says is a friend

My answer:

You see, I used to think that a friend was someone you hung out with all the time

And by all the time, I mean ALL the time!

We talked about everything, we had no secrets. We did everything together

Needless to say, that didn’t last forever. Most of them, except for maybe a couple have all moved on and are no longer part of my life.

Over the years, as I lost almost all my friends, I will filled with questions

I often asked myself, what was the point?

What was the point of that a friendship?

What is a friend? What does it mean to be a friend?

Today, we’re going to look at the true purpose of friendship, and what it means to be a friend

But first, here are a few facts about friendship I want you to know.

One is that:

The friend relationship is a relationship that is completely volitional at all times

meaning you are not obligated to remain friends with anyone

You can’t choose your parents/siblings, they will always be your parents/siblings

You can choose your husband/wife, but once you do you are expected to remain together - although that still doesn’t stop many of us - technically we’re not supposed to do that.

But a friend, you can be friends with one day and strangers the next and you won’t have to go to court and file a divorce, you can just walk away

It’s an open relationship

Secondly:

The title of a friend is one that anyone can have

I will never be a mother or a wife - its not physically possible

Even when it comes to being a husband or a father, only God knows if that will happen and God-willing it will happen soon

Not everyone can be those things

But you see, anyone can be a friend. To be a friend is a choice you make - and no one can stop you from loving someone as your friend.

And most importantly:

The friend relationship is a special relationship and one that is closely associated with God

The Bible talks about friendship a lot

There are several passages in Proverbs that talk about friendship - and we’ll look at some today

We’ll look at Abraham, was called the friend of God - can you imagine, being the friend of God?

We'll look at David and Jonathan who were the greatest BFFs of all time.

We’ll look at Jesus was often accused and ridiculed by the pharisees for being a friend of sinners - because they would see him eating and drinking with the outcasts of society.

But you see, Jesus took pride in his friendship - he called his disciples his friends - and when he was mocked as a friend of sinners - he defended them by saying that they were the very reason he came to earth.

- Transition: Earlier I told you we will look at the purpose of friendship

Well let’s begin (and I want you to write this down)

A friend is more than a companion

Proverbs: 18:24 “A man of many companions comes to ruin”

Justin Bieber just came out with a sad song called, “Lonely” where talk about how everyone knows his name, but yet, he so lonely that its killing him now as he’s getting older

The song used to come on at that the gym all the time - if there’s one thing don’t want to hear while I’m working working out is Justin Bieber singing about how lonely he is

But, it’s always like that though, if you have a lot of money/fame, then those around you only want you for your money/fame

You see

“A companion only wants what accompanies you - but a true friend only wants you”

Companions come and go - but a friend is faithful

Let me hear you say it: “A friend is faithful”

Faithfulness is why Abraham was called a friend of God.

Abraham was so faithful to God, so loyal to God, that God called him his friend.

In Genesis 18, When God was about to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, He didn’t want to do it without telling his friend Abraham.

Genesis 18:17 “Then the Lord said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do? … v.19 For I have chosen him”

Later in that chapter we see Abraham and God actually discussing what was about to happen to Sodom and Gomorrah, and Abraham felt comfortable enough to even negotiate with God for the fate of those cities.

In James 2:23 it states, “‘Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,’ — and he was called God's friend.”

How does a man become so close to God, so trusted by God to be called a friend of God ?

The answer is — He believed God and was faithful to him.

Faithfulness and trust are all the qualities of a true friend, a godly friend

If you don’t see those qualities in someone, then they are not your friend, they are just a companion

And if you don’t have those qualities then you can’t be a true friend to someone, you are just a companion to them.

The most important friendship you should be concerned with is your friendship with God — Saying that God is our friend only speaks of His faithfulness — But for us to be considered a friend of God that speaks about our faithfulness.

If you don’t believe God, or if God can’t believe you, then that needs to change in order to be friends with God.

A friend sticks closer than a brother

Proverbs 18:24, “ …but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”

Growing up my brother and I were not that close

I only have one brother and you would think we would be like best friends - but that wasn’t the case

We always fought and we were opposites in terms of personality and character

By the time we got to high-school that divide got even wider

I had a friend at that time, my best friend, and I remember using this verse to justify to myself that it’s possible and in fact Biblical to have a friend that’s closer to me than my own brother.

That verse both comforted me, but also reminded me that my relationship with my brother was not what I had hoped it would - because deep down inside, I wanted my brother to be my friend

I loved my brother and I still do with all my heart - but I wanted a friend

What is it about being a friend that made it even more desirable than a brother - For me it’s the choosing part.

My brother didn’t choose me - and in fact many older brothers don’t like it when a younger brother is born - because jealousy is the biggest enemy of brothers

We see this play out in the Bible many times -

With Cain and Abel - Where Cain kills his brother Abel because he was jealous of his offering being accepted and not his

Joseph’s brothers stripped him and threw him in a pit, then sold him into slavery because they were jealous of how their father favored him and because of his dreams

David’s oldest brother was also jealous of him - When Israel was fighting the Philistines - this is the famous battle with Goliath taunting them - when David came to bring a care package (some bread and cheese) to his brothers David began asking the soldiers about the battle and what as going and his older brother , Eliab, just goes off on him -

We read in 1 Sam 17:28, “When Eliab, David’s oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, “Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the wilderness? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle.”

Now we have to note that this is the same older brother that was rejected when the Prophet Samuel came to anoint the next king - I Sam 16:7 says, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

But David had God on his side and God had prepared a friend for David, a friend from the palace, a prince who saw his true heart and character.

1 Sam 18:1-3 tells us, “After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself (“as his own soul” ESV). 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself (“as his own soul” ESV). ”

A brother may share your DNA, but a true friend will share your spirit

Even in marriage, the Bible says the two will become one flesh, but only in true friendship will you share a spirit.

Jonathan loved David so much that he was willing to give up his throne for him

Earlier we looked at how a companion wants you for the things you have - but a true friend wants you to have what they have

While David’s brother spoke harshly to him, Jonathan spoke kindly to David, and made a covenant with him.

1 Sam 20:4 says, “Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.” And 1 Sam 20:42, it says, “Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord”

True friendship is marked by loyalty and commitment to one another

Because you see, our commitment to God is connected to our commitment to one another

Whoever claims to be committed to God, but yet cannot be a committed friend is not being completely honest about their commitment to God

1 John 4:20 “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

Transition: Another passage I used to always quote to my brother to let him know that he was just my brother and not my friend was

Prov 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for (a time of) adversity.”

For a long time, the way I read that passage was that my brother was born to always bring me adversity and challenges, while all I wanted was a friend to love me at all times

And isn’t that what we all want, a friend to love us at all times?

A friend loves at all times

So we’ve looked at Abraham who proved his friendship with faithfulness and Trust

Jonathan who proved his friendship with loyalty and commitment

And now I want us to look at the best friend any of us will ever have who proved his friendship with love and sacrifice

A friend that loves us at all times

Turn your Bibles to John 15:12-17

Before Jesus headed to the cross he told his disciples this

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.”

Earlier I told you we will look at the purpose of friendship

Well the answer to that is that friendship is all about love and that is what Jesus proved to the world when he came and died for us

Jesus met all the marks of a true friend, faithfulness, commitment, and most of all sacrifice

Jesus says that the greatest love is to lay your life down for a friend — not your mom, not your dad, not your child, not your spouse — Why?

Because for them you are expected to do so.

But no one expects you to give your life for a friend and if you do so you have reached the greatest level of love.

To show them how much he loved them, Jesus called his disciples friends and he died for them.

Then he tells them, if you want to be my friend, then be faithful, do what I tell you,

the same thingJonathan told David, “whatever you want me to do I will do”

He tells his disciples, since you are my friends I will not hold back anything from you

the same way God wanted to tell Abraham everything he was about to do - Jesus wants to do that for his friends — He wants to do that for you

And he also tells them that he chose them

because friendship is chosen - even tho they didn’t choose him, he chose them

And the command he gives them is to love one another - essentially go and be a true friend to others

Be faithful - Be committed - Be honest and transparent - Be kind and generous -

The purpose of friendship is love

REVIEW

Often times we focus more on picking the right friends, which is important

- but more important is -

are we a good friend ourselves Are we faithful? Are we committed? Are we loving?

APPLICATION

This week I will evaluate my friendship - meaning I will evaluate whether I am a true friend or not

PRAYER:

Pray that we are faithful and trustworthy

That we are loyal and committed to godly friendships

Pray that we love sacrificially

Pray that God gives us discernment in knowing who is a friend and who is just a companion