Building A Strong Family

Proverbs 22:6 NKJV

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

What a hope-filled principle! This proverb points us to the power of parents to help shape their children’s futures.

I want to talk to you about building a strong family and becoming parents who are equipped to raise godly children.

Like that Whitney Houston song, we could say that children are our future. And godly children are the way for true blessing and prosperity in our nation (when the righteous are in authority...Proverbs 29:2).

Current events remind us that we face a significant challenge if we want to raise godly children in an increasingly secular culture. Example: article that reported that in NJ it has been mandated to teach 8th graders about abortion and anal sex (September 23, 2022), this and other disturbing curriculum have been promoted and pushed upon our children.

Many parents have been overwhelmed with concern and uncertainty as to how to face this and similar issues as they consider the future of their children.

The good news is that when we apply God’s wisdom for raising kids we will have greater confidence that we have prepared our children for their future.

They Are Our Children

Honestly speaking, the task to raise godly children has never been harder (2 Timothy 3:1-5). There are so many ways that modern life undermines a healthy, stable family. Industry demands workers. Workers have less time for children and family. A healthy economy is important to national interest and jobs are important to get paid to buy things to enjoy and provide for our needs.

In order to continue to make workers available and to create future skilled workers some there has to be some form of child care and education. So, while parents are at work for 8 hours a day, children are at school.

Between the time spent at school and the time spent on the Internet and social media, who is raising our children? Who is instructing them in morality and righteousness? Who is teaching them what is valuable.

Psalm 127:3 NLT

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Our kids are a gift from God to us. They are a blessing that God gives us. And that’s what we need to remember: He gave them to us. He entrusted us with their care and their futures.

If we are being honest, it is hard to raise our children. But letting others do it will almost guarantee that we won’t have the type of children we want.

Illustration: They might watch that in their house, but we do not.

We need to learn how to parent God’s way even though it is counter-cultural and requires intentional focus and hard work. This is so important because it is the best thing for our children both now and for eternity.

Raising Godly Children

The word of God offers us wisdom and insight into how we can raise godly, resilient children.

There are three areas that we can focus on in order to give our children the best opportunity to walk in their purpose and live their best lives.

Devotion

Isaiah 49:15 NLT

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!

Psalm 103:13 AMP

As a father loves and pities his children, so the Lord loves and pities those who fear Him [with reverence, worship, and awe].

The foundation of a strong family is love. Loving our children means that we do what is best for them, what is in their best interest.

This means that we make sacrifices for the good of our children. That means we work to protect them from evil and prepare them for their purpose.

Illustration: Our decision to live off of one income so that mom could be home with the children.

We all intuitively know that our children want us more than the stuff we can provide them. Let’s not sacrifice what’s best for our children by only giving them what is good. This is what the world would ask us to do and how it models

The entry point to raising godly children is loving them. It is being patient, kind, hopeful and enduring (cf. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Loving your kids like God loves us is an assurance that you will always be interested in the best thing for them, no matter what mistakes they make or failures they experience.

This love will assure them. It will anchor them in difficult times. It will secure them and stabilize them even when their world is falling apart.

Start with love.

Discipline

Ephesians 6:4 NLT

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Discipline is an important part of raising children in the ways of the Lord. In fact, it is an expression of love for our kids that we discipline them.

Proverbs 13:24 NKJV

He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

Ignoring discipline and letting a child get their way means that you hate them. Doing so promotes selfishness and entitlement. That may work in your home but will not work in the world.

Discipline has purpose.

One of the important goals of discipline is to train and teach our children critical thinking. It is about promoting wisdom and helping them to do justly, embrace truth, and love mercy (cf. Micah 6:8).

Illustration: Savannah and TV shows.

The second thing discipline does is help to promote righteousness in our lives by teaching us reward and consequence.

Hebrews 12:7–11 NKJV

7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Additional notes on physical discipline:

Discipline promptly (cf. Proverbs 13:24).

Never discipline angry (James 1:20, Ephesians 4:26). Anger is about you, not training your child.

Never use your hand (cf. Proverbs 13:24). The “rod” is a tool of consequence, your hand is your hand.

It should be painful (Hebrews 12:11). The goal is to let the child understand that there are real consequences to disobedience (cf. Romans 6:23). Never abuse a child (see point 2). Also, there is a point when a child is too old for physical discipline.

Once you’ve disciplined you’re done (Jeremiah 31:34). You forgive. The “debt” is paid. The consequence of the behavior is the punishment.

Illustration: Disciplining my son and result (Proverbs 29:17).

Discipline should be proportionate to maturity and accountability.

Illustration: Like God to advisor.

Let your love for your child supercede your desire to be liked by them. Later, they will love and appreciate you for it. Discipline for the purpose of training your child to make wise decisions and learn that there is a reward for right behavior and consequence for wrong. This will lead to strong moral character and protection from the consequence of bad decisions.

Discipleship

Genesis 18:19 M:BCL

Yes, I’ve settled on him as the one to train his children and future family to observe God’s way of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that God can complete in Abraham what he promised him.”

The most sacred responsibility of parents is to train them to observe God’s way of life. It is to disciple them and teach them how to know God and live in relationship to Him.

Deuteronomy 11:18–21 NLT

18 “So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 19 Teach them to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 20 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 so that as long as the sky remains above the earth, you and your children may flourish in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors.

This instruction from the LORD gives us one of the most important ways we are to disciple our children: in the word of God.

We are to know God’s word for ourselves and we need to teach it to our children. Notice the where and the when:

when you are at home and when you are on the road - basically everywhere, home and abroad

when you are going to bed and when you are getting up - in other words, any time of the day

If we will do this, our children may flourish.

You can do this through intentional plans or family devotions. You can also take advantage of opportunities and teachable moments to teach your children God’s way.

And beyond these things it is essential to remember that your children are watching you. They mirror your behavior whether you want them to or not.

Illustration: Video of Derek in Brazil (and also at the dinner table).

Whether for good or for bad, parents are the best teachers of their children.

Leverage your love and authority to teach your children how to live a blessed life, one that pleases God. Teach them to value and live by God’s word. And if you do and they learn to love the Lord and follow His ways then they will flourish.

Conclusion

Children are a blessing and a gift from God to us. If we do our part to train them in the way that they should go, then we have done everything we can to position them for success.

If they know the love and devotion of their parents they can get a glimpse of the love of God.

If they receive discipline and are trained to obey the Lord in righteousness and avoid the consequences of sin, they will be blessed. They will have wisdom and will be able to discern good from evil (Hebrews 5:14).

If we disciple them and teach them the ways of the Lord so that they keep them and walk in His way, they will flourish in life and experience God’s blessing.

This is a great starting point for building a strong family. And if you do these things then you will not feel powerless or out of control when it comes to your children’s future. Instead, you will equip and empower them to succeed in life.

As our children learn and walk in the way of the LORD they will shine as lights in a dark world as they walk in their purpose and become the people that God has called them to be.