Ephesians 5:22-32

Premise:

Paul commands wives to be subject to their husbands and for husbands to love their wives; these roles mirror Christ and the Church.

Opening:

Introduction of the Text:

Reading of the Text:

Ephesians 5:21-32. and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,30 because we are members of His body.31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Behold, the Word of God. Let’s pray.

Prayer:

Transition:

An Introduction to the Idea of Covenant Unity.

We are one, therefore, subjection does not mean lesser. One can be completely equal and yet be subject.

The picture of marriage unity of a husband and wife and Christ and the Church is that of a head and a body. Perfectly one under the authority and rule of the head.

1 Corinthians 7:4, “4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

We also see this picture in the Trinity. Subjection and unity in equality. R.C. Sproul puts it well when he says, “The best model we have for this is to be found in the Trinity. In the economy of redemption, the Son is subordinate to the Father, and the Holy Spirit is subordinate to both the Father and the Son. Yet at the same time we insist that the Son and the Spirit are co-eternal, co-essential, and equal in power and dignity with the Father. The Son is not inferior to the Father and the Spirit is not inferior to the Son and the Father.”

So let us put away this notion that subjection means “inferior.” Biblically, it is just not true.

Be Subject to One Another in the Fear of Christ.

v. 21 and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

We are all subject to one another. What we conclude from this is that the word subject does not innately imply a hierarchy. Subjection does mean obedience, service, and honoring or reverencing. But we are all called to this. There is a sense in which congregants are subject to the rule of the pastor. But here we see that it cannot mean that I am greater and you are lesser. No, what it means is that, as equals, we mutually subject ourselves to one another.

Calvin, “where love reigns, mutual services will be rendered. I do not except even kings and governors, whose very authority is held for the service of the community. It is highly proper that all should be exhorted to be subject to each other in their turn.”

Wives, Be Subject to You Own Husbands, As to the Lord.

v. 22-24 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Explanation:

Calvin, “He begins with wives, whom he enjoins to be subject to their husbands, in the same manner as to Christ,—as to the Lord. Not that the authority is equal, but wives cannot obey Christ without yielding obedience to their husbands.”

You cannot obey Christ if you are not submitting to your husband.

Paul’s Explanation:

For the Husband is the Head of the Wife.

Explanation:

v. 23 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

1 Corinthians 11:3, But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.

Does this mean that the woman is silent and has nothing to say? By no means. In Proverbs there are multiple times where wisdom is personified. When it is, it is personified as a woman. A wise man consults and cultivates the wisdom of his wife. But he is the one who must be the covenant head. He must rule and rule well. He must make wise decisions. And as the head, the responsibility for the wife and family falls on him.

Argumentation: The word patriarchy is not bad.

Patriarchy means father rule. This is not an evil concept. Fathers are to rule the household, but they must rule it in the way God commands.

Just as Christ is the Head of the Church.

Explanation:

Christ being the Savior of the Body.

Explanation:

Christ saved the Church. This is obvious. Paul is painting a picture of something. Not that husbands bring salvation to their wives, but that the Husband is not just the physical but also the Spiritual Head of the Household.

The Wife is to be the Image of the Church, and Be Subject in Everything.

Explanation:

R.C. Sproul, “In a sense, God made Adam king over the creation and gave Eve to him as his queen, not as his slave-girl. There is all the difference in the world between a queen and a slave-girl.”

Husbands, Love Your Wives, Just as Christ Also Loved the Church.

v.25. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

The Husband is to Image Christ.

Explanation:

The Husband is to Show Perfect, Unfailing Love to His Wife.

Explanation:

That He Might Sanctify Her.

v.26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Explanation:

Christ Sanctifies the Church by Baptism and Word.

Baptism, the initial obedience post salvation. The physical proclamation that Christ is Lord as entry into the church.

The Word, the continual sanctifier. Our Authority and standard.

John 17:17, “17 “Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.”

So Also a Husband is to see His Wife Sanctified.

That Christ Might Present To Himself a Pure, Spotless, Holy, and Blameless Bride.

v.27 ,27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.

Explanation:

Calvin, “The true beauty of the church consists in this conjugal chastity, that is, in holiness and purity”

So Also, A Husband Ought to Prioritize His Wife’s Holiness and Purity.

Husbands Ought To Love Their Wives as Their Own Bodies.

v.28-30 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,30 because we are members of His body.

Explanation:

To Love Your Wife is to Love Yourself.

The Natural Instinct of Self Preservation and Self Betterment Ought To Extend Over Your Wife.

Nurture and Cherish, a Tender Love.

Christ Cares for the Church in This Way.

Marriage is the mirror of Christ and the Church.

Calvin, “Whoever considers seriously the design of marriage cannot but love his wife.”

Husband and Wife are One Flesh, Christ and the Church Are One Flesh.

Husband and Wife.

1 Corinthians 7:4 “4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

Christ and the Church Are One.

John 17:23, I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.

This is Tied to the Very Creation Order.

v.31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

Explanation:

Genesis 2:15-25 Then Yahweh God took the man and set him in the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.16 And Yahweh God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may surely eat;17 but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat from it; for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”18 Then Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”19 And out of the ground Yahweh God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and He brought each to the man to see what he would call it; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.20 And the man gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of the sky and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.21 So Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.22 And Yahweh God fashioned the rib, which He had taken from the man, into a woman, and He brought her to the man.23 Then the man said,

“This one finally is bone of my bones,

And flesh of my flesh;

This one shall be called Woman,

Because this one was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

The Mystery of Marriage Being the Picture of Christ and the Church.

v.32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Marriage is a mirror of Christ and the Church. This is why this is so serious. This is a beautiful mystery. When wives submit to their husbands and husbands love their wives, it is a proclamation of the story of redemption!

Paul Summarizes.

v.33. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Summary of the Text:

Wives Are Commanded to Submit to their own Husbands as to Christ.

Husbands Are To Love Their Wives As Christ Loves the Church.

This is common Scriptural language. It is not some obscure commandment.

Colossians 3:18-21 “18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

It’s also not just Paul, Peter commands this too.

1 Peter 3:1-9, In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,2 as they observe your pure conduct with fear.3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments;4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands,6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, not fearing any intimidation.7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.8 Now to sum up, all of you be like-minded, sympathetic, brotherly, tender-hearted, and humble in spirit;9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.

There are also commands for older men and older women.

Titus 2:1-8, But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine.2 Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,4 so that they may instruct the young women in sensibility: to love their husbands, to love their children,5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be slandered.6 Likewise urge the younger men to be sensible;7 in all things show yourself to be a model of good works, with purity in doctrine, dignified,8 sound in word which is irreproachable, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.

Common Objections:

But this is very unpopular. I know of many common objections. I want to answer a few of these objections or questions before we get into what this practically looks like.

For Women.

Objection #1. Submission Makes Women Lesser than Men and Therefore Leads to Oppression.

Answer to Objection: We are one in Christ with no one being lesser or greater.

Answer to Objection: The Biblical image is that a husband and wife are one flesh with the husband being the head and the wife being the body. This is a picture of equal dependence with different roles and commands.

Objection #2. Are you saying wives are to submit to their husbands in all situations? (what about abusive situation?)

Answer to Objection: The husband has real authority that must be obeyed, but it is limited authority. The husband cannot command the wife to commit a crime or sin (as defined by God in His Law). This is the consistent view of scripture that dictates a limited authority. The husband is the head of the family government. All heads of the three spheres of government have real, but limited authority.

R.C. Sproul, “Let me make a qualification here. Whenever we are called to obey anyone, be it a civil magistrate, a domestic leader or our church rulers, we are told in the whole context of Scripture that we must ultimately be submissive to God. So if there is ever a conflict between the law of God and the rule of a human being, not only may you disobey, you must disobey the human command.”

Answer to Objection: The clear indication of the text is that this is a blanket rule for most all situations. It is not a violation of the text to say there are few exceptions. These are exceptions however, and do not nullify the rule.

Answer to Objection: When there is clear abuse or sexual immorality, the wife ought to leave the husband for a time and come under the protection of the church or civil authority (depending on the offense of the husband) until such a time as there can be reconciliation (if possible).

Objection #3. Men and Women are the Same.

Answer to Objection: Men and women are equal, both having a soul and carrying the Imago Dei, however they are not the same. Women cannot be or do what men are commanded to be and do. Neither can a man be or do what a woman is commanded to be or do.

Answer to Objection: Men and women bear similarities but are not the same. They are complimentary, they compliment one another. God made man to rule over the earth and woman to be the help mate. Man cannot complete this command effectively without woman.

Answer to Objection: Because men and women are similar, they are many times attracted to the same sins. Because men and women are different, there are sins that are primarily female sins and there are sins that are primarily male sins.

Objection #4. Paul was a sexist product of his time and this portion of Scripture is not inspired and therefore is not a command we have to obey.

Answer to Objection: By what standard?

Answer to Objection: This passage is consistent with the picture of men and women contained in the entirety of the rest of Scripture.

Answer to Objection: 2 Tim 3:16 “16 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;”

Objection #5. This command to women is beyond their ability and therefore is merely a suggestion, not a command.

Answer to Objection: Men have the harder/truly impossible task.

Answer to Objection: Women are to be submissive, a fully capable task. Men are to perfectly mirror Christ’s love.

For Men.

Objection #1. If my wife won’t submit to me, I don’t have to show her love.

Answer to Objection: Yes you do.

Answer to objection: Christ’s perfect love for the church never wavers, even though we are terrible at submitting to Him.

Objection #2. Because this is an impossible command, I don’t have to do it.”

Answer to Objection: Yes you do.

Answer to Objection: You cannot do it outside of the power of the Holy Spirit, but this does not negate your responsibility.

Answer to Objection: You are expected to be holy as God is holy. This command is binding, though impossible. It is meant to bring us to our knees and beg God for forgiveness in failure and aid in sanctification.

Answer to Objection: Fall on your knees and confess where you have failed your wife and rely on Christ to help you grow to love her how you are commanded.

Transition:

Argumentation:

The Beauty of God’s Design.

I think it’s safe to say that the modern culture hates the idea of feminine submission and masculine headship, I do not want to just address the failure of the culture. Yes, I will address this in a way, but I would much prefer to tell you something that is never spoken in our day. It is never spoken because it is a taboo statement. It is a cultural heresy that if spoken will surely lead to you being invited to less dinner parties. But since I’m not exactly the dinner party type, I’ll risk it.

Men and women are different. They were made different by God on purpose and are to function in those holy differences. God made men to do divinely appointed masculine things and women to do divinely appointed feminine things. This is holy and righteous! We ought not disobey how God made us nor ought we distort the roles God gave us. He made us, and He knows how we function best.

Perhaps you are here and you are wondering, “What is so offensive about that? Doesn’t everyone believe that?” If that is you, I commend your resilience in our day and age. We live several generations down from the cultural acceptance of a fundamental lie. I’m sure we could say many things about the rise of feminism in our culture. Many things would likely seem good and many would seem bad. I am not concerned with the fruit of feminism, because I think it stands as it’s own evidence. My concern in the central original argument. Tucked deep in the cornerstone of this cultural movement is a lie. What is that lie? That lie is the fundamentally, men and women are the same. This is what lead to the idea that men and women are completely interchangeable. There is nothing a man can do that a woman cannot do.

This is fundamentally not true. Men and women are different. And this is good. Please hear me very very clearly:

Women, there are things you can and ought to do that no man can nor ought to do. God has given you ability and responsibility to be and do things only you, as a woman can. No man can do that. This is beautiful and righteous.

Men, there are things you can and ought to do that no woman can nor ought to do. God has given you ability and responsibility to be and do things only you, as a man can. No woman can do that. This is beautiful and righteous.

Men, you are called to be leaders and heads. You are called to be the righteous lords over your land. You are to take responsibility and ownership. You are tasked by God to protect your family. You should be capable of great violence, but that capability ought to be tempered into love and provision for your family. You are to be the Spiritual heads of your house. You are to be the pastor of your family, leading them closer and closer to the Lord. You are to be the head of education in your home, overseeing the training up of your children. All of this is to be done in the perfect love of Christ. Christ is your example, and you are to follow Him. How has Christ treated the church? So you are to treat your wife and by extension, your family. In short, you are to protect, provide, pastor, and prepare your family.

Women, you are called to be the helper. Your husband cannot complete his divinely appointed task without you by his side. You are to support and uplift. You are tasked by God to nurture your family as a loving gardener. You are to follow the lead of your husband and encourage him to lead in the path of righteousness. When he is weak, you are his comfort. When he is defeated, you are his nurse. As he pastors your family, you are to be helping hold his arms up to the Lord. He is the overseer of the education and training of your children. You are the educator. It is your voice over the many hours supporting his leading that will see your children trained in the Lord. How are you to treat your husband? You are to submit to him as you would Christ. In short, you are to cultivate, comfort, support, and submit?

Men, your wife needs you to be a strong leader. She needs that. Your wife and children need you to take your role as the covenant head seriously. They need you to be a man. Stop being weak, and strive for strength. Your wife needs you to love her and cherish her. She needs this.

Women, your husband needs you to submit to and honor him. He needs your help. He needs you to be his support. There is nothing a man wants or needs more than for his wife to admire and honor him. He needs you to be a woman. Your kids need to see you submit and honor your husband.

How do we do these things?

Under the power of the Holy Spirit.

These are practical and yet require the Spirit’s aid.

You will fail. Confess your failures, ask forgiveness, and really on the Spirit to aid you.

What does this look like?

What does it look like to submit to your husband?

Honor:

“In this situation, how would I treat someone I really looked up to and honored?” (Think a well respected elder, professor, expert, person in authority. This is a form of reverence.)

Admiration:

“In this situation, how would I treat someone who has authority, and that I really admire?” (This person has real authority, and is to be admired for their position.)

Respect of Opinion and Voice:

“How can I take what he is saying to heart?” (Treat your husband as someone who has something real and valuable to say.)

Support:

“How can I help him accomplish his calling/mission?” (your husband has a mission from God, and you are called to be his helper.)

What does it look like to love your wife?

Sacrifice:

“What do I need to give up in order to make sure her needs are met?” (These are physical, emotional, spiritual needs. Stop being selfish and lazy. Be a man and be willing to give some things up.)

Confession:

“How can I confess my love for her in a way she will hear it.” (she needs to hear that you value her and that she is valuable to you. This includes making sure her wisdom is valued in your conversations and actions.)

Nurture:

“How can I ensure she continues to grow in a healthy way?” (Your wife is delicate but will grow into a wonderful woman of God if nurtured. Christ is patient with the church and helps us to grow in many ways. Do the same for your wife. Seek out what she needs in order to thrive Spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc.)

Cherish:

“How can I unsure long term and immediate protection and love for her?” (to cherish is to protect and love. It speaks of value. How can you ensure your wife is valued in your life today and 50 years from now?)

Be Connected in with the family of families, the Church.

Do not do this alone. Be part of the church.

Closing Words:

Men, you are not to be dictators nor pansies.

You are to be noble knights and lords, patterned after Christ, the High King.

Women, you are not to be domineering or nagging.

You are to be the picture of wisdom and grace, patterned after the church.

Remember, you are one flesh, head and body, tasked with taking dominion and spreading the kingdom. This is a fun task, and it get’s a lot more fun when we are living in obedience to Christ.

Church, we are to be the bride of Christ, holy, submissive, and pure.

Now, husbands, love your wives and wives, submit to your husbands. Let’s pray.

Closing Prayer:

Closing Doxology:

Closing Benediction:

Ephesians 5:33, Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.