God's Will for Sex

Introduction

Last week we discussed the importance of moral instruction as long as its rooted in Jesus Christ from 1 Thessalonians 4:1-2. This week we will begin one of two sermons that will address Paul’s first moral instruction on sexual immorality. This sermon will be focused on explaining what exactly sexual immorality is from 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6a. The next sermon will address why we should refrain from sexual immorality in 1 Thessalonians 4:6b-8.

Before we dive into the text at hand, first, I want to issue a parental advisory. This sermon will be discussing sexual immorality. I will not be attempting to shock you with sexually illicit images or language (I will try to avoid it); however, parents should gauge the age appropriateness and maturity level to determine if their child should listen to this or not.

Second, I want to drive the importance of this issue home for us. A lot of times we can think of sexual immorality as an issue “those people out there” have, but we’re not doing so bad.

In 2019, a huge Houston Chronicle article came out depicting the sexual abuse scandal within the Southern Baptist Convention, that is our church’s denomination. Sexual abusers were using churches to prey on women, children, and even men. Whenever these predators were discovered, they would quietly leave and find a new church.

Even more sad, a lot of these predators were church leaders: pastors, Sunday school teachers, etc. Whether it was from ignorance, lack of wisdom, or some sort of arrogant self-reliance, a lot of these cases were not reported to the law enforcement (which is deplorable). Because of the lack of reporting, and lack of vetting process some churches have in hiring, these predators would continue moving from church to church.

Furthermore, some of these cases were reported to the Executive Committee of the SBC and they refused to take proper responsibility in handling these things. It’s not the Executive Committee’s responsibility to govern us as a local church (unlike how other denominations are set up); however, I would argue that if sexual abuse is reported to anyone that person or entity is thus responsible to report the abuse.

Sexual sin can occur in our mind and by our actions. It can occur by failure to take action to work against it either in our minds or by our actions. All of us, every single one of us is just one single slip away from committing heinous sexual sin. And if we refuse to recognize that danger we are more likely to fall into this sin.

1 Thess 4:3-6a “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter,”

God’s Will

First, Paul begins by discussing “God’s will.” This is something I remember being obsessed with in my teenage years. Everyone was asking me if I knew what God’s will was for my life. And especially since I desire to be a pastor since at least third grade, people would question me on my calling. They expected me to have some sort of supernatural experience to know that I know that I’m called to be a pastor.

This obsession with God’s will has not ceased for many Christian young people. People are still obsessed with it: “Where does God want me to go to college?” “Who does God want me to marry?” “What job does God want me to have?”

Sometimes this fear of not knowing what to do freezes people into not taking any action at all. They stop pursuing a relationship because they are unsure if it’s the guy that God wants for them. Or they don’t apply to any colleges because they just expect God to write it in the sky or something.

To combat this fear mentality, I will often quip to Christian young people, “Do whatever you want as long as it’s not sin.” This phrase sounds freeing, and its meant to be. It’s not meant to free people from God’s expectations, but from this idea that God is going to dictate all their life choices to them.

I firmly believe that God gives you the good desires that you have. And as long as those desires are not sin or rooted in idolatry, then God gives us the freedom to act on those desires.

The problem is that sometimes we can be so consumed and obsessed with discovering God’s secret will for our lives that we fail to obey his obvious moral will for our lives.

What is God’s will for your life? “Your sanctification.”

Sanctification takes the word holy and makes it into a verb. The word holy we normally think of in terms of separation. And it certainly does imply that. We are to be separate from the things, the ideas, the practices, the behaviors that God hates. But not only that , we ourselves should be wholly, or completely devoted to God.

The vessels in the temple were known as holy things. Not because the vessels carry some sort of capacity to sin. But, because they were completely devoted to God, they were considered holy. In the same way holiness is separation from sin and complete devotion to God.

And sanctification is the process by which we become more separate from sin and grow more and more devoted to God.

Instead of obsessing over God’s secret will for our lives, we should focus simply on, “Am I obeying God?” Whatever comes our way, times of sorrow and affliction or times of jubilee— God intends for our good. And what is our good? Rom. 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Rom. 8:29 “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

Our good is to be conformed to the image of his Son, our good is to be more like Jesus, our good is our sanctification.

God’s will is not our financial stability, our mental health, our American dream. God’s will is our sanctification. Our faithfulness.

Now, Paul gives three subordinate clauses to explain what he means by our sanctificaiton . Each of these clauses are marked by infinitives in the original language, and most English translations (ESV, NKJV, NASB, NIV) mark them by using the word “that.”

Look at the text again to mark these phrases:

1 Thess 4:3-6 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter,”

We will spend our time looking at each of these three phrases.

Abstain from Sexual Immorality

The term that Paul uses for sexual immorality is πορνεια from whence we get the term “porn.” The term πορνεια originally derives from the Greek word for prostitute. Pornography was originally writings about encounters with prostitutes. Of course, nowadays this refers primarily to images and videos of sexual acts.

So what exactly qualifies as πορνεια? Cultures have changed over time in defining which behaviors are illicit or sanctioned. Ancient Egyptians seemed to have been more okay with incest unlike surrounding cultures. The Greco-Roman world seemed to be more okay with male promiscuity than female promiscuity. Some areas in the Roman empire would have been okay with certain male homosexual activity as well.

For the longest time, our Western culture based our sexual ethic on the Bible. Sex was seen as more than just a physical act. But when social Darwinism took the scene in the eighteen hundreds, sex began to be seen as merely a physical act. If we were to create a sexual ethic out of Darwinism it would ultimately be disastrous. Why? Because the greatest goal for Darwinism is the survival of the species. If the greatest goal is the survival of the species, then rape should be allowed because a strong man should have the right to have his way with beautiful women in order to perpetuate the survival of strong and beautiful genes in the human society.

Of course Freud messed up every modern’s thinking about sex. He determined that we were primarily sexual beings, even at the youngest of ages. He traced most psychological disorders to a lack of sexual fulfillment.

So in terms of trying to determine what exactly qualifies as πορνεια, we cannot use culture or human philosophy. We need something greater. Thankfully, God does not stay silent about this issue. 1 Cor. 6:8-10 “But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers! Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

The Bible speaks through and through that sexual acts, thoughts, and desires outside the confines of traditional marriage is sin. Jesus teaches to this:

Matt. 5:27-30 ““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”

Jesus goes beyond just the sexual acts and condemns the sexual thoughts as well.

Matt. 15:17-20 “Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.””

Any sexual beliefs, desires, or behaviors going on outside the confines of a true marriage before God is against God’s will.

(that is porneia)

Paul does not say that sex is bad or evil. Some Christians have taken it that far. Of course, the Christians in the past who believed sex itself was bad don’t end up lasting very long. . . you know, because they don’t reproduce.

And sometimes, we can treat sex like it is a bad thing. Sex is God’s design. Sex is a gift from God. But like many other gifts from God, we’ve taken it and twisted it so that it comes out in all sorts of profane ways.

In a recent survey that just came out this month called the State of Theology, 42% of Americans disagree with the statement, “Sex outside of traditional marriage is sin.” And this percentage is increasing as people abandon the faith.

So what is πορνεια?

Πορνεια or sexual immorality is any sexual attitude, desire, or behavior outside of the confines of a true and real marriage before God. (And I have to say “true and real” because people are trying to redefine marriage). This can including lusting after someone who is not your spouse, viewing pornography, reading a romance novel; any number of things.

One of the most prevalent forms of sexual immorality in our day is pornography, which is looking a lewd or sexual acts either photographed or videoed.

Almost 30, 000 users are watching pornography every second.

Over 3K$ is spent on porn every second on the internet.

People ages 13-24 believe that not recycling is worse than viewing pornography.

1 in 5 youth pastors and 1 and 7 senior pastors use porn on a regular basis. That more than 50, 000 U.S. church leaders.

64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women say they watch pron at lest once a month.

And in terms of our young people:

51% of male students and 32 % of female students first viewed porn before their teenage years.

The first exposure to pornography among men is 12 year old on average.

71% of teens hide online behavior from their parents.

And I know that men and women are wired differently. I don’t presume to understand a woman. But men tend to be more visual and women tend to be more emotional. So while a man may fantasize more about what the body he is lusting after looks like, the woman may fantasize more on how the person is treating her or loving her.

But no matter what the deviance from sexual goodness is, Paul says abstain from it! Stop it! Don’t do it! This is God’s will for your life, that you abstain from sexual immorality.

Know How to Control

Now turn your attention to the next clause:

1 Thess. 4:4 “that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,”

The main verb of this clause is “know how.” The word in the original language for “body” literally means “vessel” or “tool.” Most take this to be a euphemism for your sexual organs, which, by extension would be referencing your sexual desire. So Paul is literally saying here, “Learn how to control your thing.” And I’m sure you can read between the lines.

A couple of things are significant here: first is “each one of you.” I believe this is significant because we all don’t have the same sexual appetites. We sometimes live under the presumption that we all have the same sexual desires. But that’s not the case. We know men and women are different, but even within the sexes, what arouses one man may not be the same thing that arouses another man. Just like we have different tastes for foods, in a similar way we have different tastes for sex.

What is the cause for our various appetites? It could be a variety of things: our upbringing, addiction to pornography, or just divine mystery. Some people have even argued that it comes from biology. As in there’s some “gay gene.” Now, I know that several Christians have argued against this; however, we do live in a fallen world. We seen genome defects, we’ve seen other things in the fall to cause other types of problems. If such a biological thing was discovered to be a cause of any sexual appetite, I would certainly not say it’s the end of the Christian faith.

Regardless of what could potentially cause our sexual appetites, Paul gives the command: “Know how to control.”

No matter what our sexual appetite is, no matter where it comes from, we have the power in Christ Jesus to control it.

I want you to hear this clearly because this sin enslaves so many people. If you are in Christ, the Holy Spirit empowers you to fight this sin. You are in control of your sexual appetites, they are not in control of you.

What this also means is that the thing it takes to control your body may be different from me or the next guy. We have to be aware of what causes arousal what makes us tick in order to be able to “control” it. That being said there are still some general things that we can all do to fight sexual immorality.

Seek accountability.

Col. 3:13 “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Gal. 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Luke 17:3 “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him,”

Have someone you can trust, maybe your spouse, maybe your brother and sister in Christ know how you work, know how you tick. Of course don’t let this person be someone who you are attracted to if it’s outside of your marriage. Share your struggles so that you can bare one another’s burdens. If you let your sin fester in the darkness you will not defeat it.

2. Flee from it.

Sexual immorality is one of the few sins that Scripture commands us to flee. 1 Cor. 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

If you have a sexual immoral thought, put it out of your mind, don’t dwell on it. Jesus acknowledges that sexual sin starts in the heart. The process of fleeing has to start in the heart. A temptation leads to fantasizing which leads to acting. Start early and flee before you even dwell on the thought.

So Paul says, “that each one of you know how to control his own body.” You know what tempts you, you know what leads you to sin. Seek accountability for it and flee from it.

And in what manner should we should we control our body? In holiness and honor. Holiness again has to do with being devoted to God. Our sexual practices should be done to God’s glory. If our sexual practices are done for God’s glory then they must obey God’s law.

Secondly, sexual practices must be done for honor. One commentator writes, “The sexual promiscuity of an individual always has consequences for the self and for others because it dishonors both participants, and therefore Paul requires that sexual control be exercised out of respect for oneself and other people.”

Look now at verse 5: 1 Thess. 4:5 “not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;”

So we follow Paul’s thought each one of us most know how to control our bodies in holiness and honor and not in the passions of lust.

Now what is, I think very interesting is the idea of “passions of lust.” Notice how Paul characterizes the sexual misdeeds of the pagans. He calls them passions of lusts. This is extremely important because our culture and society have messed up sex so much.

Two major implications of this

Your sexuality does not have to define you.

Sex is a desire, it’s an appetite. As Paul says it is “passion of lust.” Paul does not say those pagans just act how they were made. Paul does not say they were born with some uncontrollable gene; therefore they must act this way.

And we are so confused on this issue. I will sometimes have students ask me at school, “Can gay people go to heaven?” What would you do with this question? I mean, clearly, it’s a yes or no question. However, the question is based upon so many false premises. First, it defines a person by their sexual actions. Sexual desires do not define you.

Take this for example. I may have the desire to eat ice cream all the time. Ice cream is so good, it’s cold, it’s sweet. Give me the cookie dough or the oreo, and I will be happy. Just because I have the desire to eat ice cream all the time does not mean that I act on that desire.

In the same way sexual arousal may be a desire. People could have homosexual desires, heterosexual desires, or any other type of abnormality. But just because you have a desire to do something does not mean that desire defines you.

Just because I have the desire to eat ice cream all the time, but I don’t believe it’s good for me, nor do I act on it; therefore that one wrong desire in my soul does not define me, it is not the core of who I am.

The only time your sexuality defines you is when you believe the lie that your sexual desires outside of your spouse are good and you regularly act on in in fantasy or reality.

And I want to stress this over and over again because our culture is screaming at you that WHATEVER sexual desire you have is good and it is in control of you and that’s just who you are. You can’t help it, your stuck. Listen, brothers and sisters, whether you were abused, whether you’re addicted to pornography, whether you’re continually fantasizing over the same thing, you’re not trapped!

1 Cor. 6:9-11 “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

2. A second major implication of the fact that Paul calls these “passions of lust” is that we can control them.

Disney princess movies for generations have taught us that love is an uncontrollable feeling. And I want you to know that when we believe in “falling in love” and being “swept off our feet” and compatablity and all the other nonsense our culture tries to teach us about love, we’ve already let the LGBTQ movement win.

Love is not an uncontrollable feeling. Love involves our feelings about someone, but it also involves our beliefs about that person, and it also involves our actions towards that person. Are we going to take acts of sacrifice for them? If not then we do not love them.

Love, whether brotherly love or sexual love is under our control. We have the ability to control our desires. Just think about your food diet for a moment. When you eat more junk food, guess what you crave more? More junk food, right? Your body begins to crave what gets certain chemicals going in your brain for good or for ill.

I would argue that the same is true for our sexual appetite. What we consume in media, what we fantasize about, what we bring in will train our appetite. And with the Holy Spirit’s help you can gain full control over your sexual appetite so that you know how to control your own body in holiness and honor.

No one Transgress

The word “transgress” means to go beyond a boundary. Human actions and appetites have boundaries in which they are good and can transgress those boundaries and become immoral.

Take telling the truth for example. Is telling the truth a good and moral thing to do? Well, yes, but does it have boundaries? Can you think of any examples when telling the truth would be a bad thing? What about betrayal? What about gossip? In these scenarios, the truth is being told; however, it’s still a transgression. For another example, there are certain things that I would only share with my wife. And there’s certain things that my wife would only share with me. It would be a transgression for me to tell those truths to anyone else.

The same thing is true for the concept of sex.

The Victorian age had a view of sex that was overall negative, a bad thing. Some Christians have even believed sex to be bad between a husband and a wife. It’s almost like a necessary evil. This, however, is not the Christian view of sex.

As I said before, sex is a gift from God. Sex is for out pleasure and good and for God’s glory. Paul says in 1 Cor. 7:5 “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

In other words, if you’re married you should be having sex regularly. I know medical things can get in the way. I understand that what is regular for you may look different for another couple. I’m not trying to set up a legalistic “how often a month” number. But Paul speaks plainly, “Do no deprive one another.”

Sex is not bad or evil, sex is good how God designed it. However, when we transgress the boundary of the marriage between one man and one woman as Jesus himself describes in Matthew 19, then it becomes sin.

We need balance when it come to the topic of sex.

In the 1950’s the culture was such that you just don’t talk about sex. Mum’s the word, you can’t say anything because that would be taboo. In the 1960’s all they could talk about was sex. And of course the biggest irony is that the sexual liberation movement which attempted to liberate sex from marriage is the very same movement seeking to enslave people in their passions.

Perhaps you have thought for a long time now that you are trapped in your desires. Perhaps you have thought you’ve done something sexually heinous and God would never forgive you. Sexual sin is wicked. It rewires your brain. It effects other people at the deepest level. But please hear this, Jesus has the power to forgive your sexual sin. The Holy Spirit has the power to free you from sexual addiction.

1 Cor. 6:9-11 “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

If you are in the throws of sexual sin, the answer is the same, turn to Jesus Christ.