Colossians 3:18-19

I have studied this subject deeeeply for Wednesday nights as we spent 3 weeks, a total of more than 2.5 hrs of teaching, just on this subject. Can’t recap all of that of course, so just give me 2 hours this morning and we’ll be out of here . . .

Christian marriage is beautiful, designed by God, and works best and shines most brightly when it is done the way that…

4 Statements about marriage and culture - Biblical marriage/love is much different than Disney marriage

It is not the end of the struggle story, its often the beginning– marriage is wonderful, but its also hard, you can admit it, you want to know why? Because youre difficult. (you hear that? Hes talking to you) – if you weren’t selfish

Love isn’t a pit that you fall into and out of (somehow), it’s a conscious decision made by one about another

1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

1 Cor 13 starts: Love is Patient – How many times have you woken up and thought, man I cant wait until I get to be patient today, I really feel like being patient today

Love has very little to do with what you feel like doing, VERY OFTEN, love is doing the opposite of what you…

Go ask people that have been married for 40 years if the force keeping them together is a warm fuzzy feeling they get and they just never get frustrated with each other and butterflies wake them together each morning – I have given myself to her, I have committed to him. I am his and He is mine.

Malachi 2:14 - she is your companion and wife, because everyday you feel warm about her – no, covenant

Malachi 2:14 ESV

But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

Marriage is for your Holiness more than even your Happiness– marriage will OFTEN make you happy, marriage will much more consistently make you holy

This is important – nothing I am about to say changes this reality – husbands, wives, you are to hold each other accountable for sin, you are a team against sin, yours and his or hers – you are often God’s first line of defense

(Often not in the moment of the sin, but come back to it later)

Marriage is for God more than it is for you

Get married so youll be happy – get married so God will be glorified – through your relationship, through your children and family – you’ll be happy pretty often too

Now, lets get into the charge to Husbands and Wives – Colossians 3:18-19

Here is the charge from every passage about marriage Col 3, Eph 5, 1 Pet 3:

Husbands Love Sacrificially, Wives Submit

BIBLE TO MARRIED PEOPLE – as I am talking this morning, you need to keep catching yourself. . . ONLY SAYS. . . that is irrelevant to your task of being a godly husband

IF ONE of you fills their role, your marriage will be better regardless of the other. . .

KEY to marriage is to do YOUR part without looking to see if they’re doing their part.

Wife, Submit, Husband, Lead Sacrificially - “But they’re not doing their part,” yeah, just do it.

Unto the Lord – Unto Christ – Do what you are called to do as a husband/wife

(It may even be more honoring to the Lord when your partner isn’t reciprocating)

Wives, Submit to your Husbands, as is fitting in the Lord

Eph 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-5a

It is unavoidable that this word submit, hypotasso, has to do with authority

There is a good, God-designed, authority imbalance in marriage. NOTHING TO DO WITH VALUE, imago dei, role

Ricky Jones is not more valuable than me, but he does have good God designed authority over me as an elder

We are going to focus a moment on 1 Peter for the wives and then we’ll turn our focus to Ephesians for the Husbands

1 Peter 3:1–5 ESV

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,

OWN husbands, not women to men – not boyfriends, not fiance’s (single ladies, if you don’t want that man you are dating to have this sort of authority in your home with you and your kids, don’t marry him – if that sounds joyful about this fella, that’s a good sign)

Saved by your conduct– Peter is calling even women to submit to their husbands if they aren’t saved – that by submitting you can save them by your attitude – Lee Strobel (Expected divisiveness, instead she just loved him better)

Good, Respectful, Pure Conduct (haven’t changed subjects) Imperishable beauty Very Precious – our culture sees it as repulsive Holy Women lived this way

It is Good.

A couple of things

Particulars - I am not the leading authority– Titus 2 – Older women are better to ask than me, they are the ones primarily charged with that task of teaching, younger women charged to listen

We see in our verse in Colossians as is fitting in the Lord

Don’t submit to sin, don’t submit to control over spiritual life, don’t submit to real abuse – theres a story of a wife going against her husband and not submitting in 1 Samuel 25 for the safety of herself …

But submit to your husband, it is the good design of God.

Husbands, Love Sacrificially

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Alright husbands, none of that first part was for you, none of what I am about to say has anything to do with whether your wife submits to you well or not. What God has called you to has nothing to do with what God has called her to and whether or not she does it.

Often the modern response to this passage in Ephesians 5 is disgust, the Man gets to be Jesus. . . . have you read that…

The authority given to the man is not a thing youd want if you could choose it, it is not a sceptor, it is a load to carry, it is not the kind of authority that the boss you hate has that just uses it to be lazy, it is the opposite of that.

This is the kind of authority that says if anyone has to sacrifice, it should be you.

We know this deep inside of us, Christian or not . . .

Bump in the night

Biblical authority is not like worldly authority – you get to boss people around now, you get to not work as hard as you used to, you get paid more – theres a consistent teaching about what biblical authority looks like

Mark 10:42–44 ESV

And Jesus called them to him and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all.

2 Corinthians 10:8 ESV

For even if I boast a little too much of our authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for destroying you, I will not be ashamed.

2 Corinthians 13:10 ESV

For this reason I write these things while I am away from you, that when I come I may not have to be severe in my use of the authority that the Lord has given me for building up and not for tearing down.

Ephesians 5:26–30 ESV

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

For the benefit of the one under authority, not for the benefit of you. This authority is not the kind that makes your life easier, it’s the kind that makes your life more burdensome, but more glorious.

We know what this means with the parent child relationship, the one with the authority is the one with the extra burden. Think about if an alien was watching from outer space all you did for your children, who would they think was in charge? . . .

The parent at every moment has all of the authority over the child, and yet, parenthood is defined by constant sacrifice for the good of the child

And by the way, back to 1 Pet 3 – verse 7 –

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Warning comes down on the one given the authority

“Well that’s not fair,” men don’t say that, little boys stomp around and say that, men don’t want fair, men want the fight

You’re right, it isn’t fair, and it shouldn’t be, men if you look around you and the people in your life are sacrificing as much as you are, you’re doing it wrong

CLOSING

IS NOT Micromanaging

Proverbs 31:10-28 The wife that the godly man rejoices in, He TRUSTS her, doesn’t micromanage, not checking every little thing standing over her – she is buying and selling for profit shes involved in real estate and considering land and buying it and shes an entrepreneur and all kinds of stuff

1 Head instead of 2 – deformed and unable to make the difficult decisions

C.S. Lewis sees Christian headship in particular as the wise and inevitable result because of The Permanence of marriage.

In any relationship, what happens in a disagreement about something major - TALK IT OUT – RARE not settled this way with 2 people who have decided to love each other, but what if that doesn’t do it? . . .

Go separate ways or someone has to be able to make the call

One Counselor said - “In unhealthy marriages it is often the meaner one that makes the call.” . . . in Christian marriages, it should be the husband.

“Well what if he makes the wrong decision,” (TALK, TRY TO CONVINCE HIM) It is still pleasing to God for the wife to submit. Just like husbands it is good for you to sacrifice for the sake of your wife even if she never submits once.

Can you as a husband say, I will lay down my desires for the sake of my wife’s good desires. I will sacrifice More. Whenever there is a sacrifice to be made, I will seek to be the one that makes it.

Can you as a wife say “My husband is my head and that’s good?” (look at husband “you aint my head!”)

There are hard scenarios and I think times to rebel against that authority, but it’s the significant exception.

Marriage was invented for the glory of God, and then the joy of his people. PICTURES JESUS - Gospel

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