0372 New Year Resolutions

Top Resolutions for the New Year

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I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.  I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.  I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.  I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own). I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.  I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.  I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.  I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.  I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

SADLY MOST OF US WILL KEEP THIS RESOLUTIONS INSTEAD

Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head. Gain weight, at least 40 pounds. Didn't your mom always say you were bit skinny. Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you. Watch more TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed down the years. Draw up a list of people who were nasty to you in the past year, get your own back on them in the next year! Drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So be happy. Eat more nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts. Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play can make you a dull boy or girl. Play more computer games. Scientists say they're good for you and improve your visual skills. But you always knew that. Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.             Joey Adams

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.