Boundaries (2)
Boundaries.2 • Sermon • Submitted
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· 1 viewLesson #2 From the book: Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
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28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit Is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
Lesson #2: Ten Laws of Boundaries; Laws 1-5
Key: Remove the beam from your own eye before working on your neighbors eye.
The Value: If you have a problem, if you understand the laws or principle, it puts you in a place to see principle that applies to the situation so you then know what to do.
Law # 1: Sowing and Reaping
There is a life relationship between cause and affect that we musts recognize.
For example: If you are hungry what do you do?
Get off the couch and make a sandwich.
Hunger + effort = not hungry
You make too many sandwiches, what happens?
Not hungry + effort = fat = bad health
If you so responsibly you reap consequences.
If you sow irresponsibility you reap the consequences.
Example:
If you drop the ball and mess up then gravity will happen - life will spin out of control.
The principle of sowing and reaping states that the person that drops the ball should be the one crashing...
When we step in and catch the ball before it crashes on rock bottom, the catcher suffers the consequence!
And the person who has dropped the ball never learns!
Longer the codependent person catching the ball for the person headed to rockbottom, catches the ball
Harder the lesson will be for the person to learn
Harder rock bottom will be for that person
Consequence orders life!
Unless there are no boundaries.
Law #2: Law of Responsibility
Responsibility is a two way street
Responsibility for
Responsibility to
I am responsible for everything that goes on in/on my property.
I am responsible for everything that goes on inside of me.
I am responsible to you (my neighbor).
You are responsible for yourself.
Lev 19.15 gives us the blueprint for understanding this.
15 Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment: thou shalt not respect the person of the poor, nor honour the person of the mighty: but in righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.
Boundary-less people say:
That person is to poor to be responsible for anything
That person is so powerful that I am afraid to hold them responsible
If you pervert justice you will share in the judgement!
You are partly to blame!
Law #3: Law of Power - Everyone is a control freak!
Two kinds of control freaks...
Aggressive - boundary busters
Manipulative - people pleasers
Try to be good so you will like them
Never say no (no boundaries) so that you are never upset with them
Bottom line - you have no control over others...
What do we have the power to do?
Take ownership of ourselves!
What is the fruit of the spirit?
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
The fruit of the Spirit is the power to be under the control of ones self!
Once we have the power of self control
Then you have influence with others, satisfying in a godly way the desire to control!
How do we get the power?
12 step programs teach - I am powerless over my addiction.
First step of power is to realize (confess) that you don’t have the power.
Bible calls it humility!
6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
Here is the biblical principle of powerlessness (brokenness):
Power to confess - to God and each other
Power to submit - to God and each other
Power to forgive - receive and give - only way to let go
Power to ask for help-
Power to face loss and pain
Power to take steps and learn new skills
Strength and courage comes
Each on of these things are acts of brokenness and weakness!
NOT STRENGTH!
The way to become powerful is through weakness, humility and brokenness!
No wonder the Prophet Joel would say: “let the weak say I am strong!”
Law #4: Law of Respect
Everyone loves the message of boundaries!
I can say no! I don’t have to put up with abuse!
Then comes law number 4!
Not only do I have boundaries for you to respect, BUT YOU HAVE BOUNDARIES FOR ME TO RESPECT!
Question: How do you like the word no?
Some are really good about saying “no” and really bad about respecting “no” from others!
This is a balancing act.
Remember the story of the father with the out of control son.
Father should have said:
You make the grades, I will pay for school
You get clean, I will pay for school
BUT what if son said, NO.
Father has to say ok, I respect your boundary, here are the consequences!
God respects your no!
Remember the rich young ruler?
How do I get to heaven?
OH! That’s to high a cost…
Jesus respected!
Remember the Prodigal Son?
Father never chased him down… Why?
The Father respected the sons no!
How can God send someone to hell?
God don’t send people to hell, he respects there no!
What if someone says NO to something I want…
Respect the no!
Law #5: Law of Motivation
Why are we doing what we do?
Four main motivators - 2 pure, 2 perverted
Love
Desire
Fear
Guilt
7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
Why are we doing what we are doing?
Out of love or personal desire or fear and guilt.
Next session we will do 6-10.