The Christ-Exalting Wife

Colossians 3:18–4:1 NIV84

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. 22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25 Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism. 1 Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.

Introduction

Application of Spirit-filled life

When we come to these points on relationships, we must recognise that they flow out of that which has preceded.

In other words, all of the marks of the Christian that have been outlined previously are to form part of our relationships.

The put-offs are to be put off as we relate to one another.

The clothing with Christ is to be evidenced through our relating to one another.

Everything that will be dealt with here will flow out of the life filled with the Spirit of God

Some cautions and comments

1. Put away joking

Very often husband / wife, or parent / child, or even employer / employee relationships are the brunt of jokes.

Those jokes or sarcastic comments are very often rooted in real struggles within relationships.

And while I do believe there is a place for humour, used wisely, I would ask that for the purpose of our study that we put that on hold completely.

I want to urge us as the church to take a very serious look at these relationships that Christ calls us to.

To consider them seriously!

To seek to humble ourselves under the teaching and truth of God's holy word, and then to apply these truths as God calls us to.

When we joke too much, we can tend to downplay something of the weightiness of the teaching.

Let us then, all of us, consider seriously these passages that we'll be looking at.

2. Put away worldly influence

The world impacts our thinking.

Satan is at work in the world, and he is working to deceive, and to lead away from God

That does not mean that every single thing or thought or idea in the world is intrinsically evil.

But it does mean that we should be very alert, and that we should look to God's word very carefully for directing our own understanding in terms of what is good and proper.

The current cultural milieu is one in which sexual identity has been radically warped and corrupted.

When we look at the roles of men and women, the Bible has been scoffed at and mocked and scorned for the views that are put forth.

We need to be careful that the world (ungodly beliefs and practices) does not influence our own beliefs and practice.

3. Put away excuses

When we come to specific texts such as these, the temptation is to raise excuses.... scenarios where it mustn't apply. ..

My husband is too self-centered...

My wife is too stubborn to love as Christ loved the church.

My parents are too controlling.

Whatever the case may be, we come up with rationalisations and excuses for why this cannot apply to me, or why I will not live like this, and Christ will excuse me.

I want to urge you... this is Christ's call, and as I preach through this next series of texts, I would call each one to carefully hear the Word of God, and without any excuses or downplaying the weightiness, to say before God, my food is to do your will!

I will do what you call me to.

4. Look to yourself

As we come to these texts, one of the easiest things to do is to find fault with someone else.

Husbands could easily take this evening's message and make a list of areas where their wives are falling short, and then start pointing out their faults at home.

That's going to be easy to do!!

The same with wives being able to point to the fault of their husbands.

The same applies to children/ parents, employers / employees etc..

It's going to be easy to find fault.

I urge you.... in fact I plead with you - look at your own life and evaluate yourself carefully under the relevant sections... and pray that God would work in you to make these things a greater reality in life!

Encouragement

I appreciate that this is not an easy calling.

Because of sin in the world, and sin in our own lives, to do these things is something unnatural.

I also want to say from the outset that I appreciate the fact that there are extreme cases of ungodliness... that ladies, there really are times when you are oppressed.

I don't want to be insensitive towards you in that regard...

I also would say, if you are being mistreated, speak out about it... to the Elders... someone you can trust. It ought not to be, particularly within the family of God.

My hope is that you will be encouraged towards these wonderful calls of God.

Don't allow this to discourage, or give you a sense of guilt or shame.

Where there is a lack, confess that as is appropriate, and seek to honour Christ.

The encouragement is that if we obey Christ, we have the rewards of joy in Him, contentment, peace etc.

1. The Call to Submission

"Wives, submit to your husbands...” (Colossians 3:18)

"submit" meaning...

Greek word = hypotasso

"...to cause to be in a submissive relationship, to subject, to subordinate..."

It has the idea of placing someone or something in subjection to or under another.

There is nothing in the word to say that there is an inferiority involved, and therefore you submit.

Rather, the instruction is that you place yourself under your husband's headship.

As used here, the injunction is for wives to accept a lower position with respect to their husbands. This is not as an acknowledgment of their inferiority, but as a willing choice to defer to their husbands

Be Subject / Submit

The call for the Christian wife is to "be subject" or to "submit."

In other words, the unique manner in which the wife may exalt Christ and bring glory to God is through willingly placing herself in a place of submission, and acknowledging his responsibility of leadership over her.

Christ was subjected himself in various ways. .

As an encouragement here, I want us see that Christ, even though equal with the Father, and having all intrinsic authority, at various times and in various ways demonstrated and practiced an attitude and posture of subjection.

To His parents:

"And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.” (Luke 2:51)

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5–8)

In fact, Christ's humility and willingness to subject himself even to the rulers of this world to put him to death, presents for us an example - not only of wives submitting to husbands - but of a general posture of considering others more highly than yourselves.

But having said that, there are certain contexts where a particular kind of submission is required according to the wisdom of God.

A wife's submission to her husband, then, is a particular kind and context of God-glorifying, Christ exalting willing submission.

2. The Extent of Submission

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)

"But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:24)

The call of submission from the wife is "in everything..."

But importantly, it is "as to the Lord."

It is far-reaching

"in everything" and "as to the Lord..." reaches far!!

The wife is to take a posture, and to assume a position, that demonstrates a willing submission to her husbands leadership and decision making.

The husband is accordingly to take the role of the leader in the home.

This submission is to be something continuous. It is to be ongoing lifestyle of the Christian wife.

Note from verse 24.... it's as the church is subject to Christ.

Church Subject to Christ...

Certainly this is a willing and joyful submission to their Lord.

Christ is the one that has redeemed them and the submission is delightful.

There is nothing that Christ calls the church to do that they would not willingly do if they are rightly related to him.

What Paul is saying here is that a wife's submission to her husband is to be of like character to the churches submission to the church.

The submission of the church to Christ is voluntary, wholehearted, sincere, enthusiastic. It is a submission prompted not only by a conviction, “This is right and proper because God demands it,” but also by love in return for Christ’s love (1 John 4:19).

Hendriksen, W., & Kistemaker, S. J. (1953–2001). Exposition of Ephesians (Vol. 7, p. 250). Baker Book House.

This is the extent that the wife is called to be subject to her husband.

As the family life unfolds, the woman is to take her position under her husband and allow his leadership and decisions to direct the family.

In this sense, all final decisions, big or small should rest with the husband.

"just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” (1 Peter 3:6)

It has limitations

There are, of course, going to be some limits to the extent that a wife submits to her husband.

A wife is never to submit to her husband's directing and leading when he instructs her or calls her to disobey God.

There is a higher authority in that case - Christ himself. And a wife must follow Christ's authority ultimately, rather than her husbands.

Any instruction to disobey Christ, or to act in a manner contrary to Christ, should not be obeyed.

With that said, even disobedience can be done with attitude of respect and honour.

Keep in mind the preceding character qualities that are to mark the Christian life. That would be applicable.

Wayne Mack:

The wife’s submission to her husband then is to be extensive but not necessarily total or unlimited. She is to obey him in everything except that which contradicts the Word of God. And even then she is to disobey in a loving, submissive fashion, explaining calmly and clearly her reasons for disobedience, assuring her husband of her love and loyalty, and seeking to demonstrate that love and loyalty in a variety of continuous and tangible ways.

Mack, Wayne A.. Strengthening Your Marriage (p. 34). P&R Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Must add - the limitations do not come into play simply because the husband is acting selfishly, or sinfully himself.

A wife my say, well my husband is just doing this or asking this out of selfishness... therefore I won't submit.

I don't believe that's a Biblical, Christ-honouring motivation.

Every motivation may have elements of sin involved.

Your husband is always going to be a sinner in this life, and will always have some influence of sin in what he chooses.

The basic posture here is that you ultimately submit, even when there is sin or selfishness behind motives, provided that to do so would not cause you to sin.

What this does not mean.

Does not mean that she becomes a slave

In fact, she may be quite industrious and creative

Proverbs 31 woman speaks of an amazingly productive and resourceful woman!!

Does not mean that she never speaks, never comes with ideas or input in decisions

"She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26)

"and he (Apollos) began to speak out boldly in the synagogue. But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately.” (Acts 18:26)

In other words, in all aspects relating to the husband and wife relationship, in all decisions in all areas, ultimately the wife as to place herself under the leadership of her husband.

3. The Motivation of Submission

Christ's Honour!!

Christ will be exemplified

Keep in mind context of Colossians 3

The idea is - clothe yourselves in Christ!

Put Christ on display through conduct.

Bring glory to God through demonstrating Christ-likeness.

"For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” (1 Peter 3:5–6)

Unbelievers will be won over

Whether or not they are believers / honouring Christ (1 Peter 3:1)

Context of 1 Peter 3...

"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,” (1 Peter 3:1)

Your behaviour is critical....

Christ and the Church will be displayed

"This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:32–33)

4. The Joy of Submission

Obedience results in joy

"May Your compassion come to me that I may live, For Your law is my delight.” (Psalm 119:77)

"Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, For I delight in it.” (Psalm 119:35)

"Praise the LORD! How blessed is the man who fears the LORD, Who greatly delights in His commandments.” (Psalm 112:1)

Obedience Results in True Beauty!!

"Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” (1 Peter 3:3–6)

Application / Conclusion

Primary Ministry in the Home

To husband - display Christ through submission and respect for him.

To children - display Christ through the manner in which you submit to your husband.

Practical Suggestions...

Making the home a safe place—a place of encouragement, comfort, understanding, and refuge (Prov. 31:11).

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:11)

Maintaining a good attitude (Prov. 31:26, 28, 29; James 3:13–18; Phil. 4:4).

"She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26)

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4)

4. Discussing things lovingly, openly, and honestly (Eph. 4:25).

"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another.” (Ephesians 4:25)

5. Being satisfied with her position, her possessions, her tasks (Phil. 4:6–13; Heb. 13:5, 16).

"Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,”” (Hebrews 13:5)

6. Being longsuffering, forgiving, and forbearing (Eph. 4:2, 31–32; Col. 3:12–14).

7. Showing an interest in his problems and concerns (Phil. 2:3–4).

8. Being an industrious, frugal, diligent, ambitious, and creative member of the team (Ps. 128:3; Prov. 31:10–31).

9. Offering suggestions, advice, and corrections when needed in a loving fashion (Prov. 31:26).

10. Keeping herself beautiful, especially in the inner person (1 Pet. 3:3–5).

11. Maintaining a good spiritual life (1 Pet. 3:1–2, 7).

12. Cooperating with him in raising children (Eph. 6:20; Prov. 31:26–28; 1 Tim. 5:13–14).

*13. Building loyalty to him in the children. The wife’s attitudes toward the husband are quickly picked up by the children. Lack of respect or confidence in his leadership, complaints about what he has or has not done will have debilitating influence on the children. She must avoid taking sides with the children or anyone against her husband. She must support and cooperate with him in discipline. All differences of opinion about discipline should be settled away from the children.

*14. Being grateful to him. Appreciation should be expressed freely and in a variety of ways (Rom. 13:7).

*15. Showing confidence in his decisions. Disdain, lack of confidence, anxiety, or strong opposition over his decisions may cause him to become indecisive, defensive, or reactionary. If the wife doubts the wisdom of important decisions, she should ask questions in a nonthreatening way, assuming that there are some facts she does not know and that he really does want what is best for them both (1 Cor. 13:4–8).

Wives, remember, the calling is to submit to Christ....

And one of the glorious ways to do that is through submission to your husband.

I really want to encourage you… do this with a humility and joy of heart because you know it pleases your Lord.