Sermon Tone Analysis

*Friendship - Pathway to Growth*  \\ Fellowship = Close association involving mutual interests and sharing, association, communion, fellowship, close relationship.

Attitudes of good will that manifests an interest in a close relationship, generosity, fellow-feeling, altruism.

Participation, sharing.

\\ Ecclesiastes 4:9-4:12 \\ \\ It’s always good to see our members and regular attenders, but this week we’re thrilled to have with us so many friends, both new and old.

It reminds us that many of the people Jesus ministered to were brought to him by their friends.

Either that, or the friend brought Jesus to the person in need.

And I’m sure that’s true of most of us here today.

We are here because someone, at some time, invited us.

Invited us to come to church, invited us to attend a Bible study, or invited us to place our faith and trust in Christ.

And we said, "yes".

That’s the power of the invitation.

Friends bringing friends to see and experience something good that they have found.

Because Christianity is an inviting faith, an open and welcoming faith.

It’s not an exclusive club.

You don’t have to be from any particular ethnic background, you don’t have to be wealthy, or a member of the social elite, you don’t need a PhD, or a CPA, or an MBA from MIT.

All you need is an invitation.

\\ \\ President Calvin Coolidge was nicknamed "Silent Cal" for his habit of saying as little as possible.

On one occasion, he attended church without his wife.

When he got home, she asked him what the sermon was about.

Coolidge answered that it was about sin.

His wife pressed him further.

"What did the minister have to say about sin ?"

And Coolidge replied "He’s against it."

Well, my topic this morning is "Friendship," and I’m going out on a limb to say that I’m for it.

That’s not likely to cause any controversy, is it?

Everyone is in favor of friendship, as least theoretically.

People sing songs about it, write poems about it.

We even named a city after it – ”Philadelphia, City of Brotherly Love".

When Senators stand up to give a speech in Congress, they always refer to one another as "My good friend, Senator so-and-so," even when they’re getting ready to call their "good friend" a complete idiot.

We love stories about friendship, especially when it involves loyalty under pressure.

And often, movies which on the surface are about something else – war, or sports, or adventure – really turn out to be about friendship.

Such as the relationship between Danny Glover and Mel Gibson in the "Lethal Weapon" cop movies.

Or the bond between the hobbits in "Lord of the Rings."

Even the animated film "Ice Age" is really about an unlikely friendship between a mammoth, a sloth, and a sabre-tooth tiger.

And what’s the most popular program on television?

"Friends," with it’s hit theme song, "I’ll Be There For You." Please note that I’m not recommending all these shows, I’m just making a point: that friendship is something we regard highly; something we all find desirable and attractive.

And that’s reflected in our popular culture.

\\ \\ If that’s true, then why are we so lonely?

Why do we have so few close friends, people we can really talk to, people we can trust, people we can count on for help and support when we need it?

Why is it that, while some people seem to make friends effortlessly, others have very few people they can really open up to, can share their heart with, can relax and be themselves with.

Very few with whom they can be unguarded and un-self-conscious, confident that they will be accepted, warts and all.

\\ \\ The author Lee Strobel relates this story(1): A few years ago, a newspaper columnist named Marla Paul published a column (2) in which she revealed her frustration over her lack of friendships.

"The loneliness saddens me," she wrote.

"How did it happen that I could be forty-two years old and not have enough friends?"

She goes on, "I think there are women out there who don’t know how lonely they are.

It’s easy enough to fill up the day with work and family.

But no matter how much I enjoy my job and love my husband and child, they are not enough."

When this column appeared, letters poured in from housewives, executives, and university professors saying, "I’ve had the exact same experience."

One person said, "I’ve often felt that I’m standing outside looking through the window of a party to which I was not invited."

As Marla later wrote (3), "They wanted to share their frustration and estrangement.

All were tremendously relieved to discover they weren’t the only ones."

\\ And it’s not only women who have this problem.

If anything, men have more difficulty forming and maintaining friendships.

Why?

Because it’s hard!

It demands intentional, sustained effort.

It requires that we make sacrifices, and take risks, and expend resources.

It can be messy, and painful, and embarrassing, and inconvenient.

But perhaps the most powerful thing holding us back is fear.

\\ Because relationships involve vulnerability.

We’re afraid they’ll expect too much, or they’ll take advantage of us, or they’ll betray us.

And they well might.

The more deeply people know you, the more ammunition they’ll have if they ever turn against you.

There are few things more painful and disheartening than betrayal by a close friend.

In the Psalms, King David writes about this experience: \\ \\ "Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. . .

If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.

But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God." – Psalm 41:9, 55:12-14 \\ \\ We know what he’s talking about, don’t we?

The feelings of disappointment, and sadness, and loss when a friend becomes an enemy can be almost unbearable.

And the natural reaction when this happens is to pull back, to retreat to the safety of superficial conversations and limited personal contact.

To protect ourselves against further pain by guarding our emotions, not letting ourselves care too much or reveal too much.

Paul Simon put those feelings into words in his song, "I Am a Rock": \\ \\ I’ve built walls \\ A fortress deep and mighty \\ That none may penetrate \\ I have no need of friendship \\ Friendship causes pain \\ \\ It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain \\ I am a rock.

I am an island.

\\ \\ And a rock feels no pain.

\\ And an island never cries.

\\ \\ A rock feels no pain.

An island never cries.

But it never rejoices, either, or feels happiness, or contentment, or love.

Instinctively, we know that’s the way of death, not life.

\\ \\ Forming friendships is also made more difficult by the hectic pace of the world we live in, a world that tends to force us apart, rather than draw us together.

We’re running from work, to soccer practice, to piano lessons, to grocery shopping, to home – where we eat microwave dinners, and then log onto the computer to do the work we didn’t get finished at the office.

We don’t know our neighbors; our relatives live halfway across the country; and at night everyone retreats to their castle and pulls up the drawbridge.

Put all this together, and you can understand why we often feel so isolated and alone.

\\ \\ This morning, I want to do two things.

I want to persuade you that, in spite of all the difficulties, building friendships is worth the cost.

And then I’m going to give you some principles from the Scripture that will help you do that.

First of all, we need friends because they support and strengthen us.

They give us an emotional buffer against the bumps and bruises of life.

And they help us to hold on when the bottom really falls out.

As we read in Ecclesiastes chapter four, \\ \\ "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

-- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 \\ \\ We need friends to help us when we fall.

And we all fall.

No matter how self-reliant, and competent, and capable you may be, you are not invulnerable.

You are not all-knowing, you are not all-powerful.

Sooner or later, something is going to knock you down.

It could be an unexpected career setback.