5 Love Laungages

Words of affirmation.

Words of affirmation are any spoken or written words that confirm, support, uplift, and empathise with another person in a positive manner.

If someone is drawn to words of affirmation as their love language, it's because they believe words really matter and help them give a literal voice to how they feel inside.

Examples of words of affirmation

I love you. You are so special to me.  After all of this time, I'm still so crazy for you.  It really impressed me when you… I couldn't have done ____ without you.  You inspire me to…. Did I tell you how grateful I am that you are my partner? You deserve all of the praise at work. I see how hard you've been working. I just wanted to let you know I'm proud of you.  I really appreciate you when you do... I am here if you need me. I'm always in your corner supporting you.  I feel so loved when you... I am proud of you because... I want to take the time to thank you for how hard you work around our home. You look amazing. Is that a new outfit?  I am proud of you for always trying your best, whatever it is.  It makes my heart melt watching you take care of ____.  I value you doing _____ when you are tired. Thank you for being so sweet and loving to my family and friends.  I'm the happiest when you make me laugh. You have the cutest crinkles when you smile. I find you so attractive and gorgeous. I'm lucky that you are my partner.  I love our beautiful life together. I love how your eyes sparkle when you... Thank you for making me feel safe and loved. You did such a great job doing ____. Tell me more about it.

Words of affirmation as a love language

To people who are very into words of affirmation, they are uniquely aware of how powerful and beautiful words can really be. Words can be used as a way to tear someone down or build someone up.

Since written and spoken language speaks directly to their heart, people with this love language will show their loved ones affection through effusive words, terms of endearment, and sweet little nothings, which are really sweet little everythings.

Summary

Words of affirmation is centred on the importance of verbal expression. People who are into words of affirmation are uniquely aware of how powerful and beautiful words can really be. People with this love language show their loved ones affection through effusive words and terms of endearment.

Why some people need words of affirmation

For people who gravitate toward words of affirmation, they find fulfilment through positive reinforcement via compliments or praise that shines light on something they did or who they are as a person.

To some, words may not seem that meaningful, but to people whose love language is words of affirmation, underneath each word is an ocean of meaning and significance that is working to either strengthen or weaken the relationship's bonds.

Appreciation is at the heart of having words of affirmation as a love language. It recognises quality over quantity and substance over appearance. It promotes empathy and compassion, increases intimacy, and helps to keep us calm and content.

It comes down to inclination—a person's natural way to act or feel. Some people need to hear or read love's meaning, while others prefer to show not tell. The importance here is less in the why and more in the that—especially that one knows their own inclination, as well as their partner's.

Summary

For people whose love language is words of affirmation, each word holds a significant meaning that helps strengthen (or sometimes weaken) the relationship's bond.

Dating someone whose love language is words of affirmation

If words aren't your thing and you're dating someone whose love language is words of affirmation, don't worry.

What matters is that you are tending to your words with care and getting down to the root of why you love your partner when you speak.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind for using words of affirmation:

1. Express them often

Take the time to be verbose without being disingenuous or saying things for the sake of saying them.

If you see a moment to encourage them in some way, go for it.

Understand Love languages to the analogy of filling a love tank.

Think about it this way: By refuelling their appetite for affirmation (with the right fuel!), they will be overflowing with gratitude and approach the relationship from an expansive place when they feel supported.

2. If saying them out loud is hard, write them out

If it's hard to tell them in person, you can always use the written word or texts so it gives you more time to measure out your words in an impactful way.

The act of crafting a highly specific and personalised message matters more than repeating a line you heard in a movie or copy and pasting a poem you found online. They will value it infinitely more when it comes from the heart.

3. Words are everything. Both good and bad

Words matter; that means the good ones, as well as the hurtful ones.

People are sensitive to what's being said, not just how it comes out. Meaning is everything, so choose your words carefully and mindfully in the moment. Slow down. Think before you speak. Choose your words wisely.

If you must say something negative, try couching your constructive comments in between compliments so they are able to hear it without being defensive.

4. Be authentically yourself

If they chose you as a partner, that means they are already in love with who you are as a person. If you aren't a natural wordsmith, don't sweat it. It's normal to be tongue-tied if you aren't naturally expressive with your words.

Be yourself. Get creative, be funny, and express yourself, in your voice. Show that you know them specifically, what they need to feel loved. Love is not a one-size-fits-all. Pay attention to what your partner responds to.

5. Know what words your partner likes most

The trick with words of affirmation is understanding what kind of positive phrases speak directly to your partner.

Some people prefer statements that aren't directed at their appearance and prefer to be celebrated for their contributions, or they may want more acknowledgment on a day-to-day level.

It's important to move away from the generalities of the theory and focus on being hyper-targeted with your partner so you can show up in your partnership the way that they need you to, on an individual level.

6. Think outside of the box

Put Post-it notes on the mirror, send them a sweet text message, or write them a silly little song.

Not only will your partner be appreciative, but they will also remember it as being brave and heartfelt.

While your partner's need for words is not necessarily your natural strength of comfort zone, they won't expect perfection. Rather, they'll be appreciative of your effort that much more.

The takeaway

If you're reading this because you want to show your partner some love, take a moment to applaud yourself for embarking on this path of intentionality and conscious loving.

By taking the time to celebrate, support, affirm, and reinvest your partner with words of affirmation, it will serve to invite more love into your life.

Quality time.

Quality time is one of the five love languages, and it refers to showing love and affection by spending dedicated time together. For people whose love language is quality time, nothing says 'I love you' like full, undivided attention from those you love.

Whether it's spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Importantly, you want your time together to feel special and sacred and to feel that you're both truly present—"with the TV off, fork and knife down, and phones and tasks on standby.

Signs your love language is quality time.

You feel lonely when you don't have enough time with your partner. Spending time together is incredibly important to you, more so than words, touch, gifts, or acts of service. Postponed activities or dates upset you. When you don't spend enough quality time with your partner, you may be turned off sexually. The time you spend together doing stuff, talking, or just hanging out is the highlight of your relationship. You get upset or feel disconnected if you don't spend enough time together. Distractions or feeling like someone isn't listening can be especially hurtful. You put a lot of emphasis on making your schedules work and making the time special.

How to show love to someone whose love language is quality time:

1. Bake quality into your day.

If your partner is someone who enjoys quality time, make an effort to have intentional, meaningful time together when you really feel like you're connecting. Make it a point of planning quality into your day.

It might be as simple as having a meal together, sitting on a patio together, or snuggling together when you wake up and sharing your dreams.

2. Start and end your day together.

Start your day off with something that allows you to chat and connect, like enjoying a cup of coffee before work. Likewise, find a meaningful way to come back together at the end of the day. After work, set aside 10 minutes to catch up—no phones allowed.

This will help you both unwind after the workday and talk about your day.

Of course, not all schedules will allow this, but planning for those times during the day when you can just be together and connect is important if your partner's love language is quality time.

3. Avoid distractions when you're together.

People whose love language is quality time don't want any distractions to interrupt their time together.

Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there makes you feel truly special and loved.

Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Make it a rule of thumb to not multitask when you're speaking with them, as this can be very bothersome.

4. Prioritise meaningful eye contact.

The key with quality time is that it's, well, quality. Your partner ultimately wants to feel like they have your undivided attention if their love language is quality time. So, on top of just avoiding distractions.

It's important to maintain eye contact when you're having a conversation, to enrich the moment and be fully present.

5. Be interested in what they're saying and feeling.

The love languages are all about connecting through different means, and quality time can often take the form of conversation and discussion. Not to be confused with words of affirmation, which is more about saying "I love you" and other validating language, quality time is about presence.

Be interested in what your partner is feeling and how their day was, and you share your feelings and how your day was.

When your partner is speaking to you, do your best to actively listen. That means limiting distractions as previously mentioned but also being sure not to interrupt, which can feel invalidating. Give signs that you're listening, acknowledge their feelings, and make them feel heard.

6. Plan date nights regularly.

What couple doesn't need a solid date night, right? But if quality time is the primary way your partner recognises affection, making those date nights a set part of your schedules is key. It gives them something to look forward to and feel like you're prioritising spending time with them.

7. Plan staycations.

It's always nice to have something to look forward to—and it doesn't always have to be anything extravagant. Beyond just the date nights, Plan a staycation every now and then to do something a little special and offer a more extended break to your routine that allows you to spend some really dedicated time together.

8. Avoid canceling plans.

People whose primary love language is quality time will feel particularly hurt by canceled or postponed plans.

That's because they see the time you spend with them as a sign of your love, so when you cancel or pass on spending time with them, they may take it as a sign that you're withholding affection or aren't as into them.

Of course, plans inevitably fall through sometimes, and everyone needs time to themselves every now and then. If you need to cancel plans or need more alone time in your relationship, make sure you let them know in a way that reinforces how much you love spending time with them and are looking forward to your next planned event together.

9. Have a daily ritual.

Maybe it's taking a walk together after dinner, or you have a hobby you both enjoy like journaling or playing music. Finding time to do something like that together every day, even if it's just 15 minutes, can go a long way for someone who has quality time as a love language.

10. Go to bed at the same time.

If schedules allow, go to bed at the same time. Not only are you ending the day next to each other, but you can have some time together to connect before you say good night.

While there is no foolproof way to perfectly maintain a relationship, understanding the love language of your partner, as well as how you like to give and receive love, can go a long way toward keeping the two of you content and connected. So, if you think you or your partner might just be speaking the language of quality time, schedule that date night soon and enjoy every moment.

Acts of Service.

An act of service is the physical expression of a thoughtful gesture. It's one of the five love languages, which are specific styles of showing love.

At its core, an act of service is about someone going out of their way to meaningfully help and support the other person.

When people take initiative to ease some of their responsibilities and burdens, it helps them feel taken care of, safe, and loved in return.

An act of service is about dedicated time and effort, usually in a nonverbal way. It is quite literally showing up in ways that are tangible, meaning actions speak louder than words.

Examples of acts of service

Below are examples of what different acts of services can look like. Apply imagination and your own understanding of the person's distinctive preferences to ensure the act will be recognized and appreciated.

While going through the list, remember that an act of service is about more than doing household chores, delivering on some high-octane grand gesture, or how much one can accommodate their every desire to please them.

It's really about going after a much more emotionally subtle feeling where they feel like they can trust you to have their back, for the small and the big things.

To strike the right balance in giving and avoid burnout, pay attention to their daily activities and notice where you can check things off their to-do list. Then, fold that into your schedule naturally.

Pick up their favorite snack when shopping for groceries

Open the door for them

Fix breakfast to serve in bed before they wake up

Help take off their shoes

Randomly take them out to their favorite restaurant after a long day

Put away their suitcase when they're tired after a work trip

Book a massage during vacation so they can relax

Take care of the family and give them the day off

Do their preferred date activity, even if it's not your first choice

Make the bed with clean sheets

Complete a project they haven't had the time to do yet, like organizing the drawers or cleaning out the fridge

Preemptively buy toiletries or household items before supplies go low

Nurse them when they're sick

Play their favorite music in the house

Put the toilet seat down

Do one of their chores, even when it's their turn

Give them a massage when they're feeling stressed

Pack their lunch if they have a busy day

Offer to carry heavy things for them

Help out with a home improvement project

Pick up a guilty pleasure snack as a surprise

Put away the dishes without them asking

Do the grocery shopping

Help figure out the logistics for a vacation

Make a cup of coffee in the morning

Clean the cat's litter

Learn their favorite recipe for a surprise date

Make sure they bring a jacket if it's cold outside so they stay warm

Tidy up their personal space and put everything back exactly where they like it

Clean up the house while they make time for R&R

Take out the trash

Cook an old family recipe when they're feeling homesick

Draw a bath for them

Wait to watch the show on Netflix so you can binge it together

Encourage them to do something for them, like seeing their friends or doing an activity they like but don't do often

Create a self-care or workout playlist for them to listen to when they take time to relax

Schedule a video call with their loved ones to catch up

Take care of an appointment for the house

Take the dog out for a walk

Show interest in their hobby by attending an event they care about

Run their errands for them

Acts of service as a love language

For those whose primary love language is acts of service, they will appreciate the tactile, palpable steps you are taking to enhance or simplify their life by making it a little bit easier.

When they don't have to worry about the little but big things that give them stress, it allows them to fully show up as a partner and reciprocate love from a place of abundance.

How to give an act of service

When thinking about acts of service, think about how you can improve their quality of life by planning ahead or freeing up their time to spend on other things.

It shows that there's been consideration for their needs and that you're doing things to put a smile on their face. This can range from small acts such as making a coffee to go for them in the morning to save a few minutes to putting jumper cables and a backup battery in their car.

Be mindful and recognize what your partner states that they appreciate, what they don't enjoy doing, as well as observing how they live their daily life in action.

Pay attention to things your partner says they don't enjoy doing or don't have time for. This can be small acts like making the bed every morning or brewing their morning coffee. This will show your partner you pay close attention to their needs and are willing to make their life a little easier.

1. Creatively anticipate their needs

Look out for the small things that would brighten their day by meeting a future needs of theirs such as packing them an umbrella when it might rain or bringing snacks to a long event.

Broaden what you can do for them by filtering it through what they would appreciate. By focusing too much on fulfilling stereotypical domestic responsibilities, we run the risk of missing out on what they really need.

2. Be hypervigilant and listen to their complaints

People tend to criticize their spouse the loudest in the area where they have an emotional need. If that's the case, what do you notice they complain about the most? How can you bring support to those areas?

3. Consider what you naturally bring to the table

It could be helpful to have them write out a weekly list. Better yet, Ask them what tasks or activities they struggle with, or where they get frustrated, to see the areas where you can provide help.

If you're specialized or naturally equipped with skills that your partner is lacking to fulfill some practical obligations, that's a great place to step in.

4. Show gratitude for their acts of service for you

Express your appreciation for their acts of service toward you. Even if their love language is not words of affirmation, showing their actions are noticed and appreciation goes a long way.

It's always good to practice showing our partner love in a multitude of ways.

5. Follow through on your commitments

Since they're hyperfocused on acts of service, they want to know they can rely on their partner to see the commitment through. If it doesn't happen, they can become resentful or disappointed. If they ask you to help with something and you agree, make sure you deliver on the promise.

Gifts

Gifts is a pretty straightforward love language: You feel loved when people give you "visual symbols of love”.

It's not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present.

People whose love language is receiving gifts enjoy being gifted something that is both physical and meaningful. The key is to give meaningful things that matter to them and reflect their values, not necessarily yours.

What does it mean if gift giving is your love language?

In general, it means that you feel the best and most loved when you’re giving and receiving gifts.

If your primary love language is gift-giving, it means that you express your love by giving others presents.

The gift is an overt demonstration of your love and appreciation for the person receiving it.

The gifts “tend to be personalized” and are designed to bring joy and pleasure to the person you’re giving them to.

Gift-givers are very attentive to remembering birthdays and other events with gifts and put a lot of care in how they are presented.

On the flipside, you also like to receive gifts as a show of affection,

These gifts don’t have to be huge, instead it’s often about the thoughtfulness of the gift and not just the value of the gift.

Does this mean I’m materialistic?

No! It means that you value the time and thought that someone may put into a gift, or that you want to show love by putting that time and effort into getting them something.

What are the signs gift giving is your love language?

You always remember small hostess gifts, or gifts to mark even small special occasions. You remember to bring back gifts from trips for loved ones. You put time and effort into picking the right gift. You put effort into wrapping or packaging the gift just right. You regularly do thoughtful gestures like bringing back two coffees or bringing someone a cup of tea in the afternoon. You get really into gift-oriented holidays like Christmas.

How do I cater to someone whose love language is gift giving?

There are a few things you can do.

One of the best ways to cater to someone whose love language is gift giving is to be attentive to the things they like and don’t like.

This will allow you to personalize gifts, whether you are giving an actual gift or refraining from doing something they would not care for. It’s all about the detail and the attention.

Then, try to engage in their love language.

Give them gifts and accept the gifts they give you graciously.

Recognise the time and effort that went into it and pay attention to what it is because it may mean they really were listening to you and your needs.

Physical Touch.

Physical touch is one of the five love languages, and it refers to expressing and receiving affection through touch, physical closeness, and other forms of physical connection. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, and sex are all ways of showing love through the physical touch love language.

Most specifically, having touch as a love language means that small physical gestures—such as having a partner put their arm around you in public or snuggle up close to you on the couch while watching TV together—matter a lot more to you than things like gifts or saying "I love you."

There's a physiological reason physical touch is so enjoyable: That skin-to-skin contact triggers the release of certain hormones associated with pleasure and bonding.

If someone's love language is physical touch, they may or may not know it, but they enjoy the release of the 'feel-good hormones' our body secretes like serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin.

Oxytocin is known as the bonding hormone. That hormone is the same hormone released between a newborn baby and its mother, which is why skin-to-skin contact is highly recommended for bonding after childbirth.

Signs your love language is physical touch:

You love being in a relationship that's very "touchy"—lots of cuddling, sitting on each other's laps, putting your arms around each other randomly, that kind of thing.

Receiving spontaneous or random kisses (on the lips, forehead, or elsewhere) makes you feel loved.

You find it very sweet and meaningful when a new partner wants to cuddle with you.

The little physical gestures like holding hands and resting your head on each other's shoulders are some of your favorite little things about being in a relationship.

Gifts and words of affirmation are nice, but it's the way someone looks at you and holds you that really makes you feel special.

You love giving and receiving public displays of affection.

When your partner is around, you always end up sort of mindlessly touching them—placing a hand on their arm or knee, running your fingers through their hair, or gently rubbing the back of their neck.

It'd be weird to sit on a couch next to your partner and not be touching in some way.

Having your partner want or initiate sex with you makes you feel loved.

It's really meaningful to you when your partner puts an arm around you or holds your hand in public.

You totally notice when they don't touch you in a group setting, and it sort of hurts.

The idea of receiving a massage or foot rub from a partner seems super romantic.

When you're stressed, you feel instantly calmed or relaxed when your partner puts their hand on yours or rubs your shoulders.

Receiving a really long, warm hug makes you feel like your partner really cares about you.

Someone doesn't need to say "I love you" a bunch for you to feel loved—you can feel it through the way they hold you or kiss you.

Physical touch vs. sex.

Having physical touch as your love language does not necessarily mean you're all about sex.

When you hear that someone's love language is physical touch, it can be easy to assume that this means sexual touching, but that is not necessarily the case.

If you find your partner's touch to be soothing, relaxing, and gives you that extra boost that you need, chances are physical touch is one of your love languages.

Likewise, if you're someone who loves sex and wants a lot of it, that does not necessarily mean your love language is physical touch.

Physical touch can include sex, but it does not have to.

If you want more sex, just say it! If you want other things and not just sex, say that too!

How to show love to someone whose love language is physical touch:

Give them kisses often. Kiss them hello and goodbye. When you hug, use both arms and your whole body, and linger for an extra moment in the embrace. Spontaneously give them a little back rub or back scratch. Always hold hands when you're out and about. Lay on the public displays of affection. When you're sitting together, rest your hand on their hand or leg, or put your arm around their shoulder. If you're having a serious conversation, hold their hand or softly rub their arm while you listen to them talking. Even when you're rushing off somewhere, make a point to lay your hand on their back or give a quick peck on the cheek as you pass them. Make a point of maintaining physical contact when you're in group settings. Get to know their sexual desires well and prioritize them. Make a point to be the one to initiate sex every now and then. Even when you're not in the mood for sex, make sure to remind them that they're sexually desirable and wanted. Rub their shoulders when they're stressed out. When you're settling in to watch a movie, really snuggle in close to them. When they lean their head on your shoulder, lean your head on theirs. Cuddle in bed together. Offer to give them a good massage at the end of a long day. Come up from behind while they're doing something around the house and wrap your arms around them. Kiss them on places other than their lips, such as their cheek, forehead, collarbone, or back of the hand. Brush their hair out of their face or push a strand behind their ear. Spend time lying in bed together in the morning when you wake up and/or at night when you're falling asleep. Run your fingers through their hair. Take a shower with them and help soap them up or wash their hair. Lightly trace their facial features with the tips of your fingers. When you're not physically together, send a text telling them that you can't wait to lie in bed together later or that you were randomly thinking about a specific kiss or hug you recently shared. Whenever you're thinking Wow, I love this person, find a way to express it through touch.

Note: Just remember to be mindful of consent. Use these actions only when the recipient has conveyed that such actions are wanted and welcome.

The bottom line.

People whose love language is physical touch enjoy when their partners express affection for them in physical ways, such as hugs, kisses, and even just a hand on the shoulder. These physical displays of love matter more than words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts.