Jesus and Divorce

Jesus answers questions about divorce...

Currently, 51.5% of all marriages in the State of Ohio (2020) ended in divorce.

There are so many questions and hurts surrounding this topic.

Jesus is raising the standard, he is teaching that our walk as a Christ-follower is not only about your outward actions, but also the attitude of your heart.

When it comes to the topics of marriage and divorce, which are right at the forefront of our culture, there is a lot of pain, a lot of mess, a lot of brokenness surrounding these matters.

I want to start right away by saying, If you have been affected by a divorce, I want you to know that you are in the right place. We are not going to pile on anything on to anyone— we are not here to judge anyone— we are here to teach the words of Jesus- point you to his grace and his HEART.

Just know that we understand that there are so many different situations and circumstances that we all come from— even me. My parents decided to divorce when I was a child. That decision changed their lives, and it affected my life in very deep and profound ways. I understand that marriage is hard sometimes.

I’ve been here at WC long enough to know some of your stories, and I want you to know that I love you, that this is a safe place.

And with that even before we get to our passage of scripture in Matthew, I want us to read another passage to lay the foundation for everything we will say today:

Romans 8:1 NIV

1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

No matter what your mess may look like today, no matter what you’ve been through, this is our guiding principle for today’s message. Let’s read it again all together.

What does that mean to me?

That means for me today— that at any point if you begin to feel guilt, or judged, or condemnation, or shame—we want you to know that this is NOT from Jesus.

Let’s jump in here: Remember, Jesus is continuing to teach about what citizenship in his kingdom looks like:

Matthew 5:31 NIV

31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’

Matthew 5:32 NIV

32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

To fully understand Jesus’ words, we must also understand the context he lived in.

It’s always a good practice, to make the effort— due the research to understand the context or the atmosphere, the culture, and the environment that Jesus is speaking in—

There are times when we read scripture and we may not have quite the whole background.

I want to give us a little more context and background to this: Jesus does have a little more involved conversation surrounding divorce in Matthew 19, where the pharisee’s bring him this issue— and they are really trying to trap him.

Matthew 19:3–5 NIV

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

Matthew 19:6–7 NIV

6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Matthew 19:8–9 NIV

8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

This is an example of Jesus speaking about something he has already taught, but it gives us a little more explanation. There is even more context we can learn going on within the times— how people were generally thinking on these issues back then:

You note that in both of these instances, Jesus is presented the concept of a “certificate of divorce”. It actually refers back to the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 24— and I have created my own little example of this certificate:

There was an argument that was going on in Jesus’ time among Jewish teachers. Let’s look at the verse where this is first introduced:

Deuteronomy 24:1 MEV

1 When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, then let him write her a bill of divorce and put it in her hand and send her out of his house.

Some of you are laughing— but this is actually what was being debated. Moses wrote this rule, and people are arguing about the phrase “he has found some indecency” in her. Or some translations would say “he is displeased with her”.

There were actually two “camps” of thought and teaching in Jesus’ time: And they actually disagreed on lots of things, including this interpretation of divorce:

The House of Hillel- Believed that a man could dismiss his wife for trivial reasons, even for burning a meal.

This sounds silly, but this was actually the prevailing thought during Jesus’ time.

The House of Shammai- Believed that a man could only dismiss his wife if there was unfaithfulness, like through adultery.

The House of Shammai was much more conservative on this and many other issues— where as the House of Hillel was more loose or liberal on this and those others as well.

So these pharisee’s in Matthew 19 are trying to drag Jesus into this dispute, and get him to say something unpopular and undermine his influence.

But Jesus, as he so wonderfully does, comes back at them and basically says “you’re all getting it wrong.” He would shade toward what Shammai said— but he takes the issue beyond what Moses said. (Remember he has come to “fulfil” the law and prophets!) He takes it all the way back to the heart of the matter— back to the beginning. He reminds all of us what God’s heart is for marriage:

Jesus would indeed say here in both passages that divorce is indeed happening in the cases where sexual immorality occurs, but he’s going to give a lot more background on why.

I want you to hear again that I have empathy for where you might be on this today. I understand that there is even pain in being here today while I’m bringing this up. So I’m going to paint with broad strokes and we aren’t going to be able to deal with all the specifics— but I think there are three key points that Jesus had led me to identify for us studying how Jesus thinks and teaches about this:

Jesus sets a high standard for marriage.

He goes even further back beyond Moses in his answer to the Pharisee’s— He takes it all the way back to Genesis. God created marriage!

“Don’t you remember”— a man and woman will leave their original families and they will become ONE FLESH.

He says ‘You’re arguing over a certificate?> This is way bigger than some document. When God joins two people together— like he did Adam and Eve— it’s way deeper and more significant that a piece of paper.

In verse 10 there in Matthew 19— his disciples take all this in, and they say “it’s probably better not to marry at all!”.

Yeah- that’s how serious this really is. And that’s why when we do a wedding ceremony— and when I talk to you about going through that— I’m checking to make sure you really understand how serious this really is. Like if you are coming to the wedding day, and you’re preparing an exit strategy, or a contingency plan— Please don’t get married.

Last week we discussed how Jesus is taking the standard and moving it way up!

Like don’t murder, but I say even if you are unresolved in your anger—

Like don’t commit adultery, but I tell you even if you gaze upon a woman with lust in your heart— you already did commit adultery.

Owen will get to this in a couple weeks— but in this day— the Law stated that if a Roman soldier approached you to carry something for him,— like his armour or shield, you were required to take that 1 mile haul— but Jesus is going to say, no— go a second mile.

He is establishing among his disciples— even us today, that we are not like the world… There are two kingdoms here— and in Jesus’ kingdom, things look a LOT differently.

Jesus says— What God has brought together, let no one separate. Why does he say that? It’s because he understands what a covenant relationship really means. And those in the time of Jesus would have understood that too.

Marriage is a covenant. The Old testament covenant was an awesome picture. The two parties would come together, and they would literally cut an animal sacrifice into two halves— and they would even walk between the two sides— and in essence they would say to each other—if I break this covenant with you— may I become like this poor animal.

It is a covenant relationship, it is not a convenient relationship.

Marriage is concerned with our holiness first, our happiness second.

Covenant means a commitment until death. Convenient relationships are fine, but that’s not what marriage is supposed to be.

Like my relationship with a shop owner or the grocery store is one of convenience. Like that's where I get my gasoline, or milk, or bread or whatever—That’s very nice. But if a better deal comes along, I’m probably going to take it—

That doesn’t work with our kids. Like — oh hey kids, I love you an all, but I’ve been spending some time with the neighbors kids, and they are more respectful, a lot better behaved, and they smell so much better—Sorry— here’s your certificate. That would be ridiculous.

Jesus used the example from Genesis, and he states that the two will become one. That’s a big deal. It implies that we are coming together in such a powerful way that if in fact we were separated, it would cause GREAT damage to both parties involved.

And that is why Jesus is speaking so emphatically about divorce. I get that, first hand. How about you? If you’ve been affected by divorce, you understand that too. We don’t need any more explanation.

Even in the best possible situation, which mine was actually very civil, — but even in the best of situations, that’s not what God ever intended… at all.

Another angle to view Jesus’ statements:

I see that Jesus is protecting the woman. He’s saying “step it up men”. You’re creating a victim here. It’s the woman. What was the legal penalty in Jesus’ day for adultery? Death.

Scholars and commentators across the spectrum of Christianity basically agree:

Men in Jesus’ time— and maybe too many people even today— because they were getting divorced for frivolous reasons, were sending primarily the woman into poverty, and perhaps even into adultery. Jesus states that when you divorce your wife, except when she commits adultery— you are responsible for her future adultery, and for the adultery for another man who may marry her again.-- To Jesus, this is a justice issue. This is NOT what marriage was for— and it’s not what God wants for the citizen’s of his kingdom. This is wrong, stop doing it.

This fits with the imagery we have created here— with the cross bar. Jesus says, You’ve heard it said, you’ve been taught this — but I tell you— it’s HERE.

Jesus knows how damaging it is to hold unresolved anger in your heart— it’s Murder.

Jesus knows how damaging it is to look lustfully at another person— it’s Adultery.

Jesus knows how devastating it is when the two who had become one flesh are somehow separated, because of abuse, or unfaithfulness, because their hearts have become hard— it’s painful and people will never be the same.

In each situation— Jesus is re-casting a vision for us of what these matters will look like in his kingdom!

Don’t hold anger in your heart-

Don’t look lustfully at another person-

Don’t get divorced-

And i find it very interesting that two of the reasons a vast majority of divorces happen? Unresolved anger (about any number of issues like money, power, respect)— and adultery, or a lingering dissatisfaction with my spouse. If we will focus and commit ourselves to the attitudes that he mentions earlier—The BEATITUDES, and we keep VERY short accounts regarding anger, and lust— we move the needle toward NOT getting divorced.

John Chrysostom lived from 347-407 AD, and is considered a key Early Church Father in Constantinople, where he was the archbishop of the city. He is known as an eloquent speaker, and profound writer.

He had this to say about divorce:

“How can one who is meek and a peacemaker and poor in spirit and merciful cast out his wife? How can one who reconciles be alienated from her that is his own? “- John Chrysostom, Bishop of Constantinople, 407 AD

He linked the difficult teaching here on marriage with the previous difficult teaching about citizenship in the Kingdom of God!

That sounds well and good Pastor Charlie— but

I do get angry- I have said “You Fool” in my heart--- I do sometimes look another person the wrong way - and I do harbor wrong thoughts in my head and heart--

I am in a difficult situation where divorce seems like it is my only option

Or— finally, I already am divorced- what about me?

2. Jesus states divorce is a concession, not a command.

In the Matthew 19 discourse, the pharisee’s state that Moses commanded...

Matthew 19:7 (NIV)

7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus doesn’t take the bait here—

He corrects them, and names the real reason divorce happens:

Matthew 19:8 (NIV)

8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

A concession— not a command.

God created marriage— Man created divorce.

Because, in every situation, someone, or both people’s heart was hard.

Another key factor here that there is a victim here that needs protection.

Remember, the heart of the matter was the hardness of their hearts.

3. Jesus will always instruct us on what we should do, not what we should have done.

I want to encourage anyone who has been affected by divorce—If you’ve been through a divorce, You’re in the right place. Both if you were the offending party— you were unfaithful, or you were the one who left. Also, if you were the one who was abandoned. You’re safe here in the presence of Jesus. I think the church— we— have got this twisted up sometimes. There is forgiveness. There is a future— I want you to know that God understands. God knows what it’s like to be divorced.

Forgiveness rules the day.

BUT PASTOR CHARLIE---DIVORCE IS SIN- WE READ MALACHI---GOD HATES DIVORCE.

a. God hates divorce, but he loves divorced people.

Yep, God hates divorce— but he doesn’t hate divorced people. Just like Anger, Murder, and Adultery--- Divorce is forgivable, just like every other sin that we commit. God’s love and grace are bigger.

Consequences?, yes. Difficult things that we will have to deal with maybe forever?— yes.

But God loves us. And nothing— nothing we could ever do will change that. And the reason he speaks so strongly on this— is because when we consider our own relationship to him, he was divorced.

In Jeremiah 3, the prophet is told that because Israel has been spiritually adulterous, worshiping other gods over and over again— he’s issuing her (the nation) a certificate of divorce and sending her on her way.

You and I, in our own way, have also walked away from God and divorced him. He understands that pain.

God uses the real life imagery is the most difficult story of Hosea and Gomer. We call it a mixed marriage— he was a prophet— she was a prostitute.

Hosea 3:1 NIV

1 The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”

What image does Jesus use to describe his relationship to the church?

He’s the bridegroom— we are the bride.

It’s the marriage covenant. That of a loving husband, supporting, serving and even dying for his bride— the church.

When the church — you and I — are not faithful. When you and I, the church, is adulterous, when we fail and turn away from him— he doesn’t issue us the certificate. He actually says, NO, i’m going to tear up any certificate— and even though you broke the covenant— I’m going to pay the price.

There is no circumstance where he will not be faithful in his love of us.

That’s why God’s heart is hurt by divorce. That’s why he hates it.

He sets the high standard. But he fulfils the standard.

In so many ways, Jesus will tell you what you should do— but he won’t tell you what you should have done.

He isn’t here to spend much time dragging you through your past. Some of you are feeling broken over this— welcome to church. We are all broken in our own ways. I don’t believe for a second that Jesus is interested in making you feel bad. He’s about to rock your world with a vision for the future— a love and a forgiveness that pays that debt in full.

I’ll end with this— Sarah will join me up front here,

Jesus, in John chapter 8— meets a woman, who is dragged before him by the authorities of the town— because she is caught in the act of adultery. They basically confront him and say— Ok, Jesus, you know the law— you know that the penalty for what we see in this woman is death.

What do you say?

I’m so thankful for this story— it shows the very heart of our Lord.

Jesus bends down and draws something, we don’t even know what that was, on the ground. And he says, yes— a woman caught in adultery, by the letter of the law, is to be stoned to death.

(now remember- Jesus has come not to abolish the Law— but to fulfil it!)

Here’s how I suggest we move forward: How about those of you who have no sin at all— you go ahead and take the first shot. Those of you who are 100% righteous and have it all lined up just so— you go ahead and start.

One by one, they all just drop their rocks, and walk away.

John 8:10–11 NIV

10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

He was the only one in that crowd— that had the right to throw a stone. But he didn’t.

Jesus does not condone our sin, but he also doesn’t condemn a repentant sinner.

His heart was not to condone what she did, but he doesn’t condemn it either.

He instructs us on what we are to do moving forward—painting for us a picture of the future that is possible with him. He doesn’t tell us what we should have done...

He made the way for you and me. No matter where we are, no matter what we face. It’s about accepting that— we are broken, he is God. We are his, he is ours.

That’s what communion is really all about—

2 Corinthians 5:19 NIV

19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

Jesus invites us to a table— where he offers us once again his body and his blood as our nourishment and strength. As reconciliation for our brokenness.

We have set up four stations for you to partake in this. I’m simply going to pray and ask that the Lord bless us this morning, with a reminder that his love is everlasting, that there is no sin, no condemnation for those who are in Jesus this morning or ever.

Pray—