But...Why Do I Feel This Way?

Introduction

There are secrets and subtle ways by which a person can make themselves desirable by the most important people in the world. Most of what it takes to be noticed by the most successful people in the room is marked by the things one do in secret—when no one’s looking. For instance, it’s 4:17 AM on an early Monday morning. I am just a few hours away from starting a long work week filled with events and long nights. My 1 year old daughter is up crying for what feels like the 2nd hour straight. She’s demanding the attention and comfort of her mother who is determined to break her out of this “stubborn” and “spoiled” (a term we use for babies who intentionally scream to get their way) behavior. I’d rather coddle her and rock her until she falls asleep. And if this would appease her, I would. Yet, since my presence is not desired I have a few decisions to make since I cannot enjoy this designated time of rest:

I can surf the internet for 2 hours until my alarm goes off, or

I can spend the next two hours writing this book

I once took a trip with my the president of Columbia International University. He surprised me and said, “We are having breakfast with John Maxwell tomorrow.” I surprisingly responded, “THE John Maxwell?” He laughed and said, “Yes! I know him personally and every now and then he takes a few hours with me when I ask him for some of his time.” I anxiously awaited the opportunity to sit with him and just listen to his wisdom on leadership.

There were several things I learn that morning. However, the most helpful thing I learned from him was how to make good use of your time. He mentioned how he writes and spends time early in the morning writing on leadership.

You see, we all make decisions in life that will determine the quality of life we have. In fact, our lives are basically the end result of the decisions we have made over a period of time. In general, if we make good decisions we will have a good life. If we make bad decisions we will have a bad life. Likewise, if you want to climb the corporate ladder—make small incremental decisions that will get you there. The most important decisions you will make are the ones you make when no one is looking. Especially the ones you make when your daughter is crying at 4:00 in the morning. With being said…let me go check on my wife.

Chapter 1: Serving with Favor/ Low-Power and High-Power Leaders (Genesis 39:1-6a)

This is the most important asset a leader can have. It will be your key to success no matter where you are in life.

Joseph was a slave. Status is incapable of blocking leaders.

Status is incapable of blocking success.

One is able to be a the bottom and become successful.

Favor is the key to overcoming the burdens of status.

Who do you know?

How do you get to know people in key spaces?

Who know’s you? (Story of I.S. Leevy visiting CIU and explaining the importance of knowing key leaders, but better yet being known by them.)

What reputation are you casting out, which will propel you to success?

Low-power leader and High-power leaders

Examples of low-power leaders:

Examples of high-power leaders:

Low-power leader is one who leads without the position or status of a proven and widely accepted leader. A high-power leader is one who is known and respected as such.

A high-power leader is proven. A low-power leader is striving to prove.

Favor empowers a low-power leader to lead as if he or she is a high-power leader

A low-power leader needs to know people who are high-power leaders in order to become a high-power leader. When a low-power leader leverages the influence, resources, and power of the high-power leader they eventually become a proven and credible leader—high-power leader.

How does a low-power leader gain the favor of a high-power leader?

Get Lucky! Joseph was loved by Jacob for a reason that had nothing to do with Joseph’s actions (Genesis 37:3). It was personal.

High-power leaders have emotional/ personal attachments to certain low-power leaders out of personal experiences. High-power leaders are also great business leaders who are always looking for the next best talent. (You get lucky…) Find your match. There’s someone out there who’s willing to take a chance on you.

Who is the high-powered leader who’s looking for a low-powered leader like you?

Keep trying until you find. If you get denied…keep moving on, because there’s someone out there that is looking for you. (Share your experiences of cold-calling and getting a $100,000 gift.)

Leverage. Joseph was Rachel’s first son. Joseph was the benefactor of the relationships Rachel shared with Joseph. Find someone who cares enough about you to refer you. The emotional attachment comes from your association to someone else who means the world to the high-power leader (Genesis 30:24). There’s almost always someone who can get you in.

Never hire someone to get you in. Get someone to get you in and then honor them.

This establishes a network of friends and not simply an association of business partners.

Hired connectors can’t be trusted. Relationships are greater than partners. Hired connectors are great at finding partners and terrible at developing friendships.

(??) The “It” Factor. Interestingly, Benjamin was born in Jacob’s old age as well. Yet, Benjamin was not loved. You are the one out of the others that have “it.”

There are some lower-power leaders in high-power positions; there are some high-power leaders in low-power positions. But low-power leaders do not stay in low-power positions very long. Low-power leaders can stay in high-power positions long…depending on unique circumstances. (Avoid being a low-power leader in high-power positions.)

Chapter 2: Wear Your Tie (Genesis 39:6b)

Share about the time Dr. Smith told you to stop wearing your tie.

Simply put, your appearance matters. (Share the story of wearing a suit on your first day of work at BCBS and how that changed over time. Also share about getting a new wardrobe for CIU.)They matter for the following reasons:

First impressions

Many people say clothes don’t matter, its about the quality of the person. They are right. However, our clothes often indicate the type of quality that lies under those garments.

Elaborate on the impact of the Civil Rights leaders who wore suits to protest, to jail, and to nearly every event that is photographically documented. Answer the question of why. The overwhelming reason was dignity.

Share the story of being arrested in black shorts and a white tee.

Clothes and appearance is a reflection of who you are and where you want to go.

What are stats on how dress impacts others’ perception of us (See The Influence of clothing on first impressions: Rapid and positive responses to minor changes in male attire by Howlett et al., 2013- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/256846903_The_influence_of_clothing_on_first_impressions_Rapid_and_positive_responses_to_minor_changes_in_male_attire)

Tell the story about how a colleague always called you “the best dressed man on campus?”

Tell the story of the one time you showed up to a alumni luncheon underdressed and how one guest asked, “Are you a student?” Share how you felt about that and how you vowed to never be seen without a tie again.

We don’t dress to impress. We dress to get a chance to impress. Make sure your best impression is better than your best outfit.

Chapter 3: Manage Your Attraction (Genesis 39:7-18)

Understand, leaders are desirable for several reasons. Run away from opportunities that jeopardize your:

trustworthiness- vs. 8

authority/ opportunity to have impact- vs. 9

your attraction and public image

The truth: Realize when you’ve done all you can do, everything can and often will fall apart. What’s next?

Handle your attraction with dignity, respect, and honor.

Learn the value of saying no to bad opportunities that look good.

Chapter 4: Bloom Where You’re Planted: (Genesis 40)

Sometimes, the answer to favor comes from other low-power leaders. What happens if someone gets elevated before you and you have not served them well? They will arrive and forget them. Learn to serve your colleagues and not just those in high positions. How you treat your colleagues will prepare you for how you treat your high-power leaders. /9

Joseph did these things:

Managed his emotions when things fell apart. He knew favor could be acquired no matter where one is in life or what circumstances they are facing.

He served with his gift.

Don’t be discouraged by unfulfilled promises.

Chapter 5: Don’t Blow It: (Genesis 41)

You will get a chance to produce for the high-power leader. Don’t blow it.

Chapter 6: Don’t Burn Bridges

Chapter 7: Know When It’s Time to Leave

If you always feel singled out, it’s probably because you are.