Papa was a Rolling Stone

The NET Bible Psalm 68:4–5

Sing to God! Sing praises to his name!

Exalt the one who rides on the clouds!7

For the LORD is his name!8

Rejoice before him!

68:5 He is a father to the fatherless

My Dad’s Name was Bennie Earl Bailey Jr.

He was Born in Pineville, LA in April of 1943 to Velma and Bennie Sr. and was the youngest of 3 kids.

When my Daddy was 4 years old he contracted Scarlett Fever and was suffering from this on Christmas Day 1947. My Grandmother could barely stand to see her youngest son miss Christmas Day, so she got him up for a bit so he could be a part of the morning.

During this time, Dad’s fever spiked dangerously high to the point that he has a seizure.

That Christmas Day, the fever burned scars on my Dad’s brain tissue and for the remainder of his life he suffered from Epileptic seizures.

As a boy I watch my Dad have many seizures. We called them Blackouts. Dad would would make a funny noise that always preceded the event and then, he was gone.

The lights were on, but nobody was home. He would remain in an almost catatonic state for several minutes and then eventually, he would start to come up out of the depths that darkness and he was back.

For him, everything that happened in those moments was a complete loss. He had no memory whatsoever of anything that happen when we was blacked out.

Growing up in LA in during the late 40’s and Early 50’s with such a condition was hard on young man and his dad, my grandfather was NOT a talkative or overly sensitive man it seemed. So I don’t know how my grandfather shepherded my dad through this. My daddy however was deeply devoted to both his his dad and his mom, at least from my perspective.

I’m telling you this because, I did not have a good relationship with Earl Bailey Jr.

I spent my whole life feeling like I was in the way and about as wanted as boil on my daddy’s rear end.

I can’t explain it, but there as always this sense of resentment that I got from my dad ..a resentment that my younger sister and brother didn’t notice or get.

From a young age, I had a musical talent. My Mom noticed it immediately and nurtured it every chance she got.

Dad however could not have cared less it seemed.

It was my Mom’s older brother Chris Dickson who nurtured that gift the most and inspired it even more. He was the guy that taught me the things that most dads teach young men.

How to Shoot a gun, ride a motorcycle, chop wood, swim, camp; he was a man in my life and arguably the most influential man in my life for a very long time.

Earl didn’t want any part of those things but he sure resented Chris for being that for me and occasionally made it known.

I didn’t recognize it at the time, but there was something much deeper at play here.

I found myself becoming a bit of an over-achiever in life, trying desperately to win my dad’s heart and maybe hear just one time that he Loved me or that he He was proud of me.

To my memory, I can only remember one time that my dad said he loved me, and this was during the early stages of dementia and often he had no clue who he was talking to, so I never knew for sure if that was for me.

We don’t have time for me to really delve much deeper into mine and my dad’s relationship except to say that as a boy growing up, he was not the dad I was hoping for.

I guess I wasn’t the son he was hoping for either and that narrative played into a thousand deep wounds and 10,000 failures for me as a man.

Eventually the pain turned into a deep-seated anger that ran just underneath the surface of my heart and when it was least expected, that anger would overflow like lava from a volcano and burn everything around me to the ground.

I had far too many Pompeii moments in my early manhood.

I started this episode talking about my dad’s childhood and the condition that he struggled with his entire life, because it wasn’t until about 6 years ago that Holy Spirit spoke to me while I was sitting in my truck waiting to got into a lunch meeting and he said “your dad was just a man” ‘He was not a super-hero” ‘He did not wear a cape”

You need to forgive your dad and recognize that he was a broken, trouble man who did the only thing he knew how to do.. raise another, broken, deeply troubled man”

My daddy died in March of 2007. It was 2017 when the Holy Spirit finally got me to a point where I could see him as a man, instead of a failed father.

I was ready to forgive him and tell him that I loved him.

Needless to say, that is easier said than done when your dad is no longer living, but Jesus walked me through this and it shortly after this that I was able to truly step into a full trust of my Father in Heaven, not because I didn’t trust him before, but because I never felt like a much loved son and that was real obstacle in our relationship.

It was after I offered my dad forgiveness that I felt the narrative of the Unwanted Son melt away and Jesus walked me into the presence of the One who is a father to the fatherless and reminded me that I have always been loved by him and that I am a truly Much Loved Son of God Most High.

That is my true Identity.

Was it my unforgiveness of my dad that was the obstacle?

Yes, that was part of it, but it was also the fact that I never showed my dad any grace or every once thought of him as another man.

I never once had compassion for how my dad was raised or the suffer that he faced day in and day out because of his Blackouts.

I never once saw the shame the fear, the guilt and the regret that he lived under or the narratives that were driving him down.

When he was in his early 40’s, he lost the only job he had ever had since college.

I watched as my dad slipped into a dark, deep depression. It was so painful to watch and it was painful for us as family because income took a major hit and he was doing very little to address the need.

I was a Sophmore in HS the year that happen and the lack of funds was an obstacle for me to continue in my musical education. At least, that was the story I was telling myself at the time.

I wished I knew them what I know now, but then all I could see was a man that had laid down and given up on himself and on us.

I only saw what he failed to give me and was consumed in my own sense of entitlement.

I was just a boy, but I was a selfish, self-centered boy who only seemed to think of himself it would seem.

The resentment that my dad had towards my uncle, wasn’t so much focused at Chris or at me, but at himself and his inability to be that man for me that he knew I needed.

He had allowed the narrative of his condition to convince him that he could never be the dad I needed.

So, he bought into that and his anger and resentment, which I did not understand at the time became something that I mirrored and eventually embodied myself.

There are a million men today with stories that are similar, many that are far worse than my story, but the wounds that are left by Fathers are deepest and most damaging I’ve ever seen.

our society as a whole is in disarray because of the strategic and methodical attack on Fathers.

It is said that today is the most fatherless generation of men this world has ever seen.

63% of all teen suicides are from fatherless homes

85% of kids with behavioral problems come from fatherless homes

Kids with disengaged fathers are 10x more likely to fall prey to some sort of life controlling addiction.

we don’t have the time to discuss the deep affect that fatherlessness has on our society, not just absent dads but disengaged dads.

In some cases the disengaged dad creates a deep wound than just not having a man their at all.

It’s time.

Time to break the cycle.

Jesus offers us a relationship with a Father that is far better than any father we can imagine and his has the power to heal every father wound that every man and woman currently has in their hearts.

If you have story like this, I want to encourage you be brave and have the courage to come the Jesus and ask for this.

Don’t ignore those wounds any longer and don’t allow them to continue to be propagated any longer by passing these wounds on to your kids.

If is NEVER TOO LATE to be freed and healed from this and come into a true Father / Son relationship that can redefine your personal life and have positive effects on the lives of those you touch.

That’s something worth a Song of Praise and gratitude, Jesus is his name and he is a father to the fatherless.

Bonus, once you are healed of this and are living as a Son of God, experiencing true fatherhood, He then begins to shift something in you where you can now be his Imagine in the Earth and he will begin to father others through you.

To my earthly dad, Earl Bailey Jr., I say “dad I love you and I understand” “I am sorry for my part in the breakdown of our relationship”

Good News though, Jesus has claimed me for his own and I am learning how to be a Son, how to be a Good Man and how to be a Father.

I’m in good hands.