The Way They Should Go

Ephesians 6:1-4

Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Intro Talk)

Has anyone seen the movie “Once Were Warriors” it was released in 1994, and it was a very confronting and violent movie. The movie followed the life of ‘Jake the Muss’ and his family who he doesn’t treat very well. The essence of the movie is to showcase the harsh reality of Māori culture and trying to fit in and find their identity that they have lost.

I feel that all men but focusing on Christian Men have lost their identity in today’s landscape which is causing a lot of problems and issues, such as anger, frustration, despair, decline in mental and physical health, lack of purpose. Is our identity just a pay cheque, we can feel like a catcher in tee ball, you know useless?

Fight for the family (6:1-4)

Fight to be a good witness (6:5-9)

Fight for the Family ( 6:1-4)

Understanding Your Child A father was berating his child for doing something wrong. Finally in exasperation he added, “Every time you’re bad I get another grey hair.” The little guy looked at his dad and said, “Wow! You must have been a terror! Look at Grandpa!” As parents we may forget the problems we caused our parents.

Give my testimony and the good, bad and the ugly of my relationship with my dad.

Nuclear family, or biblical model of the family is under attack. So many of society’s issues/problems stem from a broken family model

Even though both mother and father work together in raising the children (“children obey your parents,” v. 1), fathers are the special focus of verse 4. Fathers have a leading responsibility for raising children. This is a natural extension of the headship of the wife in

Ephesians 5:23-25 “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

Dad should take the initiative to make sure that plans and processes and people are in place to build a vision of God and truth and holiness into the lives of the children. The term Tekna here can include adult children, but it certainly is not limited to them, who in any case would not necessarily be living in the household anymore.

As Lincoln says,

“The children in view here must be old enough to be conscious of a relationship to their Lord and to be appealed to based on it, but young enough still to be in the process of being brought up”. - Lincoln

Roman Headship had the backing of law to put to death a child (at any age so long as the father lived), famous letter of a husband to his wife stating that if it’s a boy keep it, if it’s a girl throw them away. There was an area where discarded children were taken, and then used as slaves with the girls being like chattel being sent to the brothels of Rome. In Hellenistic culture, the authority of the head of the house, gave the father unlimited power over his children, and this law exercised a considerable degree of influence in the In Hellenistic Judaism severe punishment could be meted out to disobedient children. Picture of secular vs Christian parenting (it should look different).

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you [not just your children!], along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31)

Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

6:4) Paul’s exhortation to fathers not to ‘exasperate’ their children echoes his earlier concern about ‘anger’ in 4:26–27, 31. The positive exhortation to bring up children in the training and admonition of the Lord recalls the earlier emphasis on learning the tradition of Christian teaching

Ephesians 4:20-21 -“That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.”

Fathers cause their children’s souls to be small and shrivelled, starved of what it needs, and being fed a toxin that makes it not only small, and shrivel but angry and hard, the reason for this is that they are angry shells themselves. A few behaviours’ dad should avoid so as not to make kids excessively angry (yelling, excessive discipline, boundaries that are too narrow or too harped on, bossiness, unclear instructions, contradictive rules, etc.)

Anger is the cannibal emotion: It eats all the others till none is left. It does this first in fathers, and then this constricted soul is passed on to the children. Anger is absorbed as the dominant emotion and all the tender feelings die. Paul says don’t let that happen. “Fathers, don’t provoke your children to anger.” The remedy is the gospel— “as God in Christ forgave you.” How does the gospel stop us from being angry? Discuss - (Joy), makes us focus upward and outward, makes us consider the other person.

Ways to provoke your child to anger

· Overprotect (helicopter parenting)

· Favouritism

· Withhold approval

· Withhold affection

· Set bar too high (academically, sports)

· Bitter sharp words (where your child is at a disadvantage and can’t fight back therefore building up frustration and bitterness)

· Not sacrificing time, rights, - shows them they are in the way and an inconvenience

Ways to raise them up

Nurture them Rearing children with a connotation of care. The solicitous feel to the word shows up in

Ephesians 5:29 - where Paul says, “No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.” That word nourishes is the same word as bring up in

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

So, the focus is on the fact that, in all that a father does to bring his children to maturity there should be a provision and a care that assures the child that, behind all the discipline and instruction, there is a great heart of love. This earthly father is working all things together for the good of his child. And so God’s character is being displayed.

Teach them the ways of the lord - Scripture around the house, devotions etc. Discipline them/ Chastise them (as the Lord does)

In the discipline... (paideia)This word signifies the actions a father takes to give his children the abilities and skills and character to live life to the glory of God. It is not synonymous with teaching. It is more full and more active. For example, it is used in

2 Timothy 3:16 for “training.” “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.”

The word often refers to the painful part of training: “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons”

Hebrews 12:7-8 -“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.”

Teach them how to think for themselves and think in the gospel

“by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you. 4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates,” - Dt 6:2–9

Conclusion

Growing up with a Christian father’s help involves being shown how to do the things that a Christ-exalting life requires and being held accountable to do them as well as you can.

1. Be a real father figure to your children.

2. Let your love show.

3. Don’t be afraid to discipline.

4. Devote yourself to your child’s development.

5. Set the emotional and spiritual tone in your home.

Conclusion All of this

can be summarized into two sentences: Let your children know you’re their father. Let your children know their father.