Boundaries (3)

Hebrews 12:7–13 KJV 1900

7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? 10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. 12 Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; 13 And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.

Laws are indisputable facts.

Cannot be argued against.

Law of gravity works no matter if you are it exists or not...

Law #1: Sowing and Reaping = cause and affect

Law #2: Law of Responsibility = responsible for/to

Law #3: Law of Power = I only have power over me!

Law #4: Law of Respect = I must respect others “no”!

Law #5: Law of Motivation = Why am I doing what I am doing?

Law #6: Law of Evaluation

Evaluate the pain that your boundaries cause other people.

Evaluate the pain your lack of boundaries cause other people.

Does my no hurt?

No one likes to be told no!

How many got up this morning and thought, I can’t wait till my spouse tells me no!

My boss, kids, coworker

What was law # 4? Law of Respect - I have to respect other people no.

Saying and hearing “no” brings pain!

Pain of disappointment

Pain of frustration

Pain of lack of support

How evil does a person have go be to withhold support?

There are those that have a dependent personality disorder.

Their existence depends on your involvement in your life.

Example:

talking to someone on the phone for 10 minutes and they say, you only have 10 minutes for me today?

talk to the same person for an hour and they say, you only have an hour for me today?

Your support of them going into the second hour is trespassing!

They are Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh...

Winnie the Pooh is a phycological wonder that many people can find themselves in!

Pooh: eating disorder

Piglet: anxiety disorder

Tigger: ADHD

Eeyore: depressive disorder

Owl: Narcissistic

Christopher Robinson: schizophrenic

How do I know how to respond?

Question: Am I causing them harm (damage)?

Harm vs. hurt

Harm = lasting damage

Hurt = quick recovery, momentary

Clarity comes with this law when you ask yourself, Am I hurting that person or harming them?

Illustration:

Dentist - major pain, horrid sounds, disgusting smells, grinding and pulling teeth, cutting, scrapping, blood

Is he hurting you or harming you?

Pshyco torturing you - same thing. Major pain, horrid sounds, disgusting smells, grinding and pulling teeth, cutting, scrapping, blood

Is he hurting you or harming you?

Bowl of ice cream every night, candy, not brushing and flossing your teeth…

Even though it feels good POOH, is it hurting or harming you?

Law #5 is the Law of Motivation!

Most of the time (if not ALL) healing the harm in your life WILL hurt!

Hebrews 12:10–11 KJV 1900

10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Boundaries bring the pain of growth!

Law #7: Law of Proactivity vs. Reactivity

Proactive = deliberate choice

Reactive = impulsive choice

A strong boundary should NEVER be reactive!

How many has every exploded in reaction to a situation?

Common phrase:

I have had enough!

Not again!

Stop it already!

That’s a bad boundary! Immature or Reactive boundary.

You ignored until you exploded...

A reactive boundary will have a necessary verbal explosion - tantrum.

This is a good start but it’s immature.

Proverbs 30:21–22 NLT

21 There are three things that make the earth tremble— no, four it cannot endure: 22 a slave who becomes a king, an overbearing fool who prospers,

When you have been a slave to having no boundaries in your life your whole life you have to work very hard to establish proactive boundaries… Or the world around you will tremble!

Establishing boundaries IS A PROCESS!

Know who you are and what you stand for before you can stand against anything…

Law #8: Law of Envy

The only good in life is outside me.

Forever comparing my life to other people.

This cause me to overlook the problem in me.

Adam and Eve:

You can have anything you want, just not the fruit of this tree.

What did they do?

Immediately focused on everything they could have in the whole garden! Man Adam, look at all this we can have...

No, they focused on the one thing they could NOT have! ENVY!

Problem with envy is it is never good enough.

If you are lost in envy you will never set boundaries.

Someone will always be luckier, have a better job, be prettier, more fortunate...

You will never take ownership of you life!

Envy’s antidote: gratitude

Happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have!

Paul would write from prison in Phil 4:11 that he was content!

Law #9: Law of Activity

Take initiative!

Make the first move.

Physics: Stationary vs. moving object

It take less effort to change the course of a moving object than a stationary one.

God works with you when you are moving!

Problem: most of us wait for ppl to come to us and ask us about their boundary problems…

Wait for the addict to ask if their addiction bothers them.

Wait for the control freak to come to you and say, your kind of quiet, did I hurt you?

That will not happen. They are boundary less people.

Mat 5 - if you get to the alter and realize your brother has something against you, leave your gift and go make it right.

So if my brother is upset at something I did, I go to him

Mat 18 - if your brother sins against me, go to him.

So if its your your fault or your brothers fault, go to him and reconcile

SO NO MATTER WHAT, MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

So if your sitting in the corner waiting for your brother to make it right...

It’s not fair, I’m the injured party...

You hurt me!

Grow up and go reconcile with your bother/sister.

Not yell at them. Vent on them.

RECONCILE WITH THEM!

People stuck in the corner waiting on the offender to come and admit they are right have a problem: Passive Rescue Wish.

Babies have this...

As you mature, you should grow out of this!

It’s not fair, but it’s my problem.

I didn’t start this, but it’s my problem.

How did God handle it?

Did he sit in a corner and suck his thumb waiting for mankind to admit they were wrong?

Law #10: Law of Exposure

It is our responsibility to make our boundaries evident.

Every part of you should be exposed to God and people.

Relationship heals us.

When you expose your boundaries to the light, other people are now responsible for that.

You have to make your boundaries clear.

How do you hide the boundary lines?

becoming quiet

laughing trespasses off

Ingoring trespass

disconnecting from a person

shutting down

judging friend

gossiping about friend

Some people walk through life with no clue how they affect other people...

You have to make it clear.

You have to respect a clear boundary

How are you breaking the laws?