Learning to Forgive Matthew 18:15-35

Intro: Forgiveness

Butch resigning as an Elder

Today we are going to learn how to forgive

It’s gonna start with how to deal with the person when you’ve been offended

Then we are going to look at forgiveness after multiple offenses

And then finish it up with a parable on forgiveness

Forgiveness: is the release, on the part of the creditor or offended party, of any expectation that a debt will be repaid or that an offender will receive punishment for an offense.

In the OT Forgiveness can also be expressed by stating that one will not “remember” (zākar) the offense or “count” the offense

This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and fowl vocabulary.

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet.

He opens the freezer door. The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness."

The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"

Obviously we can’t handle all of our situations like that so what do we do

Learning to forgive

I. When Offended vs. 15-20

When you are offended

Most won't follow the process

Won't deal with it

Harbor bitterness

Gossip about it

It would be wrong for anyone to take Jesus’ word here as a command to confront your brother with every sin they commit against you.

The Bible says we should bear with one another and be long suffering towards each other.

Colossians 3:13 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Proverbs 10:12 ESV

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Yet clearly, there are some things that we cannot suffer long with and must address.

We can say that Jesus gives us two options when your brother sins against you.

You can go to him directly and deal with it; or you can drop the matter under Christian long suffering and bearing with one another.

Other options – holding onto bitterness, retaliation, gossiping to others about the problem – are not allowed.

When believer offends another believer

Go privately

Directly, to no one else

Tell them how they have offended you

Not to vent

Not to win an argument, but to win the brother; reconciliation

If agree, it's over

Get some help: 2 or 3 witnesses

Approach as a group

Deuteronomy 19:15–17 ESV

“A single witness shall not suffice against a person for any crime or for any wrong in connection with any offense that he has committed. Only on the evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be established. If a malicious witness arises to accuse a person of wrongdoing, then both parties to the dispute shall appear before the Lord, before the priests and the judges who are in office in those days.

Handled in the assembly of God's people

Not in the courtroom: forbidden in 1 Corinthians 6

Take before the church

Leadership that represents the whole

For the purpose of restoration

vs. 18 Loose on earth will be loosed in heaven

vs. 19-20 Where two or three are gathered:

Jesus here indicated that meetings of His people – indeed, meetings full of power and authority connected to heaven – do not need to be large gatherings.

They can be of two or three of His followers at a time.

A meeting of two or three is easy to gather. Someone is always close at hand, and it isn’t hard to find a place to meet.

“Two or three are mentioned, not to encourage absence, but to cheer the faithful few who do not forget the assembling of themselves together, as the manner of some is.” (Spurgeon)

numbers are not essential.

rank of the people is not essential

place is not essential

time is not essential

This shows us that the particular form the meeting should take is not essential.

Are gathered together in My name: This shows us that meeting in Jesus’ name is most essential

Gathering together in His name means that we are known by Him and by His name.

Gathering together in His name means that He is our point of gathering; we gather around Jesus.

Gathering together in His name means gathering according to the character and nature of Jesus.

Gathering together in His name means gathering in a manner that Jesus would endorse.

I am there in the midst of them: This means that Jesus isn’t up front, closer to the minister or the leaders. He is in the midst, there to be close to all. It means that he should be proclaimed and revealed to all. Some people leave a church saying, “They have taken away my Lord, and I don’t know where they have laid Him.”

II. After Multiple Offenses vs. 21-22

Peter's seven sounds generous

Rabbis said three

Peter doubles and adds one

Seventy times seventy

Count 490

We would lose count

Love... keeps no record of wrongs

Keep forgiving; infinite

What Forgiveness is

In biblical forgiveness, the wrongdoer admits, “I sinned against you,” and asks, “Will you forgive me?”

The one wronged must respond by promising, “I forgive you.”

Forgiveness – releasing resentment and pardoning one who has offended or hurt you – is rarely a one-time event.

The pain doesn’t disappear once you forgive someone.

And those closest to us may hurt us repeatedly, requiring us to forgive multiple times.

The best way to step toward forgiveness is to admit that you need to forgive.

Be honest with the Lord and ask Him to reveal any distorted thinking you may have about forgiveness.

That often begins with discovering the difference between what forgiveness is – and what it is not.

This is very different than just saying you’re sorry or saying to the one who wronged you, “Hey, don’t worry about it!”

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

How do you move on to Forgiveness?

Refuse to bring up the offense, especially to the offender

Hebrews 8:12 ESV

For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

Refuse to think about the offense.

2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

Refuse to talk to others about the offense.

Be reconciled with the offender as far as is biblically possible.

Matthew 5:23–24 ESV

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

III. Parable of Forgiveness vs. 23-35

Who wanted to settle accounts with his servants: The king in this parable expected his servants to be faithful and honorable in the way they conducted his business. Therefore, one day he examined their work and would settle accounts with them.

Who owed him ten thousand talents: Commentators list the modern value of 10,000 talents as anywhere between $12 million and $1 billion USD. The figure clearly represents an unpayable debt.

vs.25-27

His master commanded that he be sold: Of course, the man was not able to pay. Therefore the master commanded to sell the debtor, his family, and all he had. This would not satisfy the debt; slaves at their top price were sold at a talent each (and usually sold for much less). Yet it would bring some measure of justice.

“Top price for a slave fetched about one talent, and one-tenth that amount or less was more common.” (Carson)

Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all: The promise of the servant made no sense. He spoke as if all he needed were patience; that if he were given enough time he could actually pay this massive debt. The disciples listening to Jesus would think this was humorous.

“Many a poor sinner is very rich in resolutions. This servant-debtor thought he only needed patience; but indeed he needed forgiveness!” (Spurgeon)

The master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt: The master showed mercy prompted by compassion, forgiving a debt that obviously could never be repaid – despite whatever promises the servant made.