Qualities of family 2

June 23, 1991 am                   THE QUALITIES OF 'FAMILY'                       I Thessalonians 2 Introduction [Family advice from Paul?]      Paul was tough. He had to be to survive in his world. He did nottolerate failure lightly. He drove himself harder than anyone else.      But Paul was also tender.      Paul responded to the tenderness of Stephen the martyr, whenperhaps nothing else could have reached him, the radical persecutor ofthe Way.       After his remarkable conversion, he was taken under the personalcare of one of the kindest men in all the Bible, Barnabus, the son ofconsolation. Barnabus didn't change Paul's gritty spunky aggressivenature entirely, but he did make an indelible mark. Paul was not onlytough, Paul knew the value of being tender. [The Holy Spirit (not just crusty St. Paul) inspired these words!:]       Here in I Thessalonians 2 are some "side comments" by Paul onthe way parents ideally relate to their children.  He tells the peoplein Thessalonica what he thinks of them, and how he has sought to treatthem.  Paul's comments are an outline of family characteristics wemight look at and cultivate. I. PARALLELS: GROWING A CHURCH AND RAISING A FAMILY    A. I may be an idealist, but I really believe that A CHURCH IS AFAMILY.  Some families are closer than others; some are more "fun;"but every local unit of Christ's church is family!    B. THE IDEAL CHURCH/FAMILY IS GOD-CENTERED, RATHER THAN PERSON-CENTERED. (2:4) "we speak, not as pleasing (people) but God, whoexamines our hearts."       1. This formula works for everything Christian. [Actually, Ilearned it at a CCI "Fireside" more than 20 years ago in Green Lake,Wisconsin. It has worked at Camp Taconic all these long years since!We do not run a camp, even a "Boys' Camp" or "Girls' Camp," forpeople-- not even the boys or girls, although that is the reason forthe camp. The camp is run for the glory of God!  Every person doeswhat he/she does as unto the Lord!  The end result: the boys and girlsare served even better than if we ran the camp for them!]           a. It works in a church          b. and it even works in a family       2.  The church is NOT to be simply a place where perceived needsare met, or where the gospel is "marketed."  The "bottom line" is NOTchurch growth, or even good reports.  The "bottom line" is pleasingGod! He is the One who builds His church!    C. "Pleasing God" has a way of combining worth-while goals, and"straining out" lesser ones.       [The current Reader's Digest carries an article I barelyskimmed, by a rabbi. His testimony was the same as mine: it has been agreat life BUT there is one regret: I was too ambitious about mycareer at first!] II. GROWING A CHURCH OR A FAMILY CANNOT BE DONE IN A DETACHED AND    IMPERSONAL WAY    A.  The single most important thing that families need is "LOVE."But 'love' has to be more than a word.  "Love" is so broad a term thatit has to be broken into pieces we can handle and recognize and workon. Paul put it this way: (2:8) "Having thus a fond affection for youwe were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God BUTOUR OWN LIVES ALSO, BECAUSE YOU HAD BECOME VERY DEAR TO US."       1.  "Lessons" are important. ABCs, "times tables" and thedisciplines must be mastered. But the greatest lesson of all is whatkind of person the teacher is, or what kind of person the father ormother is. Character is more "caught" than taught.       We've all had them: teachers who had to get the lesson across,whatever the cost; teachers who went altogether by the text. But we'vealso had them: teachers who were tough, perhaps-- but who demanded ourbest because they believed in us and loved us! [I remember Mrs. Crouch, a history teacher at Akron North HighSchool. "Wake up, Russell," she said. "You're going to be dead a longtime!" But I knew she cared about me!]    B.  The first quality of this investment of self, this quality thatmakes for "family" health is LOVE EXPRESSED AS...                          I. GENTLENESS       Paul says, (2:7) "I have been like a mother to you!" Tough Paul,hard on John Mark when he got homesick, not whimpering when he isbeaten, standing up to more than one Roman centurion or magistrate--tough Paul says, "I have been like a mother to you!"       So, "how is a mother?" In a word, "gentle."  Love that almosthurts!  Love that seeks to lift and bless. Love that is on the alertfor ways to be a help. [Practical: Yes, young mothers have the toughest job!  They do FEELlike they don't want to even SEE their kids sometimes.  But just letthose same kids whimper off in the corner somewhere, and the familyreunion is going strong, and there is all kinds of noise andconfusion, and Mother hears HER little child's voice when no one elsein the room does! Why?] II. GENTLE LOVE CAN ALSO BE 'STRONG' ["TOUGH LOVE!"]     A.  Paul also speaks of being 'like a father.' (2:11 "...  we wereexhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a fatherwould his own children ...")  [Remember, now, this is not YOUR father, nor is it mine.       Some of you have sad stories to tell about family relationships.  Don't let them influence you in your concept of the term"father" or "mother" as it is used in the scriptures.       I happened to have as a father a man who totally gave himself toGod before I was born. I am eternally grateful for that.  But at thesame time I hasten to say that my father was not perfect, and he madea number of mistakes in dealing with me as his son.       In turn, I have been a sincere and committed Christian sincebefore my children were born, but I must confess that I have not beenthe perfect or ideal father.]       Paul is speaking of an "ideal." We all have to rise above themistakes and sins of our parents.     B.  So, what sort of strong characteristics does Paul describe ashelpful for the church/family?       1. The first quality Paul associates with the ideal father, andthe second in our family list is LOVE EXPRESSED AS:                        II. ENCOURAGEMENT           A good TEACHER OR PARENT is an encourager! He/she makes youfeel like you CAN! He/she doesn't beat you down, but builds you up! [Illustration: R.C.Sproul told us of a teacher who wrote "You canwrite!" on his paper and put it up on the bulletin board for all tosee!  Alice Spangenberg wrote the same words on one of my freshmanpapers, and it greatly encouraged me!]       2.  The next thing Paul mentions- and perhaps the order isimportant- is LOVE EXPRESSED AS:                         III. COMFORTING      We've discovered the importance of touching! Parents need to hugtheir children often and sincerely, and not just when they deserve itor are good, but when they feel most naughty we need to encourage themto be better human beings.      [Illus: The little boy who went past many churches to get toD.L. Moody's Sunday School because "They love me!"]       3.  The next thing on Paul's list is the one we usually placefirst. It is LOVE EXPRESSED BY:                            IV. URGING       This "urging" aspect of parenthood carries over into mostrelationships and uses words like "ought" and "should" and questionslike "Did you?" and reactions like "I told you so.."       All these are (probably) legitimate. After all, URGING is on thelist!  And some of us wouldn't have got out of bed this morning ifsomeone hadn't used this fatherly technique!       But urging is like salt. It must be used properly!       Urging used to be extended even to corporal punishment.  I speakof judicious use of spanking. Now even to mention the idea of swattinga child is to incur accusation and suspicion. Still, if the otheraspects of love (i.e., Gentleness and Encouragement, etc,) are reallypresent, URGING HAS ITS PLACE!  [ILLUS.  The URGING must fit the childand situation, however!  I recall how I was disciplined as a child offive or six; I tried the same thing on John when he was five or sixwith very different results!]       4.  There is one more important item on the list ofqualities. it is LOVE EXPRESSED THROUGH GENUINE:                            V. PRAISE!       (2:20) "For you are our glory and joy." (And 3:8) "For now wereally live if you stand fast in the lord!"  Passion, affection,vicarious living, family tightness-- a wonderful thing. Conclusion:       I covet these things for this church we call our spiritual homeand family.  I want to see us live to please God with all our hearts,whatever our individual gifts and assignments may be.      And I also covet this for the people you call "family."  You havethe greatest influence by far on your inner circle.      I.   Gentleness ... global, universal care for the welfare of          others      II.  Encouragement ...      III. Comforting ... we all need it!      IV.  Urging ... use with care; but don't let anyone settle for          being less than her/his best!      V.   APPRECIATION/PRAISE!  ...  joy in others' success is a sign          of genuine LOVE! Prayer Exalt Him #57 - The Servant Song