The Godly Husband

Believers possess Christ’s own nature and Holy Spirit, thus husbands can love their wives with a measure of Christ’s own kind of love. This love is manifested in many ways.

PROTECTOR:

1 Peter 3:7

1 Peter 3:7 NKJV

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

As the stronger vessel, man has an obligation to protect the weaker vessel.

PROVIDER:

Man was designed to work, even before the fall.

Genesis 2:15

Genesis 2:15 NKJV

Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.

Genesis 3:17-19

Genesis 3:17–19 NKJV

Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return.”

It is man's responsibility to see that the family is fed.

A husband’s love should be:

WILLING TO DIE FOR HER - SACRIFICIAL LOVE:

Christ loved the church by giving “Himself up for her.”

Romans 5:7–8

Romans 5:7–8 NKJV

For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Husbands, don’t tell me about your wife’s problems that make it hard to love her—you’re not nearly as far removed from your wife as God was from sinners, yet He loved you And died for you.

Your wife may be a sinner, but so are you. Don’t lose that perspective.

Men who explain away their difficult marriages by claiming they no longer love their wives are being disobedient to God’s command.

God-type love is different then the world's love, the world loves with an object-oriented love.

What that means is that the love is based on some physical attribute, or personality, its based on things that are subject to change.

It tends to be cliquish and overly selective, and this type of attitude can even affect Christians.

Not superficial, but unconditional love:

James 2:1-4

James 2:1–4 NKJV

My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, “You sit here in a good place,” and say to the poor man, “You stand there,” or, “Sit here at my footstool,” have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?

But that type of love is necessarily fickle because the moment the characteristic that motivated the love disappears, or loses its appeal, the love disappears.

Many marriages fall apart simply because the relationship was founded on that kind of love.

If God were going to love anything on the basis of its innate appeal it would not have been us. We are all like unclean things.

Isaiah 64:6

Isaiah 64:6 NKJV

But we are all like an unclean thing, And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away.

Because God gave His children the capacity to love as He loves, He can command His love from them.

That means love is a choice that we make—it is an act of our will as well as our heart.

Men, Scripture is not commanding you to love your wife because she deserves it but to love her even if she doesn’t deserve it.

Divine love is an act of selfless sacrifice.

When you love in that way, you’ll do what is needed without counting the cost or analyzing the merit of the need.

And your love will continue to meet the need whether it is received or rejected, appreciated or resented.

Husbands, as long as you’re looking for what you can get out of marriage, you will never know what it means to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

Look instead for what you can give: Be willing to make personal sacrifices for your wife, considering her needs and interests before your own

Philippians 2:3-4

Philippians 2:3–4 NKJV

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

PURIFYING LOVE: vv. 26-27

When you love someone, that person’s purity is your goal. You can’t love a person and at the same time want to defile them.

Christ’s great love for His church does not allow Him to be content with any sin—with any moral or spiritual impurity.

But He doesn’t simply condemn wrong in those He loves; He seeks to cleanse them from it.

Don’t tempt your wife to sin, Love wants only the best for the one it loves, and it cannot bear for a loved one to be corrupted or misled by anything evil or harmful.

Love always seeks to purify.

CARING LOVE: vv.28-29

When your body has needs, you meet them. Your wife also has needs, and you’re to meet them just as diligently.

The husband who loves his wife as Christ loves the church will no more do anything to harm her than he will harm his own flesh.

When your wife needs strength, give her strength. When she needs encouragement, give her that. Whatever she needs, you are obligated to supply as best you can.

Don’t forget: You’re her divinely ordained provider and protector, but should that responsibility ever overwhelm you, recall that God is your Provider and Protector. He will help you do all that He requires.

Always remember that a wife is a God-given treasure to be cared for and cherished.

Proverbs 18:22

Proverbs 18:22 NKJV

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.

Don’t be harsh or resentful to your wife or allow yourself to be preoccupied with her flaws. She, like you, is bound to have plenty of them.

Respond with patience and loving leadership instead of masculine pride or outrage.

UNBREAKABLE LOVE: v.31

For a husband to love his wife as Christ loves His church he must love her with an unbreakable love.

Genesis 2:24

Genesis 2:24 NKJV

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

God’s standard for marriage has not changed.

One great barrier to successful marriages is the failure of one or both spouses to “leave … father and mother.”

A new family begins with a marriage, and while the relationships between child and parents still exists, they are severed as far as authority and responsibilities are concerned.

You need to love and care for your parents, but you cannot let them control your lives now that you’re married.

As a new husband and wife, you are to leave your parents and “cleave” to—be cemented to—each other.

You break one set of ties and establish another set. And don’t forget the second one is more binding and permanent than the first.

All of man's duties - provider, protector, leader, etc are wrapped up in the command to love his wife. So, ultimately, man's duty in marriage is all of the things that true, Godly love entails.

The Godly and obedient husband will always place his wife's needs before his own.

He will be a picture of Christ in her life, and will earn the submission that God has asked of the wife.

The sacredness of marriage motivated Paul to conclude, “Let [the husband] love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband” (v. 33).

There is no more definitive statement of God’s ideal for marriage than that.

When Christian husbands and wives walk in the power of the Spirit, yield to His Word and His control, and are mutually submissive, blessing is the result.

Men, you have a choice. You can stand up and be the men that God has called you to be. By doing so you will be an example, a testimony, a blessing, and an encouragement to those around you.

You will instill the same attitude in your children, and your legacy will be a family that honors God.

Or, you can choose to ignore God's plan, and live life as a weak and empty vessel, useless and spiritually dead.

You should never forget that, apart from obedience to God, your first responsibility is to your wife and children.

Your job is not your greatest priority, not your children's college fund, not your savings account, your church isn't even your greatest priority. It is your family.

Are you the man that God has called you to be?

If there is to be change in the church, change in society, it must start at home. And men, as the head of your family, the change must start with you first! You cannot demand of anyone else, what you are not willing to do.