When Christians Disagree And Divide
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[SLIDE 1] Introduction
If you have your Bible, then I would invite you to turn to Acts 15:36-41. Today, the sermon is going to be a bit different from usual. We’ll still walk through the verses, but most of it will be more applicational and practical. When I finish reading it, you’ll probably know why that’s the case. (READ)
Illustration
There was a story told of two porcupines living in the freezing season in the north woods. In order to make themselves feel warm, they’re to huddle together.
However, when they tried to get close to each other, their quills pricked each other, and they had to separate from each other.
They needed each other for the warmth, but they needled each other with their sharp quills.
Sometimes, Christians (church members) can be like those porcupines. We are the church. We are the gathering of God’s people. To be members of the body of Christ, we need to each other, but we sometimes needle each other.
Even sometimes Christians have good intentions in helping others and can make all the good points (and maybe think they do so in love), but you sometimes find that they’re so unapproachable and you can’t get near them.
One of the saddest things that happens is when parents, best friends, or business partners separate from each other because they do not see eye to eye and cannot resolve the conflict.
Likewise, this happens all too often in the church among Christians.
It can be sad and discouraging when Christians hurt one another due to disagreements and conflicts; due to personality clashes.
This hurt can then evolve into unforgiveness, grudge and bitterness against one another.
Biblical Theology - On Unity?
Some of you may be shocked to hear me say that because you often hear that Christians are supposed to love one another.
Indeed, you’re correct in assuming that.
Jesus taught His disciples that all people will know that we are Jesus’ disciples, if we have love for one another, including our enemies.
That love means sacrificial love. The love that Jesus showed by dying on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins.
So, as Christians, God instructs us to die to ourselves and lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Jesus prayed for believers that they may be one and united so that the world may believe that the Father has sent Him.
So, loving one another and pursuing unity are no small matter. They’re essential to Christian living. When they’re lived out, they send a message to the world that we are indeed followers of Jesus Christ.
Unfortunately, we fall short, don’t we?
Although we are supposed to be more like Jesus, the indwelling sin still remains in us and we give into our flesh.
We may be prideful, stubborn, selfish, easily angered, hypocrites, too quick to speak and not slow to listen, argumentative (aka quarrellsome).
Context
[SLIDE 2] In our passage, Paul tells Barnabas that it is time to return to those churches that they planted to see how they’re doing since it’s been about a year that they’re on furlough. This is the preliminary mark of Paul’s 2nd missionary journey from this passage all the way to chapter 18.
We can tell that Paul had a pastoral heart. He cared about people’s soul and their physical and spiritual wellbeing (Acts 16:5).
For Paul, his mission in life was more than winning converts, but also desiring to see how they’re spiritually maturing in Christ.
Barnabas thought it was a great idea and agreed to do so.
Aftering agree with the plan, Barnabas has his own idea for the 2nd missionary journey. He wanted to take John Mark with them, but the Apostle Paul disagreed and objected Barnabas’ proposal.
This is rather an unpleasant reading. It’s not a pretty picture.
We see two godly men. Godly leaders. Best friends and ministry partners for many years…had a sharp disagreement that resulted in separating from each other.
Like…what just happened?
Paul and Barnabas had already engaged in a debate with the false teachers earlier in this chapter.
They also brought the controversy to the apostles and elders in the Jerusalem Church and they had a debate with each other, and eventually came into unity on the doctrine of salvation.
However, what is so unusual in this specific passage is that Paul and Barnabas handled their disagreement differently from the previous passage.
They weren’t disagreeing (or even debating) about doctrinal issues. They weren’t even disagreeing on the need to go visit the churches that they planted.
They’re disagreeing on whether to bring John Mark with them.
To put it in the language of church leadership, this is a disagreement on ministry methodology and strategy.
Now, why would Paul object to the idea of bringing John Mark?
It is because he withdrew from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them in the mission work back in Acts 13:13-14.
Luke doesn’t explicitly give us a reason why John Mark abandoned his responsibility.
I gave some possible reasons when I went through that verse so you can go back to the church website and listen to that sermon again.
But what is clear is that John Mark’s abandonment left a sour taste for Paul. He wasn’t pleased with what he did. It was a serious breach in ministry.
Paul might have said to Barnabas:
Ministry is tough and not for the faint of heart. And John Mark demonstrated that he’s not suitable to be an assistant and a missionary. He essentially disqualified himself.
What if he abandons us again when we go through the thick of the road? I don’t want to repeat that experience.
However, Barnabas may have defended John Mark. He might have told Paul:
You know Paul, I’m not discounting what he did back in Pamphylia, but that incident happened around a year ago.
But, c’mon, it is possible that John matured in his faith. You’re judging his ability based on his single mistake in his ministry?
Surely, you can be gracious about it, right? Surely, you believe in giving someone a second chance, right?
You should be gracious and forgiving to him.
You’re being way too harsh with your judgment.
Don’t let the past dictate your decision for today.
Barnabas might have said those things to Paul in their discussion. If you know anything about Barnabas so far, then you should remember his name means “Son of Encouragement.” That’s just who he was.
[SLIDE 3] Sadly, they couldn’t come to an agreement. This disagreement was actually so intense to the point that Luke records for us that “there arose a SHARP DISAGREEMENT.”
This phrase in the Greek usually means “to stir to anger” or “to be irritated” or “to be provoked.”
So, it wasn’t just a disagreement, but a heated argument that led to anger based on intense difference of opinion.
As a result, Paul and Barnabas did not see eye to eye and decided to split apart. And I don’t think they separated on good terms. I don’t think they agreed to disagree and had mutual respect for each other.
Barnabas took John Mark with them and sailed to Cyprus. And we never hear from him again in the book of Acts.
Paul took Silas with him, who was one of the delegates from the previous passage.
The one mission turned into two separate missions.
[SLIDE 4] The question that usually arises when reading this passage is: “Who was right in this conflict?”
We should handle this question carefully.
There is a consensus in most of the commentaries that Luke doesn’t put any blame on someone in the disagreement and division.
However, it is possible that the weight of evidence in Scripture favours Paul in this scenario.
Luke does state clearly that Paul was commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord, but nothing is said about Barnabas being commended.
And we never hear from Barnabas again.
Furthermore, Luke travels with the Apostle Paul in Acts 16.
In principle, perhaps it might have been wise not to take John Mark with Paul in this situation, but it doesn’t make Barnabas less right for being gracious and encouraging.
In conduct, however, I think both Paul and Barnabas were at the wrong.
Just because you’re right in principle doesn’t mean you’re right in conduct.
Their sharp disagreement ended up being heated and angry.
Perhaps, Paul repented and learned about his behaviour later on, and so he penned down 1 Corinthians 13:4-6
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
So, I think Paul and Barnabas responded to their disagreement not in love and humility, but in sin, in anger, and in pride.
What a rocky start to the 2nd missionary journey. Just imagine this happened when you’re starting a ministry like that.
I’m sure you’ll be deeply discouraged by that.
Luke was honest in reporting this incident to us as readers of the Bible.
He didn’t have to report this incident of our two heroes of the faith.
He could have just focused on the success and victory in this chapter, which is unity.
But what I appreciate about Bible is its honesty on realism. The Bible doesn’t try to paint perfectionism or try to cover up failures and sins of godly believers.
Exposition
This small passage is instructive for us believers. Taking in various passages of Scripture and also wisdom from Alexander Strauch, there are lessons to be learned about disagreements and conflicts.
[SLIDE 5] First, A Conflict-Free Church Is A Myth.
As humans, we are social beings. We’re created to be in relationships with people. However, with any interpersonal relationships, you’ll eventually run into conflicts. This can happen anywhere.
With church, we certainly are not free from conflict because we interact with other brothers and sisters in Christ who are unique and different from us, and yet stained with sin.
Even the spiritually mature believers and leaders of the church like Paul and Barnabas were not free from conflicts.
[SLIDE 6] In his book, The Mark Of The Christian, Francis Schaeffer (the 20th century Christian apologist) said this: “What divides and severs true Christian groups and Christians - what leaves a bitterness that can last for 20, 30, 40 years (or for 50 or 60 years in a son’s or daughter’s memory) - is not the issue of doctrine or belief that caused the differences in the first place. Invariably, it is a lack of love - and the bitter things that are said by true Christians in the midst of differences.”
Moreover, many Christians may get discouraged and quit serving the LORD as a result of a clash with other believers in the church.
Sometimes, they may even grow cynical and disenchanted about the church and the Christian life because of that conflict.
Soon, they may find little to no value in Christianity. They don’t think church works because it functions just like the wicked and sinful world. Perhaps, even leaving the church altogether because they don’t want to deal with the people who are a part of it.
It makes me wonder if these people have bought into the myth that the church is conflict-free? If that’s you, then have you not read the Scriptures?
[SLIDE 7] The NT makes it clear that Christians had conflicts with one another, and the authors needed to address them.
1 Corinthians 1:10–11 (ESV)
10 I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. 11 For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers.
[SLIDE 8]
Philippians 4:2–3 (ESV)
2 I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
[SLIDE 9]
Galatians 5:15 (ESV)
15 But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.
[SLIDE 10] In fact, when Jesus was on earth, that did not prevent the disciples from having conflict with each other:
Mark 9:33–34 (ESV)
33 And they came to Capernaum. And when he was in the house he asked them, “What were you discussing on the way?” 34 But they kept silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest.
So, the church is not immune to conflicts and disagreements. That’s the first realization we need to come to grips with about the church. A Conflict-Free Church Is A Myth.
[SLIDE 11] Why Do Disagreements And Conflicts Happen?
Just like in any relationships, there are probably endless reasons why they happen in the church. Some reasons for why conflict happens are not inherently sinful while some are due to sin. I’ll quickly brief them.
[SLIDE 12] First, personality differences. Usually, it is due to different personalities, different point of views, different preferences, and different ideas. Some of you are introverts; some are extroverts.
Some of you only like to be with folks who talk like you and look like you, and even agree with you on almost everything.
But love teaches us that we should get out of our echo chambers and learn to appreciate the differences of others.
Second, poor communication. We may assume that communication is easy, but it is not.
Communication is hard work. Unfortunately, people don’t like hard work. We’re usually careless in the way we communicate with people because we make the assumption that the other person would understand what we’re saying and what we mean.
But when that person misunderstands what we’re saying, it can lead to conflicts and causing us to sin.
Third, change. We’re creatures of habits. Some of us may like changes, but most may not.
Fourth, pride. We can be self-centered and egotistic. Pride often clouds our thoughts and prevent us from considering the values of others. Pride may cause us to be dismissive of others.
18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
So, those are some of the many reasons why disagreements and conflicts happen in the church.
When there are unresolved conflicts, Satan uses that to make believers and the church weak and ineffective for kingdom work.. Sweeping conflicts under the rug and dismissing them can be hazardous in the local church.
It’s like cancer. You may not see it outwardly, but it’s inside a person.
That’s because you’re allowing sin, such as bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness, to enslave your emotions and thinking.
26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.
Consequently, the local church will continue to remain unhealthy and impure to the point of potentially shutting its doors.
Years ago, there’s an article published by Christianity Today entitled, “Why Pastors Leave The Ministry.”
Apparently, the number one reason why they leave the ministry is because they get tired of endless interpersonal conflict and complaining within the family of believers.
From 2020-20222, COVID-19 and political conflict were two topics that triggered the resignation of many pastors because there was a lot of strife in the church.
Therefore, conflicts must be resolved before they turn into strife.
14 The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.
[SLIDE 13] However, we shouldn’t be too discouraged about it. We should learn that Disagreements And Conflicts Are Opportunities For Growth
The question is not… “How to avoid them, but how we are to RESPOND to and handle conflicts with biblical principles.”
Disagreements and conflicts are normal and inevitable, but they are not always negative. It is an opportunity for us to grow and humbly learn from them.
Alexander Strauch says that there are positive aspects of conflict that can grow us in Christ:
[SLIDE 14] First, conflicts exposes our true inner character and spiritual condition.
During moments of conflict, we might not be the best versions of ourselves. That's when we get to test how well we fulfill Biblical commands like those of love. Are you short-tempered, angry or unforgiving? Do you hold onto pride and selfishness?
Are you poor listeners, resisting others, independent and unteachable? Or are you humble, patient, kind, wise, balanced, forgiving?
God can use the pressure of conflict to reveal to us who we really are. It often humbles us and causes us to repent and seek God’s help for our weaknesses and lack of love.
Second, conflicts can help clarify our doctrinal beliefs.
We learned from Acts 15 that the Jerusalem council clarified the doctrine of salvation and debated Gentile requirements to enter into the church community. As a result of this great conflict, there’s greater unity and clarity of the gospel.
Certainly, when conflicts arise due to a doctrinal issue, we cannot give our own opinions and experiences. We must go to the word of God and study it diligently, to reassess our beliefs and convictions, to sharpen our biblical and theological literacy, and to correct and refine our doctrinal weaknesses.
Even then we must defend doctrine with our godly behaviour and speech.
Strauch: “Disagreeing with a brother over a doctrinal matter is one thing, but pouring out vile, angry accusations, distorting another person’s beliefs, demonizing a godly saint, and acting belligerently or childishly is another matter.”
Third, conflicts can help improve our communication and problem-solving skills.
Conflict forces you to learn to speak more accurately and carefully.
It also teaches you to be more clear about what you want and what you need.
Sometimes, it teaches you to get to the point instead of getting sidetracked and beating around the bush.
When we look at our culture and society, we see people handling conflict by violence, killing, or lawsuits. Some people are easily outraged by disagreements, and are unwilling to listen to another point of view, and sometimes get rather heated.
And, I think learning the skills of managing conflict will not just help you get along with other Christians in the church, but it will also serve you in every area of your life, starting with your marriage, school, and work.
Fourth, conflict can strengthen group relationships.
It is a myth to think that people who love one another never fight or disagree.
Now, just because there are conflicts in any relationships, it doesn’t mean those relationships are unhealthy.
People in healthy marriages and churches conflict.
Obviously, Christians have legitimate disagreements and different perspectives from one another.
And when those disagreements are resolved, it should stengthen the relationships and you should learn to appreciate the other person.
And fifth, God is wonderfully glorified when we resolve our conflicts in a sane and loving way.
Resolving conflicts in the local church can potentially nurture a healthier church when it is done in the most excellent way, which is love.
[SLIDE 15] And when conflicts do happen, Scripture gives us many guidelines and principles for handling them. When things get heated, it is easy to forget biblical principles and fall into the world’s way of fighting for power, control, and manipulation. So, let me briefly give you biblical principles:
First, Be Spirit-Controlled, Not Out Of Control.
The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and SELF-CONTROL.
Second, Control The Passion Of Anger.
In any conflict the first emotion to control is anger. Anger makes us not care what we say or do. It’s an emotion that can make us go out of control so that the devil takes control and the situation and blows everything out of proportion.
However, love is not irritable or resentful.
Third, Be A Peacemaker, Not A Troublemaker.
Did you know that there are things that God hates. In Proverbs 6:16-19, there is a list of things that God hates and seven that are an abomination to him.
The last thing on the list that God hates is “one who sows discord among brothers.”
Instead of waging war on others, we need to wage peace. Jesus says this about His followers: “Blessed are the peacemakers.”
But being peacemakers doesn’t mean we compromise and tolerate falsehood (or false doctrines) and ignoring sins and errors in the church. Those things are to be addressed by Christians, especially spiritual leaders of the church.
But if the issues are generally secondary or tertiary, or just different perspectives on strategy and methods, those things should and can be resolved peacefully.
Fourth, Be Humble.
What more can I say about this? Human pride underlies most conflict and divisions.
Just like our Lord Jesus, we believers are to be humble, modest, and teacheable when handling conflicts.
Fifth, Control The War Of Words.
In the midst of conflict, don’t use hurtful language. Don’t use words as daggers to throw at people. Hurtful words are like gasolines that inflame the other person’s emotions.
If you want to persuade someone in a disagreement, then use appropriate language.
21 The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.
Sixth, Don’t Attack The Person, Attack The Issues.
Seventh, Seek To Understand, Not Just Argue.
Eighth, Seek To Find Areas Of Agreement.
Ninth, Be Tolerant And Forgiving.
Tenth, Balancing Love And Truth.
[SLIDE 16] My exhortation to you is: Which of those biblical principles will you need to work on by the grace of God when you handle conflicts?
EXPOSITIONAL CONSIDERATION
[SLIDE 17] Having given you practical principles for you to consider when handling conflict, I want to return to our passage for some final thoughts because Paul’s relationship with Barnabas and John Mark doesn’t end negatively. There is a closure to this conflict and disagreement.
Now, we do not know with 100% certainly if Paul and Barnabas forgave each other and reconciled. We would wish that Scripture would clearly tell us that they patched their relationships. We do know that they never worked as a team ever again.
However, Paul did mention Barnabas in 1 Corinthians 9:6 in a supportive manner, but that’s all we got from Scripture.
While I believe that Paul and Barnabas shared the same life in Christ and the fundamental doctrines, it doesn’t always mean that they need to work closely with one another when they have geunine differences.
Tradition says that Barnabas stayed on Cyprus. Perhaps during those times, Barnabas discipled his little cousin, John Mark, until he died.
Eventually, Paul gave John Mark another chance and he did prove to be faithful in the end! Can you imagine that?
[SLIDE 18] Just before Paul was about to be executed, he instructed Timothy bring a special person with him to Paul in Rome in 2 Timothy 4:11
2 Timothy 4:11 (ESV)
11 Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.
Paul also commends Mark in Colossians 4:10 and Philemon 24.
Eventually, John Mark became the Apostle Peter’s spiritual son in 1 Peter 5:13.
And God would use John Mark to pen down the Gospel of Mark for us to learn about the person and work of Jesus Christ and to point sinners and non-believers to repent of their sins and to believe in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour.
Sources suggest that John Mark became a bold evangelist, spreading the gospel in the Roman Empire.
It says that when Mark returned to Alexandria, he tried to evangelize to the Alexandrians and turn them away from worshipping idols, but the idolators of the city resented his efforts.
In AD 68, according to Foxes’ Book of Martyr, the people of Alexandria placed a rope around his neck and mercilessly dragged him to pieces through the streets until he was dead.
So, John Mark was once a quitter, but he eventually and truly became a soldier and martyr for Christ in declaring the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus.
[SLIDE 19] Furthermore, what can we learn the man himself, the Apostle Paul? Paul himself was a pioneer and zealous missionary. His personality was rather strong. That’s why strong leaders like Paul can withstand persecution and accomplish mission. That’s was Paul’s strength.
However, it’s been said that “one's biggest strength is often the source of one's greatest weakness.”
Paul’s weakness may have been his unwillingness to be gracious in accepting failure and work with spiritually weak men like Mark, who had the potential, but wasn’t there yet.
But as you read the Apostle Paul’s letters, you learn that he has changed and became more tender hearted and caring. He learned to balance his strengths and weaknesses.
The same can be said about Barnabas. His strengths were gentleness and encouragement. He was very welcoming to outsiders. Yet, his weakness could have been being overly gracious and not willing to confront sin when needed. Paul even mentions in Galatians 2:13 that Barnabas was influenced by the hypocrisy of Peter so that he also became a hypocrite.
I know people have said that my strength is in Bible knowledge and teaching and preaching. At the same time, the potential weakness that can lead to sin is to be puffed up, arrogant, and unteachable.
So, we should lean towards serving the LORD with our strengths for His glory, but we should also be cautious that our strengths do not lead us to sin if we are not guarding our own hearts.
[SLIDE 20] CONCLUSION
I’m going to wrap this up by having us focus on the sovereignty and providence of God.
While it is an unfortunate event, we can look at it from another angle.
This one missionary team turned into two missionary teams, thus doubling the effectiveness and coverage of the mission effort.
Sometimes, on some rare occasions, maybe it is necessary for two Christians who share common beliefs to go separate ways in ministry. Nonetheless, we should also be reminded that this could not halt the work of God.
He is greater than our folly, sin, conflicts, and disagreements. He is not flinched by them, but certainly not pleased when His children fight with each other.
Nonetheless, God can use separation for His own glory in spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth. Remember, God can use evil and sin for His good. And for those who love God all things work together for good.
So, both men went their own separates ways. But they were never so discouraged and disappointed that they stopped serving the LORD Jesus Christ.
They continued to be faithful to Him and continued the Great Commission.
So, if you’re experiencing conflicts and caused division, know that God has given you everything in His word to handle them.
Know that there is hope for you if you have failed in this area, and that you can return to the foot of the cross of Jesus, confessing your sins, repenting of your sinful behaviour, and believe that God is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins.
God can use those issues to transform you to become more like Jesus Christ.