Ephesians - 8

Ephesians - 8

Ephesians 5:22-33

Introduction

I grew up in a baseball family. Both my brother and I played from age 4 into college. I played on some good teams and some pretty terrible teams. The primary difference between the good and bad teams is not that some had superstars and others didn’t. It is not that some hit a lot of home runs and others did not. No, the primary difference between a good baseball team and a bad team is their ability to execute the fundamentals. Field the ground ball. Make the accurate throw. Get the base hit. Over time, if they can keep executing the basics, they are eventually going to win.

When we start talking about the theological truths we have been learning in Ephesians, we can forget to focus on the basics. When God saved you He placed you in Union with Christ. Your spiritual position has changed and you are now ‘in Christ.’ The reality of that, the implications of that, are staggering. And even the primary application of Union with Christ, Unity with Christians, which is the focus of the back half of Ephesians, has profound implications for your life and your role in the Church. But if we are not careful, we keep these doctrines in the realm of theory…something we merely discuss, debate. The Apostle Paul does not do that. He brings these doctrines down and applies them to real, everyday life. In our text for today, he will apply both of these twin doctrines, Union with Christ and Unity with Christians, to the most fundamental, most basic of human relationships…that of a husband and a wife. At the most basic, fundamental level, these twin truths make a world of impact.

Ephesians 5:22-33 - 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.

28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30 because we are members of His body.

31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

TS - let’s spend the next few minutes walking through this foundational text to see both Unity and Union.

PRACTICAL UNITY (V. 22-29)

This entire text builds on all Paul has already been teaching, starting way back, really in 4:1, to walk worthy of the calling you’ve received. But as he spelled that out for us, he taught in 5:15 to walk in wisdom, to live wisely. What does that look like? As he described that, he said to be filled with the Spirit. And part of that means to v. 21 - being subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Christians are to submit to one another. Hypotasso is the verb for ‘being subject’ and means to ‘order underneath’ the other person. This is how unity manifests itself among God’s people. If we joyfully, humbly submit to one another…me to you, you to me…then unity will absolutely be our reality. And unity begins, first and foremost, with our closest relationships. He addresses the most intimate of all relationships, marriage.

v. 22 - wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. This verse is the source of much controversy. Unnecessarily so. But foolish men quote it to their wives so that they can get their way. Huge mistake, as you’ll see why really soon. In fact, there is no verb in this verse. ‘Be subject’ in v. 22 is implied, stemming back to v. 21. It literally reads, ‘wives, to your own husbands.’ So as all of us submit to one another, that includes wives to husbands. And the fact that Scripture commands wives to be subject to their own husbands was revolutionary for his time. Men were viewed as more valuable than women in most ancient cultures. And women were subject to men. That is not what is taught here. Not women, but wives. Not to all men, but to their own husbands. There is only one man that a wife is to be subject to…her husband. This was, and is, liberating for women.

Remember, as we talked about last week in v. 21, that this submission is voluntary. It is never forced. Never demanded. It is graciously offered. It is not guilted, it is given. Why? Because of your faith. End of v. 21…in the fear of Christ. Out of your reverence to the Lord Jesus, out of your trust in Him, as part of your submission to Christ, you submit to your husband. This is not because women are less valuable than men. This is not because women are ‘less than’ men in any way. This is teaching an equality with order. Men have been commissioned by the Lord to lead in the Lord’s two primary institutions in the world…the home and the church. When men lead well, in good and godly ways, everyone benefits. When they don’t, everyone loses.

Sadly, there are many attempts, surprisingly by male theologians, to limit this command to submit to only wives. That husbands are commanded to love, not submit. Here is the problem with that…two things: 1) that ignores v. 21; 2) if husbands do not have to submit because that command is limited only to the wives, then do wives not have to love, because that command is limited only to husbands? I hope not! It all comes back to Christ. End of v. 22…as to the Lord. Not meaning that your husband is your Lord in the same sense that Christ is, but that your submission to your husband is part of your submission to the Lord. You submit to Christ, and therefore, submit to your husband.

Verse 23 shows us why that is. v. 23 - for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. It always comes back to Christ. As Christ is in authority over His people, so the husband has been granted the commission to lead his home and his church well. The husband mirrors Christ in this relationship. And that is most definitely not something to brag about and flaunt around. There is a heaviness to that. A weight of responsibility. And notice already how Paul defines Christ’s headship over the church. He is, end of v. 23 - the Savior of the body. So what does it mean, then, that Christ heads the Church? That He offered His life on her behalf. See, there is a weight to mirroring Christ in your marriage relationship. Headship is defined as sacrifice. That Jesus is called the Savior of the body is significant. This is the only time in the NT it happens. But fitting with the message of Ephesians. He is not merely the Savior of individual Christians. He is Savior of the unified people of God.

v. 24 - as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. So if the husband mirrors Christ, the wife mirrors the Church. How does the Church submit to Christ? Do we submit because He is a loveless tyrant who is abusing His power? Of course not. We joyfully, gladly place ourselves in subjection to Him because He is good. He is working for our good. We trust Him. We love Him. He provides. He protects. He guides. It our delight and to our benefit to submit to Him. Wives, offer glad and joyful submission to your husband, who is to lead you for your good. This is not slavery to a dictator, but voluntary submission to loving rule. Later, as Paul applies the principle of mutual submission to marriages, he also applies it to parents and children, and slaves and masters. But he uses different words for them. 6:1 and 6:5 both use ‘obey’ for children and slaves. That is not the word used to wives. This is a wholly different kind of functionality.

Submit, he says, in everything. Well, that’ll cause you to chafe a little bit. That is easily misunderstood and easily abused. We know what this would obviously not mean…it does not mean you submit when he requires something sinful of you. In Acts 5 the apostles said ‘we must obey God rather than men.’ God and His will always win. And it certainly does not mean you submit to abuse of any kind. That is contrary to the loving leadership he is to provide. All this means is that submission is the normal disposition of the wife. There is nothing off-limits to the guidance and direction of her loving, godly husband. I see this a lot in marriage counseling…it is common for a husband to be afraid of his wife. And she likes it when he is afraid. Happy wife, happy life. That means she controls.

Yes, the husband might ‘lead’ but he can’t talk about her spending habits or their sex life or how she speaks to him, etc. And if he does, there’ll be hell to pay. No. When a godly husband steps in to help his wife by saying ‘we can serve God better if we do it like this’ there should not be hell to pay for that. Just as Christ’s guidance and leadership for us is for our benefit, a husband’s leadership is for the good of his wife.

But now Paul shifts gears to address the husbands. This is why it so foolish for husbands to quote v. 22 to their wives. They need to keep reading. Paul addresses wives first, seemingly to get the teaching for them out of the way so that he can camp on husbands. Again, there is a weight to God’s call on husbands. Paul uses 41 words to address the wives. He uses 116 for the husbands, almost 3x as much. v. 25 - husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. ‘Love’ is the theme of the text, 6x in these verses. And isn’t that significant? He just said that husbands are the head of the wife, but he does not command husbands to rule. As head of the wife, the husband is commanded to love sacrificially. This is true manhood. This is true leadership. This is submission. Making her needs, her joy your concern is you submitting yourself to her (v. 21).

To love is the Greek word agape, same as God’s love that saves us. It is a love that is unearned. Undeserved. Offered without merit. So just as wives are commanded to submit without any loophole or caveat being offered, husbands are commanded to love without any caveat of her deserving it. And if the command to submit to husbands was revolutionary, so is this. This teaching is part of what is called a household code. The marriage, parenting, and slavery teaching are included in the codes. They are in multiple NT letters. And they are not unique to the Bible. Ancient Jews had household codes. The Babylonians. The Assyrians. The Egyptians. The Canaanites. But the command for husbands to love their wives is found nowhere else but the Bible. No other culture ever demanded this kind of functionality of a husband. They ruled. They reigned. They had all the power. Not so for Christian husbands. They love. This is uniquely Christian. So Paul is not capitulating to his chauvinistic culture, he is directly challenging it.

Love as Christ loved the church. The husband doesn’t even get to define what love is or looks like. Christ defines it as sacrifice. Again, Christ’s sacrifice was all for the benefit of His people. v. 26-27 - so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. It is all for her. All for her benefit. All for her good. Husbands, your leadership, your rule, your authority, is for her. It is for her good. It is for her benefit.

But Paul offers a secondary illustration of what this love looks like, and it is tremendously practical. v. 28-29 - so husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church. Love your wife like you love you. And how do you love you? You nourish and cherish yourself. When you are hungry, you eat. When you are thirsty, you drink. When you are tired, you sleep. You move heaven and earth to get what you need and what you want. Do you get the point? Her needs, her wants, provision for her, protection for her…this is your role in the marriage. Why? Because that is what Jesus does for the church! He meets needs. He offers compassionate care for His people. You do the same.

TS - the relational dynamic between a husband and a wife is unique among all relationships in the world. Both benefit from this dynamic of love and submission. This dynamic impacts every single moment of your marriage. And as we seen virtually in every verse, behind this dynamic of unity is the sacrificial, saving love of Christ. Which has been the entire point of Ephesians. We are called to live in Unity with Christians. But behind and above all of that is the Union we have with Christ.

PROFOUND UNION (V. 30-33)

Go back to the end of v. 29-32 - just as Christ also does the church,

30 because we are members of His body.

31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

We are members of His body. Christ loves us because we have been incorporated into Him. We are ‘in Him.’ We are in Union with Christ. We are His body. There is a solidarity that exists among Christ and His people that does not exist anywhere else. There is a oneness that defines our relationship with Him. And our Union in marriage is reflective of our Union with Christ. The next verse proves that. v. 31 - For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. That is a quote of Genesis 2:24 of the first marriage, performed by God Himself in the Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve. In marriage, husbands and wives and ‘joined together.’ The root of that word is ‘glue.’ A glued together oneness. 1 Corinthians 6:14 speaks of the sexual oneness between husband and wife, one of the kinds of unity that is to exist between them. At marriage, they become ‘one flesh.’ And that points to the greater reality of our Union with Christ.

v. 32 - this mystery is great. What mystery is that? Well, Paul uses the word ‘mystery’ five other times in Ephesians, all of them refer to the Gospel. A mystery, biblically, is something that was hidden and then revealed. God’s saving work in Christ, for both Jews and Gentiles, that they would be placed in Union with Christ and in Unity with Christians is a mystery…revealed now in Christ. So, v. 32 - this mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. So the mystery is not the oneness in marriage. The mystery is Union with Christ. Meaning, from Genesis 2 on, marriage points to Christ.

Just like the ark, or the exodus, or the sacrificial system…all pointing to Christ, marriage does the same. But it is more. It is the paradigm, the model of practical love for husbands and wives.

v. 33 - nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. This is a fitting application and conclusion to the text. It is as if Paul says, here is all God has done in Union with Christ and now Unity with Christians. Let’s get really, really practical and talk about how to live out that unity. Let’s drive that home and talk about the most basic of relationships, that of marriage. So I’m talking to wives, to husbands. But I am really talking about Jesus the whole time. Husbands mirror Christ. Wives mirror the Church. Profound Union, Practical Unity. But while I’m talking about Christ, this still applies perfectly and directly to husbands and wives!

Each individual…no one is exempt from this. Everyone has to apply this. You don’t have a choice. Why? Because this reflects the greater spiritual realities of your faith. And you don’t get to change that dynamic. Your situation is not the sole exception to Ephesians 5. The fact that Paul refers to the husband and the wife in the singular here in v. 33 is significant. Nowhere else does this happen. Certainly not outside the NT, but not even anywhere else inside the NT. Each individual spouse is to apply this and live it out.

Each husband, love your wife as you love yourself. A repetition of the commands already offered to husbands. Each wife, respect your husband. So this is new. This is the practical application of what submission looks like. It looks like sacrificial love for a husband. And it looks like respect for the wife. The husband has been commissioned by God to lead in the home and the church. Respect that. Don’t rebel against that. Respect it. And that brings us full circle. v. 21 ended with this mutual submission being ‘in the fear of Christ.’ ‘Fear’ is phobos, phobia. Same word used here for ‘respect.’ Reverence. It is right and good that they are translated differently. ‘Fear’ is part of the right response to knowing we will stand in accountability before Christ for how we lived this out. But ‘fear’ is not how you should feel about your husband. He mirrors Christ…he is not Christ.

The first two sermons in Ephesians focused on Union with Christ. Then we had five that focused on Unity with Christians. This text perfectly weds (see what I did there) the twin doctrines of the faith…Union with Christ and Unity with Christians. This text is the crescendo and summary of the entire letter. And really, it is the crescendo and summary of the Christian life. Live in Union with Christ, as God has saved you and put you into that profound Union. And that mean you are in Unity with Christians. Live out the practical implications of your shared Union with God’s people. And that begins in your own home. The Christian faith is not some vague spiritual theory, but a vibrant reality and lifestyle. This is who Christ is and what Christ has done. Ephesians 4:1 - walk worthy of your calling.