Tamar, the Deceptive Daughter-in-Law

INTRODUCTION

I hope this past week of Thanksgiving has been as much of a blessing to you as it has been to me and my family.

Shopping, swimming, and eating.

Plenty of opportunities to play games and fellowship with one another, relishing in the love we have for one another, recognizing that it is God who has brought it about.

Now, we embark on the time of the year defined by gatherings, presents, family, and…more food!

The hustle and bustle of the Christmas season brings a sense of joy and nostalgia for some folks, and headaches accompanied by Tylenol and lots of coffee to make it through for others.

In churches, this time of year is when the music and sermons are primarily given to the most important and spectacular event in all of history

Once in Royal David’s City, While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks, One Small Child was born Away In A Manger on a Silent Night

On the First Noel, the Little Town of Bethlehem asked “What Child Is This?” to which Angels, from the Realms of Glory proclaimed “Joy to the World”

This year, I would like to take a different look at the Christmas account than what we normally hear.

The lineage of Jesus recorded by Matthew in chapter 1 of the gospel does something bold and unusual for the time it was written in…it includes the names of 4 women: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and the wife of Uriah, the Hittite.

While these women were important enough to include in the genealogy of the most important individual in history, the question can be asked: “what have they done to deserve such an honor”?

They did not lead millions of people out of captivity

They did not defeat giants in war

They did not raise people from the dead

When you dig deeper into the historical background of the events leading up to Christmas, which includes these four women, you realize that you are not always dealing with “family friendly entertainment.”

The content is not usually rated G.

In a word, it can be kind of “scandalous.”

But really, that is what makes reading through Scripture so amazing.

God created all things, made them “very good,” and mankind finds a way to ruin it.

God makes covenants with His people, and boneheaded man finds ways to mess it up.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I would like to look at some of the Scandals of Christmas' Past, particularly as it relates to the four women mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus.

First up, Tamar in Genesis 38.

SETTING THE STAGE

Read Genesis 38:1-5

After selling his brother into slavery, Judah abandons his family to do his own thing and basically becomes a Canaanite.

He becomes best friends with a man named Hirah, from Adullam.

Interesting that he is referred to as a certain Adullamite, as if he carried a particular reputation that ought to be taken notice of

And based on how things play out, probably a person who does not have a good reputation

From here, Judah forgets Yahweh and his familial identity.

He is a man in control of his own life.

He obviously does not raise his sons to live with integrity, as we will see later.

‌Judah finds a wife among the Canaanites, with whom he has three sons: Er, Onan, and Shelah.

THE START OF THE SCANDAL

Read Genesis 38:6-11

Judah seems to be doing well for himself, and as Patriarch of his family, he is responsible for finding wives for his sons.

He finds Tamar for his eldest son, Er.

However, notice verse 7.

Read verse 7.

Er was terribly wicked before the LORD, and he was put to death.

Wow.

How wicked could he have possibly been?

Think about how terrible things had to be before God sent a Flood of judgment.

Genesis 6:5 ESV

The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

Or when God said he would spare Sodom, in Genesis 18, should ten righteous people be found in it.

And it ended up being destroyed because there were not even ten righteous people in the city.

Er had to be a pretty bad dude.

And that is not really a surprise.

Judah had gone off on his own and was seemingly heavily influenced by Canaanite culture.

Er grew up in that culture, and very likely did not receive proper instruction in the ways of the LORD [Judah’s fault].

Since he was very wicked before the LORD, his testimony was cut off from bringing any more shame on his father’s household.

Now, with Er gone, the story progresses.

In many ancient societies, the custom of Levirate marriage is known.

The brother-in-law of a childless widow was expected to marry her to produce children for his dead brother

Deuteronomy 25:5–6 (ESV)

If brothers dwell together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead man shall not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband’s brother shall go in to her and take her as his wife and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her. And the first son whom she bears shall succeed to the name of his dead brother, that his name may not be blotted out of Israel.

So, based on the expectation of Levirate marriage, Judah’s second son, Onan, marries Tamar to preserve the name of his brother, Er.

However, Onan refused to get her pregnant (he would waste the semen on the ground), which is wicked in the sight of the LORD.

Why?

Because of two things:

The expectation of Levirate marriage for Onan to preserve his brother’s name

Because of God’s command to mankind since creation

Genesis 1:28 ESV

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Now, with two sons down, Judah is left with Shelah.

He gives Tamar the impression that Shelah would marry her when he is of age.

However, notice what verse 11 says.

Read verse 11

Judah feared for his son’s life, and it appears that he never intended to give him to Tamar in marriage. (v.14)

SCANDALOUS ACTIVITY ABOUNDS

Read Genesis 38:12-30

Judah’s wife died, and had been gone long enough that he had already gone through the time of grieving. (was comforted).

As Tamar hears that Judah is going to be passing nearby to go shear his sheep, she changes her clothing from that of a widow in mourning to a woman ready to be presented.

Now, was she preparing herself to appear as a cult prostitute in hopes that Judah would proposition her?

Or, is it possible that she was preparing herself to be married to Judah’s youngest son?

Too often I have heard this account told that Tamar dressed up like a prostitute in order to deceive her father-in-law.

I am no longer convinced that is the case.

Read Genesis 24:62-67 - Rebekah was veiled when she went into Isaac to become his wife.

I believe that she was preparing herself for her third marriage.

She was faithful to Judah’s command to remain a widow until Shelah was old enough to marry.

Yet, it was Judah who had completely forgotten about her, and perceived that Tamar was a prostitute.

Since she had no other recourse for hope, she gave into his sinful desire for sexual satisfaction in hope that she would receive what she needed to survive in the world: a son and an inheritance for that son.

Tamar knew that Judah had forgotten all about her, so she prepared for the “best case scenario.”

Before committing herself to him, she required a pledge, asking for his seal, cord, and staff.

A seal was an important piece of identity, most likely a cylinder with etchings on it.

It would be rolled over wax to seal a letter with your identification, or rolled over the handle of a clay pot when it is being made to identify it as yours.

The cord might have allowed Judah to wear this around his neck.

Giving this to Tamar was the equivalent of giving her his driver's license to hold until he returned with the money.

She also asked for his staff, something that no one would have normally given up, especially a shepherd like Judah.

It is obvious that Judah is completely committed to having sex with this woman he thinks is a prostitute.

Honestly, there is no surprise here.

We already saw that two of Judah’s sons were struck down by the Lord for their wickedness.

Judah had no qualms about abandoning his daughter-in-law, while simultaneously keeping himself in a position of authority over her (by commanding she stay a widow in her father’s house, verse 11).

Paying for sex with a temple prostitute, thereby knowingly committing fornication and idolatry, is no big thing to him.

In fact, Judah willingly gives up personal items of authority and identity to be able to feed his carnal, selfish desires.

Finally, he feels no shame when he demands that his daughter-in-law be put to death for the shame she has brought to his family, even though he’s the one that has shamed their family by not leading them in the way of righteousness.

Tamar exposes Judah’s sins by showing that she possesses his cord, seal and staff.

Judah is embarrassed and realizes that he has sinned in two ways:

First for his illicit sexual encounter with a perceived prostitute

Second for his refusal to provide for Tamar’s needs.

The result of the story is that Tamar gives birth to twin boys.

One of the boys is named Perez.

He is in the lineage of Jesus, eight generations from David, King of Israel!

BUT GOD…

Consider how God worked through Judah’s disobedience, to bring him to realize his spiritual need.

Judah becomes a family leader in the Joseph narrative (Genesis 37-50), and the Genesis 38 passage shows us how God took him from a man who did not care about his family or doing what was right, to one who was willing to fight and sacrifice to keep the family of God together at all costs.

When Tamar returns his belongings to Judah and tells him to recognize to whom they belong, God’s humbling actions all finally click in his mind and heart.

God gave Judah over to his sinful ways and Judah indulged until he finally realized how far away from God and his true identity he had gone.

Fortunately, God stood at the ready to receive and redeem his story.

Through Tamar, God taught Judah what it meant to do right for God’s people.

As a church, it is of great importance that we take away one lesson from this account: there is no situation in a person’s life that cannot be redeemed for the glory of God.

In preparation for this sermon, I read about a Christian couple who got pregnant outside of marriage.

At the time of the child’s dedication, the pastor mentioned that the parents readily confess that how this child came into this world is not the way God would have it be.

But they are seeking now to live in honor of God, both by getting married and by promising to raise her to know God and His righteousness.

It was a clear message to not hold them in shame for something they had sought reconciliation with Jesus about, and it testified to the transformational power of the Holy Spirit through individuals, and the community, as God worked a bad event for the good of his children.

Redemption and transformation are the result of the Holy Spirit’s work in the life of an individual.

It is the church body’s responsibility to uplift and encourage the spiritual growth of that individual.

The child of Judah and Tamar is conspicuously a part of the lineage of Jesus.

This chapter, and the sordid tale told here points us to Jesus!

The twisted parts of our lives point to Jesus.

He is our hope.

If your life is a mess, he can still become the center.

He will clean you up and give you hope.

He will take your mess and forgive you.

He will use you again even if you have failed him.

This is his grace and he delights to make it known to you.

Grace takes our past and uses it for God’s glory.

Genesis 38 includes marriage, incest, death, sexual selfishness, conspiracy, deception and pregnancy.

This story, like the story of all the redeemed, is a reminder that God’s grace comes to us in spite of our sin - even through our sin…

Grace enters the mess of our lives and through Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection it becomes a “message” of what God’s plan is all about.

A Savior named Jesus…through a woman named Tamar…for the glory of God and the good of all mankind.