Submission In Marriage

As you can tell from the title of the message, we are going to be looking at a tough subject today… It is a subject that many Pastor try to avoid and it is a subject that, unfortunately, makes people uncomfortable and some people will immediately go on the defensive when they hear the phrase “Submission in Marriage”…

You are more than welcome to tune me out if you’d like to. As a human being, with free will, you do have that choice. However, keep in mind that, I am just going through God’s Word, verse by verse…

That being said… before I dive into our text I want to talk for a moment about the attitude we need to bring to any study of what the Bible says about marriage and relationships, because the Bible talks about these relationships in ways we are not used to in 21st century America, and too many of us reject what the Bible has to say, or want to twist it to suit the politically correct culture of our day.

So let me say first of all, we need to approach this text carefully, leaving any sinful selfish attitude behind—The Bible teaches us that the very first sin, the sin Satan committed that caused his fall from grace, was the sin of pride—and pride results in selfishness...the “me, me, me” attitude so prevalent in today’s world...

Now you may think you don’t approach the Bible with any taint of selfishness in your relationship with your wife or with your husband...you may be saying to yourself right now, “well, I don’t have any problem with this...our marriage is a 50/50 proposition,” but I would say to you, that if you think marriage is a 50/50 proposition, that’s a selfish attitude, because marriage isn’t about balancing things out, it’s about giving everything you have without reservation. 100% from both sides…

The second thing I want to mention is that we need to leave behind the modern attitude that everything we do today is done better than it ever has been before… … I cannot stress enough, the fact that one of Satan’s main goals is to unravel, distort, or even totally eradicate anything that God has designed or ordained.

The Bible says that God created “Male and Female”… to call yourself anything different, is a distortion of God’s Creation…

The Bible also says that God formed us in our mothers womb, and that we are fearfully and wonderfully made… For a male to say “there’s been a mistake, I should have been born a woman” or visa versa… is a distortion of God’s Creation…

Or when someone has an abortion… that is totally eradicating part of God’s Creation…

What was Satan’s question to Eve in the garden??? “Did God really say?”… and then he follows up with “You’re not gonna die...”… He was distorting God’s Word.

And through that one conversation, he was able to taint all of creation, with sin…

I hope you will approach our text today, not with a selfish, defensive attitude, but with open hearts, minds and ears and try to hear what God’s Word has to say to you as we look at what Peter says about submission in marriage...

(Read 1 Peter 3:1-7)…

Meat:

As we get ready to dive into this passage, I want to remind you of what Warren Wiersbe said…

“Submission is certainly not a popular topic, but it is needful, especially in our rebellious and self-gratifying society. Submission does not mean slavery or subjugation but is a recognition of God's right to govern our lives.

God established the home, government and the church and He has the right to tell us how these institutions should run. We will not understand or exercise authority properly, until we come under God's authority.”

In regards to marriage, I want to say this…

Submission does not mean…1) putting the husband in the place of Christ, 2) giving up independent thinking, 3) giving in to every demand of the husband, 4) that in some way the wife is inferior or unable to make decisions, 5) that the woman is of lesser importance or value than the husband, 6) or that all women have to submit to all men.

But it is likened unto the submission of the church to Christ.

My outline today is a fairly simple one and it starts our with…

1. The Responsibilities of the Wife

Peter begins this section of his letter by addressing the wives within the marriage relationship. We must keep in mind the time in which Peter is writing these words…

The Gospel was spreading rapidly, and many were coming to faith in Christ. Inevitably, this resulted in mixed marriages – where one spouse received salvation and the other did not. The Scriptures warn against a believer knowingly marrying a non-believer, but our passage today, deals with how the newly saved spouse should respond within the marriage relationship, even though the other spouse is yet unsaved.

Although this divinely inspired instruction was given within this particular context, every spouse would be wise to follow the teachings of Peter within these verses. By living in submission to the will of God within the marriage relationship, we honor the Lord and strengthen our marriages.

The first responsibility that is see for the wife is…

1.1 Her Maturity

1 Peter 3:1-2 “1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”

Peter starts off by saying “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands…” Likewise, what?… this refers us back to Peter’s discussion of the example of Jesus Christ, in the final few verses of Chapter 2… Just as Jesus was submissive and obedient to God’s will, so a Christian husband and wife should follow His example.

Those with a feminist’s view may take issue with Peter’s instruction, but look at what he is actually saying… He in no way degrades the wife within these verses. In fact, Peter reveals her worth within the home, and the great potential she has to be an effective witness for Christ, possibly even winning her unbelieving husband to respond to the Lord in salvation.

But, in order for this to happen… spiritual maturity on the part of the believing wife is required. As the unbelieving husband watches the faithfulness of his wife, through her spiritual conversation and fear of God, he realizes that she possesses genuine faith… Hopefully creating a desire for him to know Christ as well.

I realize that this doesn’t happen 100% of the time… and those of you that are in this situation, please do not see yourself as a failure if your unbelieving spouse doesn’t make a profession of faith.

Continue to live in a God honoring way and pray diligently for the salvation of your spouse. That is what you are called to do… this is what a spiritually mature wife will do for her unbelieving husband.

Billy Graham’s wife Ruth, said it was a great day in her life when she realized it was not her job to change her husband. She said, “It was my job to love Billy, and God’s job to change him.”

Peter goes on to mention…

1.2 Her Modesty

1 Peter 3:3 “3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—”

The culture of that day was not much different than the current culture in which we now live. Much like the culture so prevalent in the West today, the Roman culture was very sexualized, with much emphasis placed on outward beauty. A woman’s hair was viewed as one of the most seductive aspects of her appearance.

Peter warned the godly wives against falling victim to these cultural customs, and urged them to guard their reputation with modesty. He cautioned against placing too much emphasis on plaiting their hair, excessive jewelry, or wearing provocative clothing.

Now, does that mean doing your hair or wearing nice clothing is forbidden? Absolutely not! nor was Peter implying that the wife was to dress in rags and never fix her hair, in an attempt to hide her beauty…

Here’s the thing ladies… when you look good, you make us look good… and we need all the help we can get.

But… … You can look good in clothes that don’t cost a small fortune to purchase, you can look good without a gallon of paint on your face, and you can look good even if 90% of your body is covered...

Peter is not saying that it is wrong to wear expensive clothes, or to paint your face…

Peter was simply saying that, outer beauty (at least by worldly standards) should not be your main focus. As we will see in the next verse… Peter urges the Christian wife to focus on her inner beauty… … and this is very important for the wife of a non-believing husband…

If she dressed and behaved no differently than the world, how would the husband see the transformation that had taken place in her life?? … She was to present herself in a way that honored the Lord rather than seeking to attract the attention of other men. (This may not be embraced today, but it is certainly needed in our western culture.)

Moving on to the next responsibility… Peter mentions…

1.3 Her Meekness

1 Peter 3:4 “4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

Instead of being known for their little black dress they would wear on Friday nights, Peter urged these godly wives to be known for their meek and quiet spirit, which revealed the Spirit of God residing within. She was to be known for her faithful walk with the Lord rather than her outward appearance.

This would also reveal the need for patience with her unbelieving husband. She had faith in Christ, but needed wisdom to handle her unbelieving husband with meekness… or (as v.4 says) with a “gentle and quiet spirit”…

A Christian wife that is mature, modest and meek will control the natural urges to be condescending, self-righteous, or even judgmental. She deals with her husband in regard to spiritual matters with grace and patience, rather than boisterous demands.

She knows this is the only way to win her unbelieving husband to Christ. Her commitment to the Lord, and desire to see her husband saved, guides her conversations and attitudes toward her husband.

Peter also mentions…

1.4 Her Motivation

Look at vv. 5-6

1 Peter 3:5-6 “5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”

As we examine all that Peter has revealed, we must keep this within its context. Remember, the encompassing theme of this portion of Scripture is living in obedience to the Lord and seeking to honor Him with our lives.

Peter offered biblical examples where godly women submitted to the leadership of their husbands. This is the God given order for the home. A faithful wife, following her husband’s leadership, brings honor to the Lord.

Honestly, I know some men who are not worthy to lead their homes, and some of them have godly wives who follow their lead anyway. This is not necessarily done because that particular husband has earned that right in the eyes of his wife, but she follows Him in order to please the Lord.

That is her motivation… we are going to talk about the husband here in just a minute… but fellas, let me say this… If the husband is the man God desires him to be, this will be much easier for the wife… however, ladies, even if he isn’t, you will continue to honor God with your faithful submission…

There is no guarantee that you will see your husband born again. But you can live with peace and assurance that you are living in a way that would point him to the Savior. Ultimately you can live with peace and assurance that you are honoring your Lord and obeying His word when you submit to your husband.

As we move on to…

2. The Responsibilities of the Husband

1 Peter 3:7 “7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Now Peter addresses the husbands, and again, this is focused upon a believing spouse seeking to reach an unbelieving spouse. In this case the husband has come to faith in Christ, but the wife has yet to do so.

I don’t want the ladies to get discouraged… It would be easy to get an attitude of disgust with Peter, since he spends 6 verses talking to the women and only one verse talking to the guys…

That is easy to explain… guys can have a whole conversation with a few words and a couple of grunts…

“How was your day?”… “grunts”… “what about yours??”… “grunts”… … that was a whole conversation… both men had sub par days, and they are ready to get home, sit in the recliner and relax for a bit, before heading out to the garage and working on stuff that needs to be done at the house…

That is not why Peter only gave us one verse…

The Christian wives were experiencing a whole new situation and needed guidance. In general, women were kept down in the Roman Empire, and their new freedom in Christ created new problems and challenges. Along with that, many of them had unsaved husbands and needed extra encouragement and enlightenment.

But from this one verse, we get 3 responsibilities for the husband as well.

First of all…

1.1 His Commitment

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding...”

Just because he is a believer now and his wife isn’t… doesn’t change his commitment as her husband. He is to remain faithful to his wife, seeking to reveal the love of Christ and grace of God through his commitment to her.

His faith in Christ is best communicated to the unbelieving wife through continued commitment to the marriage and the home… Again, if we, as husbands, are submitting ourselves to the authority of Christ, in our leadership role of the home… then it will be much easier for our wives to submit to us…

This lines up with the second responsibility…

1.2 His Courtesy

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel,”

In order for the husband to effectively reach the unbelieving wife, he would have to love her as Christ loved the church. He must treat her with honor, knowing she is the weaker vessel… This is often difficult for men to convey.

Some genuinely love their wives, but find it difficult to show them the honor they are due and communicate their appreciation. A godly husband will understand and appreciate the value of his wife.

He will do all he can to please her, making her feel loved, appreciated, and genuinely valued in the marriage relationship. He is not one who continually makes demands, but never offers any love or gratitude in return. Godly husbands are not dictators, but see the value in their wives.... (Repeat)

Many consider the aspect of the wife being a weaker vessel as merely physical. While this is typically the case, again we must consider the context of the culture in which this was written.

In Peter’s day, women did not enjoy the same liberties and opportunities as men. A godly husband would seek to understand the struggles his wife faced, while attempting to encourage and assist her in those areas.

Wives are to be loved and valued for her contributions to the home and relationship, rather than being judged by societal standards.

Peter says that we are to “give honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life”

A godly husband will view his wife from a spiritual and biblical perspective. While it is established in Scripture that the husband is to lead the home, he does not view his wife as inferior or of less value to the spiritual makeup of the home.

She is offered the same grace as he is, having an opportunity for a fulfilling Christian walk and relationship with the Lord. His being the husband does not give him higher standing with Christ. She too can enjoy the Lord while making great spiritual contributions within the family and home.

Beyond the spiritual aspect, a godly husband will recognize the worth and value of his wife, giving honor to her. The word translated honor is also translated precious in our previous Chapter...

A godly husband will view his wife as precious, treating her as one of great value… and again, I cannot stress this enough… Fellas, if we would love and treat our wives as the Bible teaches, she would find it much easier to assume the biblical role she has been given.

Lastly… I want you to see…

1.3 His Concern

Peter says that husbands are to do all of this, so that,…

“... your prayers may not be hindered.”

The husband’s appreciation for and treatment of his wife will have a direct impact on his spiritual life. He cannot ignore the needs of his wife, refusing to give her the honor she deserves, while failing to appreciate her value in the home, and have a right relationship with the Lord.

If his relationship with his wife is not as it should be, his prayers, and his walk with Christ, will be hindered…

Guys, if we fail to treat our wives as the Lord commanded, we cannot claim to be walking in a way that pleases Him. We cannot mistreat our wives, ignore the marriage relationship, and expect God to bless our homes. We will not receive God’s blessings, if we are not living in accordance to His will…

We must be sensitive to the needs, fears and feelings of our wives. This is the case whether your wife is saved or not. Just as the wife is called to submit to her husband, the husband has a biblical responsibility to honor his wife!!! --

Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 that we are to love our wives the same way that Christ loved the Church… And His love was special, it was selfless and it was sacrificial.

Closing:

This passage can be summed up in two sentences:

1. Wives submit to your husbands!

2. Husbands love and honor your wives!

Submit to your husband whether he is saved or not. Love and honor your wife whether she is saved or not. When you do these things you will be in a right relationship with your heavenly Father!

Even when these things are difficult you can rest in the fact that you are being obedient to Him. And when you live according to the Word of God you will have a much better chance of pointing that unsaved spouse to the Savior!

I will leave you with a couple of questions…

As husbands and wives, are we living according to the teachings of Scripture?

Are there areas within your relationship with your spouse or the Lord that need attention?

If so, bring those needs to Christ! He is Our Living Hope and He is our example to live by.