Understanding Biblical Discipline

Introduction

Faithfully disciplining (training, educating, correcting) your child in a manner that pleases the Lord is an expression of Biblical love. It is also a step of obedience for you as a parent and provides godly direction for your child (based on Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 23:13; Hebrews 12:5-13).

What Does Discipline Mean?

God’s Word emphasizes that the purpose of Biblical discipline is to teach one to follow God’s way instead of man’s way (Hebrews 12:9-11). In the Old Testament, the primary word translated “discipline” is almost as frequently rendered “instruction.” In the New Testament, the primary word translated “discipline” is also rendered “train” or “correct.”

Why is Discipline Necessary?

Reproofs for discipline are God’s way of keeping you and your children from straying into further sin and disobedience (Psalm 119:67; Proverbs 5:23, 6:23, 10:17).

God’s discipline, which is often applied through parents to children, is for the good of individuals (based on Hebrews 12:10). It keeps them from being condemned along with the world (1 Corinthians 11:32) and produces righteous character in those who are trained by it (Hebrews 12:10-11).

Since parents are directed by God to discipline their children (Proverbs 23:13; Ephesians 6:4), failing to do so is sin (James 4:17).

Without discipline, the foolishness of a child will lead to his poverty, shame, and a self-centered way of life that will bring shame to his parents (Proverbs 13:18, 22:15, 29:15).

How and When is Discipline Carried Out?

Parental discipline is to be carried out in love (based on Proverbs 13:24; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8), following the example of God’s loving discipline of His children. Since Biblical discipline is designed to produce Christlike character (Hebrews 12:10-11), parents are to practice the following:

Ask for God’s wisdom and study His Word diligently as you make decisions on the specifics of discipline (based on 2 Timothy 2:15, 3:16-17, James 1:5). Establish simple, clear-cut guidelines as God did in directing His people (based on Genesis 2:16-17; Exodus 20:3-17; Deuteronomy 11:26-28).

Clearly explain Biblically-based standards of conduct to avoid confusion or misunderstandings (based on Exodus 31:18, 34:1; Deuteronomy 4:13-14; Matthew 22:37-39; John 14:15).

Explain the blessings of obedience (based on Psalm 18:20-36; Matthew 5:3-12; Hebrews 5:14, 12:11; James 1:25) and the discipline and consequences of disobedience (based on Deuteronomy 11:26-28; Proverbs 3:12; Matthew 7:26-27; 1 Corinthians 11:31-32; Colossians 3:25; Hebrews 12:5-11). Remind your children that God will use trials to develop Christlike character in their lives (James 1:2-4).

When your children disobey, lovingly explain exactly how they disobeyed Scripture and what they are to do instead (based on Deuteronomy 6:6-7; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; Galatians 6:1-2; Colossians 3:5-17; 2 Timothy 3:16-17), since the purpose of discipline is restoration (based on Hebrews 12:4-13).

According to you children’s level of maturity and understanding (both physically and spiritually), encourage them to learn God’s solutions for their current failure and begin again to do the Word (based on 1 Corinthians 11:31; Ephesians 6:4; 2 Timothy 2:15; James 1:22-25). Also, teach them to confess their sins to the Lord (1 John 1:9) and to others (James 5:16).

Discipline must only become increasingly stern to turn the unrepentant one from ultimate destruction (based on Proverbs 15:10, 23:13-14). Discipline is to be done while there is still hope (Proverbs 19:18), and it is to be carried out quickly (Ecclesiastes 8:11).

Note: If you child choose not to repent, remember that throughout the discipline process you are to: (1) judge yourself Biblically, (2) forgive him/her from your heart, and (3) reprove him/her in a spirit of gentleness.

Stern discipline is specifically designed for children exhibiting foolishness (based on Proverbs 14:3, 22:15, 26:3). A child behaving in a foolish manner lacks understanding and:

Uses words that are quarrelsome (Proverbs 20:3), perverse (Proverbs 19:1), ruinous (Proverbs 10:14), and slanderous (Proverbs 10:18);

Displays and repeats his/her folly (Proverbs 13:16, 26:11), mocks at sin (Proverbs 14:9), and treats wickedness as a sport (Proverbs 10:23);

Is quick-tempered (Proverbs 14:17, 29:11) and has a heart of anger (Ecclesiastes 7:9);

Bases his/her authority in himself (Proverbs 12:15, 28:26);

Despises wisdom and instruction (Proverbs 1:7), hates knowledge (Proverbs 1:22), and has no delight in understanding but only in revealing his/her own mind (Proverbs 18:2);

Is arrogant and careless (Proverbs 14:16), displays dishonor (Proverbs 3:35), is deceitful (Proverbs 14:8); and

Despises his/her mother (Proverbs 15:20), rejects parental discipline (Proverbs 15:5), and is a grief to his parents (Proverbs 10:1, 17:25).

The sternest of parental discipline is the “rod” (Proverbs 23:13-14), which is to be applied to a child who lacks understanding (based on Proverbs 10:13) and is in need of wisdom (based on Proverbs 29:15).

Since discipline produces sorrow (Hebrews 12:11), reaffirm your love after discipline your children. If your child repents of his wrongdoings, exercise gracious compassion as God does for those who sin and repent (based on Psalm 103:10-14). Such compassion follows the example of God dealing with His children (Lamentations 3:32; 1 Corinthians 1:3-4) and also exemplifies the pattern of Biblical restoration (2 Corinthians 2:6-8).

Biblically evaluate your discipline with each child and modify your plans accordingly (based on Proverbs 3:5-6, 16:9; 2 Timothy 2:15, 3:16-17; James 1:5).

Since parental discipline of children is not to be associated with anger (Ephesians 4:31-32, 6:4; Colossians 3:8), parents must confess to their children if they against them in this manner (James 5:16). After confessing sin, parents must then take other necessary steps to be reconciled Biblically with their children (Matthew 5:23-24; Mark 11:25-26; Romans 12:18). Even when parents seek reconciliation for a sinful manner in which they have disciplined their children in the past, discipline still must be administered, as necessary in the present.

What Does Discipline Reveal?

A love of discipline reveals those who love true knowledge (Proverbs 12:1). A rejection of discipline also reveals those who are fools (Proverbs 1:7, 15:5).

God’s discipline of His children reveals the depth of His love, because He Himself initiates their restoration (Proverbs 3:12; Lamentations 3:32; Hebrews 12:6-8; Revelation 3:19). Likewise, parents exercising Biblical discipline of a child reveal their love for the Lord and their child. By carrying out Biblical discipline, a parent initiates and gives his/her child an example of loving restoration (Proverbs 3:12, 13:24; Hebrews 12:5-11).

A parent who does not discipline his/her child reveals a hatred for him/her (Proverbs 13:24).

What Does Discipline Accomplish?

For the parent who carries out Biblical discipline:

It provides the method by which disobedient children may be shown loving concern through restoration (Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 23:13-14);

It demonstrates love for the Lord and a desire to please Him, regardless of personal inconveniences or feelings you might experience (based on John 14:15, 21; Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 1:9-10); and

It will lead you to have comfort and delight in your children who are trained by it (Proverbs 29:17).

For the child who responds to it and is restored by it:

It yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11);

It leads to holiness (Hebrews 12:10);

It removes foolishness from his heart (Proverbs 22:15);

It leads to prudence and understanding (Proverbs 15:5, 32); and

It leads to respect for the parents (Hebrews 12:9).

Who Is To Receive Discipline?

All children of God not faithful to His way are disciplined by the Lord (Psalm 119:75; 1 Corinthians 11:29-32; Hebrews 12:5).

Disobedient children must be disciplined by their parents for their good, with a view to save them from destruction (Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 23:13-14).