Ugly Words

Last week I begin a series called Ugly Christmas Sweater. We are looking at the some of the ugly things that happen this time of year. Last week we looked at our ugly thoughts. It is in the mind where thoughts begin and sometimes those thoughts can lead to action and motives and today’s topic, ugly words.

It is time for us to stop using our words against each other and begin to use our words to build one another up.

The words that we say are very powerful. We can say a word and instantly we can have a reaction to that word. Here let’s try it. I’m going to say a word and I want you to blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind. Please don’t cuss. Ready. Here are the words...

Snow

Hot Chocolate

Christmas Lights

Eggnog

Mistletoe

Each and everyone of these words evoke a response. Some words made us excited. Some words made us disgusted. Does anyone really like eggnog? When I heard mistletoe it reminded me of the Christmas movie, Four Christmas’ with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon.

Anyway. Words carry meaning and it matters how and when we use them.

Look at what Proverbs tells us.

Proverbs 18:21 NIV

21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

God gives each of us a huge responsibility in the way we speak to each other. Our words hold the power of life and death. How we speak to one another can be life giving.

Think about over the years. There are still some things that people have said to me that hurt me and I can still remember them. Then there are also words of encouragement that people have said to me that I remember. Some of the words said to me were life changing.

The saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words can not hurt me is absolutely false. The truth is words can hurt. We can say things that give life and we can say things that bring death.

And many times we just simply overlook the words that we are saying and we just blow them off as if they don’t matter. And there could be possibly things that we will say this Christmas season that will hurt someone we love. And if we are not careful those words can do real damage to our family. It can bring harm to those relationships.

If I was to stand up here and tell you that 2020 and 2021 was no big deal, I would be lying. Those two years were very difficult years for people. And then there is this year 2022. We have experienced one of the worst economies in our life time. That is why it is so important that we watch the things that we choose to say to one another. People are hurting and now more than ever, Christians need to act like the Christian that God intended us to be and that begins with speaking life to those around us.

That doesn’t mean that we need to avoid sharing truth or difficult conversations. But it does mean that we can find a more positive way to convey the truth to other people.

If you have your bibles, go with me to the book of James. It is one of the last books of the bible. James is a great book to go to and have someone tell you to straighten up. That is what he is telling us to do here. He is giving us extensive warnings about the kind of damage our speech can cause. He is addressing the early church as they were learning how to interact with one another in ways that helped move the cause of Christ forward. Everything that this church was working so hard for could easily be undone by careless words.

Go to chapter 3 and let’s begin at verse 3.

James 3:3–6 NIV

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

James doesn’t hold back does he.

He is teaching us to not use ugly words, we have to learn to control our tongue. We have to make a conscience effort to control the words we say. That is why it is so important that we have the Holy Spirit working in our life.

2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

At the beginning of his book, James challenges us to...

James 1:19 NIV

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

If we are not careful and if we do not learn to control it then our tongues and control us.

How many times have you received an email at work that makes you angry? How many times have you received a frustrating text? Too often our first response is to want to shoot back with a quick email or text and express our anger or frustration. Slowly, I’m learning how to take time before I ever respond to a situation like that. When I take time to consider what I want to say, I am able to control my words and keep from causing more harm or causing a situation to escalate.

Without restraint, our words can lead us deeper into conflict.

It’s kind of like this scene from A Christmas Story. Take a Look.

Video - A Christmas Story Triple Dog Dare Clip HD Edited

When the words were spoken, “I triple dog dare you.” Flick could not resist the dare. He had to do it. Schwartz’s words led Flick to doing something that was stupid and he ended up suffering the consequences.

Look at verse 7 of chapter 3.

James 3:7–8 NIV

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

Controlling your words is not easy. James is telling us that all kinds of wild animals are tamed by humankind and it is easier to tame them than it is the tongue. We can’t tame the tongue on our own. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to empower us.

Real quick: Here are three questions to ask yourself before you speak.

1. Will what I am about to say honor God?

The true test of our words is the way that they reflect on our creator. We were made by God to be agents of love in the world, and we have a choice in participating in that purpose.

2. Will what I am about to say honor the person I am saying it to?

Honoring someone else means that we express respect and admiration in the way we speak to them. We can ask ourselves how we might receive these words if they were being spoken to us. How we treat the creation says something about how we feel about our creator.

3. Will what I am about to say be something I will regret?

If we can lay our head down at night and not wish we could take back something we said, then we have been choosing our words wisely. Ugly words sometimes cause damage that cannot be reversed. we are wise to ask ourselves these questions in order to control our tongue because our words hold power.

What is Christmas truly about? It is about the birth of our savior. It is about God sending his son Jesus to come to this earth and become a living sacrifice and take away the sins of the world. That is what we celebrate. That is a joyous reason to celebrate. But when we use ugly words during this season or any season we sabotage what Christ has come to do. We are the representatives of Christ. Look at how James finishes up our text.

James 3:9–12 NIV

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

We come together every year for Christmas and celebrate the birth of our savior. People that don’t normally come to service will make it a point to attend church at Christmas time. We sing songs. We preach the Christmas message of hope and peace and deliverance. We light candles and celebrate the birth of Jesus. So, why is it that many of these same people turn right around and say ugly things to others around them?

James tells us that we need to address this problem. He tells us that we can’t have it both ways. You can’t say that you love God and then turn around and cuss the people he has created. We can’t be so hypocritical to speak out of both sides of our mouths. Look at what Luke tells us about our words.

Luke 6:45 NIV

45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Maybe the place that we need to begin in changing our ugly words is actually a healing inside of us. What is going on inside of you right now that may create ugly words that come out of you. Sometimes we speak out of a broken heart, and it causes us to lash out at others. Sometimes we speak out of a hurt heart, and it causes us to be cruel to others. All this means is we have to take an honest look inside ourselves to use our words to speak life into others.

God loves you. Whatever is going on inside, God wants to fix it. Whatever hurt, or heartbreak, or bitterness, or anger, or whatever that may be inside of you that is causing the ugliness to come out, stop and let Jesus take care of the ugliness on the inside and make a heart change so that you can speak life to those around you.

I know I make mistakes and there are times that I speak without thinking. But my heart is truly about loving God and loving people. I want to allow an overflow of passion for Jesus be what comes out of my mouth. And when we do this, the first place that we will see this happening is in the words we speak to those closest to us. When you get closer to Jesus, then you will see your speech change towards your spouse, your children, your friends, and even your enemies. Your speech will no longer consist of ugly words but your words will bring life to those around you.

Words mean something. It does matter how we use those words.

Here is what I want you to do this week.

First of all, remember and do not forget, words matter.

2. I want you to take a moment this week and send someone a message. You can either send a text, an email or do it the old fashioned way and write someone a letter. You might even invite someone to go have coffee with you and have a conversation face to face. Whatever it is. I want that conversation to be uplifting. I believe the Lord will put someone on your mind. Make the decision this week to encourage them. Let’s speak life this week.

3. If you are feeling worn down, frustrated, scared, confused, or whatever, I want you to ask God to fill you with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, grace, mercy, and hope. I know this year has rough on many of you financially. The last three years have worn us down with all the craziness this world has thrown at us. But now you need to go to Jesus and ask him to fill you.

Can we stand? I want to give you that opportunity right now. Maybe that’s you. You are feeling worn down, frustrated, scared, confused, whatever. I want to pray for you this morning. I have prayer warriors coming to pray with you. Can you come and stand across the front this morning? I don’t want anyone leaving here without receiving something from God. Jesus wants to take that confusion and frustration and fear and tiredness all away. Come right now. Come.