12/11/2022 - Lord of Every Relationship

(Opening Prayer)

(Welcome)

(Series Introduction)

Today as we continue our Colossians series. We come to Colossians 3:18-4:1 and a sermon I have entitled, “Every Step”

(Opening Context)

Colossians 3:18-4:1 deals with relationships within the Christian household.

Similar advice is found in Eph. 5:22–6:9; 1 Tim. 2:8–15; Tit. 2:1–10; 1 Pet. 2:18–3:7.

This ‘house-table’, as it has been called, may have formed part of a larger section of doctrinal and ethical teaching—an early Christian teaching, easily learned by heart and given to new converts.

These verses regulate behaviour patterns within the Christian household and follow on from v 17.

The paragraph contains many references to the Lord, indicating that the whole of life, both thought and conduct, is to be submitted to the Lord Jesus Christ.

No area of life stands outside his control; so there is no final distinction between the sacred and the secular.

A life ruled from above where Christ is reigning (3:1–4) is a life in marriage, parenthood and everyday work.

Three pairs of instructions are addressed successively to wives and husbands (18–19), children and parents, especially fathers (20–21) and finally slaves and masters (3:22–4:1)—from the closest relationship to the most distant.

In each case wife, child or slave is mentioned first and addressed as a responsible partner who is expected to do ‘what is fitting in the Lord’.

This passage follows the same basic structure as Ephesians 5:22–6:9 but is significantly briefer overall.

In each pair there is one party who, in the Greco-Roman society of the day, had a position of authority, and one party who did not.

It is not surprising that Paul would address exhortations to those who were under authority.

It is more surprising that he also addresses exhortations to those who were in authority.

O’Brien summarizes the research of Eduard Schweizer: “Wives, children and slaves are addressed equally with their husbands, fathers and masters.

In fact, the key issue in this code is the question of where true authority lies, which is highlighted by Paul’s repeated use of kyrios throughout the passage.

While the term can be translated “master,” and on some occasions should be translated as such, within Paul’s writings the natural use of this term is to describe Jesus Christ as “Lord.”

All human relationships are set in the context of relationship to the Lord Jesus Christ, and any human authority is relativized by his ultimate authority.

Let’s take a look at how Christ desires to be Lord of Every Relationship.

(Sermon Text)

Colossians 3:17–25 (ESV)

17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Colossians 4:1 (ESV)

1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

1. Marriage Relationship (Col. 3:18-19)

(“Bridge to Life Ministries” Marriage Training — February 16-18, 2023)

A. Wives (Col. 3:18)

Paul begins with a direct address to wives.

The repeated use of this direct address throughout this section provides structure to the passage and calls those in each group to pay particular attention to the instructions directed to them.

Wives are called to “submit” (hypotassesthe) to their husbands (Eph. 5:22).

The middle voice suggests something like “submit yourselves.”

That is to say, this instruction is not a harsh order intended to bring cringing subjugation.

Rather, it is a call to make a deliberate decision, to choose to act in a certain way.

The rationale for such a choice is that it is “fitting in the Lord.”

Thus the primary reason for the wife to choose to respond positively to this imperative is not her husband’s will but the relationship she has to Christ.

A form of the same verb is applied to Christ himself in 1 Corinthians 15:28.

1 Corinthians 15:28 (ESV)

28 When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all.

While there are many discussions in commentaries regarding the various social factors that may have influenced Paul’s view of male-female relationships, the fundamental reason for his view is Christological.

The Bible Knowledge Commentary (3:18)

Wives are to submit to their husbands as their heads.

This command was not limited to Paul’s day, as is obvious from two reasons he gave elsewhere:

(1) the order of Creation (man was created first, then woman; 1 Tim. 2:13);

(2) the order within the Godhead (Christ submits to the Father; 1 Cor. 11:3).

Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home.

If he may be thought of as the “president,” she is the “vice-president.”

Of course there are moral limits to this submission; it is only as is fitting in the Lord.

Just as obedience to government is commanded (Rom. 13:1; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13) but only insofar as government takes its place under God (Ex. 1; Dan. 3; 6), even so a wife’s submission to her husband is only “in the Lord.”

That is, she is not obligated to follow her husband’s leadership if it conflicts with specific scriptural commands.

Paul is not saying that a wife ought to respond to her husband with mindless obedience; being subject to one’s spouse should be voluntary and conscious.

Submission in marriage is not demeaning; it is informed by God’s relationship to the Church (Eph 5:22–23).

The wives, as free and responsible agents, are asked voluntarily to submit themselves to their husbands since this is entirely proper.

“In the Lord” means within the new fellowship of those who call Christ “Lord.”

Submission points to the wife’s calling to honour and affirm her husband’s leadership and to help him exercise his role within the family.

It is not an absolute surrender of her will, for Christ is her absolute authority, not her husband.

Nor is there any suggestion that the wife is naturally or spiritually inferior to her husband.

“Here’s how you’re to live on earth, wives,” says Paul. “Submit to your husband.”

But notice Paul says wives are to submit to their own husband—not to submit to men generally, but to their own husband specifically.

Women, don’t let anyone say, “I need to correct you on this, or deal with you on that,” because, unfortunately, there are men who seem to feel it’s their calling to go around the church correcting women.

They have a “women’s ministry,” where they talk to women about the way to dress, behave, talk or think—and they are unscriptural in doing so, for Scripture says that wives are to submit to their own husbands exclusively.

The first injunction of the apostle is addressed to wives.

They are enjoined to submit to their own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

According to the divine plan, the husband is head of the house.

The woman has been given the place of submission to her husband.

She is not to dominate or to lead, but to follow his leadership, wherever she can do so without compromising her loyalty to Christ.

There are, of course, instances in which the woman cannot obey her husband and still be faithful to Christ.

In such an instance, her first loyalty is to the Lord Jesus.

Where a Christian woman has a backward husband, this verse indicates that she should help him to fulfill his proper place in the home, rather than for her to usurp it.

The heart here is that by the loving response of the wife, the husband might come to know Christ.

The purpose of the wive’s submission is not to give her husband control but to give Christ control.

He is Lord after all.

B. Husbands (Col. 3:19)

The balance which is presented to us in the word of God is beautiful.

The Apostle Paul does not stop with this advice to wives; he now goes on to show that husbands, too, have a responsibility.

They are to love their wives, and not to be bitter toward them.

If these simple precepts were followed, many of the problems of married life would disappear, and homes would be happier in the Lord.

No wife would be likely to object to submitting to a husband who truly loves her.

It is a joy to submit to someone who loves you.

It has been noted that the husband is not told to make his wife obey him.

If she does not, he should take it to the Lord.

The submission should be her voluntary act “as is fitting in the Lord.”

Husbands, on the other hand, are instructed to “love their wives.”

Interpreters must be careful when dealing with the Greek verbs used for love.

Too many popular expositions draw conclusions from the use of a particular verb, conclusions the language simply cannot support.

Here the verb used is agapaō, which is often described as “self-giving” love or “divine” love (particularly in expositions of John 21).

The actual usage of the various Greek verbs does not allow such a simplistic conclusion.

However, drawing on comparisons to the parallel passage in Ephesians 5:25 (where husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church) and the wider Christological context of the passage, it communicates that the love husbands are to show is the kind of love Christ has shown to his people.

This is indeed self-giving love.

The short additional instruction not to be harsh may reflect typical experience in the culture of the day, which Paul calls men not to accept as valid.

Husbands are responsible to love their wives “as Christ loved the church" (Eph. 5:28–29).

So they are to exercise loving leadership, not dictatorial dominion.

Perhaps husbands need this reminder to be tender and loving as much or more than wives need the reminder not to usurp authority over their husbands.

Husbands are not to be embittered against their wives, whether in thought, word or deed.

Assuming absolute authority will only embitter one’s wife, not endear her.

The words "be harsh” translate pikrainesthe, which is more literally, “make bitter.”

Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (Chapter 3)

19. (Eph 5:22–33.) be not bitter—ill-tempered and provoking.

Wives, like tender and sensitive flowers (1 Peter 3:7), may wilt under authoritarian dominance but blossom with tender loving care.

So in a maturing marriage the husband exercises compassionate care and his wife responds in willing submission to this loving leadership.

In this context, to love (agapaō) means to put the needs and interests of others before your own.

In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul presents Christ’s sacrificial death on behalf of the Church as the model of love that husbands should have for their wives (Eph 5:25).

Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

The parallel is the husband’s duty to love his wife.

He is commanded to love her and this is not simply a matter of his having affectionate feelings or being sexually attracted to her.

Rather, it involves his unceasing care and loving service for her entire well-being, where Christ’s love for the church is to be the model for the husband’s love for his wife (Eph. 5:25–33) .

Christlike, sacrificial leadership by the husband will keep the ultimate good of his wife in view at all times.

He, like godly leaders in other spheres, will seek to lead by serving.

Jon Courson’s Application Commentary (Chapter 3)

People become bitter whenever expectations are unrealistically high.

Husbands, your wife is not going to be God for you.

She will not satisfy your deepest longing.

Only the Lord will satisfy you.

And only the Lord will satisfy her.

Truly, if you love the Lord with all your heart, you will have no reason to be bitter with your wife.

2. Parental Relationship (Col. 3:20-21)

A. Children (Col. 3:20)

Children, unlike wives, are called to obey (hypakouō).

This language recalls the fifth commandment, in Exodus 20:12.

Once again, the rationale for obedience is one’s relationship to the Lord: obedience by children to their parents “pleases the Lord.”

Children are to obey their parents in everything.

Disobedience to parents is designated in the Old Testament as rebellion against God and was severely punished (Ex. 21:17; Lev. 20:9).

Jesus set an example for children by obeying Joseph and His mother Mary (Luke 2:51).

Obedience to parents pleases the Lord.

This does not suggest that obeying one’s parents merits salvation for a child.

Rather, obedience reflects God’s design for order in the home.

As Paul wrote elsewhere, “It is right” (dikaion, “just” or “proper”) for children to obey their parents (Eph. 6:1).

Christian children are addressed as responsible members within the congregation (which is noteworthy) and urged to obey (which is a stronger word than submit in v 18) their parents in everything.

This will be an expression of their obedience to Christ as the following words show: for this pleases the Lord.

Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (Chapter 3)

20. (Eph 6:1) unto the Lord—The oldest manuscripts read, “IN the Lord,” that is, this is acceptable to God when it is done in the Lord, namely, from the principle of faith, and as disciples in union with the Lord.

This is written simply enough for any child to understand: Kids, obey your parents in all things.

Don’t argue with them, but do what they say, for by this is the Lord well pleased.

Children are admonished: obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

In all ages, families have been held together by two simple principles—authority and obedience.

Here we have the latter.

Notice that this obedience is to be in all things.

This means not only in the things that are agreeable, but those which are not so naturally pleasing.

Christian children who have unsaved parents are often placed in a difficult position.

They want to be true to the Lord, and yet at the same time they are faced with demands made upon them by their parents.

In general, we feel that if they honor their parents, God will in turn honor them.

As long as they are living in the home of their parents, they have a very definite obligation to perform.

Of course, they should not do anything that would be contrary to the teachings of Christ, but ordinarily they would not be called upon to do such.

Often they will be called upon to do things that might seem very distasteful to them, but as long as it is not distinctly wrong or sinful, they can determine to do it as to the Lord.

In this way they can be a good testimony to their parents and seek to win them to the Lord.

B. Parents (Col. 3:21)

Ephesians–Philemon (Comment)

Given that the paterfamilias had full authority in a Greco-Roman household, it is remarkable to see the father being instructed to act in an appropriate manner.

It is probably because of this particular social structure that Paul addresses “fathers” rather than “parents.”

Fathers are instructed not to “provoke” their children.

As in the case of husbands, it may be that Paul is warning of typical behavior in wider society into which Christian fathers may be drawn, whether by social pressure or by their own habits prior to becoming Christians.

Christian fathers are expected to display the character of God, who shows compassion, as a father should (Ps. 103:8–14).

Fathers (and mothers; Prov. 1:8; 6:20) should not presume on this obedience and embitter (erethizete, “provoke or irritate”) their children by continual agitation and unreasonable demands.

Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not exasperate (parorgizete) your children” (Eph. 6:4).

This will only make them become discouraged.

Praise for well-doing rather than constant criticism will, along with loving discipline (Heb. 12:7), help rear children in “the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

In Paul’s time, fathers had considerable authority within the household.

He urges fathers to use that authority in a way that avoids causing resentment.

At the same time, parents, especially fathers, are not to irritate or provoke their children lest they become discouraged or think that it is useless trying to please their parents within the life of the home.

There should be firm, loving guidance, not slavery (Eph. 6:4).

Believer’s Bible Commentary (The Christian Home)

Fathers should not provoke their children, lest they become discouraged.

It is interesting that this advice is addressed to fathers and not to mothers.

Does it not reveal that the danger of a father committing this fault is greater than that of a mother?

Kelly suggests that mothers are probably more prone to spoil the children.

Similar to Paul’s injunction to put away bitterness toward their wives, Paul warns fathers that unrealistic demands lead to anger and discouragement in the hearts of their children.

3. Employment Relationship (Col. 3:22, 3:24-4:1)

From verse 22 to the end of the chapter, the Spirit of God addresses bondservants or slaves.

Lexham Theological Wordbook (δοῦλος)

δοῦλος (doulos). n. masc. servant, slave.

Refers to someone who is the property of another.

A servant (doulos) is someone who is a slave and obeys the commands of his or her master.

For example, in Matt 8:9 the centurion claims that he says to his servant (doulos), “Do this,” and he does it.

Paul often refers to himself as the servant (doulos) of Jesus Christ (Rom 1:11; Gal 1:10).

The idea that he is a slave to Christ carries the sense of belonging to him—Christ has bought him, and owns him.

It is interesting to note the amount of space devoted in the NT to slaves.

This is not without significance.

It shows that no matter how low a person’s social status may be, he still can attain the very highest in the Christian life through faithfulness to the word of God.

Perhaps it also reflects the foreknowledge of God that most Christian people would occupy places of service rather than positions of authority.

For instance, there is very little instruction in the NT that refers to rulers of nations, but there is considerable advice for those who devote their lives in the service of others.

Paul addresses slaves, or bondservants, those who had the lowest status in the context of Greco-Roman society.

Slaves are instructed to “obey” their masters.

Paul uses the same verb (hypakouō) he used in addressing children (v. 20), and this basic instruction is qualified by two prepositional phrases.

First, the bondservants are instructed to obey “in everything” (kata panta).

That is, what is required is full obedience.

Yet this command is somewhat qualified by the second phrase, which modifies the noun “masters.”

The Greek reads, “according to the flesh” (kata sarka), which means something like “in human terms” (ESV, “earthly masters”).

Bondservants are told to obey in all things those who are their masters according to the flesh.

There is a gentle reminder here that these masters are only masters according to the flesh.

The clear implication of this phrase, supported later in 4:1, is that Christian bondservants also have a “heavenly master,” who has ultimate authority over them.

They have another Master who is above all and who sees all that is done to the lowliest of His children.

Slaves are not to serve with eyeservice, as people pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God.

The conduct required of the bondservants is further clarified by a balanced “not like this, but like this” construction.

Negatively, bondservants are not to offer simply “eye-service,” working effectively only when being observed; nor are they to be “people-pleasers,” seeking only affirmation.

Positively, they are to work “with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.”

We see, again, that the fundamental motivation for right behavior is a transformed heart and a wholehearted commitment to the Lord.

In this context, the “Lord” is Jesus.

Slaves in the days of Paul usually received very little consideration, and doubtless it struck the early Christians as unusual that so much attention was given to them in these Letters.

But it shows how the grace of God reaches down to men, no matter how menial their position might be.

C. H. Mackintosh notes:

“The slave is not shut out from the service of God. By simply doing his duty in the sight of God, he can adorn the doctrine and bring glory to God.”

Especially when a person is oppressed, it is a temptation to slack off in work when the master is not looking.

But the Christian servant will realize that his Master is always looking, and so even though his earthly circumstances may be very bitter, he will work as to the Lord.

In sincerity of heart means that he will have a pure motive—only to please the Lord Jesus.

It is interesting that there is no express prohibition against slavery in the NT.

The gospel does not overthrow social institutions by revolution.

However, wherever the gospel has gone, slavery has been uprooted and eliminated.

This does not mean that these instructions are therefore without meaning for us.

All that is said here may very well be applied to employees and employers.

A. Employees (Col. 3:22, 24)

Paul provides support for his exhortation by reminding the Christian bondservants of what they apparently already know (using the participle eidotes, “knowing”), presumably from previous instruction in the faith.

They should know they will receive “the reward of inheritance.”

The word for “reward” (antapodosis) occurs only here in the NT.

Although in other Greek literature it tends to have a negative connotation, here, in conjunction with “inheritance,” it should be understood positively.

What a wonderful promise for a bondservant to hear!

Paul includes slaves in his discussion of the family because they were considered members of the Graeco-Roman household.

Although a bondservant was not an heir in a Greco-Roman family, but these bondservants are now part of the family of God; they are qualified “to share in the inheritance of the saints in light” (1:12).

The implication of all that Paul has said is spelled out: “You are serving the Lord Christ [kyriō Christō ].”

This combination of terms is rare (here and Rom. 16:18).

As the terms “lord/master” (kyrios) and “Christ” are brought together, this text helps the reader to see the full significance of the many references to kyrios in this passage.

Whatever human relationships may provide the context for this service, the true object of service by any believer in any position is Christ.

Thus, as Paul has highlighted that the ultimate master/Lord is Christ, he also draws attention to the authority of that master to administer justice to “the wrongdoer.”

Jon Courson’s Application Commentary (Chapter 3)

“What if I don’t agree with my company’s policy?” you ask.

It might not be your flavor, or what you would do as a boss, but you are to obey those in authority over you unless what they demand is immoral—and then you better have Scripture and wise counsel to back your objection.

It is possible that Paul has an unjust situation in mind in verse 25.

Maybe a Christian servant has become weary of obeying his unjust demands.

“Never mind,” Paul is saying, “the Lord knows all about it, and He will take care of the wrongs, too.”

But although this might include masters, it is addressed primarily to servants.

Slipshod service, cheating, loafing, or other forms of insincerity will not go unnoticed.

There is no partiality with God.

He is the Master of all, and the distinctions that prevail among men mean nothing to Him.

If slaves rob their masters (as Onesimus apparently did), they will have to give an account to the Lord.

B. Employers (Col. 3:25, 4:1)

Having concluded the lengthy section addressed to bondservants, Paul now turns to masters.

Since masters effectively owned bondservants as property, it might well have seemed odd to some masters that obligations were being placed upon them with respect to their bondservants.

But Paul instructs them to be just and fair.

The rationale provided here for such behavior is that the masters themselves have a “Master” (kyrios) in heaven.

That kyrios can be understood as both “master” (in a parallel to earthly masters) and “Lord” (referring to Jesus Christ) gives this statement great rhetorical power.

Paul does go on to address how Masters should treat those under their care in Colossians 4:1.

Paul reminds masters that they should give what is just and fair.

They should not withhold from them a proper wage, but should pay them well for the work they have done.

This is addressed directly to Christian employers.

God hates the oppression of the poor, and the gifts of a man who has grown rich through unfair labor practices are unacceptable to the Lord.

God says in effect: “You keep your money; I don’t like the way you made it” (Ja. 5:1–4).

Masters should not be high-minded but should fear.

They also have a Master in heaven, One who is just and righteous in all His ways.

The New Bible Commentary (3:18–4:1 Behaviour in the Christian Household)

A brief but solemn warning is addressed to masters.

They are not commanded to free their slaves, but to treat them justly and fairly.

The motivation for this is basically the same as the slave’s motive for obeying his master: both alike have a greater Master in heaven.

Both owe obedience to that heavenly Lord.

So their relationships with each other are to be understood in the light of this.

If Paul’s clear teaching about the privileges of, and demands upon, the Christian household were taken seriously by twentieth-century Christians, then personal relationships within families and households would truly be a foretaste of heaven.

In the meantime others, seeing how these Christians love one another, may well be attracted to the one whom they own as Lord.

4. Whatever Relationship (Col. 3:17, 23)

Whatever is done should be done heartily (literally “from the soul”) as to the Lord and not to men.

In every form of Christian service as well as in every sphere of life, there are many tasks which people find obnoxious.

Needless to say, we try to avoid such work.

But this verse teaches us the very important lesson that the humblest service can be glorified and dignified by doing it for the Lord.

In this sense, there is no difference between secular and sacred work.

All is sacred.

Rewards in heaven will not be for prominence or apparent successes; they will not be for talents or opportunities; but rather for faithfulness and fruitfulness.

Let us remember this the next time we are called upon to do something that we do not like to do, whether in the church, in the home, or at work; it is a testimony for Christ to do it uncomplainingly, and to do the best possible job.

It is interesting to note how the Apostle Paul repeatedly brings these matters of everyday life under the searchlight of the lordship of Christ.

The most striking thing about this passage is the way it calls Christians to live out their faith in whatever role they perform in society.

Each command is directed toward those who must take responsibility for their own actions and attitudes.

At no point is one group called to change another’s attitude.

All over the world, legislation and judicial decisions frequently challenge Christian perspectives on relationships within the home.

In the face of cultural pressures, Christians are called to let God’s Word, not contemporary cultural norms, shape our relationships (Prov. 3:5–8).

Love and submission may take different forms in different contexts, but we must not reject God’s principles for interpersonal relationships.

Christians can take courage by considering the significant witness of healthy Christian relationships within the home.

Christian families who allow love, grace, and peace to be evident in the relationships between husbands and wives, and parents and children, will be observed by others.

In addition, although the particular social structures addressed by the instructions to slaves and masters are no longer active components in society, there is still great potential for Christian testimony by employers and employees who seek the good of others and work with all their heart, “as for the Lord” (Col. 3:23).

(Response)

(Invite Worship Team)

Jon Courson’s Application Commentary (Chapter 3)

Watching Mother Teresa care for people with their open sores, stinking bodies, and bleeding wounds, an observer said to her, “I wouldn’t do what you do for a million dollars.”

“Neither would I,” Mother Teresa smiled.

The only motivation big enough for such service is an eternal reward.

(Closing Tension)

Marriage Relationship

Parental Relationship

Employment Relationship

Whatever Relationship

(Response Card)

1. Would you like to become a believer in Jesus Christ? (Yes/No/Already Am)

2. Do you reflect Christ in your home relationships? (Yes/No)

3. Do you reflect Christ in the employment relationships? (Yes/No)

4. Do you reflect Christ in your ‘whatever’ relationships? (Yes/No)

6. How do you need to respond to the preached Word today? (Blank Lines)

7. Do you have any prayer needs today? (Blank Lines)

(Closing)

(Give Response Card instructions, etc.)