Love In The Family

Love In The Family Gen2:18-25 Read aloud Men – Eph. 5:22-24 / Ladies Eph. 5:25-29/ All Together Eph. 5:30-33 At a three-day retreat for pastors and their wives, one session consisted of testimonies about how the Lord had blessed our lives and ministries. One young preacher’s wife stood up and began nervously, “The Bible promises, ‘No good thing does the Lord withhold from them that walk uprightly.’ Well,” she said sincerely, “my husband is one of those ‘no good things’!” Brother Michael Avery wrote in God’s Revivalist in 2011 in an article entitled “Why Marriage Matters.” “Most Christians know from the Bible, that a lifelong marriage between one man and one woman is part of God’s orginal order.” Gen 2:18,24. Jesus affirms that a lasting loving marriage between one man and one woman is basic to God’s plan for mankind. (Mar 10:6) But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. (Mar 10:7) For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; (Mar 10:8) And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (Mar 10:9) What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. I think the latest numbers were close to around 60 % I would like to ask you this morning, how important is your family? The family is under attack today are we willing to defend it? One has said, “Marriages are made in heaven, but we are responsible for the maintenance work.. This isn’t something just for the young people this is for everyone here this morning. If you are married, you need to take heed. If you are going to get married someday you really need to take heed. If you have been married you need to see what went wrong make sure you have repented of it and taken care of it, if you have never been married, it is still a beautiful allegory of your relationship with Christ. I. Wives Submit a. We read together that Wives are to Submit unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord – i. Dr. John MacArthur writes on the subject of wives submitting to their husbands, “Wives is not qualified, and therefore applies to every Christian wife, regardless of her social standing, education, intelligence, spiritual maturity or giftedness, age, experience, or any other consideration. Nor is it qualified by her husband’s intelligence, character,

attitude, spiritual condition, or any other consideration. Paul says categorically to all believing wives: be subject to your own husbands. ii. Notice the command is to be subject hupotassō {who-pa-tasso} (5293) or to relinquish your rights. That is why the last name of the husband is taken at marriage. It is not synonymous with the verb obey found in Ephesians 6, that is commanded of children to their parents. iii. Subject does not mean they cower to every whim of the husband. It does not mean the wife is never allowed to disagree. In fact Ruth Bell Graham once said, “If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.—Ruth Graham b. We find this theme picked up again in Titus 2:5 where it says of women; To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed c. It is continued in 1Pe 3:1-5 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. (3) Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; (4) But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (5) For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: II. Husband’s Love a. We also read Husbands love your wives as Christ also loved the church... WOW that is something to live up to. i. How many times are you asked by your wife, even though you just told her yesterday, “Do you still love me?” Part of her make-up is made to crave or desire your love and affection. It can be shown in many ways, and I won’t take the time to go into the variety of ways to show your love to her, but she needs to not only hear it but know it. ii. What does it mean to love your wife? Well there is only one way to do this. GET TO KNOW HER. What does she like and dislike. What is her personality like, you must learn to communicate. b. COMUNICATE LOVE – c. A woman went to a lawyer and said she wanted a divorce. The lawyer got out his note pad, and proceeded to ask her some questions.“Do you have any grounds?” he inquired.“Oh, yes,” she replied. “About three-quarters of an acre.” The lawyer paused for a moment, then queried, “Do you have a grudge?” “No,” the woman answered quickly. “But we do have a lovely carport.” Again the lawyer paused and then asked, “Does he beat you up?” “No. I get up before he does every morning,” the woman reported. Finally the lawyer blurted, “Lady, why do you want to divorce your husband?” “It’s because,” she explained, “that man can’t carry on an intelligent conversation.” Brent Barlow in Salt Lake City Desert News i. Communication is extremely important, and has been inexcusably neglected in our families. Let me share with you some interesting statistics. 1. In a survey by the American Sociological Review, working women said they talk with their husbands an average of 12 minutes each day. Focus in the Family, January, 1990, p. 8 2. Communication experts say that the average woman speaks over 25,000 words a day while the average man speaks only a little over 10,000. What does this

mean in marital terms? . . . On average a wife will say she needs to spend 45 minutes to an hour each day in meaningful conversation with her husband. What does her husband sitting next to her say is enough time for meaningful conversation? Fifteen to twenty minutes—once or twice a week! Gary Smalley and John Trent, Husbands and Wives 3. Married couples have nothing more to say to each other after 8 years, according to a study. Professor Hans Jurgens asked 5000 German husbands and wives how often they talked to each other. After 2 years of marriage, most of them managed two or three minutes of chat over breakfast, more than 20 minutes over the evening meal and a few more minutes in bed. By the sixth year, that was down to 10 minutes a day. A state of “almost total speechlessness” was reached by the eighth year of marriage. Daily Mirror (London) ii. part of communication is hearing what you are listening to. 1. Well-known Broadway producer Jed Harris once became convinced he was losing his hearing. He visited a specialist, who pulled out a gold watch and asked “Can you hear this ticking?” “Of course,” Harris replied. The specialist walked to the door and asked the question again. Harris concentrated and said, “Yes, I can hear it clearly.” Then the doctor walked into the next room and repeated the question a third time. A third time Harris said he could hear the ticking. “Mr. Harris,” the doctor concluded, “there is nothing wrong with your hearing. You just don’t listen.” iii. Another part of communication is talking 1. We are told that communication is; a. Verbal—what I say 7% b. Vocal—how I say it 38% c. Visual—how I look, body language, act, etc. 55% 2. The most consistent research finding about what is different in the communication of strangers and people married to each other is that married people are ruder to each other than they are to strangers. They interrupt their spouses more, put their spouses down more, and are less complimentary to each other.* III. Love And Respect a. Consideration and respect are not only important they are commanded by God. b. “Love alone is not enough....5 out of 10 marriages today are ending in divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes Love is vital especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husbands need for respect .” i. Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence (respect) her husband. ii. This is not a suggestion that we chose to agree with and comply or leave to others. It is not only commanded by God but is his design for a Godly holy happy home. iii. What this is saying is women need love and men need respect. “When a husband feels disrespected it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved it is especially hard to respect her husband...When a husband feels disrespected he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason. When a wife feels unloved she has a

natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason. ” iv. Chrysostom commented on this verse, “Love is most powerfully present when accompanied by respect. For what she loves she also reveres and what she reveres she also loves. She reveres him as the head and loves him as a member of the whole body. ” v. “The husband must never lose sight of the romance vital to a dynamic marriage; the wife must never lose sight of the reverence vital to a dynamic marriage.” 1. Avoid Fault finding a. The formula for a happy marriage? It’s the same as the one for living in California: when you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.—Jay Trachman, One to One To keep your marriage brimming With love in the loving cup Whenever you’re wrong, admit it Whenever you’re right, shut up!—Ogden Nash 2. “You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice” or attitude, or spirit etc. i. A part of love and respect or reverence is taking care that our tone of voice, our attitude, and the spirit with which we say things, is loving and respectful ii. The stress a married couple feels during an ordinary half-hour argument is enough to slow their bodies ability to heal wounds by at least one day, according to an Ohio State university study “The Act of Marriage” A good marriage must be created In the marriage, the little things are the big things It is never being too old to hold hands It is remembering to say, “I Love You.” At least once each day. It is never going to bed angry It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together and facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whol family It is speaking words of appreciation and Demonstrating gratitutde in thoughtful ways It is having the capacity to forgive and forget It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow It is a common search for the good and the beautiful It is not only marrying the right person It is being the right person. An Unknown Author