The Gospel Centered Marriage

Intro: Good Morning FE, it is great to be here this morning. I am glad you are here, we are back in Ephesians and we are focusing on Our Relationships, last week Alfredo spoke about singleness this week and next week we are going to look at what Paul says about Marriage.

It is interesting that when Paul in our passage today and Jesus in Matthew 19 talk about marriage, point us back to the Genesis account. The reason is because marriage is an institution created by God. When we look in Genesis at the creation account, we discover that after God creates we read this statement, “and God saw that it was good”. Day 1 good, day 2, good, day 3, good, day 4, good day 5, good, day 6, when God creates all the livestock, and earth creatures, God says good.

But when God creates Adam, he says

Genesis 2:18 (ESV)

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

18 Entonces el Señor Dios dijo: «No es bueno que el hombre esté solo; le haré una ayuda adecuada

So all through out Genesis we read good, good, good. So we should take notice when Adam is created and was alone, God said it is not good. This should cause us to pay attention, because up until this point everything was good. then God said “it is not good.” What does God do, he creates a helper fit for him.

Genesis 2:21–23 (ESV)

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

Entonces el Señor Dios hizo caer un sueño profundo sobre el hombre, y este se durmió. Y Dios tomó una de sus costillas, y cerró la carne en ese lugar. De la costilla que el Señor Dios había tomado del hombre, formó una mujer y la trajo al hombre.

God creates Eve, from out of the man, from his rib, and he made Eve. When he was done creating Eve, God presents her to Adam, giving Adam a beautiful, specially designed gift, created just for him. God is handing Eve in marriage to Adam and Adam is amazed.

Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man.”

«Esta es ahora hueso de mis huesos, Y carne de mi carne. Ella será llamada mujer, Porque del hombre fue tomada».

Notice Adam’s words, “this at last”, Adam noticed there wasn’t a helper suitable to him also and when God presents her to Adam, he breaks out in poetry.

I do not know how long it was from this point to the introduction of sin into the world. But as soon as they eat the fruit and sin, everything changes. Adam blames the woman and God, Eve blames the serpent. Adam and Eve are ashamed and hidden from each other and God. Sin, Brokeness and Chaos enters the world and enters the marriage covenant as well. When God is speaking to the woman, explaining the consequences of sin, we read in Genesis 3:16

Genesis 3:16 (ESV)

To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;

in pain you shall bring forth children.

Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,

but he shall rule over you.”

A la mujer dijo:

«En gran manera multiplicaré Tu dolor en el parto[j], Con dolor darás a luz los hijos. Con todo, tu deseo será para tu marido, Y él tendrá dominio sobre ti».

We get a picture of the chaos that has entered the marriage covenant in those last two statements.

“Your desire shall be contrary to your husband” which is a very good translation. Some of your translations may read “your desire will be for your husband” and you may wonder why is their a difference. If you turn to the very next page in your Bible, we read about Cain being angry and Jealous because the Lord rejected his offering and and accepted Abel’s, this is what the Lord tells Cain before he kills his brother Abel, Gen 4:7

Genesis 4:7 (ESV)

If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.”

Si haces bien, ¿no serás aceptado?[d] Pero si no haces bien, el pecado yace a la puerta y te codicia[e], pero tú debes dominarlo»

The word “desire” here is the the same word used in Genesis 3, and in this passage God is telling Cain sin desires to rule over you. This same word for desire is used in Gen 3 describing the chaos sin brings in a marriage because we are sinful people because of sin, the woman’s desire will be against the husband, to rule over the marriage notice what God says at the end “but he will rule over you.”

Sin has also corrupted men, they will either rule as tyrannical dictator or they become passive and display no leadership at all and give up their responsibility.

Marriage is in chaos because we the people are corrupted by sin, it is broken because we are broken people. But God...

Ephesians 2:4–5 (ESV)

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—

4 Pero Dios, que es rico en misericordia, por causa del gran amor con que nos amó, 5 aun cuando estábamos muertos en nuestros delitos, nos dio vida juntamente con Cristo (por gracia ustedes han sido salvados),

God in his love and grace has saved us us from sin and transforms us by the power of the Spirit and the Word. God through Christ death on the cross, kills the power of sin in our lives and gives us the Holy Spirt so we may live out the truths of the Gospel. He heals our brokenness and brings order to the chaos.

The Gospel transforms us from selfish, prideful, sinners to humble servants. Which means the Gospel Centered marriage is a man and woman pushing their selfishness, sin, and pride aside to humbly serve each other.

Over and over in Ephesians, Paul has encouraged and commanded us to put off our old selves and put on the new self, to walk in love as Christ loved us. To pattern our lives after Christ because in Christ we see humble submission to the Father and we see responsible self-sacrificing leadership as the head of the church.

What we find in our passage today is that the Bible defines for us how the husband and wife humbly serve each other. Paul explains for us how the Gospel transforms marriage, how two people filled with the Spirit who are married should live out their Gospel Centered Marriage and please please please, here and pay attention to my words, in order to live out the Gospel Centered marriage, your need a wife and husband who are both submitted to Jesus and his Word, who are filled with the Spirit and pursuing to be transformed by the Word of God to become more like Jesus because the roles of husband and wive described in Scripture go against our nature, which is why we need to be transformed by the Gospel and to be filled with the Spirit.

I. Wives Submit to Your Own Husbands

Ephesians 5:21–24 (ESV)

submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Sométanse unos a otros en el temor de Cristo.

Las mujeres estén sometidas a sus propios maridos como al Señor. Porque el marido es cabeza de la mujer, así como Cristo es cabeza de la iglesia, siendo El mismo el Salvador del cuerpo. Pero así como la iglesia está sujeta a Cristo, también las mujeres deben estarlo a sus maridos en todo.

The word to the wives is submit to your own husbands. Not every husband, your own husband. Paul continues to explain how wives are to submit to their husband;

As to the Lord...

As the church submits to Christ

You may be sitting here today and think did the Bible just say submit to my husband as tho the Lord as the church submits to Christ? What does Paul mean? First, lets talk about what Paul is not saying, as to the Lord does not mean that your husband replaces Christ, it cannot mean that because then Paul’s argument doesn’t makes sense because then the husband becomes the supreme authority over Christ, and that is not what Paul is saying or if a husband wants to lead a wife into sin, it is the wife’s responsibility to remain faithful to Christ.

So what does Paul mean when he says as to the Lord/as the church submits to Christ. He is referring to the Christ centered disposition to intelligently, joyfully and lovingly surrender your will, desires and trust to your husbands leadership. Just like we as a church, intelligently, joyfully and lovingly surrender to Christ. A wife’s submission is not a call to check your brains, personality, who you are at the door of your marriage and blindly following. Submission intelligently, joyfully and lovingly setting your desires, wants, selfishness, pride aside to follow the leadership of your husband.

Paul also explains why,

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

What does it mean that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church? I wish we had more time to develop this concept of headship and I hope you will be able to discuss this more fully in your D-Groups. Paul has explained Christ’s headship through out Ephesians and I like how John Piper sums it up

Christ’s headship over the church refers to his authority to guide her (Eph 1:20-23), and his fullness to supply all she needs for life and growth (Eph 4:15), including the protection of her from what would destroy her (Eph. 5:23b).

We know that Christ is perfect and husbands, we are not so what does this mean that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church? It means that the husband is dependent on Christ help through the power of the Spirit, to responsibly lead and guide his wife, supply for her needs (physical and spiritual) and point her to Christ as the ultimate provider of needs, including protecting her from what could destroy her. This is the high calling for the husbands and the reminder of our passage turns the focus on how the husband, as the head should lead.

II. Husband Love Your Wives

Ephesians 5:25–30 (ESV)

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Maridos, amen a sus mujeres, así como Cristo amó a la iglesia y se dio Él mismo por ella, para santificarla, habiéndola purificado por el lavamiento del agua con la palabra, a fin de presentársela a sí mismo, una iglesia en toda su gloria, sin que tenga mancha ni arruga ni cosa semejante, sino que fuera santa e inmaculada.

Así deben también los maridos amar a sus mujeres, como a sus propios cuerpos. El que ama a su mujer, a sí mismo se ama. Porque nadie aborreció jamás su propio cuerpo[k], sino que lo sustenta y lo cuida, así como también Cristo a la iglesia; porque somos miembros de Su cuerpo.

Husbands as the head you are to lovingly responsibly lead, provide and protect As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. When you think about what Christ did for us the church, leaving the glories of heaven, becoming man, humbling himself as servant, caring for the broken, healing the sick, forgiving the sinner, dying for to kill the power of sin in our lives, forgive and cleanse us. Doing all this out of love, the call for the husband is to put aside your pride, selfishness, sin, and desires and priortize your marriage by loving your wife as Christ loves the church.

I’ve said before, husbands you are not Christ, but you are to pattern your love for your wife how Christ love the church. This is the high calling for Husbands and Paul is clear how we aer to love our wives as leaders of our home.

Husbands must serve their wives in love - too many of us allow the culture to define what love is, the emotional high two people experience when two people are getting to know each other. You here it all the time “we are falling in love”. That may be part of it but that isn’t all. Love is first of a decision of the will to love, then it is accompanied by the emotions which leads to action on behalf of the other. This is the kind of love we are to lead in, we are to wake up each morning deciding “i am going to love my wife” I am going to show her that I love her by my actions and providing what she needs from me as a husband.

Husbands must serve our wives in the word (having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word) - Men we must be able to disciple our wives with the word. We can all speak about what we love with passion. We can gather after church and talk for hours about the world cup, or the Marvel Cinematic universe, or College Football, Professional Football, or our jobs. But when it comes to get together to read the word with our wives, it is so easy for us to neglect. WHy? because of the sin and the fall. The pattern of Christ is cleanse his bride with the Word and we must gather and read the Word together.

Husbands must serve their wives in righteousness (that she might be holy and without blemish) - Men, you should be the standard of holiness and right living in your home. None of us are perfect, but we are called to holiness and we should be leading in holiness and right living in our homes. Men, if you are pressuring or leading your wives into unholy and unrightousness, stop and repent and turn away from Sin and turn to Jesus.

Husbands must serve their wives in selflessness (but nourishes and cherishes it) - Husbands, should be the first in the family to go without, to sacrifice, or lay it down for the family. We must sacrifice for our wives for our family, lead by putting their needs above ours, to ensure they are loved and cared for.

Husbands must serve their wives in intimacy - Men, if you are mind goes straight to sex when I say intimacy, you are missing the point. Marriages need intimacy, which is physical, emotional and spiritual closeness. the sharing of 2 people intertwining into one flesh.

This is the high calling of men and women who are transformed by the Gospel and are in a covenant relationship together. The Gospel transforms us into the people we are to be before sin tainted us.

What is very interesting is Paul doesn’t say, Wives submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives, like Adam and Eve were called to do before the fall. He could have said that and it would still be true but he doesn’t. I believe the reason why is in vs 31-33

Ephesians 5:31–33 (ESV)

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Por esto el hombre dejará a su padre y a su madre, y se unirá a su mujer, y los dos serán una sola carne.

Grande es este misterio, pero hablo con referencia a Cristo y a la iglesia. En todo caso, cada uno de ustedes ame también a su mujer como a sí mismo, y que la mujer respete[m] a su marido.

Paul reminds us of the institution of marriage created by God in Genesis, but then he says this mystery is profound, and I am saying it (the mystery) refers to Christ and the church. I believe the reason is because The Gospel Centered marriage is a picture of the Gospel and a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church.

In a very real sense, your marriage should be a picture of the Gospel, how husband and wife relate and serve each other, should resemble how the church relates to Christ. Your marriage should show others what the Gospel can do for marriages. I would challenge you today as wives and husbands, how are you doing? How can the Spirit of God use the word to wives and husbands to transform your marriage to center on Christ and the Gospel?

For those who are not married but are desiring to be married, how are you preparing your self to be married?