01 - Danger Of Anger In The Home 2011

Ps. 101:2

In this psalm we have David telling us how he intended to run his household and govern his kingdom.

Ps. 101 has been called “the householder's psalm.”

Its message is simple: Godliness must begin at home.

Our first duties toward God are those within our own house.

We must have a godly heart at home, or we cannot keep a godly heart in the world.

QUESTION: How is your home life coming along?

Is your godliness at home as apparent as it is in the church?

Commentator Matthew Henry writes, “Do you sing in the choir and sin in the house?”

“Are you a saint abroad and a devil at home?”

FACT: What we are at home is what we are indeed.

Matthew Henry goes on to say, “He cannot be a good king whose palace is the haunt of vice, nor a true saint whose habitation is a scene of strife, nor a faithful minister whose household dreads his appearance at the door.”

As David longed for a visitation from God, he knew that God must first visit his own home.

“God in my house” was his prayer.

David makes it clear in the Psalm that he was intent on protecting his home from destructive influences.

In vs.3-4 he commits to inward righteousness by maintaining purity of eye, “I will set nothing wicked before my eyes;”

Then he takes a stand against a backsliding heart: “I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.”

In vs. 5 & 7 he focuses on the outside by resolving to keep the influence of unseemly characters far from his door—the slanderer, arrogant, deceiver, and liar will not be welcome.

In vs. 6 he commits to surrounding his home with positive influences; going so far as to only hire a faithful man to work on his property.

In a nutshell, David is not only the man of the house, he’s the protector, the guard at the gate, the watchman on the wall.

Why did he care so much about his home?

Because our home is important to everything else in life.

If we’re defeated at home, we’re essentially defeated everywhere.

The home is the training camp for our faith.

It is the first place we learn to exercise forgiveness, patience, unconditional love, longsuffering, mercy, and so forth.

Now—as David resolved to protect his household, we must also be on the lookout for the enemies sent by Satan against our own homes.

Some of the enemies I want to deal with in the next few weeks are:

Anger and bitterness,

Communication breakdown,

Locating the root cause of arguments, and

Holding a long overdue funeral for our past

Now today let’s look at THE DANGER OF ANGER IN A HOME.

We live in what has been called “The Age of Rage.”

And ANGER is one of the major sources of stress in the home.

In marriage and in the home, anger rivals lust as a killer.

FACT: Everyone gets angry, but the Bible says we should handle it wisely.

Paul the Apostle wrote, “Go ahead and be angry; but don't…stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”—Eph.4:26-27

It’s not a sin to be angry. Everyone gets angry.

But it is a sin to stay angry and to let it control your life.

Some people literally draw from anger the energy they need for motivation in life.

Yet one commentator says, “It’s tantalizing to feed on our anger, but in doing so, “You are wolfing down yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”

Scripture identifies two different kinds of anger.

The first is “OR-GAY,” which means “a settled indignation.”

This anger is simmering beneath the surface like lava beneath a volcano that hasn’t yet erupted.

It is the type of anger that frequently leads to revenge.

Orgay anger is the grudge holding, unforgiving, bitter kind of anger that can bind us sometimes for years, even a whole lifetime.

I also want to point out that the “OR-GAY” kind of anger can manifest in what we call passive-aggressive behavior in the home.

Passive-aggressive behavior happens when we indirectly express negative feelings instead of openly addressing them.

There's a disconnect between what a passive-aggressive person says and what they do.

So in the home setting the spouse pretends that he or she is not angry while at the same time venting anger in covert ways.

It goes like this:

He or she says, “Do you forgive me?”

“Yes dear,” is the reply, “everything is fine.” And then they burn the dinner.

Or, he or she asks, “Are we okay?”

“Yes,” they reply, “I feel much better.” And then they don’t talk to you for two days.

The SECOND KIND of anger is “thumos” and refers to angry outbursts.

This is the road rage kind of anger.

It quickly blazes up and just as quickly subsides.

This person is a walking talking hurricane. Say or do the wrong thing, and the home is filled with the storm of their rage.

The bottom line is: Anger is corrosive to a marriage and home.

The continual pelting of the raindrops of anger slowly rust away the joy and strength of that household.

Now, the good news is that the causes of anger can be identified and successfully removed.

Let’s look at two main causes of anger in the home:

Not getting our way

This person is angry because their attitude is: “It’s all about me, and as long as I get WHAT I want WHEN I want it, we’ll get along just fine.”

NEWS FLASH: Marriage and the home are not all about you and your “right” to have all your needs met.

This is the world’s message, which is where so many Christians pick up this attitude.

So when our perceived “rights” are violated, we get angry.

But the Bible teaches that life, marriage and the home are about learning the fine art of unselfishness.

The Bible says that our model is Jesus Christ Who, “Loved the church and gave Himself for her...” (Eph 5:25)

John echoed the same thought saying, “He (Jesus) laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”—1 John 3:16

Jesus gave Himself.

Jesus laid down His life for us.

He essentially gave up His “rights” in order to redeem us.

At one point Jesus told Pilate, “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?”—Matt.26:53

One way to deal with anger in the home is to give our “rights” to God.

For example: How many arguments would never happen if someone simply said, “That’s okay. I don’t have to have my way.”

A second cause of anger in the home is:

Failed expectations—This is not what I signed up for

Here we have the person that entered marriage with a list of expectations that are often not grounded in reality.

Most couples soon discover that marriage is not the Love Boat with happy music playing in the background and romance magically ironing out all the wrinkles.

Sometimes marriage is more like a jet ski: scary, bumpy, and unpredictable.

Other times it’s like a canoe: you’re both rowing hard for every inch you gain.

And other times it is indeed a Love Boat: life is good, the scenery is breathtaking, and you wonder if it could get any better than this!

But it’s going to be all three—the jet ski, the canoe, and the Love Boat.

If we think otherwise our high expectations are dashed on the sharp rocks of reality and we become angry.

So we’re either walking around the house blowing up in anger, or simmering underneath the surface.

Let me end with a few tips on handling anger in your home:

OWN UP TO YOUR ANGER

“Confess your faults one to another, pray for one another, that you may be healed.”—James 5:16

DEAL WITH ANGER QUICKLY

“Don’t let the sun set with you still angry…”—Eph. 4:26-27

Forgive each other so Satan can’t get a foothold on your home.

LEARN the things that trigger your anger.

If you can learn what Satan is using, you can guard against his attacks and strengthen that area with the Word of God.

NEXT TIME: Communication Breakups—Learning to Understand Each Other