Love of the Husband
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25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Sermons from John Piper (1980–1989) (Husbands Who Love like Christ and the Wives Who Submit to Them)
When sin entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage NOT because it brought headship and submission into existence, but because it twisted man’s humble, loving headship into hostile domination in some men and lazy indifference in others.
And it twisted woman’s intelligent, willing submission into manipulative obsequiousness in some women and brazen insubordination in others.
Sin didn’t create headship and submission; it ruined them and distorted them and made them ugly and destructive.
obsequiousness - slavish or fawning obedience or excessive eagerness to please:
In order for marriage to be what God wants it to be, there are some prerequisites. He starts discussing marriage in verse 22 with the wives and submission, and then down in verse 25 with the husband, love and headship.
Before he gets into the details of this relationship he first addresses another relationship.
Ephesians 5:18–21 (KJV 1900)
18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;
19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;
20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Right off the get go, we understand Paul is writing to the church which means he is writing to believers and therefore, only believers, really, have the possibility of having this kind of fulfilled relationship in marriage and the family because only believers possess the Holy Spirit and can therefore be filled with the Spirit, dominated by the Spirit, controlled by the Spirit.
Where you have a Spirit-filled person, where you have a heart full of joy (speaking in psalms, hymns, singing and making melody, you have hope for a good relationship.
Then notice vs. 20, “Giving thanks for all things”, No matter what happens, no matter what goes wrong, no matter how you might be misunderstood, treated in a marriage, your heart is filled with nothing but thanks, even for your trials because you know they come from God and have a perfecting work.
To be Spirit-filled, to be singing from the depths of your heart with joy, to be saying thanks for everything, and then in verse 21, “To be subject to one another in the fear of God.” To have an attitude of mutual submission in which you “consider others better than yourselves.”
Those are the spiritual prerequisites for a successful marriage … Spirit-filled, singing, saying thanks and submitting.
So after looking at the wives submission lets notice the man and
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
The husbands responsibility is to love his wife. It doesn’t say rule her, he already has that tendency, even a tendency to dominate her, to control her, to command her. The curse does that. He is told here he is to love her.
She is submitting to him, he is to express love to her.
The Matter of Love:
The Matter of Love:
It is
The Leadership of Care.
The Leadership of Care.
Yes he is the head of the woman as God is the head of Christ and Christ is the head of the man, as 1 Corinthians 11 says.
3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
He is over her, she is to call him lord, as we learned in 1 Peter 3. He is the stronger vessel, as Peter says. It is his responsibility to give direction and provision and leadership. But it is in a context of love … always in a context of love.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
There is always the danger of the loss of love and the husband becomes a petty tyrant. When love is not the context of that relationship, a petty tyranny begins to take shape. And so it is the headship of love, it is the leadership of love, it is the guiding of affection.
God has a chain of command and where there is a chain of command, there has to be a head.
Adrian Rogers Sermon Archive (I. His Position)
God wants the home to have a head. Anything without a head is dead. Anything with two heads is a freak. And God wants us to have a home with a head. Now, God—the sovereign God—has said that the husband is to be the head.
Now, this doesn’t mean, guys listen, that you are some sort of a dictator—doesn’t mean that you’re a little lord. You are to lead your wife lovingly. It’s very interesting—while the Bible says that the husband is the head and the Bible tells the wife to submit, it doesn’t tell the husband to boss. It tells the husband to love, as we’re going to see in a moment. You see, you’re not to go around with a Bible club, beating her over the head, saying, “Submit, submit, submit.” That’s not the way to get her to submit.
How does Jesus lead the Church? It is loving leadership. He leads through love. And that’s the way you are to lead—through love.
Anybody in a marriage who stands up for his or her “rights” is headed for trouble.
The Love of Christ.
The Love of Christ.
“Do you love her as much as Christ loved the church, if you don’t, then you don’t love her enough.” That’s the standard.
Jesus is the head of the Church, that’s the way you’re to be head of your home. That doesn’t mean, therefore, that your wife is a dummy.
Have you ever thought what Jesus has committed to the Church?
Jesus has committed to the Church the evangelization of the world.
Think of the responsibilities—the awful, fearful, terrible, great responsibilities—that Jesus has given to the Church.
In the same way, a husband can depend upon his wife and can lean upon his wife and his wife can have great responsibilities.
Many times a woman is more gifted than a man in finances, and more gifted than a man at planning, and more gifted than a man in business, or so forth. Does that mean, therefore, because he’s the head, that he’s not going to depend upon her or let her give insight or wisdom in these areas? I think he’s going to be a fool if he doesn’t. Why, if there’s strength there and resources there, he ought to depend upon those things. But he’s still the head; he’s still the leader. And happy is the husband, happy is the wife, that realizes this. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.
love = agape
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, So that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants’ ships; She bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth meat to her household, And a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, And strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: Her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, And her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; Her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; And delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honour are her clothing; And she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, And eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, But thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Do we love anyone as Christ loved us?
Especially our wives?