God's Gift in Marriage

Intro:

Why did you get married?

-Family Pressure

-Social Pressure

-Sexual longing

-You want kids

-You fell in love

-You got in trouble

-You wanted a tax break

As beleivers, God desires for you to value and honor the covenant of marriage that he design at the creation of the world.

Context:

In Chapter 7, Paul’s moves back to addressing another issue in the Corinthian church, an issue that was found in previous correspondence with him while in Ephesus. As we have noted, Paul wrote the Corinthians previously(Previous Letter), they responded to him, and his reply to their response is the book of 1 Corinthians that we have today. So our 1 Corinthians is actually a second Corinthians in some ways, if that does not confuse us a bit.

Paul dealt with issues that affected the church as we have seen. As a review, we have seen him deal with:

Bad theology regarding man’s wisdom

Divisions in the church

Sexual immorality in the church

Believers suing other believers

In chapter 7, Paul returns to the topic of marriage as it affects the church. He has already addressed the grotesque immorality that violated the marriage relationship and should not be practiced by believers. He gave the command to “flee sexual immorality” and while doing so promoting the healthy monogamous relationship of husband and wife. But while healthy marital intimacy is assumed as the negative to his command “flee sexual immorality” he doesn’t actually address this important topic of marital intimacy until chapter 7. Let’s look at the reason behind his address in chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7:1–2 NASB95

1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.

You will note in 7:1, that Paul acknowledges the previous correspondence between the church and himself. He summarizes that view of intimacy in v 1b, “it is not good for a man to not touch a woman.” Now some commentators interpret this statement, coming from Paul’s practice and opinion while others interpret as Paul quoting the Corinthian’s view on intimacy. The better interpretation is the second and it sets up our understanding of the argument in the Corinthian church.

It appears that because of the sexual issues in the culture of Corinth that bled into the church, the believers there swung the pendulum too far to the opposite direction and advocated abstinence in marriage. In other words, the Corinthians were jerking the wheel to autocorrect from the moral issues of their day. This is a temptation for all believers as we try to live in the world but not of the world.

So the apostle begins this chapter by stating their view: it is good for a man NOT to touch a woman.” Some commentators want to say that “touch” here means marriage but it doesn’t. It means “touch” in an intimate way in the marital relationship. This is important because Paul is specifically dealing with intimacy in marriage and not generally with only marriage. The argument of the Corinthians flows from the idea that abstaining from intimacy in marriage is a good thing for their spiritual growth. This is known as Asceticism.

Cultural asceticism was when the religious would seek to master their bodies and control their impulses, such as their sexual lusts and in that practice of self-denial, seek to gain a deeper spiritual connection with the divine. Extreme ascetics throughout history have included people who whip themselves when temptations arise in order to help focus their mind elsewhere from the temptation. Other ascetics were known to isolate themselves in caves, away from society, in order to avoid lusts of the world.

Agnes de Rochier was the only daughter of one of the wealthiest merchants of Paris, and was admired by all the neighborhood for her beauty and virtue. In 1403 her father died, leaving her the sole possessor of his wealth. Rumour immediately disposed of her hand to all the young gallants of the quarter.

She determined to become what was then called a recluse, and as such to pass the remainder of her days in a narrow cell built within the wall of a church. On the 5th of October when the cell, only a few feet square, was finished in the wall of the church of St. Opportune, Agnes entered her final abode.

The Bishop of Paris, attended by his chaplains and the canons of Notre Dame, entered the cell and celebrated a pontifical mass; he then approached the opening of the cell, sprinkled it with holy water, and after the poor thing had bidden adieu to her friends and relations, ordered the masons to fill up the aperture. This was done as strongly as stone and mortar could make; nor was an opening left, save only a small loop-hole, through which Agnes might hear the offices of the church, and receive the aliments given her by the charitable.

She was eighteen years old when she entered this living tomb, and she continued within it eighty years, till death terminated her sufferings----Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7700 Illustrations: Signs of the Times (Garland, TX: Bible Communications, Inc., 1996), 168.

Out of fear for immorality, the Corinthian believers were touting such ascetic practices like abstinence, but Paul had a different message for them. Before we look at Paul’s message, we need to remember that at this point in his ministry, Paul was celibate. He had taken up the lifestyle of celibacy as he focused on the ministry that the Lord had given him.

Not what he says, in v 7,

1 Corinthians 7:7 NASB95

7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

There is debate about whether Paul was ever married in his life. There is good reason to believe that he was because history tell us that Paul could not have been a trained as a Rabbi, since he was trained under Gamaliel. As a Rabbi, it was commanded that these men be married and therefore, we can make an informed assumption that Paul was married at one time in his life. But at the time of writing 1 Corinthians, he was not. He states in v 7, that some have a gift like he does, and he is referring to the gift from God of celibacy. What he means is that he has been gifted celibacy so that he no longer yearns within himself to be married nor of lust. We will look at that gift more next week, but let us make one important observation. Paul was not married and yet he understood that “it is not good for man to be alone.” If Paul actually believe it was man’s good to “Not touch a woman” then this would go against the scriptures of Ephesians 5 where Paul promotes the marriage relationship as a picture of Christ and his church. Therefore, Paul in these verses will give support to marriage and the gift that God gives us in marriage…the gift of intimacy as husband and wife.

I think Paul message is important because a generation ago, the church didn’t want to talk much about sexual intimacy because the culture was becoming so sexualized. Avoiding the topic seemed like a proper redirect but while True Love Waits campaigns were communicated to our teenagers back then, there was little communication about the joys of intimacy in marriage. It was more a “don’t do this” message instead of a “wait and do that.” But with the wisdom of the HS through Paul’s hand, we can see how necessary it is to enjoy all the gifts that God has given us.

T: Let’s look at a few truths to cling to in regards to marital intimacyL

1. Marital Intimacy is a Necessary Grace (vs. 2-4)

1 Corinthians 7:2–4 NASB95

2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Paul begins his response to Corinthian believers with the proper view of the need of intimacy in marriage. Verses 2-4 are written in one unit. They are a chaisism when means that they form a pattern. In that structure, we see that marital intimacy is needed for a functioning marriage.

A. Marital intimacy is needed for filling the earth with God’s people

Paul does not mention this point here, but yet affirms the good gift of marriage and intimacy throughout the letters that he writes. God purpose and plan for marriage is to enjoy all aspect of fellowship and intimacy with your spouse. To abstain from any of the sexual needs of the husband or wife is a disjoined union.

Genesis 1:27–28 (NASB95)

27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it”

Genesis 2:24 NASB95

24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Becoming one flesh included the intimate relationship whereby God give great fulfillment between husband and wife that cannot be found in isolation from the world. Man and woman are designed to be joined together in the covenant of marriage and in joining as one flesh, engage in a healthy sexual relationship that God designed as a way to spread his glory across the world. One way that we can know and understand this concept besides GOd’s commands, is to see the evil of child sacrifice, neglect, abandonment, and abortion as a scheme of Satan to counteract this process. God wants life to multiply so people may come to know him. Satan wants life to cease to be so none will worship their Creator.

To my young people here today, this culture wants you to ignore marriage and just cohabitate. It will tell you to forget the outdated ways espoused by your grandparents and instead cohabitate with someone of your own gender. Don’t marry them and yet marry them because its your right.

But if you marry someone of the opposite sex, the culture will seek to limit the amount of kids you have and replace that full house full of laughter and joy, with a full garage and a full shop with trinkets and gadgets to entertain you. Satan doesn’t want you to have what God intends, he wants to put substitutes before you and lie to you about the satisfaction you will find in them. Instead of marriage, cohabitation. Instead, of sexual intimacy within marriage, sex before marriage. Instead of a host of children for God’s glory, a palatable empty schedule to do what you wish. If you don’t believe me, watch these tiny house shows that promote not only home that “doesn’t leave such a large carbon footprint” but also a home that cannot be filled with children to teach about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

B. Marital Intimacy is needed for fulfilling your desires for your spouse

God supernaturally places in his people a longing for their partner that is built upon the faithfulness of His character. We do not just fulfill sexual desire with the closest and most available person. God instructs us to enjoy and find fulfillment in the spouse that God has given us to enjoy.

Adam said about Eve in a wedding vow of the garden of Eden,

Genesis 2:22–23 NASB95

22 The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”

The fact that woman was a “suitable helper” or counterpart to man, means that all that man needs in companionship, cannot be fulfilled with the beast of the earth God created. Companionship is found most suitably in that person which God has ordained you to be with. You will find your greatest fulfillment in marriage with that person in all areas of life including intimacy. Every attempt to find that intimacy outside of marriage is a inadequate substitute.

Solomon told his son,

Proverbs 5:15–19 NASB95

15 Drink water from your own cistern And fresh water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be yours alone And not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.

This is the proper True Love Waits message…wait for this unmatched intimate experience that you will enjoy with your wife that cannot be topped. It is worth the wait because it is incomparable to anything a TV or movie will communicate to us. Those actors don’t love and care for one another. It is fake intimacy and it distorts our expectation of the marriage bed and causes more harm than good. Again, we must listen to GOd’s word and let it inform out thinking on God’s desire for our intimacy in marriage.

Paul states in verse 2,

1 Corinthians 7:2 (NASB95)

2 ....each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.

Each man has HIS wife and each wife HER husband. We don’t have to spend long to declare that marriage is only between one man and one women. This monogamy is not old-fashioned, it is fashioned by God before old exists. It is the plan of God before time, and therefore it does not need adaption or correction. To have your wife means a commitment to the fulfillment of sexual intimacy in the marriage relationship.

Church, the person God has ordained you to be with in your present or in your future, is whom God designed for your greatest joy and fulfillment. If you have yet to find them, wait patiently and pray. No need to give into the cultural demands that you need to be married at this age or in this way. What does the bible say. Isaac found rebekah found each other by the providence of God as he directed their paths into one. You must wait for God to lead you to the person that you will marry. Be patient and trust him. God will give you what you need.

C. Marital Intimacy is need to fulfill the sanctity of marriage

v 2…because of immoralities

God doesn’t come up with bad ideas. Man corrupts God’s good plan, every time. Sin entered the world and corrupted the intimacy between man and woman so that so many ungodly aberrations have come forth like masturbation, adultery, incest, beastility, child abuse, polygamy and more. All of these are corruptions of what intended designed for a man and women in the covenant of marriage to enjoy. Therefore, Paul warns the church that abstaining from sexual intercourse in marriage is actually not the holier course of action, because of the reality of sexual temptation.

1 Corinthians 7:4–6 NASB95

4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.

Paul speaks then to the complementarity of the marriage bed whereby the husband and wife come together to serve one another. God desires that their be mutual commitment and energies put forth by both husband and wife. This area of the marriage is just as all areas…it is a place to serve and care for the interests of our spouses more than ourselves. If you are engaging in such intimacy only to “get it over with” then I would ask you to reconsider what God has designed for you. It is a time for both parties to exercise a healthy, respectful commitment in the marriage bed. This does not mean that the spouse should demand anything from his wife because that is contrary to Peter’s words,

1 Peter 3:7 (NASB95)

7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

But intimacy is a form of protection for the sanctity of marriage. Paul acknowledges that Satan is out to tempt couples into sin because we all are susceptible to weakness and a lack of self control. Therefore, Paul sees the viewpoint of Corinth that abstinence is good as a danger to the church. Abstinence invites a failure to accomplishing marital sanctity and invites dishonor on God’s good creation. Instead, Paul gives an addendum, which he calls a concession not a command. What he suggests is that temporary abstinence is good in moments dedicated to prayer, like a fast from sexual intimacy) in order that the mind might be refocused on a proper worship of Christ. This he says is not a command given by the Lord but a principle to be practiced in order to avoid the pitfall of sexual immorality.

2. Marital Intimacy is an Appointed Grace

1 Corinthians 7:7 NASB95

7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.

Verse 7 is a transition verse to the next area of life among believers that Paul will address. In his statement in v 7, Paul makes known that celibacy that he is practicing is a gift from God just as the gift of marriage is a gift from God. Some receive one gift and some receive the other, you don’t receive both at the same time. We will take a look at the celibate life of Paul as another gift from God but we conclude by being reminded God’s gifts are good gifts meant to be enjoyed as an act of worship towards his name.

1 Corinthians 10:31 NASB95

31 Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

So they question is, how can you glorify God in this way?

Understand it as God’s good design and be committed to honoring him with it. It is part of the life He has given you and it is your spiritual act of worship!

Be committed to work hard at it for as you know, nothing in marriage is easy!

Understand that if its your weakness, God is your strength!

If you have not lived in such a way that this area of your marriage has honored the Lord, repent and seek change by faith, resting in his power!

Finally, find accountability in the church. That is probably the most uncomfortable thing you might hear me say but I mean it. You don’t have to be descriptive with your brothers and sisters in Christ but you need accountability in all areas of spiritual growth in Christ. First, agree with your wife that accountability is needed with one another but also with other brothers and sisters in Christ. I know of a couple who are trapped in a world of a lack of intimacy in marriage and part of the prison of that relationship is the failure of accountability with the church. “Bear One Another’s Burdens”