Exemplary Relationships
Notes
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Sermon illustration: John Maxwell says-
“The basis of life is people and how they relate to each other. Our success, fulfillment, and happiness depend upon our ability to relate effectively. The best way to become a person that others are drawn to is to develop qualities that we are attracted to in others. Just as I was preparing this chapter, I received an anonymous card from a member of my congregation. It was especially meaningful because it reflected the importance of warm, rewarding relationships:
‘When special people touch our lives then suddenly we see how beautiful and wonderful our world can really be. They show us that our special hopes and dreams can take us far by helping us look inward and believe in who we are. They bless us with their love and joy through everything they give. When special people touch our lives they teach us how to live.’”
John C.. Maxwell, Be a People Person: Effective Leadership Through Effective Relationships, David C Cook.
The command of Paul still rings in the ears of Timothy.
Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith.
Let no man despise thy youth…
Be an Example…
With this in mind the Apostle gives a practical guide for a young leader in a local church.
He will give some basic divisions for how to understand our relationship with one another.
It takes many kinds of people…
Every congregation is composed of all different types of people because we are all unique. Filled with a broad range of people we will be likely to experience church in a mirad of ways. Every congregation large or small will have people that is filled with different personalities. To the best of our ability we want to care for each individual in the church.
This is not only for the pastor but is meant as an example for all of us to follow. This will be very much in the same spirit as the book of Titus where the pastor is to teach the Older men how to behave with the younger and the younger women are to be teachable to the Older women.
Those divisions are
1. Older Men
2. Younger Men
3. Older Women
4. Younger Women
5. Widows (and the qualifications of their care)
6. The Church planters… (we will approach next week)
Respect will go a long way…
He begins by bringing up older men within the church. This is an instruction in light of the preceding chapters. There may be a reason why Paul wants Timothy to take it easy.
1. His age - Timothy they won’t hear you because you are younger. You will need to earn your stripes. And you’ll need to hear from the older men of hte community and congregation. So be mindful of how you deal with the older.
2. Their failures - Though not directly mentioned. This church has gone through a series of false teachers. When a church is pulled back from a false teacher just know that there may be people on ever side of the deal.
There are those that taught deception.
There are those that aided and helped the deceivers.
There are those that were deceived.
There are those that were not deceived but never spoke up.
Paul handles group one and two in the passage already. Push them out of office and don’t make special arrangements for their widows. But this leaves us with older men in the church that fell into either one of the other two groups. Older men that lived in the sin because they were decieved. Or the Older men that were not decieved and said nothing.
In either situation you can imagine the frustration that can come in the mind and heart of Timothy.
All of that aside… the instruction is clear it is proper to not lash out at the elderly.
“The picture that comes to me is one in which older people are treated mor elderly, while younger folks sometimes need stronger confrontation. This is good, common sense…” - Gary Demarest. The Preachers Commentary Nelson Publishers.
This is also an issue of being right.
Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the Lord.
The hoary head is a crown of glory,
If it be found in the way of righteousness.
There is a proper respect that is due older men in the congregation. Does this mean.
You don’t instruct the older men?
Absolutely not. Instruction is the primary role given to the Timothy.
Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.
You don’t confront the older men?
Well no to be a faithful shepherd Paul instructed Titus that he had to confront the whole body.
These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.
It means that the older men are due a leader that is willing to love and earn respect rather than demanding that right through lashing out.
Bonds of Brotherhood…
The younger men deserve no such right so I will scream at them for the next 20 minutes. Of course that is not what that means. Rather they are to be approached as a brother. I love my brothers. I say things to my brothers I never would say to my father. We can actually call each other out and scathe one another sometimes. It can hurt but it is real and true. Never is it unloving.
I can remember how my brother many years ago disarmed my bad attitude with a five word sentence. It was perfectly timed and properly placed. And I couldn’t add another word.
I remember my friend Harrell Kendrick putting his finger in the middle of my chest and telling my you can do better than this Metsinger. Be where you’re supposed to be. I hated that and frankly we weren’t incredibly close but he was right and the only reason he would say something was because he cared.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Mother’s and Sister’s
Why the reference to Timothy treating the women as sisters? It is wise for Timothy to both love and revere the older women of the congregation. It is also wise that the pastor have special precautions with younger women for obvious reasons. In all the interactions it is on the young leader to make the woman feel protected and sheilded without familiarity.
Widows
You can find three patterns with the Widow.
Widows and the Church
I Timothy 5:3
I Timothy 5:5
I Timothy 5:16
Widows and the Family
I Timothy 5:4
I Timothy 5:8
Widows and the Culture
Faithfulness vs Laciviousness
I Timothy 5:6
I Timothy 5:9-10
I Timothy 5:11-15
You might say that doesn’t sound very nice.
Remember that this is the issue in the church that these women are playing a part in the false teachers scheme.
FCF
The warning of the Young widow is very similar to the Novice preacher. He is warning that influence in the church is a special right that can be purchased with time and popularity. But a church that operates under this law will devolve into poor leadership.
A church should look to humble themselves to one another and consider themselves a family to avoid the dangerous temptations that come from groups of people in power.