06 - Sex Begins In The Kitchen 2009

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have; for he has said, "I will never fail you nor forsake you!"—Heb. 13:4-5

It is interesting that God puts money and the marriage bed side by side.

This is likely because most counselors today would put money and sexual relations near the top of their lists of trouble spots in marriage.

Sex is not a blush-topic for God.  He talks about sex throughout His Word. Just read Song of Solomon in a paraphrase like the Message or Living Bible for an example.

We’ve seen in this series that God would have us understand that sex is not a "bad" word. Instead, sex is a gift from God Himself.  Satan did not create our sexuality.

SECOND, God gave us sex as a gift. And since God gives the gift, God also makes the ground rules for the gift's use.  Throughout His Word, God makes it clear that sex is meant to be actualized within marriage.  Outside of marriage, sexual relationships are sinful--plain and simple.

THIRD, it is a fact that sex, being one of God’s good gifts, can be corrupted by the devil.  When that is so, sex turns into lust.  Lust then is the devil's misuse of God's good gift. 

FOURTH, sex was meant by God to be more than procreative.  It was intended also to be pleasurable.

Example: When Abraham and Sarah were old and childless, God assured them they would yet have a son. Sarah responded by saying, “After I have become aged shall I have pleasure and delight, my husband being old also?”--Gen. 18:12

The church, more than ever, needs to truthfully relate God’s Word to today's believers on this topic. Then they will grasp the beauty and power available in the sanctified sexual relationship of a husband and a wife.

Max Lucado writes, "God desires to make you one with your spouse, and sex is one of his tools. Don't overrate it like society does. Don't ignore it like religion has done. Just appreciate it."

Some keys to sexuality within marriage, first from the woman’s point of view.

WHAT WIVES WISH THEIR HUSBANDS KNEW

First: SEX BEGINS IN THE KITCHEN

What this means is that sex is totally connected to the entire relationship, not just the bedroom.

The Bible knows this and offers crucial wisdom to husbands:

First, scripture says that husbands are to “love their wives as Christ loved the church...”—Eph. 4:25-26

How did Jesus love the church?

HE CAME DOWN OUT OF HIS WORLD INTO OURS.

Our wives are most impressed when we leave our world, and like the Son of God, we enter into their world, their sphere, their interests, and get involved.

Husbands, your wife wants you to take an interest in her life—to become a sounding board that she can bounce things off of as she thinks out loud.

One pastor said to a group of husbands, "If we're going to feed and care for our wives as Christ does the church, we're going to have to get down off of our high horses, step out of our world of career or self-importance, step out of our world of sports, and enter into the world of our wives and nurture them and fill their soul."

Paul goes on in his address to the husbands:

“…and (Jesus) gave Himself for her (His bride the church), that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word.”

Notice, marriage is not a forum for the man to “get what he wants.” It is a context for the husband to give of himself for the betterment of his wife.

Jesus “gave Himself for His bride” the church. This goes straight to the heart of the issue of selfishness in a marriage. There is no room for it. Marriage and selfishness don’t mix. Selfishness will destroy a marriage quicker than almost anything.

Marriage is made up to two good forgivers.

And notice the last few words of Paul to the men: “That He (Jesus) might sanctify and cleanse her (the church) with the washing of the Word…”

This speaks to the need for men to communicate with their wives in a way that builds them up.

Jesus sanctified and cleansed His bride by communicating with her.

To a woman:

Communication is the key to sex.

Guys could really care less about communication if they are in the mood. They are stirred by sight and hormones. Not so with women.

FACT: Wives wish their husbands would communicate and take a genuine interest in them. Good communication builds a road toward the bedroom.

This is why Peter admonished husbands: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with knowledge as you live together.”—1 Pet. 3:7

What kind of knowledge is he talking about? The kind we’re talking about right now, starting with the differences between men and women.

SO HERE’S A WORD OF ADVICE: In communicating, choose your words carefully and communicate with an attitude that honors rather than demeans.

Don’t expect your wife to be interested in sex at bedtime when she’s faced criticism, fault-finding, or harsh language all day long.

Sex begins in the kitchen, in all of the little relational stuff that happens throughout the entire day!

God wants us to understand both the seriousness and the joy of sex; he also wants us to understand the importance of communication in sex.

Josh McDowell says the chief dysfunction in failing marriages is not sexual but verbal.

One marriage counselor tells the story of how the men in his small group learned that doing simple chores scores big points.

Wives also wish that their husbands would cuddle with no strings attached.

When you're walking to your car after church, hold her hand, or when you pass her in the hallway, give her a hug.

Women want to be held, and it is not a cue for you to try and take it to the next level.

These are just a few of the many things that spell the difference between men and women and how they view sex.

Next time: What Husbands Wish Their Wives Could Figure Out