Husbands and Wives

Submissive To Your Husband

Peter writes that just as we are to submit ourselves to governing authorities so a wife is suppose to submit to her husband. So what does this mean? It means that she is to respect the authority that God has given man as the head of the household. Ephesians 5:22-23

Ephesians 5:22–23 (NASB95)

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

The only time you are not to be submissive to your husband is if he tells you to do something in opposition to what God commands or prohibits you from doing something God commands. For example, I have seen on numerous occasions where a woman wants to join a church but will not because her husband does not come. A woman can join a church and attend because it is something God has commanded. Hebrews 10:25

Hebrews 10:25 NASB95

not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

A wife is submissive to the Lord first and the Husband second. However the wife must not use the spiritual deficiency of the husband as an excuse for not being submissive. Peter writes that, “even if any of them are disobedient to the word.

In Peter’s day women had no rights. If a woman went against the husbands religion she could be treated poorly. The same holds true today. The husband may resent the fact that she is growing in the Lord and tell her that she is foolish for believing in Christ. How is the wife to respond?

Believer’s Bible Commentary D. As a Wife in Relation to Her Husband (3:1–6)

George Müller told of a wealthy German whose wife was a devout believer. This man was a heavy drinker, spending late nights in the tavern. She would send the servants to bed, stay up till he returned, receive him kindly, and never scold him or complain. At times she would even have to undress him and put him to bed.

One night in the tavern he said to his cronies, “I bet if we go to my house, my wife will be sitting up, waiting for me. She’ll come to the door, give us a royal welcome, and even make supper for us, if I ask her.”

They were skeptical at first, but decided to go along and see. Sure enough, she came to the door, received them courteously, and willingly agreed to make supper for them without the slightest trace of resentment. After serving them, she went off to her room. As soon as she had left, one of the men began to condemn the husband. “What kind of a man are you to treat such a good woman so miserably?” The accuser got up without finishing his supper and left the house. Another did the same and another till they had all departed without eating the meal.

Within a half hour, the husband became deeply convicted of his wickedness, and especially of his heartless treatment of his wife. He went to his wife’s room, asked her to pray for him, repented of his sins, and surrendered to Christ. From that time on, he became a devoted disciple of the Lord Jesus. Won without a word!

Showing respect to your husband even when he doesn’t deserve it is the best witness for Christ. Peter says that it is your chaste and respectful behavior that will win a husband to Christ. It is not constantly preaching at him or correcting him that will win the husband. It is respecting the husband that will lead the husband to Christ.

Just as a point of clarification. I don’t believe the Bible is saying here to stay in an abusive relationship. If the husband is abusing the wife, then she must protect herself from the abuse.

Adorn yourself with a gentle, quiet, and respectful spirit.

1 Peter 3:3–6 NASB95

Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

This passage is not saying that a wife should not wear nice clothes, put on make-up, or brush her hair. It is saying that these things are not what make you beautiful in God’s sight. What makes you beautiful in God’s sight is being submissive to your husband through gentle, quiet, and respectful behavior to your husband.

To have a gentle spirit is to be understanding of your husbands spiritual condition if he is lost. Understand that he will not behave like a husband that has a relationship with Jesus. He will probably engage in the things of this world. He may use foul language, be selfish and prideful in nature, and not exhibit the characteristics that we will see a Christian husband should exhibit.

To have a quiet spirit means to not to try to “fix” your husband by constantly being critical of him. You cannot argue your husband to Christ. The best way to have a quiet spirit is to live your life for Christ in front of him.

To respect your husband is to be submissive to his God given authority as the head of the household. Strive to live at peace even if it cost you. Love him, support him, never speak to others negatively about him, and do not go against his leadership unless it is a violation of God’s command.

Husbands Live In An Understanding Way With Your Wife

Understand Your Wife

Peter writes to husbands that they are to understand their wives. This means that it is their responsibility to know the desires of their wife and prioritize them above their own desire. This can only happen by spending time listening and observing her. Making her feel like she is the most important person in the world.

For example guys, when she says that she would like to talk about something, stop what you are doing and focus on what she has to say. This communicates to your wife that she is important and you seek to understand her. Now ladies you can make this a whole lot easier for your husband if you choose your time to talk wisely. Superbowl, fourth quarter, tied game, ten seconds left, and your team is on the one yard line is not the right time to talk. If your husband has had a difficult day at the office and comes home grumpy, it is probably not the right time to discuss something contentious.

However guys, when your wife desires to let you know what is on her mind and what her desires are, you need to make time to listen. You should never be too busy to listen to your wife. As a matter of fact, I would recommend that you set aside uninterrupted daily time for you and her talk.

Someone weaker

Understand that this doesn’t mean that she is inferior in value, intellect, or character. Peter is writing that in most cases women are physically weaker than men. As such it is the man’s responsibility to protect and provide for his wife and his family. 1 Timothy 5:8

1 Timothy 5:8 NASB95

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

The husband is to respect the weaker status of the wife and care for her needs. He is not to use her weaker status as a means of control.

Honor Her

Husbands are to see their wives value as God does. God values our wives so much that He sent Jesus to die for her. We should be willing to do the same. This is how you honor your wife.

Ephesians 5:25–30 NASB95

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

Be willing to give yourself up for her. Even if it means giving your life for her. It also means putting her needs before your own.

Sanctify her by teaching her the word of God. You can do this by living your life following Jesus, providing her time to spend with Jesus, and teaching her the Word of God.

Love your wife. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 NASB95

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

4. Nourish and care for your wife. Make sure all her needs are met and find joy in fulfilling her wants.

Answered Prayers

Why should you be a Godly husband? So your prayers will not be hindered. God will not honor our prayers if we are not honoring our wives. So if you find that your prayers are not being answered or if you feel as if your spiritual life is dry, check and see how you are in your relationship with your wife. It will be a litmus test on your relationship with God. If you find that you have not been honoring your wife as you should, then repent, ask God for forgiveness, and begin honoring your wife.