Friendship

GEMS Friendship Night 02/23

Friendship: Friendship is a reciprocal relationship characterized by intimacy, faithfulness, trust, unmotivated kindness, and service. The concept can describe one’s relationship with people and with God. (Lexham Theological Wordbook).

Friend, Friendship. Most of the Old Testament words translated “friend,” “friendship,” or “be friendly” come from two Hebrew roots, r͑h and ͗hb. The most common terms for friend are rē͑eh, “friend,” and ͗ōhēb, a participial form meaning “one who loves.” In the New Testament several words appear, including philos, “friend,” hetairos, “companion, comrade,” and plēsion, “neighbor,” along with a variety of kinship terms such as “brother,” “mother,” or “child,” extended to refer to people outside one’s family for whom one feels special affection. The terms used most include philos, “friend,” and adelphos/adelphē, “brother/sister,” the last of which becomes a technical term for a fellow believer.

In both Testaments the ideas of friend and friendship involve three components: association, loyalty, and affection. There are also three levels of meaning: friendship as association only; friendship as association plus loyalty; and friendship as association plus loyalty plus affection.

At the lowest level a friend is simply an associate or “the other fellow” (Judg. 7:13; Rom. 15:2; James 4:12). In Jesus’ parables the vineyard owner addresses a laborer (Matt. 20:13) and the host speaks to a wedding guest he does not know (Matt. 22:12) using the term “comrade.” Jesus addresses Judas in this way in the garden: “Friend, do what you came for” (Matt. 26:50).

At a higher and theologically more interesting level the idea of friendship contains not only the component of association but also that of loyalty. The “king’s friend” (2 Sam. 15:37; 16:16; 1 Kings 4:5; 1 Chron. 27:33) serves as a royal advisor or, in the Maccabean period, as a member of a favored class of nobles (1 Macc. 2:18; 3:38; 6:10; 10:65). Hiram of Tyre’s “friendship” with David (1 Kings 5:1) is actually a political alliance that may have little to do with affection but everything to do with treaty obligations. The “friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24) shows loyalty. When the Jews accuse Pilate of not being “a friend of Caesar” (John 19:12), they are questioning his loyalty to the emperor.

The highest level of friendship contains the components of association and loyalty along with affection. The friendship of David and Jonathan (1 Sam. 18:1–4; 20:14–17) has all three components, as does the friendship between Paul and the Philippian church (see, e.g., Phil. 4:1, 15–20).

According to Scripture there are three possible objects of friendship: another person, God or his Son, or someone else who follows Jesus.

The first involves human friendship based simply on common humanity with all the joys and dangers associated with it. Human friendship brings help in time of trouble (Prov. 17:17; 27:10; Luke 11:5–8) and advice in perplexing situations (Prov. 27:9). A friend may provide consolation in trouble, as when Barzillai the Gileadite consoles the hunted David (2 Sam. 19:31–39), or when the friends of Jephthah’s daughter help her mourn her early death (Judg. 11:37–38). A friend may offer help at the risk of death, as Hushai the Arkite does when he spies for David in the court of Absalom the usurper (2 Sam. 15:32–37; 16:16–19; 17:5–16). A friend may rebuke in love, proving more faithful than a flatterer (Prov. 27:6). Ecclesiastes develops the theme of friendship in the “two are better than one” passage (4:9–12).

One of the greatest biblical examples of the “friend who sticks closer than a brother” is the relationship between David and Jonathan. Jonathan’s loyalty to David runs deeper than his loyalty to his father Saul or his own ambitions (1 Sam. 18:1–4; 20:14–17). The dirge David sings when he hears of Jonathan’s death marks their relationship as a high point of human friendship (2 Sam. 1:17–27). Ruth’s stubborn loyalty to her mother-in-law Naomi stands as another display of human friendship at its highest.

In the New Testament Paul shows a talent for gaining friends. In his letters he names many people as his special friends in Christ. In the Book of Acts Paul’s friends include even the pagan officials of Asia known as Asiarchs (Acts 19:31).

While friendship on the human level has its joys and consolations, it also has its dangers. Sometimes a friend can fail to dissuade one from an evil action, as Judah’s friend Hirah the Adullamite does when he helps Judah make arrangements with a supposed prostitute (Gen. 38:12–23). A friend can lead one into sin, as when Jonadab son of Shimeah persuades his cousin Amnon to rape his half sister Tamar (2 Sam. 13:1–6). A friend can even lead one to worship other gods (Deut. 13:6–11). Proverbs contains warnings about the dangers of bad company (1:10–19; 4:14–19).

Even if a friend does not lead one astray, the friend may cause grief through misunderstanding. Job’s three comforters, although they try to be his friends, only make his suffering worse (2:11–13; 6:14–27; 19:21–22; 42:7–9).

Friends may prove false, pretending affection and loyalty from ulterior motives (Ps. 55:12–14; Prov. 14:20; 19:4, 6–7). A friend may put one into debt by asking security for a loan (Prov. 6:1–5; 11:15; 17:18; 22:26–27). Friendship can break down through gossip (Prov. 16:28) or holding grudges (Prov. 17:9). Friends may abandon one in trouble (Ps. 38:11; cf. Ecclus. 9:10). The disappearance of true loyalty to friends is one of the symptoms of social and moral breakdown addressed by the prophet Micah in eighth-century Judah (Mic. 7:5–6).

As one can be a friend to another person, so one can be a friend of God or of God’s Son. Abraham gains the title “friend of God” by his faith and obedience (2 Chron. 20:7; Isa. 41:8; James 2:23). Those who keep God’s covenant are called his friends (Ps. 25:14). By contrast, one can be a friend of the world, which excludes the possibility of friendship with God (James 4:4; 1 John 2:15).

Many show they are friends of God by becoming friends of Jesus. His open acceptance during his ministry of all kinds of people displays not simply a tendency toward human friendship but portrays the possibility of divine-human loyalty and affection. The “disciple Jesus loved” (John 19:26; 20:2; 21:7) enjoys more than a human relationship with Jesus. Their friendship is more spiritual than social, as no doubt Jesus’ friendship with Lazarus was (John 11:3, 5, 36). Jesus shows this kind of divine-human friendship by addressing his disciples as friends (Luke 12:4), by letting them know the inner meaning of his life and ministry (John 15:15), and, most clearly, by dying on the cross as the sacrifice for sin (John 15:13). When Jesus tells his disciples, “You are my friends if you do what I command” (John 15:14), the components of association, loyalty, and affection all appear.

If one can be a friend of God or of God’s Son, this friendship can extend as well to others who are also friends of God. Christian friendship finds its basis in the friendship between each believer and God. When John refers to fellow believers simply as “the friends” (3 John 15), he implies the loyalty and affection for one another that spring from loyalty and love for God. Seven times in 1 John the writer addresses his readers as “dear children,” using the language of family to express this deep affection (1 John 2:1, 12, 28; 3:7, 18; 4:4; 5:21).

Paul expresses this loyal and affectionate relationship when he refers to or addresses several individuals with the language of family love. He speaks to Timothy and Titus as his true children (1 Tim. 1:2; Titus 1:4), and to Timothy as his “dear son” (2 Tim. 1:2). Onesimus is not only Paul’s “son” but his “very heart” (Philem. 10, 12). An unnamed woman in the Roman church is mother literally to a Christian named Rufus and figuratively to Paul (Rom. 16:13).

The New Testament shows a certain “in-group” mentality by making a distinction between members of the household of faith and outsiders (Gal. 6:10). But the writers never press this distinction, and they often make the point that Christian friendship should not appear only within Christian circles. While Paul, for example, encourages special concern for believers, he does so in connection with encouragement to “do good to all” (Gal. 6:10). Jesus encourages his followers to invite needy strangers, not friends, to their tables (Luke 14:12–14), and in the parable of the Good Samaritan he extends the concept of neighbor to include anyone in need (Luke 10:25–37).

Carl B. Bridges, Jr.1

1 Bridges, Carl B., Jr. “Friend, Friendship.” Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology. electronic ed. Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1996. 272–274. Print. Baker Reference Library.

  friendship, with God

A relationship of love and faithfulness into which God calls all people through faith.

Examples of friendship with God

Abraham Jas 2:23 See also 2Ch 20:7; Isa 41:8

Moses Ex 33:11 See also Nu 12:8; Dt 34:10

Job Job 29:4-5 See also Job 16:20-21

Examples of friendship with Jesus Christ

Mary, Martha and Lazarus Jn 11:5 See also Jn 11:3,11,35-36; 12:1-2

The beloved disciple Jn 13:23 “the disciple whom Jesus loved” is generally thought to be John. See also Jn 19:26; 20:2; 21:7,20

The disciples Jn 15:14-15

The ministry of Jesus Christ is an expression of friendship to sinners

In his life on earth Mt 11:19 pp Lk 7:34 See also Lk 7:39; 19:7

In his death on the cross Jn 15:13; Ro 5:7-8 See also Lk 12:4; Jn 3:16; 1Pe 3:18

God’s delight in friendship with those who he loves

Isa 5:7; Hos 11:1-4 See also 1Jn 1:3

The reliability of God as a friend

Isa 54:10 See also Dt 7:9; Jos 1:5; Pr 18:24; Jn 13:1; Heb 13:5

God’s invitation for people to know his friendship

Ps 145:18; Jas 4:8; Rev 3:20 Sharing a meal is a strong expression of friendship in Scripture. See also Zec 1:3; Mal 3:7; Ac 17:27; Jas 4:41

1 Manser, Martin H. Dictionary of Bible Themes: The Accessible and Comprehensive Tool for Topical Studies. London: Martin Manser, 2009. Print.

FRIEND, FRIENDSHIP Close trusting relationship between two people. Nowhere does the Bible present a concise definition of “friend” or “friendship.” Instead, both the OT and NT present friendship in its different facets.

Two Hebrew root words, rʿh and ʾhb, are used to describe friendship. Rʿh denotes an associate or companion, while ʾhb connotes the object of one’s affection or devotion—a friend. Consequently, friendship may be simple association (Gen. 38:12; 2 Sam. 15:37) or loving companionship, the most recognizable example being that between David and Saul’s son, Jonathan (1 Sam. 18:1, 3; 20:17; 2 Sam. 1:26).

Friendship, however, was not limited to earthly associates. The OT also affirms friendship between God and human persons. The relationship between God and Moses (Exod. 33:11) is likened to friendship because they conversed face-to-face. Both 2 Chron. 20:7 and Isa. 41:8 characterize Abraham as the friend of God. Friendship between God and His people is alluded to in Isa. 5:1–7, the song of the vineyard. Proverbs features the most references to friendship, nearly all of them cautioning against dubious friendships or extolling the virtues of a true friend (14:20; 17:17–18; 18:24; 19:4, 6; 22:11, 24; 27:6, 10, 14).

In the NT, the predominant word for friend is philos. A derivative, philia, is often used for friendship. Jesus is described as the “friend of … sinners” (Matt. 11:19 HCSB). He called His disciples “friends” (Luke 12:4; John 15:13–15). The NT highlights the connection between friends and joy (Luke 15:6, 9, 29), as well as warning of the possibility of friends proving false (Luke 21:16). Echoing the OT, James pointed to Abraham, the friend of God, as one whose example of active faith is to be followed (James 2:23). James also warned against friendship with the world (James 4:4).

Only in 3 John 14 is “friend” a self-designation for Christians. As a means of describing the relations between church members, friendship was overshadowed by the model of family relations, brotherhood and sisterhood (1 Tim. 5:1–3; 1 Pet. 1:22; 2:17). See Body of Christ; David; Jonathan; Love; Neighbor.

William J. Ireland, Jr.1

1 Ireland, William J., Jr. “Friend, Friendship.” Ed. Chad Brand et al. Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary 2003 : 602. Print.

h7453 translated friend - also translated another/another’s/other/companion/neighbor/comrade/fellow/opponent/friends/lovers/husband (used 168 times in OT)

g5384 translated friends - also translated

friends/friend (used 27 times in NT )