Hughes Vow Renewal

Introduction

We are gathered here today because John and Mary have expressed their desire to renew their wedding vows. Vows they made 42 years ago.

We have been brought here to this place, a place that they have requested for two primary reasons.

Mary always wanted to be married in a church, but never had the opportunity.

John and Mary having given their lives to following the Lord and desire to renew their vows upon the foundation of their commitment to the Lord.

As we prepare to have them exchange their vows once again and renew their commitment to one another in the sight of the Lord, with us as witnesses, let me offer just a few thoughts.

Marriage has all kinds of purposes: it provides the environment in which children may be born and properly reared. It provides the context in which the sexual instincts can be exercised in a God-intended way. But first and foremost, Genesis teaches us, it provides a very special friendship. In marriage a man and a woman can become the best of friends, knowing each other to such a depth that only God knows them better! This, too, is a gift from the Creator.

A Heart for God, 1987, p. 32, by permission Banner of Truth, Carlisle, PA. Sinclair Ferguson

But what is marriage?

Where did it come from?

What is the purpose of marriage?

In a day where marriage is being maligned and rejected, these are critical questions.

Why bother getting married? Why bother renew vows after 42 years?

I submit to you this morning that… (Big Idea)

Outline

Big Idea: Marriage is a covenant of companionship whose enduring commitment is a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ

Where Did Marriage Come From

What Is Marriage?

A Covenant of Companionship

An Enduring Commitment

A Living Display of the Gospel

Sermon Body

Big Idea: Marriage is a covenant of companionship whose enduring commitment is a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ

Where Did Marriage Come From?

Let me show you the where marriage began...

Genesis 1:26 ESV

26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

Genesis 2:7 ESV

7 then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

It begins way back in the beginning with God, our creator or made man and woman in his image.

God tasked man, Adam, to name all the animals and creatures he had made.

This task was given BEFORE God made woman.

AFTER Adam did so, and AFTER Adam realized there was no other like himself, we see...

Genesis 2:18–24 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

This is the institution of marriage, made BY GOD, not man, from the very foundation of our existence.

After creating man...

After instituting marriage...

God gave a command...

Genesis 1:27–28 ESV

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

What did God think of this creation, this marriage he made?

Genesis 1:31 ESV

31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

What God created, what God made was good.

After he made man and woman and instituted marriage, he called it VERY GOOD.

Marriage is not something conjured up by man, but by our creator Himself.

That being said…what exactly is marriage? What is its purpose?

What is Marriage?

A Covenant of Companionship

To answer that question, let me go back for a moment...Listen to how the Genesis 2:18 described marriage....

Genesis 2:18

Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Proverbs 2:17 (speaks of a wife....)

Proverbs 2:17 ESV

17 who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God;

Malachi 2:14 (Husband’s Vantage point)

Malachi 2:14 ESV

14 But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

Genesis 2:18 makes clear that one of the purposes of marriage frames marriage in terms of companionship to meet a need of intimacy and relationship

God created man LACKING and in NEED. Then, when he realized it, GOD SUPPLIED for that need of relationship, community, fellowship with woman.

She is his HELP meet…meaning not only is she to be a companion for him but she is to be his companion in effort....as he is to be hers. They are to aid, assist, and work side by side AS ONE in all that they do.

Proverbs 2 takes that imagery and deepens it, clarifies it, calling marriage a “companionship.”

The word uses in the Hebrew literally means “to tame; to be docile.” One cannot establish a close, personal relationship with something that is wild. The imagery behind this word is that which has been tamed, brought near, and is enjoying a trusting and intimate relationship. Companionship, then, involves closeness.

The Malachi 2 passage uses a very different word for companion, but one that is complementary to Proverbs. The term is ONLY ever used here and refers to a close, intimate union or association.

Putting these terms together, Jay Adams give us a definition of companionship

…marriage is fundamentally a contractual arrangement (called in Malachi 2:14 a marriage "by covenant") and not a sexual union. Marriage is formal (covenantal) arrangement between two persons to become each other's loving companions for life. In marriage, they contract to keep each other from ever being lonely so long as they shall live.

Jay Adams - Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

The marriage union is the closest, most intimate of all human relationships. Two persons may begin to think, act, feel as one. They are able to so interpenetrate one another’s lives that they become one, a functioning unit...God’s revealed goal for a husband and wife is to become one in all areas of their relationship intellectually, emotionally, physically. The Covenant of Companionship was designed to fill this need.

Jay Adams - Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

Marriage then....is a very specific response of God to meet man’s very specific created need of companionship.

Fundamentally speaking then, marriage is a covenant of companionship.

Covenant being different from contract in that contract provides a means of voiding the agreement should one size default on their commitment.

Covenant is a ONE WAY PROMISES that is irrevocable. Does not matter what the other person does or does not do. In a covenant, the promise is kept, regardless.

Why is this important to emphasize? Because to best fulfill your vows and covenants in a marriage, it is ESSENTIAL that you understand WHAT you are committing to; what you are RENEWING today.

Big Idea: Marriage is a covenant of companionship whose enduring commitment is a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ

Going further...

Marriage is NOT ONLY instituted by God, Called VERY GOOD

Marriage is NOT ONLY a covenant of companionship

But

Marriage is...

An Enduring Commitment

In you vows today, just like your original vows, you both will express/renew the permanency of your commitments.

The nature of a covenant, versus a contract, is that the vows you make today ARE PERMANENT. There is “OUT” clause. THERE is no just cause for breaking the covenant’s you made 42 years ago and that you renew today. What God puts together today, man is forbidden to separate.

As you join your lives today, you MUST UNDERSTAND that you are required to biblically address problems when they come…and they will…in his power and might.

It is also IMPORTANT to note that YOU HAVE ALL YOU NEED in Christ to affectively meet those challenges. For two followers of Jesus, there is no such thing as irreconcilable differences. God, His Word, and His Spirit provide ALL you need to live a healthy and whole marriage for His glory and each other’s good.

And when you live with this ENDURING commitment, you display the nature and character of God in your marriage.

In 2 Timothy 2:11-13, see something of the nature of God…something that our enduring commitment in marriage imitates and displays.

2 Timothy 2:11–13 ESV

11 The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him; 12 if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; 13 if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.

If we are faithless, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL---for he cannot deny Himself.

When we rebel, follow the flesh and disobey, The Spirit He has placed in us IS HIS SEAL that guarantees our relationship with God cannot be broken.

Certainly fellowship may well be, but the relationship is secure

God cannot deny us because His Spirit has sealed us, indwells us, and makes it impossible for God to deny us.

God IS FAITHFUL

When we endure with each other in our marriages…

When we endure with the brokenness that is our spouse…

When we endure the sins of one another, humbly loving and obeying scriptures will for our roles in marriage...

THEN WE ARE A LIVING DISPLAY OF THE GOSPEL and OF CHRIST to each other and to the world.

Big Idea: Marriage is a covenant of companionship whose enduring commitment is a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ

A Living Display of the Gospel

And what is the gospel?

Ephesians 5:25-33

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

How did Jesus love His church?

He entered the limited confines of human flesh, the infinite God, confined.

He endured the weakness of human flesh…omnipotent God…knew weakness

He endured betrayal, denial, rejection, ridicule.....

He was wrongly accused of wrong doing, put on an illegal trial, and wrongly PUT TO DEATH.

On that cross....he endured the weight, guilt, filth of sins HE never committed, never knew…SO THAT WE WOULD NOT HAVE TO

He endure the WRATH and INDIGNATION of His father…His own wrath and indignation over sin....For that moment in time…endured separation from God…THE GOD who had never known dissent, disruption, or relational brokenness, enduring it now....

All for people, who according to Romans 3, did not seek him, did not want him, did not come to him.

JESUS..GOD took the initiative to seek us, to pursue us…When we didn’t want it, didn’t seek…then he does a work in us to make us want it and draws us with great patience and love to himself.

When we do this in marriage…when we commit to the long haul, to fight through the sins that will come against us, to fight for the good of the other, WE EXEMPLIFY WHAT CHRIST DID FOR US ON THE CROSS.

God’s covenant faithfulness is our measure, our norm. The faithful love of Christ models the Christian man’s marriage covenant. Jesus does not love the church because it is pure and spotless – He purifies the church in order to make it spotless. Just so, godly husbands love their wives despite their wives’ blemishes, not until they get blemishes. Thus we do not size up our wives each week to decide if we will love them a while longer.

The Life of a God-Made Man, P&R Publishing, 2001, p. 61. Dan Doriani

John and Mary....Today, you renew a covenant of companionship that you made 42 years ago whose enduring commitment is (and will be) a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ!

And this…this is glorious. (=

Conclusion

Big Idea: Marriage is a covenant of companionship whose enduring commitment is a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ

A Covenant of Companionship

An Enduring Commitment

A Living Display of the Gospel

Therefore, the vows you renew today, the choice and decision you make today is MORE ABOUT AN ACT OF THE WILL THAN IT IS ABOUT AN EMOTIONAL STATE.

Feelings change.

Emotions ebb and flow.

You cannot promise future emotions of love.

YOU CAN and YOU WILL promise an ongoing deliberate act of the will to LOVE the other from this day forth.

Love (as Lewis defined it) being “…unselfishly choosing for another’s highest good.”

One author put it this way…and this is the thought I leave you with today....

Feelings change. You can’t promise to have a feeling. So if love is a feeling, the marriage vow makes no sense at all. But the vow does make sense because love is not a feeling. What is it, then? Love is a commitment of the will to the true good of another person. Of course, people who love each other usually do have strong feelings too, but you can have those feelings without having love. Love, let me repeat, is a commitment of the will to the true good of another person.

Copied from How to Stay Christian in College by J. Budziszewski copyright 2004, p.98. Used by permission of NavPress (Think Books) – www.navpress.com. All rights reserved. Get this book! J. Budziszewski

What you promise and covenant to today is not about your emotions and how you feel…but about a deliberate act of the will TO CHOOSE to continue loving even when the emotion is absent…to choose to be a companion to one other whose enduring commitment is a living display of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Pre-vow Comments

John and Mary, God brought you both together 42 years ago and it is by His grace you are still together.

It is my prayer that in 20 more years you will still be together; that you will be together until God separates you by death.

Always remember, it is by HIS grace that you are able to live together in oneness and intimacy.

As you prepare to renew those vows, each of you has come with some prepared comments that you wish to share with each other.

John, I am going to start with you.

John

Mary Beth, I believe we chose each other.

Because God chose us for each other. We were meant to be one.

All the beauty and wonder in my life has come through you.

You were and are God’s Gracious Gift to me.

You came bearing two beautiful gifts for me

And then, by God’s grace, another gift was given to us.

And then over our lifetime, the gifts began more gifts

And now in what seems like a “Twinkling of an eye” we stand here again in the presence of God, and all those gifts, to celebrate the covenant we created many years ago.

Like Solomon, “I found the one my heart loves” (Song of Solomon 3:4)

I have cherished you, and sought to nourish you, but not enough

I have protected you, and sought to provide for you, but not enough

I have sacrificed for you, and sought to satisfy you, but not enough

We all fall short. I need to be better at these things

We are commanded to love one another and to forgive one another

And although we may never forget, we can choose not to remember

Thank you for forgiving my short comings

A lifetime later I can still feel that first love laden look we shared

It was a passionate love that ignited us

And a compassionate love that sustained us

It is a forgiving look that saves us

Truly, we are one now. And you are a most lovely bride

So… “Being heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7), I ask you to,

“Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be” (Robt. Browning)

Mary

From that first glance into your eyes so many, many, many years ago, I knew I would love you more.

And when I say I love you more, I don't mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more

than the bad days that could be ahead of us. I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you

more than any distance between us. I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between

us.

I love you more

Love is old, Love is new, Love is all, Love is you

Vows

John, Mary has given you her life and her love. Do you promise, as her faithful husband in the presence of God, to continue to live together with her in the holy estate of marriage, to love her, cheer her, build her up, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and give yourself only to her, so long as you both shall live?

The husband answers, “I do.”

Then the officiant says to the wife:

Mary, John has given you his life and his love. Do you promise, as his faithful wife in the presence of God, to continue to live together with him in the holy estate of marriage, to love him, cheer him, build him up, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and give yourself only unto him, so long as you both shall live?

The wife answers, “I do.”

Minister says:

Since it is your desire to renew your marriage covenant today, please join hands and repeat your promises in turn.

The husband repeats after the minister:

I, John, covenant to continue to take you, Mary, to be my wife, to have and to hold, to serve and lead you, to be honest and open with you, from this day forward, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.

The wife repeats after the minister:

I, Mary covenant to continue to take you, John, to be my husband, to humbly accept your leadership, to respect you, to serve and support you, to be honest and open with you, to have and to hold, from this day forward, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.