Neglect and Desperation

The video poses a good question “Who does make you who you are? Is it nature? Is it nurture?” People long to know where they belong, it’s a universal desire. As Christians we know the answer to this question. We know that our belief in Jesus as Lord and redeemer is how we are defined. Our spiritual DNA is connected to him, and all have a spiritual DNA story. Jesus desperately wants to be part of this story. However the question is this, who is Jesus? Christ himself considered this question important, and one as having value. Jesus asked his disciples “who do you say I am?” We know he’s God, Peter reminds us of such in his good confession. However, what about his humanity? The answer to this question is found in Matthew chapter 1 where we see the genealogy of Jesus. In this genealogy we see stories which make up the history and identity of the human nature of our savior. These are the stories we’ll study over the next several weeks. These are the stories which make up Jesus' identity. Stories that answer the question of “Who is this Jesus”

Matthew 1:1–3 ESV

The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham. Abraham was the father of Isaac, and Isaac the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers, and Judah the father of Perez and Zerah by Tamar, and Perez the father of Hezron, and Hezron the father of Ram,

Our story comes out of Genesis 38 with the story of Judah and Tamar. Judah is one of 12 sons of Jacob. We don’t know much about Judah. When it comes to Jacobs descendants, the book of Genesis mainly focuses on the story of Joseph. The other 11 brothers are best known for selling Joseph into slavery, and later being forgiven by him after he rose to prominence in Egypt. However in the middle of Joseph, the book of Genesis takes an abrupt detour to tell a story about Judah.

Genesis 38 1-11

At that time Judah withdrew from his brothers and went to [lodge with] a certain Adullamite named Hirah. There Judah saw and met a daughter of Shuah, a Canaanite; he took her as wife and lived with her. And she became pregnant and bore a son, and he called him Er.And she conceived again and bore a son and named him Onan. Again she conceived and bore a son and named him Shelah. [They were living] at Chezib when she bore him. Now Judah took a wife for Er, his firstborn; her name was Tamar. And Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord slew him. Then Judah told Onan, Marry your brother’s widow; live with her and raise offspring for your brother. But Onan knew that the family would not be his, so when he cohabited with his brother’s widow, he prevented conception, lest he should raise up a child for his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; therefore He slew him also. Then Judah said to Tamar, his daughter-in-law, Remain a widow at your father’s house till Shelah my [youngest] son is grown; for he thought, Lest perhaps [if Shelah should marry her] he would die also, as his brothers did. So Tamar went and lived in her father’s house.

Some people are blessed when it comes to marriage. They marry their spouse, and build a happy marriage throughout their lives. They marry once and live happily ever after. Others have hardships. They marry their spouse, and quickly learn they no longer recognize the person they married. They are either abusive, unfaithful, or in some cases downright evil. Tamar was in the later category unfortunately. She’s been married twice, and both were sons of Judah, and both men were evil. They aren’t simply deadbeats, they are evil . So evil that God decided he needed to strike them dead. The scripture doesn’t dwell much on the way they treated Tamar. However since these men are the epitome of wickedness, we can conclude she probably wasn’t treated well.

We do learn that her second husband Onan was using her for his own means. In the Old Testament there was a law known as “Levirate Marriage.” If one brother died, the other brother would marry his brother's widow, so the family line would continue. However it seems Onan wasn’t interested in fulfilling his duty. Though he was ok taking Tamar as his wife. The passage said they Onan knew that any children wouldn’t be his, so he didn’t allow them to conceive, though he did have relations with Tamar. God saw this as wicked, so Onan was struck dead.

Some denominations use passage as their reasoning as to why they are against birth control. However I don’t believe this is the correct use of this passage. God didn’t strike Onan dead because of his attempt at birth control. Rather it was the wickedness behind Onans intent and reason that God decided he needed to die. Onan was intentionally keeping his brother without an heir. Birthright and inheritance laws in the Old Testament would dictate that Onan would receive his brother's lands, titles, and assets if Tamar had no children. This could be the reason why Onan schemed to keep Tamar childless. In either case, Onan’s attempt at birth control was just the means of Onans greater deception. A deception so evil, that God killed Onan for this crime.

The purpose of this text does not exist so we can twist peoples arms about birth-control. Rather this story is a reminder about how this poor woman was being used, perhaps even abused, and discarded by the people around her.

Tamar deserved much better than her current situation. Unfortunately her situation would only get worse.

In a modern context there are women who are known as black widows. A woman who marries a man for money, then kills him to inherit all that he has. She becomes a widow when he dies, and the black represents the dirty deed that she did.

Tamar would begin to develop this type of reputation. Though she never would inherit her husband's assets. Regardless there was this idea that Tamar was contributing to the death of her husbands.

Judah seems to buy into this reputation. After all, Tamar was the common denominator in the deaths of both his sons. Because of this Judah deceives Tamar into believing that his youngest son would become her husband. However Judah planned to let Tamar remain a widow for all her days. .

However the world was not kind to widows. Women completely depended on their husbands. Women without a husband had no means of livelihood. Their only options were prostitution. They would always remain outcasts, and homeless.

We can understand why Tamar would be frightened at the idea of remaining a widow. Tamar was driven to desperation. So she devised a deception of her own. This is an already ugly story gets uglier

Genesis 38:12-19

Time passed. Judah’s wife, Shula's daughter, died. When the time of mourning was over, Judah with his friend Hirah of Adullam went to Timnah for the sheep shearing. Tamar was told, “Your father-in-law has gone to Timnah to shear his sheep.” She took off her widow’s clothes, put on a veil to disguise herself, and sat at the entrance to Enaim which is on the road to Timnah. She realized by now that even though Shelah was grown up, she wasn’t going to be married to him.Judah saw her and assumed she was a prostitute since she had veiled her face. He left the road and went over to her. He said, “Let me sleep with you.” He had no idea that she was his daughter-in-law. She said, “What will you pay me?” “I’ll send you,” he said, “a kid goat from the flock.”She said, “Not unless you give me a pledge until you send it.” “So what would you want in the way of a pledge?”She said, “Your personal seal-and-cord and the staff you carry.”He handed them over to her and slept with her. And she got pregnant.She then left and went home. She removed her veil and put her widow’s clothes back on.

Genesis 38:20–26 ESV

When Judah sent the young goat by his friend the Adullamite to take back the pledge from the woman’s hand, he did not find her. And he asked the men of the place, “Where is the cult prostitute who was at Enaim at the roadside?” And they said, “No cult prostitute has been here.” So he returned to Judah and said, “I have not found her. Also, the men of the place said, ‘No cult prostitute has been here.’ ” And Judah replied, “Let her keep the things as her own, or we shall be laughed at. You see, I sent this young goat, and you did not find her.” About three months later Judah was told, “Tamar your daughter-in-law has been immoral. Moreover, she is pregnant by immorality.” And Judah said, “Bring her out, and let her be burned.” As she was being brought out, she sent word to her father-in-law, “By the man to whom these belong, I am pregnant.” And she said, “Please identify whose these are, the signet and the cord and the staff.” Then Judah identified them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I did not give her to my son Shelah.” And he did not know her again.

Tamar is a victim, she was mistreated and tossed aside. No one was there to care for her, nobody wanted to care for her because of her reputation. Tamar was truly alone, she was a victim. However she was able to force her way back into Judah's family, thus securing her future. However the means by which she did this was sin. She deceived Judah, and committed adultery at the same time.

However without her actions, which were sinful, she would likely be left destitute. She sinned out of complete desperation.

We can’t blame Judah for his deception of Tamar either. If you believed that your son would be in mortal danger if he married a certain woman. Wouldn’t you as a parent do everything in your power to prevent their marriage? Regardless of the position it leaves her in, even if it destroys her livelihood?

The redeeming qualities of this story are nearly impossible to find. This story is just hard, this story is ugly, this story just seems to exist.

However perhaps that’s exactly the redeeming quality of this story. Despite the ugly and harsh nature of this story, God still uses this story. This story is still part of who Jesus is. The lineage of Jesus is one that has its fair share of ugly stories.

Many of us have ugly stories. Whether we like it or not, these ugly stories are part of who we are, they are part of our history. The lineage Jesus is proof of how God can use ugly stories. Because without this ugly story, Tamar never gives birth to Perez and Zerah. (READ Matthew 1:3-6) Let Jesus use the ugly stories in your life. Surrender them to Jesus, so that he may yet use them in the story of redemption. Because God uses ugly stories.