We Guard Our Words with Each Other and About Each Other

Matthew 5:21–23 ESV

21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,

Most of you remember that little rhyme that we used to say (or I used to say anyway)

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”.

I remember saying that as a kid, but somehow having this knowledge down deep that it wasn’t true

Or, at the very least, there was something really wrong about that.

Something didn’t add up

Because I knew that other kids had said things to me that really hurt badly

And looking back, I knew that I had said things to other kids that doubtless hurt them badly.

I don’t think that it is too much of a stretch to say that the things that have hurt the worst in my life are not things that were DONE to me, but things that were SAID to me.

But on the other hand, some of the biggest blessings and most heart warming things that have happened in my life are not things done FOR me, but things that were said to me

For you guys who are married, can you remember when your wife, or maybe your girlfriend at the time, first told you that she loved you, or in other ways expressed here love for you?

Maybe it was when she said her vows at the marriage alter.

Can you remember a time when your father, or someone else put their arm around your shoulder, and said, “I’m proud of you.”

I would say that most of us can probably remember words which healing to us or that encouraged us.

Words which brought life. They were a blessing to you

And we can remember words which did the opposite.

Words which devastated us, pierced our hearts

Words which brought death. They were a curse to you

And here’s the thing about words

Sometimes words are spoken to you or about you which were intentional. They were intended to be either a curse or a blessing.

They had direction and were intended to bring about a result

But other times, words have unintentional consequences. We speak words to someone or about someone and we didn’t really intend them to be either a blessing or a curse

But those words that we speak in passing still have the power to either bless someone immeasurably, or destroy someone’s heart.

I’ve experienced both, and I’m sure you have too.

It is amazing, when you stop to consider it, the power that is in the words that we use.

There is a reason that Proverbs 18:21 “21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

And as you search Scripture, it is incredible and sobering how many passages talk about what comes out of our mouth and what that says about our hearts

Words have a lot of power

And the power that these words have to change the course of our lives.

Now, before I go any farther this morning, I just want to address what I believe is a dangerous heresy that is out there and that is creeping into our local churches

You would recognize some of the leaders of this movement (it’s not one particular church or denomination. Rather it’s a system of thought and teaching)

You would recognize some of the names of leaders who preach this

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Joel Osteen

Benny Hinn

Bill Johnson of Bethel Church in Redding, CA

Kenneth Copeland

Even Rick Warren who wrote the book “Purpose Driven Church/Life” has subscribed to some of the heretical thoughts

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There are a lot of issues that I have with this movement and we could talk for a long time about it

But in regard to what we are talking about today

One thing that these guys teach that I have a big problem with is that we “declare our destiny” with our mouth.

In other words, we open our mouth and speak, and whatever comes out, we are speaking our future, or our destiny (a word that they often used) into existence

Just as God opened His mouth and spoke the universe into existence, so we, too have the power to speak things out of nothing and into existence

Be it

health, wealth, material goods, jobs, relationships.

Folks, this is a dangerous heresy

Because, what they are doing is putting you and me and all who believe almost on the same level as Jesus.

Kenneth Hagin said “The believer is as much an incarnation as was Jesus of Nazareth.”

Gloria Copeland said “We are the Word made flesh, just as Jesus was”

Some of them even say, we are little “gods”

Kenneth Copeland said “We are a class of Gods! You don't have a god in you, you are one."

Folks, please beware of these people! This is dangerous territory!

These are humanistic and pagan teachings

Doubtless, the Scripture teaches that there is great power in the words that we use

But that does not put us little “gods” or even put us on par with Jesus at all!

And there’s much more that I could say about these false teachers

But what we do need to be reminded of is that there is great power in the words that we use and we need to be careful about the words that we use with each other and about each other

Because that is the main issue at hand, I believe

It is our relationships with each other and with God.

The main issue is that our words have tremendous power to affect these relationships for good or for bad

To praise and bless God, or destroy our brother.

James chapter 3 talks about the power of the tongue in detail

I referred to Proverbs 18:21 that there is life and death in the tongue

But that same chapter has many other things to say about how we use our words

Proverbs 18:2 “2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”

Proverbs 18:6-8 “6 A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. 7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. 8 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.”

What is a “whisperer”? It’s a gossip

Oh, do we love a juicy bit of gossip. It goes down just like a nice juicy steak, or a dish of ice cream.

And we could go on and on about the words that we use

Because even the words that we use about each other, even if we think that we spoke them in confidence to a friend, or were “just passing along information” have a way of coming around to the person that we were talking about and having unintended consequences.

It just happened to me a couple of weeks ago.

I was talking with person A, and person A repeated something to me that person B had said to person A about me

And it hurt. Because I felt that if person B had a problem with me, that person should have come and talked with me

And I don’t think that the person I was talking to, or the person who had talked to him had the intention of hurting me. And it’s possible that the person who had talked to him had never intended him to repeat what was told to him

But he did.

And it’s so easy to do, isn’t it?

We love to repeat juicy words and information

We love to air out our grievances that we have with others

But we like to talk to other people about it. Not to the person with who we have a grievance

In Matthew 5, Jesus makes the point that in the Kingdom of Heaven, the citizens of that kingdom are the kind of people who watch carefully the way that they talk

In our passage today, Jesus talks about our attitudes toward each other and the words that we use with each other.

If you are angry with your brother or sister, you are the same as a murderer and you are guilty

And we say, “Whew! That’s a relief. I’m not really angry with anyone.”

But you know what?

If you insult your brother, you are also guilty.

If you say to your brother, or about your brother, “You fool”, you are guilty as well!

And again, we may read these words and say, “Well, I’m off the hook again. I’ve never confronted my brother or sister and insulted them to their face.”

And you’re probably right.

As Mennonites, we aren’t really an “in your face” kind of people.

And so maybe we don’t normally insult each other to our faces.

But would it be too much of a stretch to say that we do love to talk. And in our talking, we like to talk about each other.

And many times what comes out about each other is not the most complementary stuff.

Could it be that in our language about each other we sometimes use insulting words

Or, at least we use words that don’t build up, but rather tear down

could it be that sometimes, even without intending to, we call each other fools

By telling each other stories about each other that accent things that we are annoyed about

Or stories about each other about things that “we just can’t understand”

And we sometimes intentionally or inadvertently call into question each other’s integrity.

And I wonder if Jesus’ warning here it Matt. 5 could apply to these situations as well?

When Darren was here, he challenged us to a reset

And what we are talking about here is a big part of that reset. It is how we use our words. It is being careful of how we talk to each other and about each other.

How we talk about each other is the big one.

He called it triangling.

It’s when we have a problem with someone and we go and talk to someone else about it rather than the one with whom we have a problem.

And the problem with this is that if we would go first to the one who has hurt us or angered us, we might find out that this person had not intended to do anything of the kind

Or maybe what we thought this person had said, was not actually what was said.

But instead we run off to someone else and talk about how much this person has hurt me or angered me

And now my friend thinks this other person is a jerk too, even though that person has done nothing to hurt my friend.

But I feel better because I have company

I have someone who agrees with me. We both think this guy is a jerk

Would it be too much of a stretch to say that Jesus’ words in Matthew 5 also apply to this situation.

We are calling this person who hurt us a “fool” by calling into question his motives and his heart

Because we weren’t willing to go first to him and talk to him.

Triangling demonstration

I believe that Jesus would say to us

“Be careful how you talk. Guard your word with each other and about each other”.

Jesus says, “This is what you need to do first. Leave your gift at the alter and go and be reconciled with your brother”

Go and talk to him! make every effort to be right with him!

This is how citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven live.

We are repenting. Thinking differently about what sin and righteousness is!