Epheisans 5:25-33

Ephesians 5:25–33 KJV 1900

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Introduction

Review the role of the wife.

Last week we looked that the role that a wife plays in the depiction of the drama of the gospel.

She represents the church and her submission to Christ.

She doesn’t obey her husband as though he was Jesus, but she does do it for the sake of Jesus.

In this way she demonstrates the relationship of the church with her head.

Further, because her husband is a fallen sinner, she also demonstrates grace and mercy which are foundational to any expression of the gospel.

Review the need for an understanding of marriage’s purpose.

That’s what marriage is supposed to be.

Two utterly distinct agents coming together in an exclusive, intimate, and purposeful relationship.

It’s a picture of the gospel.

We’ve looked at the role of the wife and how she mimics the church.

Shift focus to the husband.

Where does he look for his standard of behavior in this performance?

Who established the pattern for husbands to follow?

Husbands are to love their wives the same way Christ loved the church.

Hast thous seen the measure of obedience? hear also the measure of love Wouldest thou that thy wife should obey thee as the church doth Christ? have care thyself for her as Christ for the church.

-Chrysostom

Husbands are called to exercise sacrificial love.

This is seen immediately by looking at the word Paul uses to command a husband’s love.

It is not the traditional greek word for referring to feelings that might exist between a married couple.

No phileo.

No eros.

Paul goes straight for the word that would have been lost to their culture had Christianity not rescued it.

Agapao is a typically Christian word.

It refers to a love that is totally unselfish.

It is a love that does not seek its own satisfaction.

It’s not even seeking mutual affection.

It simply, unyieldingly strives for the highest good of the one loved.

Paul lifts married love to the highest level possible.

Christian husbands are expected to lay their lives down for their wives.

Literally or metaphorically.

The wife of one of Cyrus’ generals was accused of treason and treachery. Her husband had been unaware of her activities. He watched as the trial was conducted and his wife stood before the king. After the trial was over, the general’s wife was found guilty and subsequently condemned to die. The general could not stomach the decision. He rushed forward and threw himself on the ground before Cyrus and begged to be allowed to take her place in the judgment. Cyrus was touched and commuted her sentence. “Love like this must not be severed.” As the general and his wife left the palace, he said to his wife, “did you see the king’s face when he granted you a pardon?” “No,” said his wife, “how could I notice the king when I was too busy looking only at the man who was willing to give his life for me.”

This is the standard of love that Jesus displayed to us as members of this church.

Husbands must find meaning and direction in this when it comes to their relationship with their wife.

With Christ as the example, men must love sacrificially, unselfishly, and even when affection is not rewarded with affection.

There is no stipulations, exceptions, or exemptions on this command.

If you are married and you are a Christian man, then this is your role to play.

Well, but, what if my wife isn’t lovely?

Oh, you mean like Jesus’ wife was?

I’m glad you asked, because Paul talks about that.

Look at what God did to make his bride lovely

When Jesus wanted a beautiful wife, what did He do?

He made her beautiful Himself.

Now, don’t get nervous.

This is a powerful point.

Jesus sanctified His bride.

He set her apart.

He designated her to a purpose.

What was the purpose?

Her purpose is to be the exclusive and eternal recipient of His love and affection.

She is His and He is hers.

There isn’t an eye or thought for leaving her.

There’s nothing going on on the side.

She is sanctified unto Him alone.

That makes her special.

It affects His behavior towards her.

She has no suspicion that He is anything but faithful to her.

Jesus also cleansed his bride.

Think about your salvation for a moment.

Have you received forgiveness of your sins?

Do you stand righteous before God?

So, then, you’re perfect and never sin?

Isn’t that the way that Jesus sees you though?

That’s part of the message of the book of Ephesians.

We are already cleansed in Jesus.

Though we still sin, He sees us as whole.

Someday, we will be prefect, holy, without blemish.

Christ loved the church not because she was lovable, but to make her so.

Men are supposed to follow Jesus’ example with their own wives.

Sanctify her in your heart.

Set her apart from any other woman in the world.

Dedicate yourself wholly to her.

Assure her that she is the only and permanent recipient of your love.

Cleanse her in your mind.

When she sins against you, you don’t assign guilt to her.

When she falls short, you don’t punish her.

This is called forgiveness.

It’s simply a reflection of what Jesus does for you.

It’s a demonstration of the gospel in your marriage.

A husband loves his wife not just because of the beauty he finds in her, but to make her more beautiful.

This is the pattern and secret for men to love their wives the way they are supposed to.

When a husband loves his wife he is loving himself.

This should strike a chord with every man here.

I’ve never met a man that had a problem loving himself.

This is not saying that husbands love their wives because it is advantageous for himself.

Rather, he sees another pattern to follow in the way in which he cares for his own body.

When he is hungry, he finds food.

When he is cold, he finds warmth.

Why? Because he takes car of himself.

He is going to meet his needs.

This is the way that a man must respond to the needs of his wife.

He treats her needs as if they were his own.

He works to provide for her.

Not because she is incapable, but because of his love for her.

Can a husband love his wife too much?

Can Jesus love the church too much?

How much would you sacrifice for your wife?

Adam had to give a part of himself to receive his wife.

Jesus gave all of Himself for his bride.

What will you give up?

There are a lot of distracting vices that can come between you and your wife.

Some benign, some damaging.

Do you love her more, so that you would sacrifice for her?

Marriage is meant to operate the way God designed it.

There is another distraction that must be addressed.

I again appeal to the gospel for that logic in what Paul says next.

Before you got saved, you belonged to a different family.

We won’t say Satan’s family.

Instead, we will say that you were a member of Adam’s family.

Jesus came and redeemed you from the family you were born into.

You left that family, now you are eternally grafted into God’s family.

Much of the New Testament is focused on convincing us to not go back to our old family.

Their traditions.

Their culture

Their methods

Their priorities.

This spiritual reality is to be mirrored in the establishment of a new home when a couple gets married.

Their is a shocking lack of autonomy among modern marriages.

When a new marriage is formed before God, many things must change, especially in the married couple’s relationships with their parents.

Before marriage, it is reasonable and good to expect that the most intimate and loyal relationships have been with parents.

After marriage, however, the most intimate and highest loyalty must exist between husband and wife.

Their must be a leaving on the part of the couple accompanied by a corresponding renouncing of rights by the parents.

The word cleave means the two are glued together.

There is no room between a husband and a wife for parents or siblings.

You may not place much weight on this, but I can assure you that it is as essential to the health of a marriage as a husband and a wife fulfilling their roles.

The roles of a marriage are no longer a mystery to us.

All of the questions about why God has designed marriage the way he did are answered when we compare it to the thing it was modeled after.

May I reemphasize, that this how a Christian marriage is supposed to a work.

How can unsaved people live out the gospel when they’ve never received the gospel?

Christian marriage is also the only marriage that is empowered by the Holy Spirit.

We have the enabling of the Spirit.

We have the example of the Son.

We must fulfill the will of the Father.

We are living out the gospel.

Though we paint imperfect pictures.

Christian marriage is a powerful example of the gospel.

Summary And Closing

Let everyone of you in particular, love his wife.

One by one, each of us as individuals working on our marriages.

Remember, we said last week, we can only have a strong church when we have strong marriages.

We can only have a strong (and populated) children’s ministry when we have strong marriages.

We can only have a strong youth group...

We can only have a strong senior’s ministry...

And wives, each of you in particular, see to it that you respect your husband.

If your marriage is not like this, then why not?