Adulting 101
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Introduction
Introduction
Adulting is a new made up word in the general vernacular to describe acting like an adult. I just got a job or bought a house or paid a bill or bought a car so now I am adulting. Those who are just out of high school usually into their 30’s these days may struggle with the process of leaving behind the juvenile lifestyle and becoming an adult. The transition is often disorienting and exciting at the same time. There can be fear and even sometimes paralyzing fear because of this time period in their lives. Many struggle through their first few years of adulthood not knowing what to do and others just refuse to grow up. There often isn’t a good system in place to teach our young adults how to be an adult. Because of these factors scientists have recognized the fact that we are now seeing young people take longer to get out on their own and become adults. Mirjana Domakonda, a scientist dealing with growth, has observed: Twenty-five is the new 18. We call this delayed adolescence.
The bible is clear that there is a time to be a child and a time to be an adult. Holding on to childhood when you are an adult is contrary to everything the bible teaches and at some point you just need to grow up.
Eph 4:14-15 “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”
Parents have been the number one factor that has driven children not to grow up. Many of the Passages we will be looking at will be from the book of Proverbs because Proverbs is a book written by a Father to His Son to teach Him wisdom an essential part of being a man. Notice just in the first couple chapters how many times the phrase my son is repeated. 1:8,10,15, 2:1, 3:1,11,21. Solomon was concerned with preparing his son to be a man who fears God. There has been a generational failing. Boomers and Gen X complains that Millennials and Gen Z don’t know how to be responsible adults, but we must ask the question who didn’t teach whom to be adults. Solomon is trying to impart the wisdom God has given him to another generation. You have to teach your children to be adults. You have to teach your children to love God, to fear God and obey God. It has to be taught. So tonight, I am going to give you eight practical suggestions to being an adult. Don’t zone out on me towards the end because the very last one is the most important.
Start Life
Start Life
This really is the crux of the matter: adulthood is not something to be feared and turned away from. The opportunities to glorify God as an adult outstrip those of a child by far. But God has created us to grow up and become an adult. Paul speaks of this in 1 Cor 13:11 “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” I know that according to Ecclesiastes 3:2 “A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;” There is a time to be born and a time to die. What we are discussing today is everything in between.
There are two sides to this issue. When a child is a child, let them be a child; but it is our job as parents to raise them to become adults. That transition has to start somewhere. This is why we have a category of children we call teenagers. They are the ones transitioning to become an adult. Then at some point, you have to hand off the baton and they must become adults.
They key phrase in our verse here is when I became a man. There has to be a moment in life when we recognize this person is no longer a child, they are now a man. This is the beginning of a new chapter in life. The start of a new beginning.
I remember reading the Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian which is in a way a coming of age story. In previous installments of the series, four children are drawn into Narnia by Aslan. The two oldest Peter and Susan and two younger siblings Edmond and Lucy. At the end of the story of Prince Caspian after the battles are all one, Aslan pulls Peter and Susan aside and tells them some sad news. They would not be returning to Narnia because they were too old. They needed to live in their own world and carve out their own path. For everyone of us, there is a day the magic of childhood has to die because we are becoming adults. We must begin life.
Need real adults involved in your lives
Need real adults involved in your lives
But just because you are now an adult does not mean that you do not need your parents or older people in your lives. Young people like to believe they have all the answers, but logic would tell us that we don’t. Wisdom is gained by experiences and lets face it: younger people just haven’t lived long enough to gain all those experiences. The bible gives us a perfect example of how older people and younger people should relate in the church. Titus 2:1-6 “But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.”
First of all Paul puts the emphasis on the older people being the type of people God has called them to be: serious, moderate, strong in faith, love and patience, holy, truth tellers. Prov 16:31 “The hoary head is a crown of glory, If it be found in the way of righteousness.” There is intended to be a natural kind of wisdom that comes with age, but lets face it, in today’s society wisdom is not inherently coming with age. In America, more and more people are living outside of marriage and surprisingly it isn’t the young people who started doing this more and more. The largest increase in living together outside of marriage is in those over 55. So the older people need to focus on being the kind of people the younger can look up to.
The second thing this passage teaches us about the relationship of older people to younger people is that older people should be involved in teaching or mentoring the younger people. We need the input of the older generation to keep us from making the same mistakes they did. The way we act sometimes is kind of like runners in a relay race. Why would we go back to the starting line just because we didn’t like the way the previous runner ran his section of the race? Keep running the race, take what you can from the previous generations knowledge and learn from their mistakes. But you can’t do that if you won’t listen.
Work hard
Work hard
Here is the main thing that needs to be said about this: Get a job. Gen 2:15 “And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” God created us to work not play video games in the basement our whole life. Notice that work is not a result of the fall. The hardship of work is a result of the fall. God’s will is for adults to be working. Eccl 2:24 “There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.” In fact, enjoying the fruits of our labor is a gift from God. Have you ever built something with you hands men and just reveled in the thought: I made that.
Not only should we be working, but we should be working hard. Prov 13:4 “The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: But the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.” The sluggard is a lazy person. It calls to mind images of a slug in English. Have you ever worked with someone who is so slow because they just don’t want to be there? That is a sluggard. They don’t want to do the work, so they don’t. Or maybe they just play around with it. This verse teaches that the sluggard wants a lot of things but because he won’t put the work in, he has nothing. There are a lot of people who complain that life isn’t fair because they don’t have such and such or they get passed over for promotions. They talk all day long about what they would love to have, but they will not put the work in to get it.
Having been in management most of my adult life, I have seen this over and over again. People come in and they have some natural talent, but they expect to be promoted in the first week. They won’t put the work in so they get upset and leave.
Stop Procrastinating
Stop Procrastinating
Time is precious. We only have so many years here on earth and over 1/3 of those hours is spent sleeping. What are you doing with the rest of the time. Eph 5:16 “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” If you want to accomplish something with you life, glorify God and be an adult; stop procrastinating.
Eccl 11:4 “He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap.” If you are waiting for just the right circumstances to do you work and so you put it off, you probably won’t ever do it and therefore you will not reap. We don’t know what tomorrow holds; so if you put off what should be done today for tomorrow, it may never happen. Prov 27:1 “Boast not thyself of to morrow; For thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.”
There are many reason’s why people procrastinate:
There are many reason’s why people procrastinate:
fear of failure- some people never start anything because they fear they are going to fail anyways.
laziness- they just don’t feel like doing it because they want to do what they want to do.
Wrong priorities- that video game is more important than what they should be doing.
Proverbs 24:30-34 “I went by the field of the slothful, And by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, And nettles had covered the face thereof, And the stone wall thereof was broken down. Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; And thy want as an armed man.”
thorns and weeds- unfruitfulness
deteriorates defenses- vulnerability
stolen destiny- takes away your future as an armed man
Set priorities
Set priorities
Matt 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Prov 24:27 “Prepare thy work without, And make it fit for thyself in the field; And afterwards build thine house.”
1 Tim 4:8 “For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.”
I am going to be preaching a whole message on this so I am just going to point out that some things are more important than others. An adult has to make the decision to prioritize the important things. Put down the controller and go play with the kids. Set the phone down and talk with you husband or wife. Does God come first or does sports? Adults set priorities.
Manage your money
Manage your money
Luke 16:1-13 “And he said also unto his disciples, There was a certain rich man, which had a steward; and the same was accused unto him that he had wasted his goods. And he called him, and said unto him, How is it that I hear this of thee? give an account of thy stewardship; for thou mayest be no longer steward. Then the steward said within himself, What shall I do? for my lord taketh away from me the stewardship: I cannot dig; to beg I am ashamed. I am resolved what to do, that, when I am put out of the stewardship, they may receive me into their houses. So he called every one of his lord’s debtors unto him, and said unto the first, How much owest thou unto my lord? And he said, An hundred measures of oil. And he said unto him, Take thy bill, and sit down quickly, and write fifty. Then said he to another, And how much owest thou? And he said, An hundred measures of wheat. And he said unto him, Take thy bill, and write fourscore. And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely:…”
Being an adult means that you have to manage your money. Everything that we have has been given to us by God, that makes us stewards. A steward was someone who managed the money or property of another. If you remember Ben Hur, you remember the girl that Ben hur was in love with: Esther. Her dad was the steward of the house of Hur. He took care of all of the financial matters, the business and servants of the household for Judah Ben Hur. We are all stewards of what actually belongs to God and someday we will have to give an account just like the man in this parable. Now this man was not a good steward, but when he had to give an account he took measures to get the money real quick.
Be self-controlled
Be self-controlled
Prov 16:32 “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; And he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Children throw temper tantrums. My kids never had this luxury, but have you ever seen a kid kicking and screaming on the floor because their parents wouldn’t do what they wanted them to do? Chloe was probably the closest one to doing this. She used to screen and fight me whenever I would pick her up and hold her. I didn’t let her do it then and I don’t let her do it now. Children have to be taught self-control or they will only ever do what they want to do. Do you get to go to work each day and do only what you want to do as an adult? Not most of us. Adults are self-controlled. This proverb teaches that the person who controls His spirit is better than a soldier who conquers a city.
This imagery is used again in Proverbs 25:28 “He that hath no rule over his own spirit Is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” If you have no control over your appetites, the devil can come in a conquer you. Think about it, why do we sin? Then when lust hath conceived it bringeth for sin… We sin because we want to. If all you ever do is what you want to do, you will be constantly living in sin and defeated. People who only do what they want to do can’t keep jobs, they don’t stay married. In worst case scenarios they become thieves and murderers.
The NT uses the word moderation or temperance to describe this attribute. Phil 4:5 “Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.”
Worship God for yourself
Worship God for yourself
2 Tim 1:5 “When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” Timothy was a young man with three generations of faith. His grandmother Eunice had faith, his mother Lois had faith and they raised Timothy to be a man of faith as well. They raised him in the scriptures. He knew the truth, but Timothy was not just raised by a godly momma and grandma. Timothy had faith Himself. Many many young people graduate high School and go off into the world, never attend church or even claim not to believe in God. Why? The answer would take a whole sermon but let me give you a few basic one’s that I think encompass it:
They never were saved to begin with. We talked a few weeks ago about inoculating people to the gospel. Well, the biggest group we have done that to is our kids because we are so eager for them to be saved that we push them to pray and prayer before they understand their need for a savior. They are like Sardis: they claim to be alive to be Christians but they are lost and truly dead. They know all the words. They can play the game.
Here is the one I think is the main reason kids go off into the world when they get out of the home: They never had a real experience of God. Yes, maybe they are saved; but the Christianity they practiced was all about doing and not communing with God. According to Barna, children who had one real experience of God in their lives were less likely to leave the church when they became adults. I have a burden that young people will become able adults. They will live good lives, but none of that matters if they do not become Christian adults. Adults who have their own personal relationship with God.
They are their own free agents- Children will make their own decisions and there is nothing you can do about that.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Its alright to still be learning. Its even alright to try and fail, but being an adult takes work and choices. At some point you have to get up off the couch and just choose to be an adult. Prolonged adolescence does not model the type of growth we should be experiencing in our lives. Hebrews 5:12 “For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.” 1 Cor 3:1-3 “And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?”
I pray these eight biblical principles of being an adult will help you as you navigate being a teenager, 20-30 something year old. Maybe even the older people need to hear some of these things because you have lost sight of what it means to be a godly adult.