It's OKAY to not be OKAY

There is a quote that is attributed to A. A. Milne about Winnie the Pooh and Piglet. This is not from any writings of Milne that I am aware of - but I love the message of this quote. Listen to this...

"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.

There was a pause.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.

"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."

"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.

"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.

"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."

And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs…he thought that his best friend had never been more right." A.A. Milne

I am not in any way comparing Pooh to the Psalmist but our Psalmist is having a difficult day or more likely difficult days. lets read about it

Read Psalm 88

Psalm 88 KJV 1900

A Song or Psalm for the sons of Korah, to the chief Musician upon Mahalath Leannoth, Maschil of Heman the Ezrahite. 1 O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee: 2 Let my prayer come before thee: Incline thine ear unto my cry; 3 For my soul is full of troubles: And my life draweth nigh unto the grave. 4 I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength: 5 Free among the dead, Like the slain that lie in the grave, Whom thou rememberest no more: And they are cut off from thy hand. 6 Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, In darkness, in the deeps. 7 Thy wrath lieth hard upon me, And thou hast afflicted me with all thy waves. Selah. 8 Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me; Thou hast made me an abomination unto them: I am shut up, and I cannot come forth. 9 Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction: Lord, I have called daily upon thee, I have stretched out my hands unto thee. 10 Wilt thou shew wonders to the dead? Shall the dead arise and praise thee? Selah. 11 Shall thy lovingkindness be declared in the grave? Or thy faithfulness in destruction? 12 Shall thy wonders be known in the dark? And thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness? 13 But unto thee have I cried, O Lord; And in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee. 14 Lord, why Castest thou off my soul? Why hidest thou thy face from me? 15 I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up: While I suffer thy terrors I am distracted. 16 Thy fierce wrath goeth over me; Thy terrors have cut me off. 17 They came round about me daily like water; They compassed me about together. 18 Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, And mine acquaintance into darkness.

Perhaps its trite, condescending, and unhelpful, but the truth is still there...

SO FAR, YOU'VE SURVIVED 100% OF YOUR WORST DAYS.

But your bad days … your difficult days, your trying days are real, and effect you in many ways.

Difficult days sometimes come about from bad things that have happened to us that brings lament

A child is raped and that scars them for life

A child goes through their parents terrible divorce and are never the same

A family member is murdered or murders someone and you are forever marked

Years in a domestic abusive relationship (either verbal, emotional, or physical)

You receive an unwelcome and unexpected medical diagnosis

In a well intentioned, but high pressured church environment that said spiritual growth was exhibited only by outward performance - church was not church unless you acted a certain way.

These are just a few examples that came to my mind from a few that I have dealt with.

Healing for Damaged Emotions Chapter 1: Damaged Emotions

If you visit the western United States, you will see the beautiful giant sequoia and redwood trees. In most of the parks, the naturalists can show you a cross section of a great tree they have cut, and they will point out that the rings of the tree reveal the developmental history, year by year. Here’s a ring that represents a year when there was a terrible drought. Here are a couple of rings from years when there was too much rain. Here’s where the tree was struck by lightning. Here are some normal years of growth. This ring shows a forest fire that almost destroyed the tree. Here’s another of savage blight and disease. All of this lies embedded in the heart of the tree, representing the autobiography of its growth.

That’s the way it is with us. Just a few thin layers beneath the protective bark—the concealing, protective mask—are the recorded rings of our lives.

Healing for Damaged Emotions Chapter 1: Damaged Emotions

In the rings of our thoughts and emotions, the record is there; the memories are recorded, and all are alive. And they directly and deeply affect our concepts, our feelings, and our relationships. They affect the way we look at life and God, at others and ourselves.

And sometimes they show that we are not ok…and that is ok. I wonder if we took the time to look at the rings in our own lives what they would reveal????

Difficult days sometimes come to us from things that we have done

Bad choices can bring a harvest of terrible consequences

Having negative and bad attitudes sometimes cause people to not want to be around us

Difficult days sometimes come to us simply because we are alive

Ecc 9:11 “... time and chance happeneth to them all.”

The reality of it is - at times all of us are not ok

"You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are." -Lewis Carroll

It is okay to not be okay.

But what do we do when we are not okay? what do we say to those who are not okay?

Healing for Damaged Emotions Chapter 1: Damaged Emotions

Perhaps you have heard about the man who was traveling on a dinner flight. When he opened his prepackaged meal, right on top of the salad he saw an enormous roach. When he got home, he wrote an indignant letter to the president of that airline. A few days later, a special delivery letter came from the president. He was all apologies. “This was very unusual, but don’t worry. I want to assure you that that particular airplane has been completely fumigated. In fact, all the seats and the upholstery have been stripped out. We have taken disciplinary action against the flight attendant who served you that meal, and she may even be fired. It is highly probable that this particular aircraft will be taken out of service. I can assure you that it will never happen again. And I trust you will continue to fly with us.”

Well, the man was terrifically impressed by such a letter, until he noticed something. Quite by accident the letter he had written had stuck to the back of the president’s letter. When he looked at his own letter, he saw a note at the bottom that said, “Reply with the regular roach letter.”

So often we reply with the regular roach letter to people suffering with emotional problems. We give pat, oversimplified answers that drive them to deeper despair and disillusionment.

My desire this morning is to give you Biblical and helpful answers to maneuver through your difficult days

1. Establish a relationship with Jesus

Now I have to tell you

Knowing Jesus doesn’t fix everything

but knowing Jesus give you someone to face everything with

If you have a “piglet” in your life you are blessed

That is a reference to the Pooh and Piglet quote from earlier just in case you are lost ......pause...

But it is better to have Jesus in your life and have him tell you that he is there with you in your difficult day.

Also establishing a relationship with Jesus brings you into a family that hurts when you hurts, rejoices when you rejoice and is there to help bear one another’s burdens.

And just a reminder....

We're not all in the same boat. We're all in the same storm. Some of us have yachts, some have motorboats, some have canoes, some are just drowning. Be kind. Help out.

2. It is okay to not be okay (What does that mean?)

Listen to the Lament of the Psalmist -

Psalm 88:1 KJV 1900

1 O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee:

Psalm 88:9 KJV 1900

9 Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction: Lord, I have called daily upon thee, I have stretched out my hands unto thee.

Psalm 88:13 KJV 1900

13 But unto thee have I cried, O Lord; And in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee.

at least three times the Psalmist reminds God that they have cried, they have prayed, they have wrung their hands in desperation, they have shouted out to God for help and in the end

Psalm 88:18 KJV 1900

18 Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, And mine acquaintance into darkness.

They are in a bad place and are honest with God about it.

They are not okay and that is okay

I saw something the other day I want to share with you. It says...

IN IRISH WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT EMOTION, YOU DON'T SAY, 'I AM SAD'. YOU'D SAY, 'SADNESS IS ON ME'- 'TÁ BRÓN ORM'. AND I LOVE THAT BECAUSE THERE'S AN IMPLICATION OF NOT IDENTIFYING YOURSELF WITH THE EMOTION FULLY. I AM NOT SAD, IT'S JUST THAT SADNESS IS ON ME FOR A WHILE. SOMETHING ELSE WILL BE ON ME ANOTHER TIME, AND THAT'S A GOOD THING TO RECOGNIZE.

There will be times when we are not okay…but that is okay.

There are a few things the Psalmist does that I want us to notice to help us when we are not okay.

It okay to not be okay but...Don't let discouragement cause you to give up or to hold you back

You may not be okay - but you can still trust God

Notice who this distressed, depressed, and discouraged, not okay Psalmist goes to...

The same one they have been going to for a long time

Psalm 88:1 “1 O Lord God of my salvation...

Notice what the not okay Psalmist believes about the God of his salvation... Psalm 88:11-12 “11 Shall thy lovingkindness be declared in the grave? Or thy faithfulness in destruction? 12 Shall thy wonders be known in the dark? And thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?”

Can I remind you of the plight of Job - tested in his health, wealth, family, friends he was not okay and that was okay. Not one sin from his not okay lips.

Listen to what he still says about his trust in God… Job 13:15 “15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: But I will maintain mine own ways before him.”

He was not going to give up God just because he was not okay.

Sheila Walsh in one of her books asks...

“What happens between Sunday and Monday? Why does it feel like Monday-morning Jesus is not as clear and present sometimes as Sunday-morning Jesus? When we leave the service on Sunday, we believe certain things to be true:

i am a child of God

God love me just as I am

All things work together for good to those who love God

God is for me

My prayers matter.

Yes as we move into the week, ...”

something happens and it is easy to begin to feel “not okay” it is okay to feel that way but don’t give up or let it hold you back from your trust in God. The same Jesus you worshipped on Sunday and felt his peace and presence is the same Jesus who is with you on Monday and the rest of the week.

It's okay to not be okay but it's not okay to stay there

What do I do then?

Keep Going - SOMETIMES, TO GET WHERE YOU WANT TO BE...YOU NEED TO KEEP TAKING ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER (NO MATTER HOW SMALL) Even baby steps get you closer to your goal than just sitting there.

keep going, because you did not come this far just to come this far.

Take it to God - now that sounds like a “roach letter” doesn’t it - but its not. let me explain

Tell God how you feel - notice that is what the Psalmist does

They begin with the implication that they feel as though God is ignoring them no matter how desparetly they have cried out to him.

Have you ever felt that way? it is okay to tell him about it.

Look at Psalm 88:6 “6 Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, In darkness, in the deeps.” can you imagine talking to God like that?

God I’m in the pit. Actually I’d have to climb up a few yards to be in a pit - I’m in the darkness in the deeps. He’s saying “Its worse than the pits i’m in a pitch black abyss.”

Take it to God - be real share your true emotions.

Process it. Name the fears, the pains, the emotions - talk it through with God

Remember pain, anxiety, discouragement, not okayness has an expiration date. That is not just a trite or pat answer. This is actually very profound.

Paul calls it light and momentary affliction.

Now when we are feeling “not okay’ it doesn’t feel light and momentary

2 Cor 4:17-18 “17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

He reminds us that although life can be very painful, pain and loss have a shelf life suffering and struggle have an expiration date. They Will not last forever.

Sometimes “not feeling okay” feels as though you are out in the hallway alone

I imagine Paul sitting with you right now in the hallway: saying: 'Come on. Hold on. Look up. Remember whose you are: and this wont last forever.

More than that: Christ is with you in the hallway. He is with you in the operating room. He is with you wherever you are.

Let Him sit with you in the hallway and hear Him say: I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.

God never rushes us through our pain. He sits with us for as long as it takes. But as you begin to receive His comfort: you might look around and see that you're not alone in the hallway. There's someone else there: and they can't even lift their head. Sheila walsh p. 47

One has said, “ Okay doesn’t live here, but Jesus does.

its ok to not be ok because...When you’re in a dark place, it is also a sacred place because God is there with you.”

Its okay to not be okay...but it's absolutely okay to ask for help

Ask help from God

Ask help from others

Some steps we can take when we are not feeling okay:

Reset - notice the word “rest” in reset. take a fifteen minute breather. Find scriptures about peace, or rest,

refocus - Connect reach out to someone. You are always welcome to text, call email me. let someone know what is going on.

restart - Try to move. sometimes a change in location brings some relief. When we were homeschooling there were some days that we just canceled all plans climbed in the van and just got out for a little while. That little bit of change was usually enough to help our not okay take a turn around.

When you're running on empty, It's hard to go that extra mile; If your phone needs recharging. So do you, Don't feel bad to take time out for a while. @allontheboard

Its Okay to not be okay - because God redeems the pain

It's okay to be a glowstick. Sometimes we have to break before we shine.

Shauna Niequist observed, “When things fall apart, the broken pieces allow all sorts of things to enter, and one of them is the presence of God. “

Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet (Grand rapids: Zondervan, 2013), 94

God can tell His story through the rings in your life. Your brokenness allows God’s grace and light to shine through. Your scars can tell God’s story

Sheila Walsh a Christian author and conference speaker was in a packed little church in rural Texas one night for a women’s conference. As she was going through the sessions she became aware of a solitary man in the crowd. He was siting at the end of a row, near the back. She thought perhaps he was the pastor. She also noticed that his head was down, turned slightly toward the aisle.

After the evening was over and most of the women had left the man came over to her book table and introduced himself along with his daughter. As he turned to his head to fully face me I saw the scars cruelly etched into the left side of his face and skull.

He shared his story with Walsh that night. As a 15 year old boy his not okayness had gotten to be more than what he felt he could handle. He put a gun under his chin and pulled the trigger. In the millisecond between the bullet leaving the chamber and entering his skull he heard a voice ask, “Do you want to live?”

Recognizing this as the voice of God, he said, “Yes!”

Now as a married man with grown children he runs a ministry for hurting teens.

Sheila asked him if those scars that he sees every morning in the mirror were a daily reminder of that devasting choice he made.

“NO,” he said, “they’re a daily reminder of the grace of God.”

Broken yes, but shining by God’s grace.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed of your not okayness - God is wanting to be seen through you

https://biblestudiesforlife.lifeway.com/when-life-gets-hard-session-5-heavy-weight/

This morning I know that I am talking to people who understand what it is to not be okay

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