What If... God Turned Your Family Around?

David a Missing Father/Dysfunction in the kings House

The New King James Version Chapter 11

It happened in the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the people of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem.

Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her impurity; and she returned to her house. And the woman conceived; so she sent and told David, and said, “I am with child.”

Then David sent to Joab, saying, “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent Uriah to David. When Uriah had come to him, David asked how Joab was doing, and how the people were doing, and how the war prospered. And David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” So Uriah departed from the king’s house, and a gift of food from the king followed him. But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house. So when they told David, saying, “Uriah did not go down to his house,” David said to Uriah, “Did you not come from a journey? Why did you not go down to your house?”

And Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are dwelling in tents, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are encamped in the open fields. Shall I then go to my house to eat and drink, and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your soul lives, I will not do this thing.”

Then David said to Uriah, “Wait here today also, and tomorrow I will let you depart.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next.

However, family problems are not new, today we want to look at the most dysfunctional family in the Bible. This family has lessons for us all: Let’s turn in our scripture to 2 Samuel 11:2-12

While our text focuses on David at what seems to be the apex of his career, we could have started any number of places: David being anointed by Samuel, David killing Goliath, David marrying King Saul’s daughter and befriending Jonathan. How about David, fleeing Saul and going to the temple or David protecting to life of Saul when he is in the Cave with David and his men. This David refused to kill the Lord’s anointed. This David refused to kill Saul not once but twice. This was a man of compassion and caring, even though he was a man of war! This was a man who spoke of the Lord being his Shepherd. A man, after God’s own heart.

So, what happens to this man after God’s own heart. Let’s return to this very familiar story. David is not at war he is home relaxing perhaps even being idle. As he walks around the porch of his castle and is surveying the kingdom. A woman taking a bath catches his eye and he stops looks and continue to look. Now, it was not unusual for women to take baths, and this was not something he had probably seen before. However, this woman was very beautiful, which means it was not a fleeting look but a long lustful look. Next, he inquiries about her and finally he commands her to come. Make no mistake about it. When the king asks you to come, you come. The result of this illicit liaison is pregnancy. Just a few thoughts about this part of the story. At any time, David could have stopped- he could have stopped looking – but he didn’t, he did not have to inquire, but he did and even in the inquiry he learned- she is married. He could have stopped but he did not. Once he found out she was pregnant, he could have confessed his sin to God and look for ways to make restitution. Even here he did not stop in fact, his solution was to have her husband come and have sex with her, but this was thwarted because the husband was a man of integrity. His final in 11:15 was to put Uriah in the heart of the fighting and then desert him. Thus, to his adultery he adds murder. At no point, does this man after God’s own heart seek God. It is only after a confrontation by Nathan the prophet of God that David confesses -2 Samuel 12:13 “I have sinned against God” David was forgiven but unfortunately sin has consequences.

What were some of the consequences? First the baby from the adulterous relationships dies, not because of his fault but because of his father’s sin. Then, his second oldest son, Amnon rapes his stepsister, Tamar. Didn’t we tell you this was a dysfunctional family. What was David’s response to this egregious behavior? He did nothing. However, Tamar’s brother, Absalom is furious, and he looks for an opportunity to avenge his sister. David does nothing He invites all his brother to his house for dinner with David’s permission and then orders his servant to kill Amnon. This frightened all his brother’s and then Absalom flees to nearby country. David is furious at Absalom, but David does nothing! It is several more years before David agrees to allow Absalom to return. After about 4 years, Absalom has fostered an insurrection to take over his father’s throne, in the ensuing civil war- Absalom is killed. David grieved the death of his son. What does this narrative tell us about David? What does it tell us about the role of the father in the home?

What were the primary unhealthy family patterns?

What were the results of these patterns on the family?

What new patterns would help this family work better?

What is the power of Father in the home? (By the way, we are not trying to make single mom’s raising their children feel bad)

Well let’s look at a little research: 71% of high school dropouts are from fatherless homes and 85% of youth in prison grew up in fatherless homes. The Department of Health and Human Services reports that 71 percent of pregnant teens have no dad present in their lives. What you may ask, do these statistics have to do with David- he was not an absent father? Really, while David did not divorce any of his 8 wives and leave his children. David was an absent Dad. He was frequently away fighting or at war. He was busy running the country. He was not a father who was involved with his children. How do we know this? Just look at his inactivity after incest and murder. David was absent even though he did not leave the marriage. The role of the father is important. Father’s provide security, guidance, protection, and stability. Fathers are the priest in the household

According to The Family: A Proclamation to the World Every man who fathers a child has a moral and sacred responsibility to his son or daughter- "by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families" So father’s perform and essential component in the life of the child. Fathers are not add ons, but are the Priest of the

Lessons for turning the family around

Fathers can be absent although present (David)

You can be a man of God and not fulfill your role as a father

God will be a father to the fatherless

(God can turn it around for you)