Meant To Be...It Is Good For Man Not To Have Sexual Relations With A Woman

In this series, we are going to look at the topic of sex, marriage, and being single in a new light. Many people don’t want to go to church because they think Christians are anti-sex. But we’re going to discover that this isn’t the case, and that God cares about the issues underlying our sexuality.

Questions And Issues

The church in Corinth wrote to Paul and asked him some specific questions about the do’s and don’ts of sex and marriage. He didn’t answer their questions right away because he wanted to deal with the real issues going on in the church-- issues like incest and prostitution.

“The questions we ask are not always indicative of the real issues we’re dealing with.” Sometimes the questions we ask about sex, marriage, and singleness won’t lead us to the answers we actually need. God wants to deal with our deeper issues, rather than just giving us the relationship how to’s and techniques we want to hear. When Paul says “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman,” he’s addressing an issue we have in thinking we need another person complete us. Being single or being a virgin isn’t weird. It’s good.

1 Corinthians 7:1–7 NKJV

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

Obviously the church had questions. We still have questions today concerning relationships and sex.

Paul was addressing the persecution they were facing as a church. You can imagine how that would complicate an relationship. Marriage would have been difficult under those circumstances.

The commitment of marriage means that we’re surrendering our exclusive rights to our bodies over to our spouse. There will be seasons that you and your spouse may have agreed to a period of abstinence for prayer and seeking of God. Without this agreement and understanding, withholding our God-Given desires for each other we open our marriage up to temptation and trouble.

To be clear…this is only inside the covenant of marriage. Under no other circumstance does anyone have any right to your body. When you open yourself up to sex outside of marriage you have opened yourself up to troubles and consequences.

Suggestions And Standards

If sexual immorality is a thing, then sexual morality is also a thing. Paul clearly defines sexual morality as, “Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”

We all agree that there are sexual standards. No one thinks molestation is right. It’s just that we disagree on what the standard is. We live in a world full of sexual suggestions.

However, while sexual suggestions without standards may lead to pleasure, they also lead to a lot of emptiness and pain.

1 Corinthians 5:1 NKJV

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife!

Sexual immorality is not a small thing. It is goes against God’s standards of righteousness and may cost us dearly.

3 Reasons for Discipline...

Being expelled from the body might open our eyes to the seriousness of this sin and our need for forgiveness and spiritual restoration.

For the sake of the church’s purity. Tolerating evil in the church - among those who follow Christ in words only - will only lower the moral standards of most others in the church, causing them to become comfortable with sin.

For the good of the world. The church can not influence others to follow Christ and become part of the church if it is seen as no different than the world or if it fails to be an accurate example of Christ’s character. Purity matters!

Desire And Duty

Because we do have sexual desires, Paul tells us to get married and be protected by God’s standards. However, we need to realize that our deepest desire will not be fulfilled by our spouse. Some of the loneliest people in the world are married. This is because sex and marriage aren’t about what we get but what we give.

We all need to be careful that we don’t like the ideal of marriage more than the reality of marriage. Paul tells husbands and wives to fulfill their duty to each other. This means that relationships take work. If we expect another person to satisfy our desires, we’ll be disappointed. This will make us deprive the other person by withholding words, sex, or attention, which will lead to defeat.

However, when we focus on satisfying the other person in a relationship, God has a way of satisfying our deepest desires.

1 Corinthians 6:15–16 NKJV

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”

A believers entire being - body and spirit - is part of our relationship with Christ and His church. This fact speaks of the dignity Christ desires for our physical bodies. Being sexually immoral, however, robs the body of its dignity and brings dishonor to Christ in the process. Moral carelessness not only defiles and dishonors us, it separates us from God and His purposes for our life.

Gifts And Grace

Paul writes that each person has their own gift. We tend to focus on whether we’re single or married, and we misunderstand the real gift God wants to give us through our relationships.

God Gives Good Gifts. If God didn’t give us something, it means we didn’t need it.

James 1:17 NKJV

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

While singleness and marriage are both gifts, the ultimate gift we all need is grace. It takes grace to be single, and it takes grace to be married. Both seasons have their own trials. No matter our season, God wants to give us grace that is greater than the pain of our season through His Son, Jesus Christ. We need to get past the packaging of being single or married to see that His gift of grace is sufficient for us at all times.

2 Corinthians 12:7–9 NKJV

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Grace is God favoring us with His presence, love, help and power. It is a heavenly strength given to those that will call upon and depend on God for help with their weaknesses. This grace will be with faithful Christians that allow our personal weaknesses and difficulties to become a way to honor God.

Purity matters! We have to understand that we are not half a person searching for our other half. We are an individual, whole soul just the way that God created us. We can only truly find our fullness in Christ and His gift of grace.

Being single is a good gift from God. Being married is a good gift from God. Both will require a lot of work, and both will require a lot of grace!

Call To Action

Do you need Christ? Are you ready to invite Him into your life as Savior?