Essentials For Intimacy in Marriage

A Christ Centered Marriage

Some years ago a survey was done with 600 Christian couples that had been married for 30,40, plus years. These couples were asked to speak candidly about the concepts and methods that had given their marriage success. Out of all the comments made there was one thing that stuck our more than any other, “the one thing most likely to guarantee a lifetime of intimacy and love was a Christ centered home.”

When a husband and wife are deeply committed to Jesus Christ, they enjoy enormous advantages over a family with no spiritual dimension. Everything rests on that foundation. Only through a spiritual connection to Christ can we experience genuine love and begin to fulfill all the potential of the marriage relationship.

1 Corinthians 3:11 For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

If you and your mate genuinely want to experience God’s best for your marriage-a relationship characterized by true love and genuine intimacy- you must face the truth about your standing before God.

A Humans are born with a sinful nature Rms. 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

iThis sin problem prevents one from living God’s way, whether as individuals or as a married couple.

ii In fact, unresolved sin will block even your strongest efforts to have a successful marriage, because the inescapable outcome of sin is slavery to your worst impulses and eventually death. Rms 6:23 For the wages of sin isdeath; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

B Salvation is God’s remedy for the sin problem Jn. 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

i Jesus paid your sin debt through his death on the cross.

iiThis is God’s plan to recue you from eternal damnation.

iii You can reach out in faith to receive your free gift of eternal life. Eph. 2:8-9 8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.

C Jesus Loves You

i Jesus loves you and longs for fellowship with you.

ii Intimacy in marriage begins with intimacy with the Lord.

I God’s Heart On Marriage

1 Marriage is Permanent Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

A Leave and cleave = Leave is to loosen bands, and to let go. Cleaveis to be glued together or permanence. How, “one flesh” speaks of a complete unity of parts making a whole. Since man wasn’t complete God took a rib from Adam and created him another potion of himself that would make him complete: woman.

B Dr. John Cuber describes “one flesh” like this: it occurs when a man and woman, starting out as separate and distinct individuals, fuse into a single unit.

C I’d like to add to what he said, “the fuse into single unit” is comprised of the body (physical), the soul (emotional), and the spirit (spiritual) dimension of each partner in the marriage.

D When any of these three elements are out of sync the marriage will not be what God intended it to be.

2 Marriage is a Covenant

A Marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime. Matt. 19:4-6 4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

II A Major Cause of Divorce Is Conflict – and how a couple chooses to deal with it will determine whether or not they divorce.

1 Ways Couples Handle Conflict

A Withdrawal or Avoidance

85% of men use this method when dealing with conflict.

Why? Men are more analytical in their processing of a problem. Once they have analyzed the problem they deal with it, good or bad. And most of the time without discussing it with their wife.

Now guys I don’t know if you know this or not, but this infuriates your wife.

Why? Women, on the other hand, are more apt to want to discuss and/or talk about everything. They are wired this away.

Ladies, you may not know this but this infuriates your husband.

B Anger

i Leads to arguments. So, any time there is a conflict in the marriage the couple chooses this as a method of settling a conflict. Who can shout the loudest wins or hit the hardest.

ii Can escalate into a physical confrontation.

C Invalidation

i Not taking each other seriously.

ii Character assignation.

iii Name calling.

iv Total disrespect for each other’s opinion and

emotions.

D Negative Interpretation

i Reading into what your mate is saying, instead of listening.

ii Thinking the one is trying to harm or mislead the other.

2 Solutions to Conflict

A You must learn as a couple how to communicate civilly and honestly with each other.

B Structured time to deal with or talk about problems.

C Agree on how to deal with a problem and when you should.

III Spiritual Disciplines To Help Create Intimacy In Your Marriage

1 Using Scripture Principles to solve your problems.

A The couple that depends on scripture for solutions to the stresses of living has a distinct advantage over the family with no faith.

B By reading the Holy Scriptures, we are given a window into the mind of God.

C The Christian way of life lends stability to marriage because its principles and values found in the bible naturally produces harmony in the marriage.

2 Devotions and Prayer Together

The family that prays together, stays together.

A As a couple, set aside a time every morning for devotions and prayer together.

i Devotions and prayer is the glue that will preserve your marriage for a lifetime.

ii Devotions and prayer create a spiritual connection, accountability, and a holy bond that brings strength and stability to the marriage.

iii Devotions and prayer can even allow you to communicate about sensitive issues that might otherwise never come out--- issues that can be discussed and prayed over in a spirit of humility and purity of motive.

B As an individual set aside time to read scripture and pray.

i This is where your personal relationship with Christ takes on a whole new meaning. Cultivating fellowship with the Father.

ii Prayer of this kind can revitalize a marriage.

CONCLUSION

Have you and your mate each made the choice to receive God’s gift of salvation?

When was your last meaningful prayer?

When was the last time you and your mate held devotions time and prayer?