God's Design for Marriage and Singleness

I want to take a break for today from Revelation and focus on the theme of marriage because we have the marriage conference coming up. and then next week we will be back in Revelation.

and a couple things by way intro:

I recognize that not everything here is married…and if you are single, it’s like “another sermon marriage...” My goal today is not just to apply this sermon to married people. b/c you maybe you are single and might get married, but even if you don’t get married, you are not 2nd class. Singleness is not a disease or a fungus. A lot of what I am saying today applies to all human beings and relationships. and even if you are married, chances are one of you will die first, and you will be single at some point—that’s a morbid thought I know—but reality.

I know that not everyone likes marriage, or you may have been divorced, or seen bad examples of marriage. or marriage may be very traumatic for you and abusive. and I am empathetic towards that. I have seen and met with many couples who have gone through all sorts of issues, so I will try to be as sensitive to that as possible today.

I even remember when we were serving in Lima, I was volunteering with Youth for Christ in an inner city chapter, and whenever we talked about marriage with the students there, I was alarmed how many didn’t want to get married, b/c they saw such bad examples. I am aware there are a lot of complicated opinions about marriage.

but despite all that, I believe God’s Word teaches us so much about marriage that can really help us.

and I want to start at the beginning. Please turn to Genesis 2, beginning at verse 18.

and in this passage, we really see God’s design for marriage. (and relationships!)

turn to the first book of the Bible, Genesis, chapter 2.

Genesis 2:18–25 NIV

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

What is God’s design for marriage and (relationships)!

God designed marriage for...

Community and companionship (vs. 18)

it’s so amazing that despite Adam having everything he needed—he had paradise, his needs provided for, no sin or death, he had an intimate relationship with God—and yet he needed other human beings!

part of that is because at the end of chapter 1— God gave him a command to go and be fruitful and multiply—he certainly cannot do that on his own. He needed to make other beings that also bore the image of God.

and then part of that is that God is showing us that He designed us for community, for companionship, for relationship.

as much as we can get frustrated with others; “life would be easier if there were no people”—that’s not how God designed us. We need others to fulfill God’s purposes for us in community.

and we are reminded that actually marriage is a good thing, designed by God for our good.

2nd principle: God designed marriage with:

God at the top! (vs. 24)

we see in verse 24—that God is not just talking about Adam and Eve back then. He zooms out and says “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife...” He is talking about all marriage. Adam and Eve are a pattern for all marriage.

God defines it, he designs it. marriage specifically here is 1 biological man and 1 biological woman. and that is very hard for us to accept today as a culture and maybe for you today. and I am certainly incredibly sympathetic towards those who experience Same sex attraction (SSA) or who feel gender dysphoria. if that’s you, I am so glad you are here. and my hope is not to pick on you—but to show you Jesus who loves and His Word.

we see here that Eve is like Adam in some ways—but unlike him. they are complementary as male and female. God made them gendered beings.

when we go against God’s design for marriage as a culture or as individual couples, we are going against our designer who knows what will help us flourish.

and so if God is the designer—we need to not only follow his definition of marriage—

but everyday as married couples—put him first, surrender to him

if you are a married couple, do you take time to just even pray together everyday—it doesn’t have to be long—but just simple—let’s pray for 1 minute. You would be amazed at the difference that makes.

and if you are not marriage, pray for that future spouse—

of in your friendships—is God at the top?

God designed marriage for...

Sex and One Flesh. (This includes sex—sex is God’s idea). (vs. 24)

that language of one flesh is certainly a reference to sex.

in other words—sex is God’s idea—it is designed in the safety of the covenant of marriage between 1 man and 1 woman—for his glory. Sex is sacred—b/c it is designed by God.

and that one flesh language of sex—since Eve was taken out of man, in the act of Sex—man and woman are re-united reminding us of that first creation event of Adam and Eve. every time a husband and wife engage in sex, theologically, it is pointing back to how God made Eve from Adam.

(one flesh is more than that too)

Sam Alberry says the idea of “one flesh” is not just describing the sense of togetherness a couple might feel while caught up in the height of sexual passion. it is something objective and real. Jesus teaches that it is God who joins couples together in marriage and makes them one. God produces this union, physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually—2 people are becoming knitted together. God designed it to work this way.

sex in marriage is like a renewing of our marriage vows, a reminder how God made Eve from Adam—that He made it for our good and intimacy in marriage.

and this renewing of our vows works great in marriage.

(give quote…)

now, if you have messed up in your sex life, I have great news—there is hope for you. you can get a fresh start—through God—He can forgive you, and you can begin anew—you are not damaged goods. more on that later.

and if you never have sex in your entire life, you are not less than. Jesus never had sex and was the most fulfilled being ever.

because God made sex—not just to deepen marital intimacy, or enable children—but to point to the union we have with Him. whaat?

our one flesh relationship—points to an even greater union we have with God.

Male and Female Equality. (vs. 21-23)

because God made Eve from Adam’s side—many scholars have noted that this implies that they are do life side by side. if Eve were made from Adam’s head—maybe it would imply that she is superior to him. or if Eve were made from Adam’s feet—maybe it would imply that he is superior to her—and he would rule over her—no—but from his side.

both are equally image bearers of God—equally important before God.

we as cultures and as people dare not have men looking down on women or women looking down on men. but we do life together side by side—for the glory of God.

many marriages (and relationships are damaged) when we forget this

New family (vs. 24)

Genesis 2:24 NIV

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

you leave your family of origin and form a new family.

this is so important.

so many couples I counsel that are getting married---I give this advice from this verse: “Make sure that when you guys have a problem or a need as a married couple that you don’t go running to mom and dad to fix it—at least not at first. When you have a problem—seek a solution together. when you fight, don’t go running to mom or dad—seek a solution together.” b/c you have a new family.

so many couples struggle with this—if they constantly go back to mom or dad—they are not forming a new family. it creates harmful dynamics for a new couple

it certainly is ok to get advice from mom and dad, honor them, etc. absolutely! but your new priority is not mom or dad—it’s your spouse.

Openness and vulnerability. (vs. 25)

Genesis 2:25 NIV

25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

this is must than just a physical nakedness—but complete openness and vulnerability.

this is what true intimacy looks like—not hiding. not holding back. but openness—and not feeling ashamed.

now certainly you cannot be vulnerable with everyone to that level—but a healthy marriage—has an openness and vulnerability—we create a safe space, where we can truly express our deepest thoughts, feelings...

but God show us that marriage works best with openness, vulnerability, and we need to create a safe marital culture to be able to express what is going on.

now, these are the principles…of marriage… (could say more—lifelong, etc.)

and marriage works best this way...

and even relationships—friendships—even if you are not married—while sex is off the table—we see in the NT—that when you become a follower of Jesus—you become one flesh with Jesus. He is the head—

but not just that — WE are the body—not just you—but you gain an entire family—brothers and sisters in Christ—there is a unity to that—we are one body—with Jesus animating us as the head.

there is an intimacy and closeness possible…as the body of Christ.

so even if you feel like “I am missing out not being married” —God’s Word reminds us that we are connected to Jesus the head, and His body—brothers and sisters in Christ—

we are now one flesh spiritually speaking with Christ and others.

but there’s a problem—this vision is difficult to live out.

part of that might be practical...

for instance, I have noticed over the years—God tends to bring 2 different people together in marriage. with 2 different personalities…often but not always:

in terms of finances — one spouse is a spender and one is a saver. There are pros and cons to both.

in terms of social life—one often likes to be with people more (energized by that) and one prefers alone time to get recharged or with a small group of friends. pros and cons to both.

in terms of conflict—whenever there is conflict, one wants to retreat, process it, needs time alone before they can address it, and the other one is like “Let’s solve it right now! Let’s address the issue!” there are pros and cons to both.

in terms of planning—one is more of a planner and scheduler…and one prefers to be more spontaneous, let’s fly by the seat of our pants. pros and cons to both.

one tends to be more of an optimist (glass half full), one more of a pessimist (glad half empty)

so one of the challenges is practical....

but a lot is spiritual---a reality the Bible calls sin

in Genesis 3—right after God made marriage—Adam and Eve, when tempted by the serpent, the dragon, Satan—chose to cast off God’s authority and decide for themselves what is right and wrong..

Genesis 3:14–16 NIV

14 So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” 16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

that last part—your desire…and he will rule over you.

that word desire—in case we don’t know what it means—shows up just a few verses later in chapter 4 in the story of Cain and Abel.

Look at Genesis 4:7—this is what God says to Cain:

Genesis 4:7 NIV

7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

that word for desire shows that Eve’s desire now is to rule over her husband, and he is going to push right back and rule over her.

There will now be a power struggle. instead of living life together for the Lord—serving one another for the glory of God—it is about who is charge—who is in control in the marriage; it’s about me—not about God or the other person.

There’s a problem.

so what do we do about that?

What’s the solution?

—if you said Jesus you are right.

but how?

I am not going to give you 3 steps to a better marriage—I talked about a couple practical tips—but I want us to think big picture.

how do we have a healthy marriage? and a healthy single life?

remember when I said that sex is meant to show us the kind of oneness and intimacy we can have with God.

same is true in marriage...

God gave us marriage—to teach us important truths about our relationship with Him.

in fact, that word “one flesh...” that word one—points to the oneness God has in the Trinity.

Deuteronomy 6:4 NIV

4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.

in marriage—the oneness that a man and wife display-points to the oneness of God. a healthy marriage reflects the diversity of the Trinity and the unity of the Trinity.

a healthy marriage also points to the relationship between Jesus and the Church.

Ephesians 5:31–32 NIV

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

marriage—isn’t the ultimate thing—it is pointing to the relationship Jesus has with the church. When a wife and husband, live out God’s vision for marriage—it is pointing to what is even greater than marriage—the church. We as the church together have one flesh unity with Jesus!

Ephesians 5:22–27 NIV

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

there’s a lot there—but when a wife and husband work together for the glory of Jesus in this way-- ) that somehow reflects the church and what they are to do with Jesus.

and when the husband lays down his life sacrificially—in love—that’s a tall order—putting her holiness above all things—putting her needs before his own—dying for her—we reflect what Jesus did for the church, and the wife is following her husband’s leadership… (wisely, joyfully, not foolishly or naievely)

that is a dynamic relationship!

so if marriage is ultimately not about us—it displays the oneness and diversity of the Trinity—and Jesus and the church.

through Christ the bridegroom, we can have a healthy marriage

if you think about that image of marriage-we looked at Genesis 2 (God’s design)

and Genesis 3 (the problem)

as you keep going through the storyline of the Bible—we see that God is actually married to his people—Israel. He saves them out of slavery in Egypt, and brings them into the desert—and he gives them a covenant, really a marriage covenant at Mt. Sinai that they were to fulfill.

so Israel, God’s people, was to be married to God.

but so many times Israel was unfaithful. they committed spiritual adultery with other gods. they cheated on God.

the book of Hosea in the Old Testament dramatically portrays this: God says this...

Hosea 2:2 NIV

2 “Rebuke your mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.

that’s what Israel deserved for cheating on God.

but look at what God says about Israel.

Hosea 2:14 NIV

14 “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.

Hosea 2:16 NIV

16 “In that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’

God is going to woo her back—despite her unfaithfulness.

but constantly Israel cheated on her faithful husband God.

fast forward to the NT—what can really solve this relationship.

Jesus...

John the Baptist calls Jesus something interesting..

John 3:28–30 NIV

28 You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.’ 29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30 He must become greater; I must become less.”

Jesus is the groom---and we are the bride.

God loves us so much that he pursued us to this earth—he came from heaven to earth to allure us and speak tenderly to us.

and ultimately --- Ephesians 5:25-26

Ephesians 5:25–26 NIV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

Jesus our groom gave his life for us---

and in Revelation 19—when Jesus comes back—we are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb—where we will celebrate with Jesus—it’s all marriage imagery!

you and I cannot have a good marriage on our own.

we can’t have good relationships on our own.

but when we admit our need for help—with Jesus…when we allow Him to take control—when we see Him as the groom we have been waiting for…that changes everything, including our marriages.

if Jesus is your spouse—it will give you greater contentment being single, and greater contentment being married!

b/c you have Jesus. let’s pray.